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Loathing or Love? by Miss Radcliffe

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Chapter Notes: A/N: Thanks for the positive response on chapter 18. I know I’ve really dragged out this fight between James and Lily so I thank you for your patience not only with the context of the story but also with the amount of time it takes to get these chapters up. I’m in a show right not and “hell week” (the week before opening night) is next week. But I’ll try to get these chapters up as soon as I can. I also wrote a aone-shot that can be found in the H/G category. Enjoy this pivotal chapter!


Miss Radcliffe~


Chapter 19: Finding Forgiveness


The day of the championship Quidditch match between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff dawned with claps of thunder and pouring rain. Nevertheless, the Gryffindor team marched down to The Great Hall, determination set plainly on their faces, and sat down for breakfast at the Gryffindor table.


Sirius felt a pair of arms wrap their way around his neck. Alexis kissed the top of his head.


“You alright, James?” Alexis asked, seeing how the determined look James shared with the rest of the team was mingled with sadness.


James had returned to the common room the night before having failed, yet again, to tell Lily exactly what happened at the Yule Ball. To his surprise, he’d found Sirius and Alexis still sitting cozily by the fire and proceeded to tell them about his night, which had led to retelling the night of the Yule Ball to Alexis. Alexis had taken in the information well, saying how she didn’t think James would’ve “been” with another girl after finally becoming so close to Lily. “Fine,” James lied.


“James, I’ve been thinking about this, well, this problem you’re having with Lily,” Alexis said uncertainly. With a slight nudge from Sirius she continued. “I know you wanted to be the one to tell her what happened at the ball but she hasn’t exactly been listening to you lately. Maybe, I could give it a try?” Alexis posed this last part as a question and waited patiently for him to answer.


“Mr. Potter,” said a soft voice. Professor Dumbledore stood unsmiling behind James. “If you could you please accompany me to my office,” Dumbledore requested.


As James stood, he nodded to Alexis, successfully communicating a yes to her question. Alexis sped off in the direction of the Gryffindor common room, grabbing Joanne (whom she had filled in the previous night) along the way.


As James walked the familiar route to Dumbledore’s office, he racked his brain. What did he do? The Marauders hadn’t played, or even planned, any pranks since their stunt at the Yule Ball. James was totally clueless as to why Dumbledore had asked him to come to his office.


“Lifesavers,” said Dumbledore as they approached the stone gargoyle. It leaped out of the way and Dumbledore and James boarded the spiral staircase.


When they reached the office, Dumbledore swiftly sat behind his desk. The office was very familiar to James. He and his friends had visited it several times on account of their jokes. But today the portraits of the previous headmasters and headmistresses seemed uncharacteristically quiet. One witch with curly white hair and a purple pointed hat blew her nose as James walked in and her neighbor, a rather young brown-haired wizard with a long nose, patted her comfortingly on the back.


“Please, have a seat, James.” Dumbledore inclined his head towards a chair in front of his desk.


As James took a seat, he couldn’t help but notice that the headmaster was unusually grave and the twinkle was abnormally absent from his blue eyes.


“Sir, I haven’t done - we haven’t done anything, or at least that I know of,” James broke the silence.


“James, I only wish you were here on account of one of your brilliant jokes,” said Dumbledore. If circumstances were different, James would have committed to memory the fact that Dumbledore had called his jokes brilliant. “I fear I have been given the task of bearing this news to you.”


James confusion escalated to greater heights at this response. What in Merlin’s name could have happened?


“James, last night your parents’ home was attacked by a group of Dark Wizards who call themselves Death Eaters,” Dumbledore answered James’ thoughts. “They fought valiantly and very courageously and managed to capture one of their attackers,” Dumbledore continued. “But they were outnumbered and so these Dark Wizards got the upper-hand. James,” Dumbledore looked James in the eye, both meaningfully and regretfully, “your mother’s and father’s bodies were found this morning at your home in Godric’s Hollow.”


James laughed. “So this is the payback for all of my pranks, isn’t it?” he laughed even harder. “I suppose next you’re going to tell me my house was destroyed too!” The Headmaster looked even more grave at this statement.


“I truly wish this were but a joke,” he said.


Then, the reason for Dumbledore’s mood and the witch in the portrait became frighteningly clear to James. Dumbledore really was telling the truth: his parents were dead.


“I can’t express to you how truly sorry I am,” Dumbledore consoled, seeing the realization in James’ expression. “I knew both your parents when they were at school. I taught them Transfiguration.”


“Why?” asked James. “Why did this happen? How could this happen? Where are the people that did this? I swear, when I get my hands on them I-I’ll-” James could not think of something horrible enough for the people who murdered his parents, so he stood and grabbed a glass candleholder on Dumbledore’s desk and threw it to the ground where it shattered into bits. James fell back into his chair. “Sorry,” he murmured.


“By all means continue destroying my possessions,” said Dumbledore. “I daresay I have too many.* If there’s anything you’d like me to do…,” Dumbledore inquired. “I can notify Professer McGonagall that you need a replacement for today’s match.”


To the headmaster’s surprise , James shook his head. “No,” James replied. “I’ll play for the team.” James half-expected Dumbledore to argue with him. But instead, a peculiar expression came across his face, one James was shocked to recognize as respect.


“Very well then,” Dumbledore said. “If there’s nothing else you’d like me to do-,”


“There is one thing,” said James. “Could you tell Sirius about - about my parents?” James just couldn’t bring himself to say his parent’s death. “But after the match. I want him at the top of his form to play today.”


Dumbledore nodded, knowing full well that Mr. and Mrs. Potter had given Sirius a home when he left his own parents.


“I’d better go now,” said James, heaving himself up from his seat and towards the door.


“James,” called Dumbledore just as he was about to open the door.


James turned back towards the Headmaster. “Yes, Professor?”


“Good luck.”


***********************


“Alyssa did what?” Lily exclaimed. She’d been brooding in her dormitory, fully intending to skip the match, when Alexis and Joanne burst into the room. They had proceeded to tell her how Alyssa had falsely attracted James to her.


“It was something like….Norvemos,” explained Alexis, hesitating as she tried to remember the name of the potion.


“Nosverus,” gasped Lily.


“Yeah, that’s it!” Alexis remembered. “Sirius said it’s thin so it can be used like-,”


“Like a perfume,” finished Lily.


“You always were the Potions expert,” grinned Joanne.


“Oh my Merlin!” realized Lily at last. “That means….”


“That means that he’s been ‘innocent’ the whole time and he’s been trying to explain this to you and you wouldn’t listen?” suggested Alexis.


Lily turned to her friend. “Yeah,” she breathed, utterly bewildered. She stood quite suddenly. “I have to go find him! He’s probably been a wreck!”


“Hold on there,” said Joanne. “James is probably in the changing rooms getting ready for the match.” Joanne and Alexis got up and stood on either side of Lily and they wrapped their arms around each other. The threesome began to walk down the stairs to the common room.


“Why don’t you wait until after the match and give him a victory kiss, Miss Lovestruck,” said Alexis boldly.


Normally, Alexis and Joanne would’ve been on the receiving end of Lily’s temper for such comments. But for once, Lily didn’t argue.


***********


“And Victoria Steele catches the Snitch! Gryffindor wins!!!!”


The entire Gryffindor team surrounded Victoria as she held the fighting Snitch high above her head. James blinked back tears, realizing his parents would never get to see their son coach the Gryffindor Team to victory.


Understandably, James’ performance during the match had suffered. Gryffindor had fallen behind, but with the capture of the Snitch, Gryffindor was awarded an additional one hundred and fifty points and had won the Cup.


The team descended down to where Dumbledore was holding the Cup. As Dumbledore handed the trophy to James, he placed a hand gently of his shoulder.


“They would be very proud of you,” he smiled sadly. James nodded his thanks and passed the Cup on to Professor McGonagall.


Knowing he couldn’t take the congratulations and pats on the back from the crowd and his fellow teammates, James surprised those in the stands and boarded his broom. He flew back up towards the castle still clothed in his Quidditch robes and flew through an open window at the top of a certain tower.


At the pitch, Sirius found his view obstructed by long wavy locks of deep brown hair. Alexis had thrown herself onto him, wrapping her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck before kissing him soundly.


The sound of someone clearing their throat caused the couple to break apart. Alexis disentangled herself from Sirius’ waist and blushed deeply when she saw Professor Dumbledore standing behind her.


“Congratulations, Mr. Black,” he addressed him. “I was wondering if I could speak to you in my office for a few moments.” It wasn’t a question.


“We’ll continue the congratulations later,” Sirius whispered to Alexis, causing her to blush even more as he followed Dumbledore back towards the school.


“Where’s Sirius?” Remus asked from behind her, closely accompanied by Lily.


“He went somewhere with Dumbledore,” Alexis replied as they joined the stream of students making their way back to the castle.


“Funny, Dumbledore also asked to talk to James this morning,” recalled Remus, his brow furrowing.


“Do you think it has anything to do with James flying off like that?” wondered Lily.


“Who knows?” shrugged Alexis.


When they reached the common room, a party was already in full swing. Lily was careful to stay away from the punch bowl.


A full twenty minutes later, Sirius swaggered into the common room, his eyes seeking out Alexis. She went to him and led him over to the couch in front of the fire. She sat next to him and Lily and Remus joined them a moment later.


“What happened, Sirius?” Alexis asked, softly caressing the side of his troubled face.


“James’ parents,” Sirius said, his face screwing up in pain. “They’re dead.”


Horror filled the hearts and expressions of those around him. Alexis climbed onto Sirius’ lap, shielding the raw emotions that shook his body.


Lily stood frozen to the spot. She felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up to see Remus watching her. He squeezed her shoulder and she sighed sadly. Without looking back, she pushed her way through the crowd of partygoers and climbed the spiral staircase that led to the boys’ dormitories. When Lily reached the final door, she didn’t bother knocking and let herself in.


James sat on his bed, staring silently through a window. He looked up as Lily shut the door behind her.


The silence and the staring seemed to last an eternity. Then, almost in a dreamlike state, Lily stepped towards him. She knelt on his bed and enveloped him, resting her chin on his head.


He began to sob.


A/N:


*Quote from OotP Page 825 American Version


A huge thank you to my betas dramaangelsj and songbook99. Your skills have been invaluable to me and my writing. I hope this chapter was satisfying for you. What can I say? The death of James’ parents had to happen for my plot to be complete. I’ve been planning this chapter for quite some time and I’m excited to hear your responses so please let me know what you think in a review.


Please see my author page for information about my myspace exclusively for my stories.


I’ll try to get up chapter 20 as soon as I can but I’m in a play right now so I don’t know when this will be.


Miss Radcliffe~