Chapter 41
Fortune’s Fool
Ginny Weasley. Harry was in love with Ginny Weasley.
And it wasn’t just a mild crush like what he had had with Cho Chang either, but a full on, head over heels, continual ache in his heart that made it difficult to think about anything else. He realized, of course, that it hadn’t just appeared overnight but had been building up for months; strengthening with every day spent around each other, with every confidence shared, with every joke made and laughed at. No, he had been attracted to her for some time now, it had simply taken the Mirror of Erised to show his mind what his heart had already known.
At first he had tried to resist the feelings, telling himself that he had more important things to worry about (like the small matter of a prophecy and a certain Dark Wizard), but it was no use. He had been denying himself the basic joys of youth, the simple pleasures of growing up in the name of fighting Voldemort for so long that he couldn’t do it anymore. He had to have something to fight for. That’s what Lupin had told him, wasn’t it? At the moment all he had was long, dreary days of studying, preparing for an encounter that may not happen for years.
Besides, he realized as he watched her soar through the air in front of him during one of the for-fun games of Quidditch he regularly played with her and some others, a vision of spirit and fiery beauty with her crimson hair streaming behind her like a banner; there was no way he could keep the feelings subdued even if he had wanted to. It would have been like trying to hold back a rampaging hippogriff using nothing more than his shoelace for a leash.
He hadn’t even noticed the Bludger until after it had made contact with his head.
For Harry, who had never thought of himself as a romantic person, the situation was quite disconcerting. He hadn’t experienced anything quite like it. Anytime Ginny was in the room he was acutely aware of it, finding it difficult to focus on anything else. She was so colorful and vibrant she made everything else in the castle seem drab and dull by comparison. He felt his gaze drawn to her like a magnet, admiring the delicate yet strong features of her face, the contrast between her ruby red hair and the creamy whiteness of her skin, becoming lost in the deep brown eyes that could sparkle with mischief one moment and brim with compassion and tenderness the next. When she wasn’t around, he thought of her constantly and classes became even more banal and trivial than before. In fact, she occupied his thoughts to such an extent that nearly everything else was pushed to the background, everything except Voldemort and the Half-Blood Prince. But even those two things took on less importance, less urgency. He was in love with Ginny Weasley.
All of which now made it very awkward to be around her, of course. He hadn’t realized how much time they now spent regularly together, time that, before the incident with the Mirror, would have been spent discussing Quidditch or joking around or helping Ginny study (she had OWLs coming up). Now that time was spent with Harry feeling very self-conscious and trying to act normal.
A task which had suddenly become near-impossible.
“Do you need something Harry?”
“Er…what?”
They had been eating breakfast in the Great Hall with the rest of the Gryffindors, Ginny sitting just across the table from him and talking to one of her fifth-year friends. He had been watching her eat, lost in her various charms (even the way she ate scrambled eggs stirred something in his heart), when she had looked up and caught him.
“You keep looking at me. What do you want?” she asked, slightly annoyed.
His mind raced, trying to come up with an excuse.
“I…er…can you pass the kippers?”
Ginny looked from him down to his plate, which, Harry realized with a cringe, already had a healthy portion of kippers on it. She raised her eyebrows at him.
“Er…please?” he repeated, not knowing what else to say.
“Sure. Here you go,” she said with a wry smile and the tone of someone humoring a mentally unstable relative.
“Um…thanks,” he said, taking the bowl and heaping more kippers onto his plate, perfectly aware of how stupid he looked. She was watching him now, a curious look on her face.
“Are you all right, Harry? You’ve been acting a little strange lately.”
He blanched.
“Er…yeah. Fine. It’s just…I…you know…like kippers.”
She gave a short snort of laughter, shook her head, and turned her attention back to her friend and the scrambled eggs.
“Mental…” he thought he heard her mutter under her breath.
And that had been one of the better encounters of the past several days.
He wanted to tell her how he felt, of course, but came to the conclusion that this was a bad idea. For starters, he was almost positive she didn’t like him anymore “ at least, not as anything more than a friend. The fact that they had become such good friends was evidence of that. Secondly, if he told her how he felt and she didn’t feel the same way (which he was pretty sure of), it would ruin their friendship and make things far more awkward than they were now. There was also the added concern of Ron and the rest of the Weasley’s to worry about.
No, he realized (with both relief and frustration), it would be much safer to keep quiet. For now, at least.
The irony of the situation was not lost on him, of course. For years Ginny had had a crush on him (as Ron, Fred, George, and others had so often pointed out), but he had never really noticed her. She was just always there. Ron’s little sister. The youngest Weasley. There had been other things to occupy his time. Yet now that he had finally come around, now that he finally realized how amazing and beautiful she was, his chance was gone. She had moved on.
He cursed himself for not acting sooner.
It soon came to the point where he realized he had to do something. He needed to tell someone what was going on, needed to get the secret out or he might burst. But he needed someone he could trust, someone who was good with feelings and sticky situations like this. Someone who was smart enough to offer him sound advice. But who could he tell?
The answer came almost immediately.
Hermione.
She was perfect. He had shared many secrets with her before, so he knew he could trust her. She was also really good at understanding feelings and how girls’ minds worked “ all the lectures she had given he and Ron on girls could attest to that. In addition (Harry realized with a secret, almost guilty hope), she was close to Ginny and might even be able to tell him if she still had feelings for him…
So it was he found himself moving towards Hermione one evening, nearly a week and a half after the encounter with the Mirror of Erised. Ron and Ginny were both at Quidditch practice, so this was the perfect opportunity. She was seated in the far corner of the Gryffindor common room, surrounded by a pool of open books spread out on the desk around her. Her brow was furrowed and her she bit on her lip in the look of studious fervor that came on her face whenever she was engaged in a serious bout of homework.
“Hi Hermione,” he said as casually as possible as came next to the desk.
“Hi Harry,” she replied in a preoccupied, almost curt voice. Her attention was on the piece of parchment where she scribbled away furiously with her quill.
“Can I…er…talk to you for a moment?” he asked tentatively.
Her quill continued scribbling for a couple seconds more, then stopped. She looked up and studied his face for a moment, then put the quill down.
“Of course, Harry. I’m always available when you need to talk. Here, let me…clear some of these books for you.”
“Thanks,” Harry said as he sat down across from her at the desk.
When she finished moving the books she looked up at him, an overly concerned expression on her face. “What is it?”
“Well, it’s just that…something’s happened and…and I wanted to get your advice on it…” he fumbled, feeling awkward already.
“What’s happened, Harry?” she prodded softly when he didn’t finish his sentence.
“It’s…er…well…”
Seeing his discomfort, she put a caring hand on his arm and leaned in closer to him. “Is it Voldemort, Harry? Has he tried to break into your mind again?” she whispered, an apprehensive look on her face.
The question took Harry completely by surprise. Voldemort? She thought he wanted to talk about Voldemort? No wonder she was acting so serious. He snorted in laughter before he could stop himself.
The insulted look on Hermione’s face telling him that probably wasn’t the best reaction, Harry quickly tried to explain.
“No, no, it’s nothing like that. Nothing that serious.”
She looked at him blankly, her brow still furrowed.
“It’s…well, it’s about a girl.”
“A girl?” Hermione repeated, looking utterly confused. “What about a girl?”
“Well, see, there’s this girl that I kind of…fancy…and I was hoping you could…you know, give me some advice?”
Now it was Hermione’s turn to be taken aback. It was obvious to Harry that one of the last things she had expected him to ask for advice about was a girl. Suddenly she smiled.
“Really Harry? You fancy someone?” she asked, clearly amused.
“Well…yeah,” he replied.
“Who is it?”
The moment had come. Harry felt his pulse begin to race. Once he said it, there was no going back. Hermione would know. He briefly thought of calling it off, of telling her someone else’s name, but decided against it. He had to get it out.
He looked down at the table, unable to meet her eyes.
“It’s Ginny.”
Silence. He looked back up. Hermione stared blankly at him, then began shaking her head.
“No…Harry, no. That’s not…no…” she stammered, her smile now a slight frown.
Harry immediately felt a twinge of panic. This wasn’t the reaction he had been hoping for.
“Why…what’s the problem? Why not?”
“You know what?” said Hermione, perking up with artificial brightness, “there are loads of other girls at Hogwarts who would die to go out with you. I mean, you’re probably the most eligible bachelor at Hogwarts. Why not choose one of them?”
Harry was stunned. Why was she bringing this up?
“But…I don’t like other girls, I…”
“What about Parvati? I know she’d like to go out with you. In fact, that’s all her and Lavender ever talk about…”
“I don’t like Parvati. What are you””
“There’s that group of Hufflepuff seventh-years in the DA, they’re always eyeing you. I bet you could take your pick from them.”
“Hermione””
“Oh! And Deidre McAdams!” she said hopefully. “Don’t all the guys think she’s the prettiest girl at school? I heard her ask Neville the other day if you were with anyone. She would definitely””
“Hermione STOP!” Harry said finally, a little louder than he had meant to. She stopped talking.
“What is wrong with me liking Ginny?”
The hopeful look on her face melted. She sighed, then looked at him dolefully.
“Harry, you know that Ginny has had a crush on you since your first year.”
“Er…yeah,” he answered, not seeing the problem.
“Well, she liked you all the way to her fourth year, but you never really, you know “ liked her back,” she explained slowly, as if talking to a 4 year old.
“I know,” he replied anxiously, eager to justify himself. “I guess I just never really got to know her. I mean, she would never talk to me. But now””
“”now that she acts like herself and is comfortable around you, you like her…” Hermione finished for him, looking off in the distance and nodding to herself in understanding.
“Yeah. I suppose so.”
“And that’s why you’ve been acting so strange lately,” she added, turning her eyes to him.
Harry flinched inwardly. “Er…yeah,” he answered, slightly humiliated.
Hermione gave another sad sigh and looked at him earnestly. “Harry, Ginny is different now because she gave up on you. She had to convince herself that you would never like her that way, that you’d always think of her just as Ron’s little sister.”
Harry felt a part of his heart crush. That was exactly what he didn’t want to hear.
“But”I do like her. And she’s not just Ron’s sister “ she’s my friend. And she’s fun and beautiful and””
“I think it’d be better if you just forget about this,” Hermione cut him off, shaking her head.
Harry looked at her, slightly stunned. She didn’t believe he really liked her.
“Hermione, this isn’t just some passing fancy. I mean it”I really like her.”
“If you feel like you’re ready to date someone again, I think you should find someone else, someone who””
“Are you even listening to me? I said I””
Out of nowhere Hermione slammed her hand on the desk, startling Harry and causing a few of the other students sitting on the other side of the room to look up. The expression on her face could have made Hagrid feel small.
“Look Harry, getting over you was the hardest thing Ginny’s ever done. If you go giving her false hopes now it will devastate her,” she said in a low, scathing voice. “So you had better not say you like her unless you are damn sure of it, do you understand?”
Harry looked at her astonished”partly at the energy with which she had spoken and partly at the fact that Hermione had just said the word ‘damn’.
“I am sure.”
She fixed him with a skeptical look. He briefly considered telling her about the Mirror of Erised, but decided against it. Instead he looked back at her as confidently as possible and said.
“I’m absolutely positive.”
She nodded. “Ok then.”
An awkward moment followed. Harry fidgeted uncomfortably in his seat.
“So, er…do you know if…she still likes me?” he asked in a low, timid voice.
Hermione’s eyebrows raised and her lips narrowed in a smug, this-is-what-you-deserve expression that Harry felt was totally uncalled for.
“I’m not going to tell you that,” she answered.
“Why not?”
“Because now you know how she felt for all those years.”
He looked at her, stunned. She smiled back at him, a vindictive gleam in her eye.
“I guess you’ll just have to tell her and find out for yourself, won’t you?”
Harry Potter and the Legacy of the Founders by VoldemortsPatronus
Chapter Notes: 3/02/07 - Made a few alterations to the chappy (mostly grammar and aesthetical). The mods are pretty busy, so the wait time for validation is getting extremely long (this one took nearly two weeks. If anyone wants to read the new chappy's while I'm waiting for validation, let me know and I'll e-mail it to you.