Day 930 — Since we've been back from our little trip to the sea, Voldy seems to be in a rather foul mood. Perhaps he misses the sun and sea like the rest of us Death Eaters. Hmm…maybe I could suggest he take up a pleasant outdoor activity. He is in desperate need of some sun on his pasty white skin….
Something much more relaxing and healthier than searching for that annoying little scar head….
Must think of relaxing activity…*think Nagini…think….*
Day 931 — I still haven't thought of something to relax him. Today, the vein over his right eye started to throb….
Man, it freaks me out big time whenever I see it…. I'm just waiting for him to explode.
Day 932 — AHA! Gardening! Why didn't I think of this sooner? The grounds here at the Riddle Mansion have gone to Hades since Voldy killed that Bryce guy, and he'll get plenty of sunlight and exercise in the process. Excuse me if I say so, but he seems to be getting a bit paunchy around the middle. If I told him once, I've told him a hundred times that firewhisky and doughnuts are not the breakfast of powerful Dark Lords. But does he listen to Nagini? Hell no! I’m just here for his bloody amusement, apparently.
Now I just have to figure out when to suggest the gardening idea to him.
Hmm…right now may not be a good time as… what's this? Wormtail just got Crucio'd out of the Riddle Mansion? Eh, perhaps I'll bring it up to him tomorrow. Maybe he’ll be in a better mood by then.
Day 933 — Voldy is in a slightly better mood today, so perhaps I'll be brave and mention the gardening idea to him....
Still Day 933 — He liked my idea! Yes sir-y bob! BOOYAH! Excuse me while I go do a happy jig! Or…er… slither!
Day 935 — Complete with his little straw hat, pink (yes, pink) gardening gloves, and tools, he set out to make the Riddle Mansion a more enjoyable place for us Death Eaters to inhabit.
FYI, I haven’t stopped my little experiments with the camera, of course not! Why, just as Voldy was leaving, I filmed him in his pink (*snigger*) gardening gloves. I couldn’t let this little beauty of a gem pass by me…. *evil grin*
This shall be my pièce de résistance: "Dark Lord with Identity Crisis."
Still Day 935 — He's been out there for a few straight hours now. I'm surprised he hasn't come in yet. Wormtail has been bringing him lemonade on and off for some time now, yet Voldy has refused to come in. His kidneys must be crying out in pain....
Day 936 — Okay, he's been out there for 19 hours straight. I'm beginning to grow a bit worried….
His kidneys must REALLY be crying out by now…. Ew…what a horrible thought.
Day 943 — Voldy has been out in that bloody garden every freaking night for the past week. I swear, I'm going to start calling him the "Constant Gardener."
Of course I won’t be calling this to his face, mind you. *sigh* There's something really unwholesome about gardening in the night time….
As I look out onto the gardens, he looks up at me and waves, mumbling, “Hello, Nagini dear" in this really creepy voice.
That's it! I have…nay…MUST…put a stop to this crappola — THIS INSTANT!
Day 945 — This gardening business has become, like, an obsession with him. I wish I could kick myself for even mentioning it.
Day 946 — While Voldy was out doing who knows what (My bet? Gardening), I went up to the attic to look (a.k.a. snoop) around in the old boxes there. Who knew Voldy kept some of his old Muggle things here? One box was full of pictures of him from his orphanage days. Merlin, he looked so…NERDY with his hair all parted down the middle like that and that freaky little polka-dotted bow tie all the boys in the pictures wore. No wonder he hated Mrs. Cole with a bloody passion. I'd hate the cow, too, if she made me wear my hair like that with that tacky bow tie….
Hmm…this picture is speaking to me. What's that? It's telling me to film this and use it in another film? Ooh, the possibilities! I'm sensing the next E! True Hollywood Story here! "The child no one wanted…the child who became the most feared Dark Lord ever…."
Day 948 — I must admit, gardening seems to really be Voldy's thing. The grounds here are looking absolutely FABULOUS! I wonder what other tricks he can do? Perhaps I could get him to try his long, pale-fingered hands at cooking. Maybe he’ll be the next Rachael Ray or Emeril Lagasse. Goodness knows we need better food around here, or at least I do. Snake food bites.
Excerpts from Nagini's Diary by Scheherazade
Chapter Notes: Okay, you're probably wondering how I came up with the title. lol You see, the actor who plays Voldy in the HP movies was in another movie called the "Constant Gardener." Well, I haven't actually seen the movie, but I thought it would still be fun to spoof anyway. Also, this may be the last chapter in Nagini's Diary. I've completely run out of ideas for any more chapters. Unless you guys have some ideas, this may be the end.