Chapter 24 Time... Stand Still For Me
“You rushed in to see me,
in my parting minutes,
before I was set to go.
Kind and generous of you,
You were as always,
at your best to me.
Your genuine heart,
boyish smile,
tender touch.
What can I say, but…
My only path is letting go.
A journey to the brutal cold.
When you cradle me in your arms,
you seem to be telling my shadow,
you don’t want to see me go.
I say it cannot be so.
I never believed it was love.
You are not mine to love.
You are mine to let go.
It is time to do so.
I truly want you to know,
I really don’t want to go,
When without you is without a soul.
Oh no. Love is no solo.
My selfish wishes, for the foolish me,
When I ask time, stand still for me.
Allow me, to cherish you,
in your embrace, one seconds more.
My dedicated wishes, for the selfless you,
When I ask time, be kind to you.
Allow you, to cherish her,
in her embrace, you always belonged."
~Samantha Ryan~
“Samantha…” It was Harry’s voice. The sound echoed distantly, but it was still music to her ears. She must be dreaming.
“Samantha!” Harry uttered firmly. Standing by her bedside, he placed his hand solidly on her shoulder, seemingly telling her he was real.
Feeling the warmth of his hand, she was elated as she popped her eyes open in disbelief. It was not a dream, and she hastily wiped the corner of her eyes feverishly, still obsessed with not letting him see her secrets.
Harry burningly swallowed all his remorse for Ginny, his guilt for Samantha, and his anger at Dumbledore. He pushed them all into his grinding stomach, so he could make way for his brave face and true smile, the same one she had complimented him earlier when they were heading to Ginny’s dorm.
Trembling profoundly, Samantha turned to greet her surprised visitor, standing protectively next to her. He was real. Her wish had come true once again. She was grateful that another one of her wishes had been granted, and she indeed could savor his sparkling green eyes and endearing smile one last time. His sheer presence was able to recharge her energy as all the pain momentarily vanished.
“Oh, Harry…” she quickly paused her low and breathless voice. She found it too tenderly and inappropriate to use on a mere friend, so she abruptly roughed up her tone to that of a nonchalant one, “You shouldn’t be… here! Shouldn’t you be with Ginny?”
“Dumbledore told me what happened and I came immediately!”
A scowl of helpless disapproval grilled her pasty face and she mumbled a few inaudible words.
“I… borrowed Hedwig to deliver something for me. I hope… you don’t mind, Harry.”
He shook his head, trooping closer so he could comfort her weak form, “You can borrow her anytime.
“Are you okay? What happened? Why didn’t you wait for me to go?” he asked meekly and sat by her bedside, letting himself grasp her hollow and ghostly eyes, her hauntingly pallid face, and her desolate and frail hands.
“I must… look awful…” she stuttered to his static gaze.
Harry immediately commanded his transfixed eyes to move, “Sorry, I was… just… shocked… seeing you here…”
An acute sense of loneliness and emptiness engulfed him when he could hear his voice registering a solemn echo in the ward as only the two of them were inside, “Where are your folks? Mum, Pop, and… your brother?”
She switched her head to the sunset window, her voice threatening to quiver but she was defiant to hold on to her composure in front of him. His mentioning of her non-existent family reminded her of how she made up that story and tricked him to wear her costume.
“What’s wrong?” he hovered caringly to her, but she pulled her face further away.
”Please … stop being so nice to me…” she pleaded to him silently. Biting her lip, it was all she could do. She was convinced her tiredness was the only reason why she wasn’t pushing him away.
“This hospital has the best healers. They’ll fix you up in no time.”
Her helpless features welcomed the dimming rays of sunlight from the open window as it was setting calmly, casting an ethereal shadow behind her pointy features.
“It’s all my fault. I shouldn’t have given you the cloak,” Harry ignored her lukewarm response to his visit, “I noticed you look ill but… I didn’t say anything because I was… too occupied with Ginny”“
“No,” she poked her head back to him, suddenly with a surge of restored strength, the renaissance of essence just before everything was over. “You should be occupied with Ginny! That is your job! Always remember that, Harry.”
She quickly energized her expressions, realizing his being here wasn’t his fault, “I bought something for you at Hogsmeade. I was planning to have Dumbledore give this to you,” she smiled hesitantly, pushing herself to light up one last time, “but since you’re here…”
She retrieved what appeared to be a medallion from under her sheets and handed it to him. The shine from the metal reflected a round piece of the sun onto the ceiling. Looking at it confusedly, he wasn’t clear what he was supposed to do with it.
“Harry, you blind bat! There’s a button here,” she slapped his hand and snatched it back. Harry grinned because he was glad she was back to her aggressive ways and appeared to be gaining her strength. As she pressed it, the cover snapped open, and he spotted a needle pointing directly at him. He got up and motored around the bed, studying the object in her colorless palm, observing the needle that was latching onto him mysteriously.
“A compass? But why does the needle move like that?” he looked up at her strangely and noticed she was gazing lingeringly at him.
Without answering, she handed it to him, summoning an ounce of energy to sound joyful, “Hold it. See where it points.”
Just as Harry held it in his hand, the needle spun a turn and pointed sharply to a window at his right.
“I don’t think that’s north,” he garbled and motioned around the ward, but the needle did not budge.
A most satisfying and blooming smile that Harry had never seen before grew on her face, “It’s pointing at the castle. It works, Harry. Ginny is in the castle. You’ll… always find her with it.”
Before he could investigate further, her glowing expressions fizzled away. She was coughing relentlessly and her eyes were starting to cave in. For some reason, the sunlight appeared to be shining through her face.
“SAMANTHA!” he darted towards her. “SOMEONE PLEASE COME IN! WE NEED”“
She covered his lips and shook her head dishearteningly, her gray eyes flickering spiritlessly, “I don’t want… them coming in. They won’t know how to fix me!”
“But”“
“Enough… about me,” she interrupted his anxiety and reopened her powerless eyes to reassure him she was all right. She wanted to change subjects.
“Tell me… how was… the get together with Ginny… in her room earlier?”
“It… it was terrific,” he lied agonizingly, still twitching to seek a healer, the severity of her condition finally hitting him. “The two of us… we… had lots of fun.”
“Lots… of fun?” she asked amusedly through her anguish heart. “I hope you didn’t do… anything naughty. I hope… you were a gentleman with Ginny… the entire time.”
Harry immediately blushed, “Samantha, thanks… for sneaking me in.”
“Harry, if you really… want to thank me… can I ask you… to do something for me?” she mumbled to the first thought that came to her as a profound emanation of love radiated from her pale skin, illuminating her ashen cheeks. It would take her mind to that spellbound night at the church, where everything began.
Revisiting that magical night with her mind, she was replaying the images of the memorable Christmas two years ago. Harry and Ginny were trapped by the dream curse, and Ginny was willing to sacrifice everything to save him from the freezing cold. As Ginny was resting intimately on Harry’s bare chest, listening to his thumping heartbeat, using her body heat to restore his energy, the strength of her borderless unconditional love for him was so intense it unknowingly radiated into the formation of a mysterious force that would become the Samantha of today. Her creation unwittingly defeated the chaotic dream curse in the process.
As a result, the dawn of Samantha and her essence was powered purely from love: Ginny’s love for Harry. When he woke up from the nightmare, she was fluttering on his chest in tandem with his heartbeat. Unbeknownst to him, it was Samantha’s spirit, and she quickly hid herself in the dove statue and resided in it ever since.
“I’ll do anything!” Harry replied eagerly, waking her up from her deep thoughts.
She flashed a scheming smile, her withering gaze anchoring themselves to his thumping heart, quivering underneath his shirt. All she wanted was to hear the crisp beating sounds again.
“Take… your shirt off,” Samantha stunned him.
“Uh?”
“I want you… to hold me.”
Harry was staring at her in shock.
She giggled hoarsely, her eyelids drooping again as she scurried laboriously to the side, making space for him to come onboard, “It’s nothing really. All innocent. Just a… hug! That’s all.”
He scratched his head apprehensively as blood rushed to his ears, thinking this was all too bizarre and inappropriate.
“Please, Harry…” she closed her weary eyes, pondering if she would open them again.
“I swear… I won’t take a peek…” she mumbled mutedly and patted her bed invitingly, her face emitting a glittering glow of pure clairvoyance as she prepared herself for the upcoming goodbye hug.
“No, I want you to peek! Keep your eyes open!” he heard himself demand jokingly to her stillness and unmoving body.
Harry peered around the room shyly. There was no one except the two of them and the outside corridor was very quiet.
“Samantha, you’re crazy, you know,” he muttered sheepishly.
Once again, he would give in to her manic requests, perhaps for the final time, he thought despairingly to himself. He would indulge her. Awkwardly, he removed his shirt, checking hopefully for a glimpse of her gray pupils in the process, but it was not to be. She was obviously too exhausted to open her eyes. He carefully climbed into her bed, lying next to her, still debating whether he should be doing this, as the corner of his eyes began to burn.
“Harry, close your eyes…
“Whatever sounds you’re about to hear... just… ignore them. Keep your eyes closed."
She continued faintly, “Harry… Promise you’ll never lose hope…”
He nodded as the scorching sensations in his eyes slowly exploded into water. He quickly closed his eyelids as the blurry white ceiling faded from his view.
“Harry, please also promise me that… you will always love Ginny and only Ginny… Whatever happens, she will be in your arms forever… just like that performance in the competition…
“Whatever happens… you’ll always be by her side.”
“I promise you,” he answered, too painful to ask why she was making him promise these things to Ginny.
“I never break my word.”
Hearing this to her satisfaction, her mission was complete. She did the best of her abilities. She could leave now.
The tip of her finger made its way to his arm weakly, “Harry… please…
“… hold me…”
Harry turned towards her, gently nestled her wavering head into him, and wrapped his arms around her as muffled hiccups began to echo under his chin, rippling tenderly into the mourning air. She was as frigid as ice. At last, she was willing to set her mask aside and let her feelings pour out of her eyes.
Gripping him tightly, she buried her face cozily into his warmhearted chest, finally locating the perfect spot that allowed her to hear him. To her delight, the quivering sounds were exactly like how she remembered two years ago. Despite all the suffering he had been through, his heart remained the same. It was unaffected. It continues to be vigorous and virtuous, powering its owner with insurmountable quantities of undefeatable and endearing love. She quickly muted her cries in order to hear him better.
“Harry, are… your eyes… closed?” she sniffed. Harry nodded.
“Samantha, tell me…” he forced a laugh through his tears, trying to keep her talking because he could sense she was truly leaving, “tell me… about… this thick boy of yours… you keep harping about.”
Even though she was on her last breath, she still managed to giggle mystically as she pushed a smile through her tears, because she was simply happy to be in his arms. For her, it was a moment worthy of a smile.
“Aren’t you tired… by now… my constant blabbing… of such foolishness? It’s been… three months of… my nonsense…”
“I know… but… I’ve… never really paid attention.
“I’m… your big brother,” he chuckled incoherently, in an effort to drown out all the suffocating sadness. “I should be… watching out for you! I have to approve this boy… to know if… he is right for you!”
“Would you… approve… if I say… he’s… just like you… Harry…” her disjointed breaths were winding down as her words blended with the motionless air.
Harry secretly shook his head. After the way he hurt Ginny, he certainly would not want someone like him for Samantha.
“Harry, he’s very brave… honorable…
“A very big heart…
“I’m… very proud of him…
“I’ll never... forget the first time... at the hall… when I… he... my mentor…"
Harry’s eyes twitched excruciatingly.
“His… messy jet-black hair…
“Beautiful… green eyes…
“They… sparkle… just like yours…”
Her description was unbearable; it finally dawned on him.
“Samantha,” he muttered apologetically.
“I’ll… never forget him… Harry…” interrupted Samantha inarticulately as her delicate hand glided to his backside and tugged something into his back pocket. It was a piece of jigsaw puzzle.
“Samantha, didn’t I tell you there’re places your hands shouldn’t go?” he murmured as gently as he could.
Of course she wouldn’t listen to his protests. She only wanted to hear him say those charming words again. Keeping in character with her unorthodox behavior, she responded rebelliously by lingering her naughty hand in his back pocket and giving him a feeble, playful, and final squeeze. She knew he always hated it when she would grab at him, but she wanted to infuriate him one more time, because her favorite expressions of him were when he becomes adorably irritated. Other than hiding her feelings for him, this was mainly the reason why she was always trying her best to torment him mischievously these past three months. She found him to be always at his cutest right after she would get him all worked up and helplessly exasperated. She loved seeing him struggling to not allow himself to fight back, all the while letting her have her way with him begrudgingly, because deep down, he was a true gentleman and would never raise his voice at a girl.
“Samantha…”
“……”
“Samantha…” he cried desperately, embracing her tighter and reaching for her hand, interlocking his fingers with hers, but his pleas would be met with her soundlessness. There was no response.
“SAMANTHA…”
She had fallen silent, along with her weeping cries. Her fingers gently unlocked from his.
Although she could still hear his soft cries, his every syllable melting her heart, she could no longer respond to them. The hospital air stood still, as if time was being distorted, and it was very cold, like all the heat energy had just evaporated to another world.
Drifting away to embark on her journey, she turned back to admire the way Harry was hugging her lifeless face endearingly. Smiling and tucking away her tears, she could not ask more from him, his honest friendship, his poignant tears, and his unconditional care. She could not ask for more out of her brief existence. To have someone as special as Harry crying for her and caring about her was all she needed to make her sacrifices worthwhile. He gave her a reason to smile.
“Harry, all the wishes I made have come true so far. Therefore, I dedicate my final wish to you, and I’m sure it’ll come true too.
“I wish you and Ginny… be always together, and all the best in the world…
“Thank you for everything you’ve given me. I’ll never forget you and our times together.
“Goodbye, my dear friend, Harry Potter.” Samantha Ryan
Sticking to his word, he remained stationary and didn’t open his eyes. He understood he was crying for someone whom he knew for only three months and disliked for the better part of that stretch of time, but he felt like he had known her forever. He was helplessly overcome by the loss of a good friend, and he realized that all he could do now was to hold her longer to keep her warm and safe. There was nothing else he could do for her.
“I’m supposed to... take you to Hogsmeade... next week... just you... and me..."
Suddenly, he could sense something swooping into the hospital room through the open window and a swooshing sound broke his cries. Apparently, it landed on him. The feeling of fluttering wings on his bare skin was very familiar because it had happened before, so he was not alarmed. Through his eyelids, he could feel a bright white light illuminating the surroundings. He could not open his eyes because the warming light was so blinding yet enchanting. Surprisingly, he was not threatened by all the commotion, because he could feel a hand caressing tenderly and peacefully at his heart, seemingly soothing his pain.
As the light fizzled out, he opened his teary eyes to discover Samantha was no more. Instead, a statue of a pair of snow-white doves was sleeping on his bare chest securely under his arm, with Dumbledore silently looking on.
A/N: Relationships between people are sometimes ironic and hard to understand. Often times we assume one person benefits more from a relationship than the other, based on the role they play vis-a-vis the other: a volunteer vs. someone in need, a mother vs. her child, a teacher vs. his students.
I wanted to explore this in the Harry/Sam relationship. Both would thank the other, believing they got more out of the relationship than the other. Chapter 26 will elaborate on Harry's perspective when Dumbledore tells him the truth about his mentee's origins. I return to Ginny in Chapter 25, where she will reflect on what happened as her grip on her past loosens. Thanks for reading and reviewing.
The Boy Next Door by gossipweaver
Chapter Notes: “You rushed in to see me,
in my parting minutes,
before I was set to go.
Kind and generous of you,
You were as always,
at your best to me.
Your genuine heart,
boyish smile,
tender touch.
What can I say, but…
My only path is letting go.
A journey to the brutal cold.
When you cradle me in your arms,
you seem to be telling my shadow,
you don’t want to see me go.
I say it cannot be so.
I never believed it was love.
You are not mine to love.
You are mine to let go.
It is time to do so.
I truly want you to know,
I really don’t want to go,
When without you is without a soul.
Oh no. Love is no solo.
My selfish wishes, for the foolish me,
When I ask time, stand still for me.
Allow me, to cherish you,
in your embrace, one seconds more.
My dedicated wishes, for the selfless you,
When I ask time, be kind to you.
Allow you, to cherish her,
in her embrace, you always belonged."
~Samantha Ryan~