A New Definition of Family
Chapter 10: Aftermath
Disclaimer: Here’s a big surprise: I don’t own any of JK Rowling’s characters. They do, however, seem to want to play around in my head, take me hostage and make me write about them: hence this story. Any characters or places or book titles you see here that you don’t find in her books, well, they are products of my fertile and fevered imagination.
A/N: You may have heard by now that fanfiction dot net has supposedly made a new rule against authors writing responses to their reviewers in their chapters, and that some authors have had their stories deleted as a result. I went back and edited all my chappies and took out the review responses. It makes me sad, because I want to show my appreciation for those of you who review. Sorry if you got a bunch of chapter alerts in your inboxes… I had to repost each chapter.
And now, a brief recap of where we left off…and on with the show!
Her eyes traveled up his body, taking in the ragged clothes, the too thin frame, unkempt hair and beard. He was a stranger. Then she reached his eyes, stormy pools of cerulean blue swirling with emotions that she knew she did not want to name. She sucked in her breath sharply. “Sirius.”
“Hullo, Rinna.” The silence between them was heavy and the air itself felt weighted with heartache and recrimination. “I didn’t know if I’d ever see you again.”
____________________________________
She too had thought she’d never see him again, but when he had escaped from Azkaban, she had lived her days in dread of just such an encounter. What would she say to him, how could she explain what she had done? Or, more accurately, how could she explain without summoning the feelings she was desperately trying to keep at bay?
She whispered, “I’m…I’m sorry. I…can’t… I can’t stay…” She shouldered past him. He reached out to her, brushing his hand across her arm as she passed, but she didn’t stop.
“Rinna…” his voice was threaded with reproach and longing and desperation. She stopped as if jerked by the end of a chain. His next words thrust clear to the core of her heart.
“You broke my heart, Rinna.”
Her head dropped and her eyes slid shut. “I know.” I broke mine, too.
She turned and dragged her eyes back up to his. He deserves an explanation, Rinna. In a voice barely a decibel above a whisper, she began to speak. “He wanted you…the Dark Lord. Don’t you see? I had to do it…I…I couldn’t…” She took a deep breath. “I could not; I would not allow your feelings for me to be used as the bait to lure you in.” Sirius frowned. She continued, her eyes pleading for him to understand, “If you had thought I was being threatened in any way, you would have done anything to protect me. I knew that. If you no longer cared about me…”
“So you did it to save me?” His voice was thick with accusation and pain. “You didn’t trust me enough to tell me the truth, Rinna? What happened to your faith in me? What happened to your faith in what we had together?”
His eyes, his presence, his words shook her very being like a tremor shakes the earth. She stood helplessly as each memory and emotion associated with Sirius Black rose like a wave, and battered at her defenses relentlessly until each surge joined together and decimated her fortress walls like a tsunami levels a seawall.
“Sirius, the thought of losing you was killing me!”
“You were never in any danger of losing me!” he cried. “What happened to you, Rinna? Did you throw away your discernment, your common sense? How in the bloody hell would breaking our engagement keep you from losing me?” His voice grew louder in anger, “Explain the logic in that, Rinna, because I sure as hell want to know…”
He saw the look in her eyes and knew he was going too far. He couldn’t help himself as the anguish and anger he’d felt and nurtured for thirteen years erupted. The irony, of course, is that it was these feelings that helped keep you sane in Azkaban. She did, in fact, save you by breaking your heart.
Rinna bowed her head, knowing she deserved every iota of his wrath, but that knowledge did not stop the guilt from striking like a thunderclap. Her citadel of safety she had so carefully crafted around her heart had been swept away; there was no protection from the pain and guilt, and the full weight of her actions crashed in on her, crushing away her breath and threatening her sanity.
There is no way you can adequately explain to him why you did what you did. It will take a miracle for him to forgive you…The force of her emotions had driven her to her knees, her face in her hands, breath coming in ragged gasps.
Sirius watched her crumple to the ground and felt his heart twist. Heaven help him, but he loved her still. As angry and hurt as he was, even now he loved her.
Sirius knelt next to her in concern. She lifted her head and looked in his eyes, dark like sapphires with emotion. He could identify what he saw in the depths of her eyes at that moment; after his many years in Azkaban, he recognized the look of despair.
She began to speak, voice weary and resigned. “Merlin knows I loved you, Sirius. Every word I spoke to you that day was a lie…” She broke off with a sob. Her hand flew to her mouth and she shook her head, unable to continue.
Perhaps it was the movement of her head, or maybe an errant shaft of late afternoon sun had escaped, but a red sparkle at her throat caught Sirius’ attention. His eyes dropped, then widened as he took in the ruby pendant she wore. Without thinking, his hand reached out to touch it, and he heard the sharp inhalation of breath as his fingers made contact with her skin.
His eyes slid back up to hers, and he saw tears pooling there. “You still have it?” he questioned, hoarsely. She nodded, unable to trust herself to speak. “Why?” he wondered.
“I could not bear to part with it,” she managed in a quiet, strained voice.
He let go of the necklace, but kept his eyes on it where it sat, scintillating, on her breastbone. He considered the words she had left unsaid, which mutely reverberated like an aphonic shout in the silence between them, and spoke louder than her answer ever could.
They knelt there, next to each other, perfectly still for an eternity, or perhaps just a few moments, until he held out his hand, and lifted her up to her feet. She couldn’t look him in the face anymore, so she looked at her hand in his instead. He did not let go.
At last, after so many years, he knew the truth.
Sirius wasn’t sure what he had expected from this encounter, but the warmth of her hand exploded into his awareness: this hand that he had longed to feel in his again, had dreamt about caressing his face, his body for so many years now. A sudden shift in the atmosphere became noticeable; like the change in barometric pressure before a thunderstorm. The air between them almost visibly twanged with tension, the same tension that tugged at him deep in his belly.
Rinna felt the change, too. Her heart flipped painfully in her chest. Sirius…had always been her weakness: one smile, one glimpse into the depths of his eyes, and she would do anything he asked, never regretting it even for a moment. His laugh filled her with happiness, his sexy lopsided smile made her melt; his sweet words whispered in her ear made her feel safe.
No, that was how it used to be, she told herself. That was how it was before you broke faith with him, before you foreswore your promises and dreams with him. She had only herself to blame. He was right; she hadn’t trusted him enough. And you have the audacity to ache for him now? You aren’t deserving of him!
Guilt...Pain…Despair...the assault on her heart was more than she could bear. She had no defenses now, no hope of deflecting the emotions that bombarded her and threatened to push her…to push her over…She knew, knew that if she was to survive this unintended encounter with Sirius Black, she would need to make good her escape NOW.
She yanked her hand from his as if his touch burned her. “I’m sorry. I’m so very sorry,” she whispered. “I need to go…I can’t…I can’t…” The pain and guilt are too much for me. I’m a coward. “I’ve got to go.”
DON’T LET HER GO THIS TIME! His heart screamed at him. “Rinna…” his voice was raspy, desperate.
She interrupted him. “Yours was not the only heart broken,” she said softly to him. “I…I died that day.” She turned and bolted.
DON’T LET HER GO! Without conscious thought, Sirius’ legs began to move as words tore from his throat, “RUBY! WAIT! Please don’t…” He thought he saw a hitch in her gait, a hesitation at the use of his endearment for her, and he called out again, “Ruby…please…” But it was too late; he heard a pop and she was gone… “NO!” His hands balled into fists in frustration as he fell to his knees in the soft grass, stunned.
Remus Lupin had stood in open-mouthed shock as he watched the scene play out. His immediate reaction was to apparate after Rinna, and find her and make sure she was all right; the look on her face had been frighteningly reminiscent of what he’d seen in her eyes so long ago… but the logical part of his mind reminded him there was no way to know where Rinna had gone. He sighed in frustration, and looked at Sirius on his knees on the lawn. Remus Lupin knew that, ultimately, at least in his mind, matters of the heart came second to the sacred bond of deepest friendship, and his oldest friend needed him.
He moved quickly to Sirius’ side, and crouched next to him, peering at his face. Sirius looked utterly lost. Remus took his arm, and tried to haul him to his feet. “Come on, Padfoot,” he said gently, but firmly.
Suddenly Harry was at Sirius’ other arm, assisting. “Harry, help me get him to the porch, please,” Remus indicated the porch steps with his chin. Harry nodded in understanding and the two were successful in getting Sirius to his feet. They walked him to the steps and sat him down, each taking the spot on either side. Hermione and Ron came and sat beyond Harry, unsure what to do.
Remus felt strangely detached from the aching in his chest. He would have to deal with it later. He had always been the one to pick up the pieces after any crisis, minor or catastrophic, in his friends’ lives. It was a skill he’d been gifted with, keeping his head and knowing how to handle people, and he knew he was being called to employ it now. He took a deep breath, shouldered all his own thoughts and feelings to the side, and prepared to do damage-control.
“Sirius, what in Merlin’s name are you doing here?” he asked. “Why did you come back?” Sirius’ head snapped up at the question. He turned haunted eyes to Remus and opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted.
“I’m afraid that’s my fault, Professor,” Harry confessed quietly. He looked at his shoes, once again ashamed and furious at himself for writing the blasted note to his godfather. “I sent him a letter asking about Rinna…”
Sirius made a sharp cutting gesture with his hand. “It is not Harry’s fault. He didn’t ask me to come back. When I read that Rinna had contacted him…I had to make sure Harry was safe. That she wasn’t…” He looked up at Remus again. “But when I saw her with you, I knew she was all right. You wouldn’t have let her near Harry if she wasn’t.”
“Sirius, she never would have…”
“I couldn’t be sure, Moony.”
“I know.” Remus looked at him soberly. “You need to know what happened after…after…” he faltered, then took a deep breath and continued resolutely, “after Lily and James died.”
“Why didn’t she take Harry?” Sirius wanted to know. “She was supposed to take him if I…” His eyes begged for confirmation that his fiancée had not been a traitor.
“She couldn’t take me,” Harry interrupted again. “She’d been captured. By Voldemort. Captured and tortured.” The two men turned to him: Remus in surprise that Harry knew this, and Sirius completely shocked by what he heard. Harry looked at Remus. “Rinna told me. I asked her why she let me go to the Dursleys. She told me about…about being in St. Mungo’s after she went…” His voice trailed off when he saw the horrified look on Sirius’ face.
Sirius turned to Remus, his eyes frosty with malice. “The bastard got her?” Remus nodded, his expression also hard as steel. Sirius shot up from the step, anger radiating off him in waves. “He just couldn’t wait to get his effing hands on her”“
“Sirius!” Remus said sharply in warning. Sirius jerked around, and saw his friend roll his eyes toward the teens sitting on the steps with their eyes wide, taking everything in. Sirius took a deep breath and ran his hands through his disheveled hair. He was so exhausted, he wasn’t even thinking clearly.
Remus got up and put his hands on Sirius’ shoulder. “I’ll explain everything to you, but we need to find a safe place for you to stay.” He glanced around, noting that most of the Weasleys had come out to the porch in response to the commotion earlier. He locked eyes with Molly. He saw the expression on her face and shook his head. “He can’t stay here, Molly. Arthur cannot afford to be caught harboring a fugitive.”
Molly looked at her husband, then at the gaunt man standing in her backyard. “Sirius,” she said kindly, “Harry told us everything. Is there anything we can do for you?”
“Name it,” agreed Arthur.
Sirius wearily scrubbed his face with his hand, then looked at the Weasleys. “Thank you, but I’m not sure.” He swayed on his feet. “I’m sorry. I’ve been traveling on very little sleep, and I can’t remember when I ate last…” His knees buckled and Remus steadied him.
Molly clicked her tongue in anger. “That’s it. Get him inside this instant!” she snapped. Harry jumped up and took Sirius’ other arm again. “He’s starved, sleep-deprived and has had a nasty shock! I am not turning him away, Arthur!” her defiant eyes met her husband’s.
“I’m not asking you to, Molly,” Arthur said mildly, and he swung open the kitchen door.
Harry and Remus helped Sirius up the steps, and Remus caught Molly’s eye. She raised her eyebrows, daring him to challenge her authority, but he merely smiled slightly at her and nodded. “I won’t argue with you, Molly, at least, not for the moment.”
Ron, Hermione and the rest followed them inside. Sirius was seated at the table and Molly placed a huge plate of leftovers in front of him and watched to make sure he started eating. When she felt she had adequately mother-henned him, she stepped over to Remus and asked quietly, “Where did Rinna go? Is she all right?”
“I’m not sure,” he replied worriedly. “Could I use the fireplace? I need to make arrangements for Sirius and I can see if Rinna is home…”
“Of course. Do you have any idea where you can take him?”
Remus nodded. There was one person he could trust, one person he could explain the whole debacle to, and she would agree to help in a heartbeat, at least he hoped she would. He stepped into the living room, lit the fire, and placed his head in it. “Tonks?”
Nymphadora Tonks was startled to see Remus’ face in her fireplace. Warning bells went off immediately in her head; he was supposed to be at Harry’s birthday party. “Remus, what’s wrong?”
“Is Rinna there?” he asked in concern.
“No. Why would she be here, she’s supposed to be at Harry’s party with you!” She saw Remus grimace. “Bloody hell, Remus! Is something wrong? What’s happened?”
Remus sighed wearily. “Look, Tonks, do you remember the other night, when we had dinner? What we talked about?” He saw her nod confusedly. He had to be very careful about what he said next. “Well, I have a situation here… a stray that needs shelter.” He waited for her to catch his reference.
Her eyes widened in comprehension. “You mean…?”
“Right,” he interrupted her. “I know that it is rather inconvenient to ask, given your situation…but he needs a safe place to stay…”
Remus could see her contemplating the implications of taking Sirius in. Just like Arthur, she could little afford to be caught aiding wizarding England’s most notorious renegade. But Remus was fresh out of ideas. He could NOT take Sirius to Mundungus Fletcher’s, for obvious reasons, the foremost being that Mundungus probably wouldn’t hesitate to turn him in for the reward money.
Tonks looked at him, determination in her eyes. “All right, I’ll do it. But how are we going to get him here unseen?”
Remus grinned in relief. “Leave it to me. It will be easier than you think. Expect us later tonight.”
“Right. Now tell me what has happened to Rinna? You’ve worried me no end.”
“She had an encounter with the stray that upset her.” Remus shrugged apologetically. “I can’t say more right now. Tonks, could you go to her house and see if she’s there?”
Tonks looked at him in frustration. “I will, but you have a lot of explaining to do, Remus Lupin!”
“I will, I promise. Thanks, Tonks.” He removed his head from the fireplace and rubbed it. He felt a raging headache coming on.
Molly returned to the table to sit and watch with satisfaction as Sirius tucked in to the food. He looked up at her and remarked, “Your cooking is even better than I remembered, Molly.” He realized he was under a great deal of scrutiny, since most of the family had sat back down at the table. He looked across the table at Harry and his friends. “Hey, Ron, how’s the leg?” he asked gruffly.
“Oh, uh, it’s fine. Never better, really,” was Ron’s surprised answer.
Sirius’ eyes traveled to Ron’s left. “All right, Hermione?”
She nodded, then added, “How’s Buckbeak?”
“Oh, he’s safe and doing fine.” Sirius looked around the table at the rest of them. “Hullo, Bill, Charley,” he said. They nodded to him.
Molly cleared her throat and stepped in to ease the awkwardness. “Those are the twins, Fred and George. They are not usually that pink. This is Ginny. Percy is upstairs…”
“Mum, you probably should leave him up there… he doesn’t need to know we are entertaining Sirius Black at this particular moment,” Bill suggested
“Right,” Molly agreed. She said to Sirius, “The whole family knows the truth. The kids were quite certain you were coming here, and we didn’t want anyone pulling wands first and asking questions later.”
“Well, I appreciate that,” he said sardonically. Sirius looked at Harry who was sitting across from him at the table. “Harry, I’m sorry, but I don’t have anything for you for your birthday.”
“What?” Harry was incredulous. “Sirius! You could be caught and sent back to Azkaban! How can you be thinking of birthday presents?” He ran his hand through his hair in frustration. “Why did you come back, Sirius? Not that I’m not glad to see you,” he added hurriedly, “but…”
Sirius looked at him piercingly. “I was worried about you,” he said simply.
“Because I mentioned Rinna in my letter?” Harry asked. Sirius nodded. “I wish I hadn’t written that stupid letter,” Harry lamented. “If it hadn’t been for that, you’d never have come back and put yourself back in danger.” Harry mussed his hair more, looking very anxious. “Sirius, you need to get out of England!”
Sirius looked at him with a rueful smile. “I’m afraid it is a bit more complicated now, Harry. I have unfinished business to attend to.”
Harry countered, “What? With Rinna? Why? She broke your heart!” He felt fiercely protective of his godfather, and responsible for putting him in danger. Someone had to make him see how unreasonable he was being, how dangerous it would be for him to stay.
“Harry,” said Sirius gently, “I need to find out what had happened to her… I need to know”“
“WHY?” Harry interjected. Now that he knew it was Rinna who had ended the relationship, he couldn’t understand why Sirius would want to have anything to do with her.
Sirius looked at him for a long moment. How could he explain to Harry, when he barely knew the answer himself? “I don’t know…except for the fact that not a day went by while I was in Azkaban that I didn’t think of her…” He looked into his godson’s worried face. “Harry,” he said exasperatedly, “I eluded capture this entire past year. I think I’m quite capable of remaining at large and out of prison.”
Arthur slipped into the conversation. “Which brings us back to the question of where you will stay…”
“I refuse to bring you and your family into danger, Arthur. Besides, if I’m not mistaken, I’m betting that Remus is already finagling some solution, and if not…like I said, I am very good at staying hidden.”
“As it would happen,” came a voice from the entry to the kitchen, “I believe I have plan, Padfoot.”
“Well, Moony, that doesn’t surprise me in the least,” Sirius grinned tiredly at his old friend.
“Hang on,” said George. “Padfoot and Moony? As in Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs, Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief-Makers?”
Fred looked stunned. “As in the Marauder’s Map?”
Remus and Sirius looked at each other slightly wide-eyed, then back at the twins. “How do you know about the Marauder’s Map?” asked Remus suspiciously, looking at Harry, Ron and Hermione.
“Why, we were the ones…” began Fred.
“Who gave it to Harry,” finished George.
“What on earth are you all talking about?” demanded Molly. “What map?”
Realization dawned in Remus’ eyes. “So you’re the ones who…”
“Nicked it from Filch? Yep, that’s us!” said George cockily. “We sure owe you a great deal…OW!” George rubbed his shoulder where Fred had socked him and glared at his twin who was making odd contortions with his face. When George followed his brother’s eyes in the direction they were rolling, his gaze fell upon his mother’s very red and irate visage. George realized his faux pas and gulped.
“What did you nick…?” Molly began dangerously, but she was interrupted by a groan from Sirius who had placed his head in both hands, holding it as if in a great deal of pain. “Oh, Sirius,” Molly cried as she rushed over to him, “are you all right?”
“I’m sorry, Molly, but I’m just exhausted, and my head is starting to hurt,” Sirius said miserably, head still down in his hands. “I think I just need some rest…” He chanced a glance at the twins: all the kids saw him wink conspiratorially.
“Right then,” Remus said in a brisk take-charge tone, “I think I’d better be getting him to a safe place.” He placed his hands on Sirius’ shoulders. “That is, if you think you can handle a Tandem Apparition, Sirius?” Sirius nodded, and then gripped his head again for effect. “Arthur, Molly, everyone, thank you for your hospitality,” said Remus. “And happy birthday, Harry.”
Sirius stood and looked at Harry. “Happy birthday, Harry. We’ll be in touch, and don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.” He shook Arthur’s hand, “Goodnight, Arthur.” He stopped in front of Molly, took her hand and bowed over it. “Thank you, Molly, for all your kindness. I really appreciate it.”
Molly squeezed his hand and looked into his sunken, haunted eyes. “I wish there was more I could do for you, Sirius.”
“You’ve done plenty. I won’t allow you to risk yourselves anymore on my account.” He squeezed her hand back, then followed Remus to the door. He was surprised to see Harry already there, blocking his exit.
Harry locked eyes with Sirius for a long moment, and then the two of them moved toward each other for a hug (one of the quick manly kinds that involve a few slaps on the back). Harry stepped back and said, “Stay safe, Sirius. That can be your birthday present to me, okay?”
Sirius reached out and ruffled Harry’s hair affectionately. “Right.” And without another word, he followed Lupin out.
The two men walked silently out the side gate and into the wooded area behind the house. “That was a fine bit of dissembling you did back there, Padfoot,” Remus finally commented.
“Do you reckon we distracted Molly from the twins’ gaffe?” Sirius asked.
“Are you kidding? You know what she’s like!” was Remus’ reply.
“So she hasn’t mellowed out over the years?” Sirius asked.
Remus responded with a snort and a dry, “Hardly!”
“Those two boys are goners, then!” Sirius shook his head sadly. Then he stumbled. Remus shot out a hand to steady him as Sirius said, “I hate to say, but it wasn’t really an act, Moony. I feel completely knackered.”
They stopped walking and Remus pulled from his pocket a ribbon taken from the flotsam of torn gift wrapping that had been left in the Weasley living room. “Here’s what we’ll do. I wasn’t joking about the Tandem Apparition, Pads. You need to transform, and I will apparate with you in my arms.” He transfigured the ribbon into a collar and leash.
“Why?” asked Sirius, slightly suspicious.
“Because we are apparating into suburban London, and I don’t want you seen, nor any trace of you apparating to be found.”
“Where are we going?” Sirius inquired.
“To your cousin’s.”
“Andromeda’s?”
“No, to her daughter’s…Nymphadora Tonks.”
Tonks opened her door to find Remus Lupin standing on her landing with a large, black dog sitting by him. She cast a puzzled look to the dog, who thumped his tail and opened his mouth in a tongue-lolling grin. Her eyes returned to Remus, begging the question.
“May we come in, Tonks?” Remus inquired softly.
“Right, right. Of course!” she exclaimed, regaining her composure and standing aside to let them in. She followed them into the room saying, “It’s completely warded, Remus. I set extra spells after we spoke.”
At her words, the large dog changed into the thin rag-tag form of Sirius Black. “Hullo, Tonks,” he said. He looked her up and down. “You have certainly grown up since I last saw you!”
To her credit, she recovered quickly from the shock of finding out her fugitive relative was an Animagus. “I was ten, Sirius,” she retorted acerbically. “Of course I’ve grown up!” Her voice softened, “How are you, cousin?”
“Quite dead on my feet, actually, to be honest.”
Tonks flew into a flurry of activity. “Have you eaten? Shall I make some tea? Here, sit down. Put your feet up.” She pushed him to the couch and unceremoniously shoved him down, throwing a ratty knitted afghan over his legs. “What can I get you? Anything?”
Remus grinned at the sight of Tonks going all motherly all of a sudden. Sirius looked like he didn’t know what hit him, but managed to say, “I’ve eaten, but some tea would be nice…”
Tonks whirled and immediately tripped over her own feet. She stumbled to the kitchen, and the two men heard the teakettle hit the floor, followed by a few muttered oaths.
Remus sat down on a chair, still grinning. Sirius looked at him a bit wide-eyed. “I take it she hasn’t outgrown the clumsiness, then?” he queried.
“One of her many endearing qualities, that.” Remus smirked.
Sirius raised an eyebrow. “You know her well, then?”
Remus remembered that Sirius was completely in the dark. “We became reacquainted through Rinna,” he explained. “The two of them were flat mates for two years.”
Sirius digested this rather startling news. He pondered what he’d already learned of Rinna this afternoon, and realized that he had not considered that she would have continued on, changing and maturing. Seeing his young cousin a grown woman brought that fact home. Neither Rinna nor Remus had spent twelve years in a state of arrested development, or suspended animation, if you will, as he had. The thought struck fear into his heart: what if they had changed, what if they were not the people he remembered anymore?
“I think you had better fill me in now, Moony,” he said gravely.
Tonks managed to get the teacups and teapot to the living room in one piece, and served it without scalding anyone, so she curled up in the remaining armchair with satisfaction and listened as Remus related to Sirius an abridged version of events regarding Rinna since the deaths of the Potters.
Remus watched as Sirius struggled to keep his eyes open, and found himself punctuating his narrative with the phrase “I can tell you more about that tomorrow” more and more often. Finally, he stopped and said, “Padfoot, there is something inherently creepy about an unconscious person sleeping with their eyes open, so what do you say I let you close yours and we’ll finish this tomorrow.”
Sirius was about to protest that no, he wanted to hear more, but he realized that he was looking at two very blurry Remuses and conceded defeat. He stretched himself out on the couch and closed his aching eyes. Unfortunately, just as he was about to slip into unconsciousness, the thought that had been scrabbling away in the depths of his mind, ever since he saw Rinna turn and run from him, finally broke through to the surface.
His eyes shot open. “Remus!” he croaked.
Instantly, his friend was at his side. “What is it, Sirius?”
“Remus, I came back because of her. I can’t get her out of my head.”
Remus ignored the spasm around his heart. “I know, Sirius.”
It was clear that Sirius was now beyond merely exhausted and had slipped into delirium. “What if it’s too late? If I’ve lost her forever? Bloody hell, Moony!” Sirius grabbed at Remus’ arm and looked at him, wild-eyed. “What if there is another bloke?”
Time seemed to stop for Remus Lupin as he stared at Sirius’ hand on his forearm and blinked.
This is it. Now’s your chance to fight for your claim on Rinna’s heart, said one part of his mind, the part that had been quietly waiting for such a time as now. But the more rational side of him pointed out: You have no claim on Rinna’s heart. You know she is really in love with Sirius.
But she loves you, the first voice spoke. You know she does.
Yes. She does, was the answer. She does love me, but not in the way she loves Sirius. And Sirius is still in love with her. They deserve another chance at happiness…
Remus lifted his eyes to Sirius’ face and said, quietly but clearly, “There may have been another bloke…but he’s out of the picture now.”
"Are you sure, Moony?" Sirius searched his friend's face for the confirmation he needed to squelch the disturbing thought that had been tormenting his heart and mind.
Remus nodded resolutely, sealing his fate. "I'm sure."
A sigh of relief escaped Sirius’ lips, and his eyes slid closed as his mind allowed sleep to finally claim him. Remus turned away, a shuttered expression on his tired face.
Tonks, who hadn’t missed the exchange, walked over to where Remus was standing looking morosely into the fire. She gently touched his shoulder and handed him a newly warmed cup of tea. “Come join me on the balcony, Remus,” she entreated. “Let’s talk.”
He followed her out. “Did you find Rinna?” he asked.
“I flooed her twice, but no answer.”
“Damn it!” he swore, turning around to go back inside. “I’ve got to find her!”
Tonks grabbed his arm. “Hang on, Remus. She’s fine. We both know what she does when she is upset.” She turned him around and led him to one of the ugly dark green plastic chairs that, thankfully, had a garishly striped cushion on it. He took a seat as she continued, “She is going to go for a run, or beat the stuffing out of a boxing dummy, or both.”
Remus frowned in concern. “I don’t know, Tonks. The look on her face when she ran off…”
“She ran off?” Tonks snapped in surprise. “You failed to mention that detail. What happened?”
“Sirius showed up unexpectedly at the Weasleys and immediately confronted her about breaking off the engagement. They had a bit of a row. At least, Sirius was yelling. But she seemed to just…I don’t know, it was like all the calm detachment she’s perfected over the years disappeared.” He looked up at Tonks, eyes dark with worry. “The look on her face, it reminded me of how she looked that time, when they told her what Sirius allegedly did…”
“When she went mental, you mean,” Tonks whispered, feeling alarm stir in her gut at Remus’ words.
“I’m worried about how she is handling this, Tonks. I’m worried she is off somewhere drinking herself into oblivion…”
Tonks studied his face, her eyes tracing the lines of worry above his brows. “You love her, don’t you?” she asked softly.
He jerked, and eyed her warily. “Of course I love her,” he replied, a little too hastily, “She’s one of my dearest friends.”
She leaned back in her chair and sighed, affixing him with a look of disdain. “Oh please, a person has to have a certain level of intelligence to become an Auror, you know. Don’t insult mine.” Remus looked at her but didn’t speak. She leaned forward. “I’ve known you well for three years, and every time I’ve been with you both the chemistry between you two has been palpable. I heard what you told Sirius.” She leaned back again, never taking her eyes from his. “I happen to know that the only bloke in her life is you. I just hadn’t realized you two had actually hooked up…”
Remus winced. “We didn’t actually, uh, ‘hook up’ as you so eloquently put it,” he said tartly.
Tonks arched an eyebrow and looked at him with an iron-hard gaze that he would from now on forever classify as her “Auror look.” He squirmed. “So what exactly IS the nature of your relationship, then?” she grilled him.
Remus realized he had made a grave error in judgment about this seemingly clumsy, innocuous witch before him. Beneath her klutzy, good-natured exterior beat the heart of a ruthless interrogator. He immediately felt sorry for any perpetrators of crime she ever chanced to apprehend.
“Remus?” she prompted.
“You are like a bulldog,” he snapped in exasperation. “It was nothing.” Her eyebrow arched again. “Well, there was some snogging.” Her other eyebrow joined the first. “All right, you horrible wench. There was a lot of snogging, if you must know. But it doesn’t matter now.”
“Why?”
“Because it isn’t me she wants, it’s Sirius.”
She studied him. “And you know this how?”
“Because it’s his name she calls in her sleep.” As soon as he said it, he realized his slip. “It’s not what you’re thinking,” he amended hastily.
“Snogging, and sleeping with her? My, my, Professor,” she clucked her tongue, enjoying his discomfiture immensely.
He stood up and threw his arms in the air in vexation. “We were drunk and ended up in bed together.” At the look on her face, he realized that once more, the words came out wrong. He smacked his forehead with his hand. “Oh shit.” He took a deep breath, and fixed her with a stern glare. “We were fully clothed. Nothing happened. You,” he pointed his finger at her, “should get your mind out of the gutter.”
She kicked her feet up onto the plastic table in front of her and smirked saucily at him. “But why? It’s so nice and comfy here in the gutter. You really should try it sometime, Professor,” she purred.
“Tonks, why are you doing this?”
She jumped up with another mercurial change of mood, and strode over to him. She put her hand on his shoulder. “I know what you are doing. You are making your noble sacrifice, stepping aside and denying yourself something you’ve always wanted, for the sake of your friends. It’s what you do, Remus.” He looked away from her intense gaze. “Was this how it was at school, too? Did you deny your feelings for her then, because of Sirius?” she asked gently.
Remus pulled away from her. “I’m a werewolf, Tonks,” he said bitterly. “What do I have to offer any woman, really?”
She walked around him to face him again. “Hey,” she put her hand to his cheek, and to her surprise, he didn’t shy away. “You, as much as the next bloke, deserve the love of a good woman.” She smiled gently at him. “I wish you would realize that.” She leaned forward and kissed his other cheek, astounding him. “As to what you have to offer… Most women I know are looking for someone who is kind and good, a gentleman who will respect them and cherish them. Someone like you, Remus.” She rubbed her thumb across his cheek as she removed her hand, and then turned for the door to the flat.
Remus was so stunned, he was unable to move. “Where are you going?” he whispered.
“To try to find Rinna,” she told him. “Stay here with Sirius. He needs you right now.”
Remus stayed on the balcony for a long time after she left, his hand on his cheek where she kissed him, and his heart churning with emotions.
The Trio found themselves out on the back porch as Harry’s natal day stretched into evening, and the stars began to twinkle overhead. Hermione cast an appraising eye over Harry as he sat slumped on the old wicker loveseat staring off into the woods beyond the garden. She was sitting on the porch railing, leaning against the post that supported the roof. Ron had pulled up a chair in front of Harry. The silence had long ago moved from merely uncomfortable to interminable. Hermione could take it no longer. With a dramatic sigh, she swung her legs down, hopped off the rail and moved to take a seat next to Harry.
“Really, Harry. It wasn’t a total loss, this whole day. It was quite a splendid birthday, for the most part, don’t you think?” she cajoled.
Ron took his cue from her. “Yeah, mate. The Quidditch games were ruddy brilliant!”
Harry knew what they were trying to do: cheer him up. He could count on them for that, just like he could count on them keeping him company for an hour as he sat in a funk while the sky grew dark. He could also count on them listening to him telling them exactly where the day went wrong without thinking he was a whiny brat. Well, without telling him they thought he was a whiny brat, anyway.
He gave them a half-smile. “You’re right. It was a spectacular day. Right up to the point where Sirius showed up. No, wait. I take that back. Right up until the point that Sirius’ name was brought up over cake and ice cream, and Rinna got all shirty.”
“Well, you can’t really blame her, Harry,” Ron pointed out. “Mum was practically suggesting that she and Sirius set the wedding date, and in reality she had broken up with him.”
“And then the two of them had their showdown…” Harry added.
“Yeah,” Hermione said softly. “That was pretty awful.”
The little group lapsed into silence again, Harry looking at the weathered floor sullenly. It was he who shattered the quiet in a shaken voice, “I can’t believe that she broke his heart, that she hurt him.”
“Oh Harry,” Hermione said as she laid a comforting hand on his shoulder. Ron leaned forward, his arms across his legs, fingers laced together, a worried expression on his face. Neither knew what to say.
Harry gave a mirthless little laugh. “There was a moment there,” he indicated the shadowy spot on the lawn where the scene had taken place, “when I thought they were going to get back together.” He ran his hand through his hair. “And then she ran off, and I got this pain in my chest…I wonder if that was what Sirius was feeling like, you know?”
“Harry…” Ron said helplessly.
Harry’s voice rose a little. “Ever since Bill took the charm off those photos, I’ve been staring at them and thinking about them reuniting and then we could live together, like a family… and now, I don’t think that will ever happen.” His voice quivered, and he swallowed hard.
Hermione let out a little sob and pulled him to her side, laying his head on her shoulder and resting the side of her head against his. Ron reached out and gripped his knee in sympathy. They did not want to encourage this fantasy, not after what they had seen that afternoon, but neither did they want to dash his hopes. By this time, they were getting used to the long silences, so they remained there, providing what comfort they could.
A long time later, Molly stepped to the back door to send the three of them to bed, but when she saw the tableau, she thought better of disturbing them, and instead set about to turning off the lights in the house. The kids had not realized how late it had gotten.
Harry lifted his head from the warm comfort of Hermione and looked at his two best friends. “Thanks,” he said hoarsely.
Ron stood up and yawned hugely. “You coming up, mate?” he asked Harry.
“In a bit.”
“Right. Well, goodnight Harry, Mione.”
“Night,” they answered in unison.
Harry stood up and stretched, then offered Hermione his hand. He pulled her up from the seat. “Ready to go?”
“Yeah. I just wish I could give you one more birthday present,” she said as she squeezed his hand.
“Really? What’s that?”
“I wish I could make you feel better.” She smiled sadly at him, then stood on her tiptoes to kiss him on the forehead. “Good night, Harry.”
He found himself reaching for her as she turned away, and he took her hand and pulled her back to him. “I always feel better when you are around, Mione,” he said seriously as he gazed into her dark eyes. Her breath caught as he reached up and brushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear. They held each other’s eyes for several moments longer than they should have. He leaned in a little, and her breath hitched again as she tilted her chin up.
Harry felt warm all over, and he imagined he felt her pulse quicken where his fingers still gripped her wrist. Their faces moved closer together as they held each other captive with their eyes until…their noses bumped, painfully. Hermione gasped. “Oh, sorry,” Harry said, embarrassed, and he smiled uncertainly as Hermione let out a nervous giggle.
“It’s okay,” she said. After an awkward pause, she added, “Well, good night, Harry,” and this time kissed him on the cheek. Harry grinned like a fool.
Hermione stopped at the door to the house and turned. “Happy birthday, Harry,” she said shyly, and then slipped inside.
Harry’s fingers touched the spot on his cheek where her lips had just been and he smiled happily, his worries about his godparents momentarily forgotten, as he made his way in the house and to bed.
A/N: I sure would love to hear from EVERYONE who read this chapter; tell me what you thought, what you liked or didn’t like, anything! Even a two sentence review would be nice. Heck, I’d love even a two word review! Wouldn’t you like to make my day just a little bit brighter? You would? Oh goody! Review, review, review! Thanks.