Chapter 17 The Mark Of Remorse
Harry carefully climbed out of the mirror and found himself back in Aria’s empty classroom. Checking his watch, he realized the school day had already started.
“What have I done?” he stared at his filthy hands, still in complete shock, the events of last night beginning to sink in.
The halls appeared to be more crowded with students than usual; everyone was in their robes except him. He quickly headed back to the dorm, hoping that on his way there, he would not run into any familiar faces or attract any attention to himself because he was a total mess and was not ready to face anyone. But once again, he would always manage to run into people that he didn’t want to see.
“Harry, where have you been?” Hermione saw him speed past her in the common room. He pretended that he didn’t hear her and continued hurrying along with his head down, until he crashed into Ron.
“Hey, mate. Slow down! Watch where you’re going,” he blocked his way playfully. Harry had no choice but stop and acknowledge the two of them.
“Where were you last night?” she questioned, eyeing him up and down suspiciously, paying particular attention to his jacket. Her tone was quite nasty.
Harry’s stomach churned when he heard the words, “last night.”
“What’s that dark spot on your neck?” Ron asked heatedly. “Is that what I think it is? Oh my goodness! You and my little sister were making out last night??”
He immediately covered the hickey and rushed to his room upstairs, “It’s a bruise! I accidentally tripped and fell! That’s all. I’ll see you later in class.”
“Harry, what a load of crock! If Mum finds out that you and my sister were…”
“RON, SHUT UP!” Hermione shrieked and yanked his arm. “He wasn’t with Ginny last night!”
“Uh? What? How do you…”
“Listen to me. She was in the girls’ dormitory the entire night by herself. I saw her and she was all depressed. Remember the four of us leaving Hannibal’s class yesterday and Harry suddenly said he had to see Hagrid and the three of us came back here? Well, he never visited Hagrid.”
Ron stared at her with a confused look on his face.
“Remember the three of us were eating supper in the hall and wondering where Harry was? Then Ginny said she wasn’t hungry and left rather quickly? It turned out that she went to visit Hagrid and found out Harry never went there.”
Ron stood frozen and didn’t know what to make of this.
“She was so upset when she told me this last night. I was just trying so hard to help Harry’s cause by repeating over and over again how much he loves her, how sweet he is, and harping on and on about what a wonderful boyfriend he is, giving her such incredible presents like the dream catcher this past Christmas and that butterfly pin, and comparing him to the lousy excuse of a boyfriend that I am stuck with!”
“I figure you’re talking about me now?” he asked in a very hesitant tone.
“NON, I am talking about my beloved dream guy Malfoy, my favorite Slytherin!” she hissed sarcastically and smacked his shoulder, glaring at him in disbelief. “Who do you think I’m talking about?”
“I’m sorry but I don’t have the money to…” he pleaded, trying to understand her signals.
“Ron, please. Do you really think that’s the issue? Money? Do you see me as that type of person? Is that what you think I want?” she interrupted and shook her head miserably.
“So, what do you want?” he pleaded. “I can’t read your mind.”
“Must I spell out everything for you?? You’re so dense, you know,” she growled. “But this is not the time to figure out my wants. There is a much bigger problem in front of us. And we have to sort it out before it’s too late. You do want Ginny and Harry together, don’t you?”
“Yes, but shouldn’t they be sorting it out themselves? We have no business…”
“WE ARE THEIR BEST FRIENDS! AND GINNY’S YOUR SISTER! OF COURSE IT’S OUR BUSINESS!” she bellowed, silencing him.
“So, if he wasn’t with Hagrid. Where did he go?” Ron asked hesitantly.
“More importantly, who was he with all night?” she snapped impatiently and then she narrowed her eyes. “And what was he doing?”
Ron understood what she was implying, “I know Harry. He is not the type of person…”
“I know Harry too. He is the most honest and honorable person. I know he is not the type to cheat on Ginny. But you and I spotted the hickey on his neck with our own very eyes and the way he lied about it. And did you smell that strange floral scent when he rushed by? I think guys normally don’t smell like flowers. How else would you explain it?” she disputed worriedly.
“So what do we do? Should we tell Ginny?” he blurted out.
“ARE YOU CRAZY? WHAT IF WE’RE WRONG?” she smacked him on the shoulder again. “We can’t jump the gun on this. It’s too serious. What we have to do now is to hide in the background and try to fish out the truth because something is definitely wrong! But more importantly, we can’t have Ginny and Harry suspect anything!”
“Hmm… How do we play this game of detective?” he joked with a grin on his face.
Well, you’re his best friend. You have to go find out,” she nudged him to follow Harry upstairs.
“Me? You’re crazy!” Ron’s grin quickly disappeared.
“Yes, and yes I am! But you love me anyway, so you’re even more crazy. But that’s another story. Now hurry up and go on!” she pressed.
“It’s just not a guy’s thing to talk about this kind of fluffy stuff…” Ron frowned and complained dejectedly but he immediately stopped when he noticed Hermione’s fiery stare getting very nasty.
Ron reluctantly trudged upstairs because he didn’t want to get her more upset. However, he was still not convinced that he should be prodding in other people’s affairs. Besides, in his mind, he was absolutely convinced that his best friend would never do anything to hurt Ginny and that Hermione’s suspicions were utterly baseless.
Harry was in the shower. Turning on the brutal cold water to the maximum, he immersed himself into the powerful downpour. As the current glided down his body, everything about last night and all the details unwillingly sank deeper and deeper into his mind. Disgusted with himself, he was desperately hoping that all that had happened would be cleansed away by the freezing punishing waters. He scrubbed his neck continuously, wanting the bruise to disappear. He pushed his soaked hair away from his tear-filled eyes and stared appallingly at the blasting showerhead. The freezing waters were piercing him like needles to his skin, as if they were punishing him for everything that he did.
“GINNY…” he choked on the cold water that was flooding his mouth.
Tears began to pour out of his eyes when he thought of the eventual pain that Ginny would have to endure because of him and his betrayal. Staring at his filthy hands, the gnawing pain in his gut was becoming unbearable as he realized that she would be burdened by his reckless behavior for the rest of her life.
“AARGH…” he roared, pounding the wall with his fists. “WHAT HAVE I DONE??”
Why did he succumb to Aria’s advances again and how could he have done something so irresponsible and stupid like this to hurt Ginny, he thought to himself, after what they had been through together, after what she had done for him, and how she was there when he needed her most. Ginny was everything he had, the only one that loved him.
In his mind, the things he did with Aria were simply unforgivable. It was already a mistake sharing a kiss with her in the school grounds, but not only did he stop, he revoltingly allowed himself to go further, insisting foolishly on maintaining a friendship with her and abandoning Ginny in the process. To top it off, he had to lie to all his friends and used his best friend, Hagrid as a decoy. How could he be so irresponsible, he thumped his fists against the walls despairingly.
Harry remembered vividly like it was yesterday how Ginny entered his nightmare and saved him that night at the church this past New Year’s because she loved him. That night she gave up her all and was willing to die for him. He remembered how he hurt her last Christmas by abandoning her under the mistletoe and he promised to himself he would never ever hurt her like that again. Yet it wasn’t even their first anniversary of them as a couple and he had already betrayed her.
The grueling waters were smashing his eyes and cheeks now, but he knew he deserved the agony because the pain that Ginny would experience as a result of his reckless actions would be a thousand times more severe. If it was possible, he was willing to die in exchange for sparing Ginny from suffering through this pain.
He recalled promising Mrs. Weasley he would never ever hurt her baby angel when she gave him her blessing to date her baby daughter. Mrs. Weasley was like a mother to him but he had let her down; he had let everyone down, Hermione, Ron, Hagrid, The Weasley family, McGonagall, and Dumbledore… How could he be so selfish and hurt all these people who meant so much to him, he thought to himself. He knew that everyone of these people would die for him without even considering for a second, and yet he let them down. Clutching his abdomen because of the gnawing pain in his stomach, he wanted to throw up. The weight of all this torture and anguish slowly grinded him to the flooded unforgiving surface of the tub, as he curled up helplessly and sobbed uncontrollably, finally realizing the damage and repercussions of his reckless behavior on the most important people in his life.
“GINNY…” he cried out despairingly, gripping his hair so tightly as if he wanted to tear them off his head.
“Ginny…”
“I’m so sorry…”
His words went down the drain with the cold water.
When I See Only You by gossipweaver
Chapter Notes: Harry gradually realizes that the consequences of his reckless behavior will hurt not only Ginny, but all the important people around him as well.