Chapter 21: Coming to Terms
It took all of Remus’ willpower to keep him from running full speed to the Hospital Wing. When at last he spotted the Infirmary door, he quickened his pace and burst inside. Immediately, Remus rushed towards the section of the wing that was hidden by a set of stark white curtains and barely stopped to notice a woman whose glasses covered her startling blue eyes and a man with graying brown hair.
Remus sat carefully on the edge of Joanne’s bed and took her limp hand in his. She mumbled something incoherent and then fell silent again. Joanne’s face was abnormally pale and there were several gashes lining her features that were covered in a purple ointment.
Others started filing into the makeshift room, introducing themselves to Mr. and Mrs. Connely and moving to stand around Joanne. Remus felt a hand on his shoulder and glanced up to see James looking at him with a concerned expression. Remus ignored the gesture and turned his attention back to Joanne. Raised bumps on her abdomen indicated that there were bandages all over her body.
“And you are-?”
Remus looked up again, this time to find Joanne’s parents returning his gaze.
“Uh, Remus. Remus Lupin,” he replied.
“Are you friends with my daughter?” inquired Mr. Connely.
“Well, uh, yes. I am,” Remus stammered. “Uh, do you know when she’ll wake up?”
“The nurse here gave her a drink that put her to sleep a few hours ago,” answered Mrs. Connely. “We’re not sure when she’ll wake.”
“Soon I imagine,” said Dumbledore from behind the group, surprising everyone in attendance. He smiled down at them, despite the grave circumstances.
“It is getting late,” he continued. “Mr. and Mrs. Connely, could I offer you a room to stay in for as long as you should need it?”
“It would be greatly appreciated,” said Mr. Connely. Without another word, Joanne’s parents followed Dumbledore out of sight. James and Lily occupied the chairs Mr. and Mrs. Connely had vacated, their hands grasped tightly. Alexis and Sirius moved into a corner of the room, arms wrapped tightly around each other.
It seemed as if hours had gone by when Remus felt a slight movement from the hand hidden in his. He hastily began to let go of her and back away from the bed when Joanne’s hand tightened around his own.
“Remus,” she mumbled, her eyes opening slightly and adjusting to the lighting. The heads of everyone in the room swiveled towards the sound and Lily and Alexis made their way over to Joanne.
“Don’t you ever do that again.” Alexis smiled sadly. Lily simply touched Joanne’s arm, fresh tears dripping down her face.
“Why don’t we go let Madam Pomfrey know she’s awake?” James said, taking Lily’s other hand and leading her out of view.
“Be right back,” Alexis told Joanne before also departing with Sirius. Eyes now open a bit more but still not accustomed to the brightness around her, Joanne knew he was still there.
“Remus,” she said again. Tentatively, Joanne saw him creep tentatively out of the shadows to her right, where he’d retreated. She tried sitting herself up and a sharp pain ripped across her abdomen. She clutched it and felt the bandages beneath the blanket, her breath coming in short gasps. Instantly, Remus was at her side and was helping her sit up onto two soft pillows.
“Are you alright?” Remus asked when she was settled.
“No.” She shook her head, making it pound with dizziness.
“Then I’m going to find Madam Pomfrey,” Remus decided, and turned to leave.
“No, Remus, it isn’t that. I’m just- I’m just scared,” she whispered as tears threatened to spill from her eyes.
Remus hesitated, unsure of what to do. His heart told him to embrace the girl before him and soothe her in any way possible. His mind, however, was reminding him of how hard he’d worked to keep these very emotions at bay for nearly half a year. He needed to protect her from himself; he couldn’t let her get hurt. But hadn’t she already gotten hurt? Even though he had made every effort and almost succeeded in pushing her away, she had been hurt by something he couldn’t help. As Remus watched the dam break, a tear fell onto Joanne’s clenched hands, and he made his decision.
He gingerly sat down next to her and took her hand in his.
“Don’t be,” he whispered.
“How can I not be?” Joanne exclaimed. She looked down and noticed their interlocked hands for the first time, wrenching hers away.
“Why do you care anyway?” she asked in an icy tone. “You’re too busy closing yourself up and not seeing how the pain you’re causing yourself is just as bad as the pain you’re causing me!”
“Jo, I never meant to hurt you in any way,” Remus sighed. “Don’t you see? That’s why we couldn’t be together.”
“I’d much rather be with you and everything that comes with you than be without you,” Joanne cried. “Just go away. Seems like that’s the only thing you’re good at.”
Stung as he was by Joanne’s words, Remus managed to say, “No.”
Stunned by this short, yet powerful testament, Joanne watched as Remus shifted positions so he was facing her rather than sitting next to her.
“I refuse to leave you again,” he said.
“Why the sudden change in attitude?” Joanne asked, her voice finally finding its way back.
“Because of what happened to me when I found out your house had been attacked,” Remus answered in a shaky voice.
“When McGonagall told us what had happened, everything I thought was important seemed to melt away. All I could think about was what I would do if I never saw your face again. What I would do if I couldn’t confide in you, hear your voice, make you smile, or hold your hand. I hated myself, Jo, I still do, for abandoning you and hurting you without even telling you…” His voice faded out and he looked unsure of the words that had been on the tip of his tongue for the past six months.
“Telling me what?” Joanne urged him on.
Taking a deep, steadying breath, Remus said, “I love you.”
Joanne leaned forward as far as she could and stole his lips in the sweetest kiss either one of them had ever shared. When she finally sank back into her pillows, a smile adorned her face that was red from crying.
“I love you too, Remus.”
He reached out and stroked her hair. Noticing her drooping eyelids he whispered, “Go to sleep.”
She opened her mouth to protest but, before she got a word out, Remus assured her, “Don’t worry, I won’t leave.”
Moments later, her eyes fluttered closed and her breathing became deep and even.
A/N: Deep appreciation and thanks to my beta, songbook99, for rewording the sentences that made no sense. Please review and I'll have the next chapter up soon.
Miss Radcliffe~
Loathing or Love? by Miss Radcliffe
Chapter Notes: Sorry this chapter took longer than expected. Life has gotten busy and I hardly had time to write. Right now though, I'm working on chapter 26 and a one-shot for the current SIYE challenge. I've also become a moderator for Written with a Quill, Sealed with a Kiss: the fanfiction offshoot of www.hgforever.com. Hope you enjoy this chapter!
Miss Radcliffe~