Chapter 15 Tuesday Night
Harry was glad to see Hermione back to her argumentative self. He even smiled at her when she chided him to get back to his schoolwork instead of staring out the window.
A thestral rose up out of the forest.
"Do you see that?" he asked Hermione as he pointed at it.
"They're even uglier than I imagined," Hermione said.
"So that's a thestral?" asked Ron.
"Yes, that's a thestral," Harry replied.
Hermione returned to her books. Harry stared at her and imagined her being naked in the forest. Then he thought about the way the thestrals had teased her when she went to get the harnesses to hitch them to Filch's wagon… on Tuesday.
"Ron, let's go for a walk," Harry said abruptly in a tone that left no room for argument.
"I need a break anyway," Ron said heartily.
"When are you two going to get your class work done?" Hermione snapped.
"We just don't want to bother you while you're getting caught up," teased Harry.
"Blimey, it's not right for us to be ahead of you," Ron added. "It's against nature."
"What is it?" Ron asked when they were out of the castle and heading towards the lake.
"Filch tried to murder Hermione last Tuesday night with a wand," Harry said.
"That’s bloody unlikely," Ron said. "Filch is a squib."
"What if it wasn't Filch?" Harry suggested. "What if it was a Filch impersonator?"
After a few seconds of thought Ron asked, "What are we going to do?"
"We're going to skip Defense Against the Dark Arts class on Tuesday and follow Filch into Hogsmeade," Harry said.
"I've got some Skiving Snackboxes from Fred and George," Ron offered.
"Good," Harry said. "We'll use my invisibility cloak to leave the castle. What else do we need?"
"Get Hermione's wand," Ron said. "If we need a teacher while we're on school grounds, I'll cast a spell with my wand. If we want to cast a spell without the alarm sounding, you can use her wand."
"Let's plan the details," Harry said. "If we try to follow Filch on foot we might get left behind. We can't run and both stay under the invisibility cloak."
"We'll have to ride in the wagon," Ron concluded.
"We'll need to be able to see out," Harry thought out loud.
"There's a spell for drilling holes," Ron suggested.
"That would just kill Uncle Vernon. What is it?" Harry asked.
"I don't know!" Ron barked. "We'll have to look it up in a magical carpentry book when the library opens tomorrow."
"We have a problem and we have to go to the library to get a book. Hermione would say the same thing," Harry joked.
"She'd go to Shacklebolt," Ron said.
"What if it's not Filch? I don't want to look stupid. We're not telling her about this," Harry said.
I'm not stupid enough to tell her we're ditching class to follow a murder suspect into town," Ron said indignantly.
Harry smiled at Ron and punched him on the shoulder.
Ron grinned and punched him back, a bit harder.
On Monday at dinner Hermione and Susan spent the whole hour talking about toxins and poisons. Eventually Ron and Harry were both looking at their food with suspicion. After they dropped Susan at the hospital, Hermione made them go to the mail room near the owlery.
"I thought you got your mail earlier," Ron complained.
"I couldn't carry it all. My book bag already weighs forty pounds." she explained.
There were two packages for her. One was from Madam Malkin's and probably contained clothing. The other was from Flourish and Blott's. It was very heavy.
"What is this?" Harry groaned.
"Things I need," Hermione answered obliquely.
As Harry carried the heavy package to Gryffindor Tower, the relentless force of gravity struggled with the magical string that bound the package together. As they were waiting for the portrait of the fat lady to open, gravity won. The contents of Hermione's package tore through the paper and landed on Harry's feet.
"What's this?" Ron asked. "You've got a dozen copies of this yellow book."
There were about a dozen copies of a gray book also. And multiple copies of a white book and a blue one too. The yellow book was: My First Reader. The gray book was My First Book of Numbers. The white and blue books were collections of short stories for children.
"Hermione, what are you up to," Harry asked suspiciously.
"Stacks of parchment, boxes of pencils, a magic chalk board?" Ron exclaimed. "Are you starting a school?"
"You mustn't tell anyone," Hermione said urgently.
"Does Dumbledore know you are planning on teaching the house-elves to read?" Harry asked.
"Bloody hell!" Ron exclaimed. "Spew was crazy but teaching the elves to read? You'll have a mob after you!"
"Reading's a practical tool," Hermione said defensively. "They'll be able to look up new recipes and follow written instructions."
"Are you going to introduce them to philosophy, history and politics?" Harry asked.
"Wouldn't that be something," Hermione said distantly.
Harry and Ron helped her pick up her school supplies as fast as they could. They didn't want to have to explain it to anyone.
On Tuesday morning there was a notice on the bulletin board:
Defense Against the Dark Arts Classes are cancelled today.
Kingsley Shacklebolt
"That saves us from having to puke up our breakfast," Ron said.
"There's Hermione," Harry said. "I'll get her wand."
Ron went on into the Great Hall for breakfast.
"Hermione," Harry said dashing up to her. "I want to talk to you, it's important."
"Alright Harry," she said smiling.
Then as she looked at him the smile faded from her face.
"What is it dear?" she asked nervously.
"Let's go out into the courtyard," Harry said, taking her by the arm.
They went out into the drizzly cold November morning and sat on an ice cold stone bench.
"Don't ask me why I'm doing this," Harry commanded, "but I want to trade wands with you."
Hermione stared at him and went pale. She slowly pulled out her wand. Her hand was trembling. She offered her wand to Harry without an argument. Harry took her wand and placed his in her hand.
He was surprised it had gone that easily.
"It's cold out here," he said. "Let's get some breakfast."
He took a step towards the door. She sat still, as if in shock.
He waited. A tear rolled down her cheek.
"They said… you would do this," she said haltingly.
"Who told you?" Harry asked in surprise.
"Lavender and Parvati," she said as more tears flowed.
Harry was confused. How could they have known about the plans he and Ron had made to follow Filch into town? He didn't know what to say.
"I don't care what you do," she said sadly. "I'm not going to break your wand."
She handed his wand back to him.
"Of course you won't break my wand!" Harry exclaimed. "I trust you with it. You may need it today. I think you should be able to cast spells with it just fine since we are magically bonded."
Harry put his arm around her and gave her his wand again.
She was silent.
"I'll take good care of yours and I'll give it back to you before Nursing class," he assured her.
"You're not going to break my wand?" Hermione said in relief.
"No, I won't break it!" Harry said, "I'll take good care of it."
"What are you up to Harry Potter?" she said suddenly recovering her bossy tone.
"I told you to not ask me that, Hermione Potter," Harry said with a grin. "Let's get some breakfast."
"You're up to something," she accused him.
"Trust me, Hermione, my love," he said smiling as he pulled her to her feet.
She glared at him.
"Her my honey, her my only," he joked and physically moved her towards the door.
"You're planning on breaking the rules. You're going to cause trouble. And you're going to use my wand to do it!" she deduced.
"Not so loud," he chided her. "You don't want me to get caught do you?"
They entered the Great Hall. Hermione broke away from him and walked over to the Hufflepuff table. She sat down next to Susan Bones and asked her about blood clotting spells. She didn't look back at Harry for a while. When she did, she looked angry.
"Did you get her wand?" Ron asked nervously.
"It was easier than I expected," Harry said, "except she started crying. She thought I was going to break her wand. Why would she think that?"
“How did you get her wand? Did she know when you nicked it?” Ron asked.
“I told her I wanted to trade wands. She might need one today, so I gave her mine,” Harry explained.
“You traded wands with her openly? You gave her your wand and asked for hers? You weren’t even sneaky?” Ron asked incredulously.
“No I wasn’t sneaky,” Harry said. “I just told her to not ask me why I wanted it.”
"And then she started crying about you breaking her wand? Harry, you trade wands and then break them to do the Magical Divorce," Ron explained. "I told you. It's in the betrothal rules."
"Oh no!" Harry groaned. "No wonder she's upset. What do I do?"
"You have to get her some flowers," Ron told him. "That's what dad does when he messes up."
Later that morning several Gryffindor students, including Hermione, were studying in their common room. Harry and Ron crept down the stairs from the boys' dormitory under the cover of Harry's invisibility cloak. They waited near the exit of the common room until Parvati Patil came in. They slipped out while the door was open.
"Wild goose chase," Parvati muttered. "Ron will pay for this."
"What did you do?" Harry hissed to Ron.
"Made up a story," Ron whispered. "I sent her to McGonagall. McGonagall thought she was bonkers and sent her right back to the tower. Got the door open, didn't it?"
They crept down to the paddock in the forest where the thestrals were kept. House-elves were harnessing the thestrals to the ice wagon. Dobby distracted the other elves while Harry and Ron climbed into the back of the wagon. They crouched in the front corner of the wagon and waited until it started moving.
"Forameno," Harry said quietly.
He made a small hole so he could see out of the wagon.
"Make one on my side too," Ron whispered.
In a short while the wagon entered the castle and stopped. Harry could see into George's pantry through an open door. The main hatch of the ice wagon opened. Ron and Harry held their breaths. They saw no one, but the wagon shifted as though something had been put into it. The hatch shut. Harry heard someone breathing, and it wasn't Ron.
They heard elves open the hatch of the ice compartment. Ice came tumbling in.
"Stupefy," Harry said as the crash of the falling ice muffled his voice.
Harry held Hermione's wand at the ready while Ron felt for the intruder.
"You got her," Ron whispered. "She's stiff as a board."
"What do you mean her?" Harry whispered.
"It's got to be Hermione," Ron hissed. "Who else could it be?"
They heard the house-elves greet Filch. The wagon swayed a bit as he climbed on and lurched as they started off towards town.
"Lumos maximus," Harry said quietly, lighting his wand like a lantern.
Ron pulled an invisibility cloak off of the intruder. It was Kingsley Shacklebolt.
"What are we going to do?" Ron whispered.
"We must be on the right track if Shacklebolt is tailing Filch too." Harry said quietly.
"Obviously!" Ron hissed. "But what are we going to do?"
"We'll loose House Points and get detention," Harry sighed. "Enervate."
Shacklebolt recovered with a jerk.
"Shh!" Harry and Ron hissed, their fingers over their lips.
"What are you boys doing here?" Shacklebolt said in a low growl.
"We're tailing Filch," Harry whispered. "We think he might be linked to the Tuesday Night murderer."
"I'm the Auror," Shacklebolt quietly snarled. "You can follow along, but stay out of the way!"
The three of them sat quietly and waited for the ice wagon to get to Hogsmeade. It was soon very cold. Shacklebolt glared at them.
The wagon stopped in front of A.B.Twaur's meat company and they felt the wagon rock when Filch climbed down. Filch told a boy to watch the loading of the meat and when that was done to drive the wagon over to Bo Vine's Dairy.
"Filch is walking away!" Ron said quietly but urgently, as he looked out his peep hole.
Shacklebolt opened the hatch and hopped out with his invisibility cloak rolled up under his arm. Harry and Ron followed. The startled elves that were bringing meat from the butcher's locker froze in place and did not challenge them. Shacklebolt and the boys followed Filch at a discrete distance.
Filch walked to the edge of the village to a small building with a sign that said "Ginger Bread Cottages. Beyond the office was a well manicured path that led into the woods. Filch walked about a hundred yards to cottage six and knocked at the door. Kingsley ducked behind a tree. Ron and Harry did the same.
"Argus dear," said a woman's voice. "You're right on schedule, as usual."
"Good morning, Honeydew!" Filch said happily as he went into the cottage.
Harry saw Shacklebolt disappear under his invisibility cloak, so he and Ron hid under Harry's cloak. They followed Shacklebolt's footprints and silently crept towards the cottage.
"Argus, I'm afraid I have bad news for you," they heard the woman say.
They heard the witch conjure ropes from her wand that tied up Mr. Filch.
"Dolores!" Filch cried out. "What are you doing?"
Harry and Ron crouched behind a wood pile. They saw Shacklebolt remove his invisibility cloak and pull out his wand. They followed suit.
"I'm afraid I have to break off our little relationship, Argus," said Dolores Umbridge. "It's getting too hot in Hogwarts on Tuesday nights."
"What's this about?" Filch asked in a frightened tone.
"Well Argus, I've been playing little games with your dull Squib brain," Umbridge said cheerfully. "You've been sleeping in this cottage every Tuesday night since the term began. Any memories you have of working on Tuesday nights and dallying with me on your visits here are just fictions that I planted in your weak mind."
Shacklebolt signaled Harry and Ron to keep low and stay put while he crept towards the cottage door.
"I don't understand," Filch said. "I thought you loved me!"
"You stupid Squib!" Umbridge laughed. "I just used you. Specifically I used a few strands of hair that you could ill afford to loose to make my polyjuice potion."
"Polyjuice?" Filch said confused.
"No one suspected me when I was disguised as you," Umbridge said. "It was so easy and satisfying to kill Cornelius, that traitorous maggot. He blamed me for all of his administration's failings! He got what he deserved."
"He never treated you right Dolores, but you're special to me," Filch pleaded.
"Argus, you are such an idiot," she cackled."
Harry felt a hand on his shoulder. He jumped and turned quickly. It was Hermione! She was holding her side and struggling to catch her breath.
"What are you doing here?" he mouthed silently.
Dolores Umbridge continued. "It's mostly been frustrating. Granger survived. McGonagall survived. Potter survived. Dumbledore survived, although I did manage to cause an international incident with that one. They're getting suspicious of you."
"I… ran…" Hermione whispered as she panted, "through the passage… to the shrieking shack." She gasped for air.
"Suspicious of me?" Filch said incredously.
"That Granger girl, maybe I should call her Potter now, wouldn't let me take my wand out this week." Umbridge complained. "Your usefulness to me is at an end, Argus."
"But Dolores," Filch pleaded. "We have a special relationship."
"Oh the beautiful fiction and the tragic reality," Umbridge cackled. "You're a loose end you filthy Squib. It's time to die now."
"No Dolores, don't do it!" Filch begged.
Kingsley Shacklebolt threw open the door and charged into the cottage.
"Expelliarmus!," Shacklebolt shouted. "Alright Umbridge, the game's over!"
"Expelliarmus," said a man's voice.
Then Harry heard the wizard in the cottage conjure ropes that tied up Shacklebolt.
"Well done Lucius," said another wizard.
"Thank you Augustus," Malfoy replied.
Hermione jabbed Harry sharply with her elbow, "Give me back my wand!" she mouthed silently holding out Harry's wand.
Ron was holding up three fingers.
"It's your lucky day Dolores," Lucius Malfoy said coolly. "You can practice the Killing Curse on this stupid Squib and then perfect it on Mr. Shacklebolt."
Ron readied his wand, picked up a log and moved nearer to a window. "I'll get Malfoy," he mouthed.
Hermione moved towards the door. "I'll get Umbridge," she mouthed.
"You stay here!" Harry mouthed while pointing to the ground behind the wood pile.
"Here's your wand, Dolores," said Malfoy. "Now kill Mr. Filch like I taught you."
Hermione continued towards the door. Harry shook his head. Hermione didn't notice. Harry dashed to her side.
"Avada…" Umbridge began.
"Alohomora," Hermione shouted.
The door of the cottage flew open violently, barely staying on the hinges.
"Expelliarmus," Harry shouted almost simultaneously.
Umbridge lost her wand as she was saying Kedav… and was knocked backwards tripping over a hassock and falling heavily on her all too wide rear end.
A log went crashing through the cottage window and Ron shouted, "Petrificus Totalus!"
Malfoy jumped like a cat, narrowly dodging Ron's spell.
Rookwood shot lightening at Ron and succeeded in blasting a wide opening in the cottage wall where the window had been.
Hermione took two quick steps to the left to get a better shot through the cottage door.
Malfoy appeared in the door way his wand pointed squarely at Harry.
"AVADA…" Malfoy shouted.
"Colloportus!" Harry shouted faster.
The door slammed shut on Malfoy's face, his hand protruding through a hole he had broken in the door. He was holding a broken wand.
Malfoy fell backwards into the cottage. The door fell off its battered hinges and plopped in front of the cottage.
"Petrificus totalus!" Ron shouted again.
Rookwood dove for cover and narrowly dodged Ron's spell.
"Absumefumis!" Hermione shouted.
Harry had never heard that one, but the ropes fell off of Kingsley Shacklebolt.
"Accio Portkey!" Rookwood shouted frantically.
The two Death Eaters and Umbridge vanished. Harry entered the cottage. Shacklebolt picked up his wand and summoned Dolores Umbridge's wand.
Ron entered the cottage through the large hole where the window had been.
"Absumefumis?" Harry said dubiously as he touched Filch's ropes with his wand.
The ropes that bound Filch fell off in pieces. Harry looked at Hermione and smiled. She smiled back.
"Umbridge can be tried in absentia now, her wand will provide enough evidence to convict her," Shacklebolt said proudly.
Tears were flowing down Filch's cheeks.
"Come on Filch, snap out of it," Ron said. "She was too fat for you!"
The five of them walked back into Hogsmeade. On the way to the dairy, they passed a flower vendor's cart and Harry bought some for Hermione.
"Don't let Lavender and Parvati get you down," Harry said to her.
"What is it about you and my wand?" she asked quietly.
"I'll explain later," Harry whispered.
He gave her a hug and hoped she would forget about it. But he knew that was unlikely.
As they rode the ice wagon back to the castle, Filch finally pulled himself together enough to look back at Harry, who was riding on top of the wagon. He said only one word, "Thanks."
"You're very welcome Mr. Filch," Harry said. "Perhaps I could ask a little favor of you?"
"What?" Filch growled.
"Last year, on the night Dumbledore left the school, a piece of parchment was confiscated from me. May I have it back now?" Harry asked with a smile.
A livid Professor McGonagall met them in the entry hall of the castle.
“Where have you been? Why did you miss Transfiguration class?” she hissed.
“They were with me,” Shacklebolt said. “I’m sorry I forgot to tell you earlier Minerva, but I took them into Hogsmeade so they could help me investigate the Tuesday Night murders.”
“We’ve been worried sick about them, Kingsley. I’ll have to tell Professor Dumbledore to call off the search,” McGonagall said in a mixture of relief and anger.
“They were very helpful to me,” Kingsley said defensively. “We solved the mystery. Dolores Umbridge was sneaking into Hogwarts disguised as Mr. Filch. She murdered Cornelius Fudge and the Americans and tried to murder you and the Potters.”
“I thought Filch was acting oddly,” Professor McGonagall said.
“If it hadn’t been for these kids, Dolores Umbridge would have killed Argus Filch this afternoon,” Shacklebolt added.
“Harry and Ron rescued Mr. Filch while Mr. Shacklebolt fought with Lucius Malfoy and Augustus Rookwood,” Hermione chimed in. “Isn’t that right, Harry?”
Momentarily stunned by Hermione’s lie, Harry stuttered, “Um, yeah, that’s right.”
“I threw a log through the window to distract them and Harry disarmed Dolores Umbridge and untied Mr. Filch,” Ron said enthusiastically.
“We captured Dolores Umbridge’s wand and should reward these kids with some House Points!” Shacklebolt concluded.
“That’s certainly better than having to put more coal balls into Gryffindor’s column,” McGonagall said happily. “I’m awarding each of you fifty points for helping Mr. Shacklebolt solve these crimes.”
Harry and Ron dashed off to the Quidditch pitch for practice while Hermione was escorted to the hospital by Mr. Shacklebolt for her Nursing class.
No one ever mentioned that Harry, Ron and Hermione had to rescue Mr. Shacklebolt. Mr. Filch’s silence on that matter was purchased with a case of Scotch whiskey and a promise to say nothing about his affair with Dolores Umbridge.
Harry had to take a short break in the middle of Quidditch practice because he got a jab of pain from his scar when Lucius Malfoy learned what Lord Voldemort thought of wizards who let their wands get broken in combat.