You’re a mean one, Voldemort!
You really are a snake.
You're as cuddly as a Kappa,
And as slippery as a Shrake,
Voldemort!
You're a pasty vampire,
who’s heart could use a stake!

You're a monster, Voldemort!
Your nose is but a hole.
Your brain is full of Doxies.
You've got dungbombs in your soul,
Voldemort!
Your aroma is less pleasant than a
putrid Mountain troll!

You're a vile one, Voldemort!
You have eyes of scarlet red.
You have all the tender sweetness
Of a hungry Quintaped,
Voldemort!
Given the choice between the two of you,
I'd rather date the giant squid!

You're a foul one, Voldemort!
Frankly, everyone’s appalled!
Your heart is full of Flobberworms.
Your soul has been recalled,
Voldemort!
The three words that best describe you
Are as follows, and I quote,
"bold, bad, bald!"

You're a blighter, Voldemort!
You are rotten to the core!
Your personality is as pleasant
as a temperamental Runespoor,
Voldemort!
Your soul is an apalling dump-heap,
filled with manky bits of slime-covered filth
which if inspected would be rejected
by a starving Dementor!

You nauseate me, Voldemort!
Is my message coming across?
I don’t care that you have declared
yourself the Death Eaters’ boss,
Voldemort!
You're a flesh-eating slug
and dugbog sandwich,
With aconite sauce!