Chapter 20 Forget Me…My Beloved
The ride back to the castle somehow seemed much less turbulent, probably because both were too numb to feel anything. Harry glanced at his chest and noticed Ginny’s delicate arms around him. One of her hands was resting on top of his aching heart, pounding mindlessly and no longer with purpose.
Harry recalled he had been eagerly anticipating the start of the current school year because he was finally able to start a year with true happiness, with Ginny by his side. He certainly could not have anticipated any of this anguish. In fact, he could not remember feeling worse than this very moment. The agony he was experiencing now could not even come close to all the other physical or emotional trauma that he had witnessed before. The feelings of despair and hopelessness were mixed potently together with the utmost hatred for himself for failing Ginny and for ruining the only best thing that was in his life. He knew his mistake was simply unforgivable and irreversible. She certainly deserved someone that wouldn’t hurt her the way he did. He wanted to die because he hated himself so much for failing her. But without her, his life would be empty and meaningless; losing her would be like losing his soul and losing the reason to live.
Meanwhile, Ginny realized Harry was still her man, at least for another day, until he would ultimately leave her for the other girl. She knew very well that delaying the inevitable pain would only make it more excruciating. But to her, having Harry in her arms for one more day was worth all the pain in the world.
Draped inside his jacket, she had her eyes closed and she rested on his warm back, listening to his racing heartbeat as he pedaled on. Both remained silent as they tortured themselves with thoughts of how it was possible that in such a short period of time, their relationship would spiral down to this, when they were in heaven just this past summer. Merely months had passed by but they felt like they had aged substantially, especially these past few days, as they struggled with all kinds of complicated emotions that were too convoluted for them to understand.
“Ginny, look. It’s Dumbledore and Snape,” he finally broke the suffocating silence when he spotted a group of people rushing out of the castle.
Seeing Dumbledore reminded him of the conversation they shared this past New Years regarding Ginny. He wondered if Dumbledore would say the same things if he knew what Harry had done now.
“What’s going on?” Ginny glanced up and saw Hagrid, McGonagall, Trelawney, and other teachers rushing out.
Harry pedaled faster and raced towards the castle. He could now recognize the tension in all their hurried faces as he came closer.
“Something is wrong!” he yelled to her.
When they arrived at the castle entrance, both jumped off the bike and rushed inside, only to find Aria at the entrance. She was leaning on the wall with her crutches, with a panicked look on her face. Her eyes immediately sparkled with the greatest excitement the minute she spotted Harry coming in. Her worried demeanor was now completely lifted at the sight of him.
“Oh, Harry! Thank goodness you’re safe!” she beamed as she awkwardly rushed over to him rather closely. Seeing Ginny standing next to him though, she quickly controlled herself and refrained from touching him. She could painfully see Ginny wearing his jacket, the same one she was draped in that rainy night. Harry noticed both her feet were wrapped. He didn’t want to ask about her injury, and he immediately grabbed Ginny’s hand and pulled her closer to him. Aria noticed this immediately and took a few steps back. Her initial excitement was all but gone, and was replaced by a contorted face etched with heartache.
“What’s going on, Professor?” Ginny asked nervously.
“A group of wizards and witches have besieged Hogsmeade. Dumbledore and the teachers have gone to help the students get out!” Aria took a deep breath to regain her composure and muttered in a very controlled tone.
Harry and Ginny were both shocked, staring at each other in disbelief.
“Who sent these evil wizards to attack Hogsmeade?” Ginny cried.
“We don’t know, Ginny. We suspect they are Deatheaters. Headmaster Dumbledore told me to stay here because of my feet, and stand guard and not let the students out of the castle.”
“Ron and Hermione are at Hogsmeade!” Harry hollered. “I have to go help them!”
“NO, IT’S TOO DANGEROUS! YOU HAVE TO STAY HERE!” Aria roared desperately and pulled him back, her crutches slipping off her grip. But he struggled away and stormed towards the stairs. He was heading to the secret passageway entrance to Honeydukes in the third floor behind the one-eyed statue. Ginny tailed him immediately.
“Harry, where’re you going?” Aria demanded with her arm outstretched.
“Come back!” Aria called out. But they had already disappeared.
“Ginny, you can’t come with me. Aria… I mean, Professor Hannibal is right. It’s too dangerous. I want you to stay here in the castle with her and wait for us,” he pleaded worriedly as he stood in front of the statue, searching for his wand to open the passageway before realizing that he had placed it in his jacket and Ginny was wearing it.
“NO!” she glared at him with a fierce look of determination as she pulled his wand out. Her heart was telling her to stay by his side and to follow him forever.
“Ron is my brother and Hermione is my friend too! I have to help them!” she argued. She knew she had his wand but now she had found the reason that he couldn’t dispute. He had to let her come with him.
Staring at his wand that she was hoisting, Harry knew it was hopeless to argue with a determined Ginny. Not wanting to waste more time, he reluctantly agreed, even though Ginny’s well-being and safety were the only things in his mind right now.
The passageway was dark and wet. Harry and Ginny had to use their wands to light up the path. They ran as fast as they could, hoping Ron, Hermione, and the others were safe. The entire time Harry kept pushing Ginny back, because he wanted to shield her in case anything happened. They weren’t midway in the passageway when suddenly, a powerful fiery explosion erupted ahead of them that shook the entire passageway violently. A cloud of dust and heat rushed toward them. It was as if the entire structure was going to collapse inside out. They both fell to the ground and the lights at the tip of their wands fizzled out. Submerged in the dark and with the ground still shaking uncontrollably, a sense of desperation erupted inside them.
“GINNY, YOU MUST GO BACK TO THE CASTLE! IT’S TOO DANGEROUS! JUST RUN! FORGET ABOUT ME!” he roared, quickly pulling her to her feet. He had never raised his voice to her like that.
“NO, I WON’T LEAVE YOU, HARRY!” she collapsed into him and tears rushed out of her eyes.
“Harry, don’t leave me. Please…” she pleaded tearfully, gripping the back of his shirt so tightly she was going to rip it apart.
“No! Ginny, I want you to be safe! You have to promise me! Whatever happens, just run and forget about me!” he cried, pushing her away. But she shook her head and refused to hear his words.
“Forget about me! Ginny.... JUST LEAVE ME…
“I… DON’T… DESERVE…YOU…” he shook her violently by the shoulders to make her listen and screamed tearfully, with each word louder than the last.
“What?” she whimpered and gazed deeply into his downcast green eyes.
“Please… go back to the castle! Forget me, Ginny…” he begged her despairingly, pulling his head down and staring at the wet ground.
Harry could no longer hold back his tears. He realized the reason Ginny was determined to follow him was because she loved him very much. She loved him so much she was willing to sacrifice her life for him. But he kept reminding himself that he didn’t deserve her love. His heart was telling him that she must not risk her life for him because he was not worth it, after what he did to her.
He remembered Ginny nearly died twice because of him, once in the Chamber and the other when they were inflicted by the dream curse. After beating the dream curse this past New Years, Dumbledore had taught him to not blame himself for Ginny’s suffering because of him. Dumbledore convinced him it was okay to love Ginny, to stay with her, and to focus on the good he would bring into her life instead of focusing on the bad.
Dumbledore was wrong, he finally concluded to himself. She deserved better. She would be better off without him. She would be better off if he didn’t exist. He wanted to set her free. He must set her free now before it was too late. He could not put her in harm’s way a third time. He knew he must save her from further danger now.
“FORGET…”
“LOOK OUT!” Ginny shrieked.
A white beam was shooting at them from a dark shadowy figure that had just emerged. The beam was racing towards them. Instinctively, Harry darted in front of Ginny, closed his arms around her, and shielded her from the beam. As it hit him in the back, his glasses fell off because of the devastating impact from the beam. He collapsed and landed on top of Ginny. Both crashed to the ground.
“HARRY! NO……” Ginny cried in tandem with a shrieking voice coming from behind. It was Aria and she was storming towards them. Her feet were bleeding profusely but her green eyes were blazing with fire.
“AARGH…” Aria shrieked at the top of her lungs as she raised her wand at the dark figure. Clutching it with both hands, a powerful red blast exploded out of it. The blast sped violently towards the shadowy figure. As the blast severed the figure’s arm, it quickly stormed away.
Ginny pulled herself out from under the motionless Harry and Aria rushed over to them immediately.
“HARRY!!” the two of them hovered on top of him and screamed desperately, both in tears. He was lying lifelessly on the wet ground. There was blood in the corner of his mouth and his face was very pale, but he wasn’t wincing in pain. The white beam had hit him in the back and it was now engulfed in ice.
“Harry, why did you do that? Why… Why…” Ginny broke down and sobbed as she wiped away her tears and brushed the blood off his face.
He didn’t reply. Choking back his blood and tears, he slowly opened his eyes and gazed at Ginny bleakly.
“HARRY! SAY SOMETHING! TALK TO ME!” Aria shrieked as she stroked his bangs away, choking back her tears. “We have to head back to the castle… to the hospital wing…”
When Aria tried to lift him up, he started coughing up more blood. Both of them gasped. He appeared to be struggling to say something but all that came out of his mouth was more blood. The life behind his green eyes was slowly fading away.
“Glasses…” he finally whispered, in between his coughs as more blood spilled out of his mouth. He refused to let his eyes blink; they refused to let go of Ginny. They were still locked on Ginny’s tearful face.
Aria immediately looked around and spotted the glasses lying next to him. The glasses were not broken but they were covered in mud. She quickly reached for them, wiped the lenses, and gently put them on his face.
Harry continued to gaze at Ginny. He let out a faint weak smile because he could see her clearly now with his glasses. It was as if he wanted to admire her angelic face, her sparkling brown eyes, and her fiery red hair one last time, so her image would be imprinted deeply in his heart, and he would remember her forever.
The ground had stopped shaking and the noise gradually died down, but the feeling of desperation was now replaced with the feeling of hopelessness. As Harry continued to gaze and smile at her, he slowly widened his eyes. He was trying desperately to muster all the strength he had to make them emit one last final sparkle for her. He remembered Ginny always loved looking at his eyes. He wanted to see her smile. He really wanted to hear her laugh and be happy again.
“Ginny… I am sorry… for always getting you into trouble…” he took a deep breath and whispered weakly.
“What?” she whimpered.
“Remember what happened… at the Burrow this summer… when I sneaked into your room that night… to kiss you goodnight… and… I kissed… your mum by mistake?” he mumbled, chuckling and coughing at the same time.
“Harry, please! WHY ARE YOU BRINGING THIS UP NOW?” Ginny cried in frustration. She rested her trembling hand on his chest, longing to feel his heartbeat. “We have to get you back to...”
“Twice…”
“What?”
“I kissed your mum twice… I whispered I love you and pleasant dreams… to your mum,” he grinned feebly, trying to make Ginny laugh and to cheer her up.
“Two kisses… and I still couldn’t figure out… that I was kissing the wrong person…
Ginny tried desperately to pull him up, but he refused to budge.
“Harry, save your strength! Stop talking! This is not the time to be silly…”
“And when I heard the loud snoring that night… I thought it was you…” he interrupted her.
“I don’t snore…” she shook her head and sobbed weakly.
Harry reached for her hand and kissed it tenderly, “And then… the entire Burrow went crazy… because your mum and I were screaming at the top of our lungs… Do you remember?
“And everyone panicked… and crowded into your room…
“Ron, Hermione, your father, Fred, George… and that strange man, Avis…
“I was… pinned… to the wall… covering my ears… your mum’s screams… were louder than Sprouts’ Mandrakes…”
Harry let out a severe cough but he continued stubbornly, refusing to stop, “I thought… Mrs. Weasley was going… going to kill me…”
Ginny sniffed back her tears and finally grinned helplessly at him.
“And then… I said you always get me in trouble…”
“You’re right, Ginny. I’m… so bad for you…”
His face brightened immensely when he finally saw her smile. He could see that Ginny was unhurt and was smiling again. He had done what he had to do to make sure she was safe. There would not be a third time that his beloved would be in danger because of him. Knowing this, he was finally at peace. The aching pain in his heart was gone. He could let go now.
“Ginny…” Harry took a deep breath and smiled at her peacefully.
“…Forgive…me…” he gradually closed his eyes and gently let go of her hand.
When I See Only You by gossipweaver
Chapter Notes: You are never quite sure who your beloved truly is until you are faced with the most dire of circumstances, when all hope is seemingly lost.