A New Definition of Family
Chapter 6: Disclosures and Intemperance
Disclaimer: This may come as a shock to you, but I don’t own any of JK Rowling’s characters. They do, however, seem to want to play around in my head, hence this story. Any characters or places you see here that you don’t find in her books, well, they are products of my fertile and fevered imagination. The spells are referenced below.
The buzzing of insects and chirping of birds was insidiously being supplanted by a tap-tap-tap at the grimy window of the abandoned work shed. Groaning with the effort of pulling himself out of the half-awake, half-asleep state he’d been in, Sirius Black rolled over and caught a flash of white wing at the window. Instantly he was on his feet, working the warped window open. A snowy white owl flew in and landed on a rickety sawhorse. She preened proudly before squawking imperiously at Sirius. She stretched out her leg like a blue-blooded lady extending her hand for a kiss.
Sirius chuckled and removed the letter she proffered. The smile left his face as he read. When he finished, he had to sit down as a myriad of questions bombarded him like bludgers. In the rush of his mad escape from Hogwart’s, he’d had no time to find out what had become of Arinna Dunlevy. How was he to respond to Harry’s note? He was completely in the dark.
Sirius sat for a long time, half-watching Hedwig pounce on a few mice. Rinna. Just the thought of her brought up so many mixed feelings: anger, desire, betrayal, hurt, longing, bitterness… every memory of her was tinged with these emotions, and therefore they had not been touched by the Dementors during those long years in Azkaban. Being on the lam for a year hunting Peter had provided a distraction from the thoughts and ponderings about her that he had nursed like a festering sore during his time in prison. Now they were back in full force, and he needed to winnow out fact from speculation and wishful thinking.
Finally, he got up and rummaged through the few belongings he has acquired recently, looking for a pencil. He turned over the parchment and wrote:
Dear Harry,
Arinna Dunlevy is your godmother, although why she has not revealed that fact to you, I cannot fathom. On my discovery last year that you had been placed with your aunt and uncle, I had my doubts about where her loyalties lie, as she was to be your guardian should anything happen to me (per your parents’ wishes). I wish I could tell you that you can trust her, but I honestly cannot guess as to her motivation for coming back into your life after all these years. At best, I can say be careful, and if you have any doubts or suspicions, contact Dumbledore or Lupin. I will be, of course, seeking out additional information about her and I will contact you as soon as I know anything more. I suspect we will be seeing each other sooner than we expected.
Take care of yourself,
Sirius
He re-read what he wrote, realizing that his message was not the least bit reassuring, but he did not want Harry to be complacent. Not when Voldemort was trying to regain power.
If he was honest with himself, he wanted to believe Rinna’s intentions toward Harry were benevolent, because he wanted to believe that Rinna had not had any part in what happened with Lily and James and Peter. But his experience with Peter had taught him that not everything is as it seems, and even though you think you know a person well…
He shook his head. No more speculation. Now is the time to act. He tied the note to Hedwig’s leg with a murmur to her to deliver it to Harry straightaway. He began throwing his meager possessions into a worn knapsack.
An image of Titian hair and emerald eyes entered his mind, plush lips parted in a secret smile just for him. He sat down, hard, put his head in his hands and raked his fingers through his hair in a nervous gesture. As long as you’re being honest with yourself, Black, you might as well admit that you are haring off to England in the hopes of patching things up with her, if there is even the smallest chance of that happening. He shook his head again. No, I despise her, remember? Ha! Admit it: you have secretly harbored the dream that your last conversation with her was some huge cosmic joke. He sighed. That was true. He could admit it fully now, since there were no Dementors here to suck away any hope that thought would bring…and since he was apparently having a “be honest with yourself” moment here anyway.
Well, if he was going to embark on some ill-advised trip back to the country where he was the most wanted wizard alive, he should probably make a few plans and travel under the cloak of darkness, seeing as this had worked for him so far.
He walked over to the hippogriff in the corner. “Oy, Beaky, I’m going to garner some provisions. We’ll be leaving at nightfall.” Buckbeak chirruped in reply and nuzzled Sirius affectionately. “I’m jumping both-feet-in back into the mess of my own manhunt. And for what, Beaky?” Buckbeak cocked his head to the side inquiringly. “For a woman who… well, I don’t know what she is to me anymore. I just know that I need answers that only she can give me.” He chuckled ironically, “That, and the fact that I cannot get her out of my head.” He clapped Buckbeak on his feathery shoulder, “Ah, hell, Beaky. James would be laughing his ass off right about now…”
Harry, Ron, Ginny and Hermione were sitting in Ron’s room trying to cool off after a fine game of football on the Weasley lawn. Hermione had brought her ball and taught the game to them. Harry had a basic understanding of the rules, but the others were completely unfamiliar with the Muggle game. Ron had had a great deal of difficulty not using his hands until Hermione made him put his hands in his pockets. Ginny had teased him unmercifully about how silly he looked.
“I thought the best game was the Weasley vs. Non-Weasley,” said Ron, giving his sister a high five.
“Oh, are you still congratulating yourself on that spectacular block you made with your face?” grinned Hermione.
“Kept you from making a goal, didn’t I?”
“Well I thought the best game was the girls vs. boys,” Hermione said.
“Right,” Ginny agreed, “because we kicked your sorry boy arses!” She and Hermione jumped up and gave high fives, then pumped their fists in the air, “Oh yeah, oh yeah!”
“That’s only because I was stuck with Pocket Boy!” Harry insisted.
“Hey! That’s ‘Pocket Boy: Footballer Extraordinaire’ to you, mate!” Ron said in mock indignation.
“Ugh. Too many syllables,” Ginny commented. “I’ll just call you ‘P-Boy’ instead.”
Ron scowled in disgust. “I think not. If you do...” he started to advance on his sister menacingly, “I will have to hold you down and drool on you!”
“Oh, why don’t you grow up, Ronnie P-Boy? Still resorting to those old disgusting…aaahhh! NO! STOP!” Ginny shrieked and ran behind Harry. “Save me, Harry!”
Ron attempted to reach around Harry, saying, “C’mon, mate, help me out here. Defend my masculine pride!”
“Right,” said Harry, who turned around and seized Ginny by the arms, grinning. “Sorry, Gin. I’ve got to help the poor bloke out. Masculine pride and whatnot.”
“Argh! If you try anything, then mark my words: the first thing I will do when we get on the train to Hogwarts is throw a Bat Bogey Hex on you two that will knock you into next week!” Ginny threatened.
Harry let go of her arms as if they were hot pokers. He turned back to Ron. “Sorry, mate. Swallow your masculine pride. I don’t ever want to be on the receiving end of one of Ginny’s hexes!”
“No, you bloody well don’t!” Ron exclaimed from experience.
“Hmph!” Ginny sniffed and flounced over to sit on Harry’s bed next to Hermione, who was giggling. “That will teach you to manhandle me!”
“Little sisters are such pains in the”“
“Ron!” admonished Hermione.
Ginny huffed, “Brothers! You are SO lucky you don’t have any, Hermione.” She flopped back on the bed and hit her head on something hard. “OW!” She reached under the covers and pulled out a green leather album. “What’s this?”
Harry looked up. “Oh, that’s Rinna’s album. She left it the other day for me to look at.”
“Can I look at it?” asked Ginny.
Harry shrugged. “Sure.” He and Ron settled on Ron’s bed for a game of Exploding Snap.
Hermione moved closer to Ginny and took one side of the album, helping hold it. They turned pages together and admired the artwork and read the journaling, commented on the fashions of the day, and admired the handsome Marauders.
“Professor Lupin was such a hottie!” Ginny commented.
“I did NOT hear that!” groaned Ron.
Hermione frowned, flipped through a few pages, and said, “Harry, there are no pictures of Sirius in here. Isn’t that odd?”
“Yeah,” Ginny noted. “And look at this: there are blank spots on these pages, and this page is completely empty. That’s weird.”
“Why is that weird?” Ron wanted to know.
“Because the layout doesn’t look right. It’s not balanced. There should be a picture here, and right here…look, the journaling stops mid sentence. Like someone erased it.”
“You’re right!” agreed Hermione. “Look at this compared to the earlier pages; it’s not her style at all to leave big gaps…she uses all of the page for pictures, writing and artwork or doodads.”
Harry shrugged. “My theory is she took out all the pictures of Sirius when she thought he was a murderer.”
Hermione was running her fingers over one of the open spaces on the page in front of her. “Hang on. It feels like something is here. Feel it, Ginny.” She took Ginny’s fingers and ran them on the page to show her. Ginny nodded in agreement. “I think the photos are still here, just concealed in some way.”
Ginny frowned. “Too bad we aren’t allowed to do any revealing charms…”
As luck would have it, Bill passed by the open door on his way up the stairs to his room.
“Oy, Bill!” Ginny called.
He came back and poked his head in the door. “Yes, my darling sister?”
She flashed her sweetest smile at him, the one that said I have my oldest brother wrapped around my pinkie finger and he has no idea, and said offhandedly, “We think there is a concealment charm on this. What spell would you use to break it?”
Bill walked over to the girls, pulling out his wand. “Well the simplest one is resolvo veneficus,” and he tapped the album. Nothing happened. “All right. We’ll try this: aspectus invisus!”
For a second, nothing happened. Then there was a slight shimmer, like a mirage on a hot day, and slowly the missing pictures appeared.
“There. Nothing to it!” said Bill with satisfaction. He turned and strolled out.
“Thanks, Bill! You’re the best!” Ginny called after him. She looked around the room. Everyone was staring at her with mouths open. “Rather handy, having a curse-breaker in the family, hmm?” she asked nonchalantly.
“I can not believe how easily you manipulated Bill into doing that! It’s almost creepy.” Harry said admiringly.
Ginny held her curled fingers in front of her face, blew on them, then extended her hand palm out and admired her fingernails. “It’s a gift,” she said airily.
Hermione was goggling at the page that had formerly been completely empty. “Oh my goodness. Harry…come here! You have got to see this!”
Harry strode over to her and took the album. The others crowded around him, looking over his shoulder.
One of the photos showed Sirius and Rinna hugging and falling off the couch, the next showed them getting back on the couch laughing hysterically. Several had them smiling and kissing. A slightly larger one was of the two of them dancing, Rinna’s head on Sirius’ chest, his chin resting on the top of her head. He then took her in his arms and dipped her dramatically, pulling her back up to him and kissing her soundly.
The largest picture of all showed a grinning Sirius taking Rinna’s left hand and moving it toward the camera. A beautiful ring made of an oval ruby with diamonds on either side was on her ring finger. Under that picture, written in Rinna’s handwriting and surrounded by little drawn hearts, was the word: ENGAGED!
“Bloody hell,” breathed Ron.
Harry sat down abruptly. He felt light-headed.
“Do you suppose they were married when, you know, when Sirius went to Azkaban?” Ginny asked quietly.
“I don’t know,” said Harry dully.
Hermione was suddenly very angry, for Harry’s sake. “Well this is just typical of her, isn’t it?” The others looked at her quizzically. “Leaving you to discover yet another rather immense and important fact about her instead of coming right out and telling you.”
“Hermione…” Harry perked up…
But Hermione was not finished. “I mean really, Harry, she has not been straightforward with you, not once! Why is she so secretive? Getting information from her is like pulling teeth!”
Ron smiled a little: trust Hermione, daughter of dentists, to use such a metaphor.
Hermione sat down next to Harry, huffing out her breath. “It’s frustrating as hell!”
Harry looked at her askance, not used to hearing Hermione swear. She was mad as a hornet and so very protective of him; it was sweet and endearing. He reached over and gave her a side hug. “What do you want me to do, Mione? Hold her down and demand answers to questions I don’t know exist?” Actually, that sounds like a good idea…
“What I’d really like to do,” she growled, “is”“
Harry interrupted her with another hug. “You’re just mad because you hate not knowing everything.”
She looked into his face seriously. “No, I’m mad because it is so unfair to you. It’s like she’s messing about with you.”
Harry sighed. Just when I felt like I wasn’t so mad at Rinna anymore…this comes along.
Rinna was catching up on housework, absentmindedly dusting the furniture while her mind replayed her conversation with Harry and his friends yet again. She had been wrong in thinking it would be easier to hear about Sirius’ innocence and Peter’s subterfuge the second time; yet she couldn’t stop thinking about it now. And the prophecy by the Divination professor Harry told her about; she couldn’t shake the feeling that it was true. His words had resonated in her soul as she felt the thrum of truth in them. She may have spent the last three years largely ignoring her magical birthright, but she could not escape her magical instincts. She felt it in her gut: Peter, who had been the traitor among them, was now returning to his master. Of this she had no doubt.
Her musings were interrupted when her foot struck a small hard object under the coffee table. Curious, she bent to pick it up. It was the ornamental glass top to the fire whiskey decanter she and Remus had emptied that day in June when he’d come to tell her about Sirius. Well, we hadn’t polished it off completely. There had been about a finger-width of liquor still left in the bottom that next day… She sat on the couch, housework forgotten, absently twirling the glass top in her hand as she recalled that day yet again.
**********
For a long time, Remus and Rinna sat on the couch in silence, completely still except for the occasional movement of bringing glass to lips and swallowing. When Rinna’s glass was empty, he leaned forward to refill it. She brought it to her mouth, paused as if reconsidering, then tipped her head back and knocked it down in one fell swoop. She set the glass on the coffee table and indicated she needed a refill. Remus looked at her and frowned. She impatiently took the bottle from him and poured it herself. To his relief, she returned to merely sipping at the glass. She stared broodingly at the bottle on the table, refusing to meet his eyes for a very long time. Remus finished his drink, and started another.
Eventually she shifted her position on the couch and looked at Remus, her green eyes full of sadness. “Oh, Remus…” she breathed, full of regret, “how could I have believed that Sirius had killed Peter and all those people? It seems so obvious now.”
“We were all manipulated, Rinna,” he answered, “Each of us was given enough reason to doubt the others…”
“I’m so angry with myself, Remy!” she interrupted.
“I know. I feel the same way: angry and upset that I believed it at all.”
She was quiet for a few moments. “All this time,” she said softly, “I thought I was to blame…that I was the one who pushed him too far, pushed him over the edge, pushed him to Voldemort.” She put her head in her hands, “because I had…because I broke his heart.”
This was not new information to Remus. “Hey, luv, hey…” he reached his hand out to touch her shoulder. “Now you know it’s not true. Doesn’t it help to know that?”
She gave a mirthless snort. “It was bad enough, Remy, when I thought breaking off the engagement resulted in him cracking and turning coat. But now I feel even more terrible, knowing that he spent all those years in Azkaban, completely innocent and thinking that I didn’t love him, thinking about what I’d said to him…” She lapsed into silence again.
Remus downed the remaining contents of his glass (was this the second or third?) and poured more. He swirled the whiskey around, contemplating if he dared take the path of past deeds and recriminations any further. On the one hand, he felt it would be beneficial for her to talk about things and process her feelings for a change. On the other hand, it would require him to open some old wounds, too.
Rinna’s actions had affected Remus as well, putting him in an untenable position with Sirius those many years ago. It had surprised him that she had acted the way she did, for she had never in all the years he had known her been cruel or selfish before. And then, that night happened and everything went wrong. He had never demanded an explanation for what she did, never talked to her about it, out of deference to her then fragile mental state, and later…well, later he had buried it deep enough that it didn’t bear dragging out after all those years.
But now, the discovery of Peter’s betrayal and Sirius’ innocence was fresh in his mind, and he was angry with himself, and Rinna was playing her guilt and blame game again, and the whiskey was whispering to him to let down the walls a bit…He took a deep breath and tossed back the latest glass of liquor.
“I talked to him a few days after…after you broke it off. He was devastated,” he told her. Her breath hitched in a gasping sob, but he didn’t stop. Anger and resentment started to surface from where ever he had kept it buried for so long, fed by the slight inebriation he felt. “He thought that you and I were having an affair.”
“Oh, god, Remus…oh no…” Rinna’s gut wrenched. She had wounded her lover even more than she had ever realized. And wounded Remus, who, having never been anything but a proper gentleman around Rinna, had to defend himself to his best friend…
“Oh, don’t worry;” he said with a bitter note to his voice, “I was finally able to convince him that we weren’t. Though I think he would have felt better if it had been true. He couldn’t think of any reason for you to end the relationship otherwise.” He looked at her sullenly. “Neither could I.” She remained still, head in her hands, not answering. He did not tell her that Sirius did think of one other reason why Rinna would call it off: that Rinna had been seduced by the enemy.
“Why did you do it, Rinna?” he whispered harshly.
Rinna felt as if her heart had been spitted on the stiletto blade of his words. Why had she done it, the singularly biggest mistake of her life? She would never be able to explain adequately. But she had to try; she owed Remus an explanation, especially after unwittingly getting him involved. And, she realized, if she was ever in the position to do so, she owed Sirius one as well.
“I had managed to infiltrate far enough into my assigned targets in Voldemort’s service,” she began, “to be privy to information indicating that the Dark Lord had his eye on Sirius, to recruit him. Apparently it was at Bellatrix’ behest.” She was sweating with the effort, never getting louder than a whisper.
Remus looked at her sharply and realized that if she was revealing information about covert activities she had been involved in, then she must be fighting against a spell of compulsion. All operatives of the Order had undergone such compulsion spells voluntarily, in order to safeguard the strategies and secret plans of the Order. He opened his mouth to tell her to stop, but she raised her hand to him. “S’okay. Let me finish,” she rasped.
The next part was said with less effort because she was no longer revealing Order secrets, but it somehow seemed far more difficult to get out. “I don’t know…I just lost my sense of judgment, I suppose. I always did when he was concerned. I thought that I would be used as a means to bring him in, so if I made him hate me…he’d have no reason to come after me if I was used as bait…”
“Why didn’t you tell anyone? Tell Dumbledore? Why didn’t you tell Sirius what you knew?” Remus asked in despair, understanding her panic, but also seeing the fatal flaw in her thinking that led to so much heartache.
“I don’t know! I DON’T KNOW!” she screamed as she shot up from the couch. She pulled at her hair and paced the living room. “Do you think that I don’t ask myself those very questions every day, Remus? Do you think that I don’t regret my actions?” Her voice raised in pitch in her anxiety. “I play in my head each thing I should have done differently, I come up with every ‘what if’ scenario. I made the worst decision of my life and I have regretted it every single second of every single day of the last thirteen years! I look back and see how stupid and naïve I was. Damn it, Remus, I was so young and so stupid…”
She reached for the whiskey decanter, but Remus pulled it away, concerned. “Pour me another effing glass, Remus,” she growled dangerously. He capitulated, and poured. And watched her closely: she swayed, and took a large gulp from the glass.
She sat down next to him on the couch. “I had second thoughts, believe me. I had made up my mind to go to Sirius and tell him everything and beg his forgiveness when…” she faltered.
He finished her sentence in a somber voice: “When you were captured.”
“Yeah…” she murmured. “I never had the chance.”
Remus reached over and pulled her to him in a side hug. She laid her head on his shoulder. “Nothing has been right since that day, you know?” her voice was barely audible.
They downed their drinks and Remus poured more. He’d long ago lost track of how many he’d had. He was sure she’d had more. Now’s your chance, tell her how hurt you are. Tell her she’s not the only one struggling with this…the fire whiskey seemed to whisper in his head.
He cleared his throat. “Every close friend I had was taken away from me in a matter of days. Every one but you. And I feared I would lose you, too. Those days at St. Mungo’s…I was so afraid of never getting you back.” She reached for his empty hand, and squeezed it. “And once you were better, I never told you how angry I was at what you did to Sirius. I was afraid that I’d…”
“Push me back over the edge?” She finished for him.
“Yes… And then, you left me, and I was even angrier with you, Rinna. I felt…I don’t know…like an orphan, abandoned and betrayed.”
Rinna’s heart stopped momentarily. She thought of the little boy, truly orphaned, whom she left as well. The two people who remained, who meant more to me than anything, Remus and Harry…I left them…
“It wasn’t you…I didn’t leave you, Remus. I told you why I had to go.”
His voice was laced with sorrow. “My head understood your reasons for leaving, but my heart…my heart couldn’t comprehend it.”
She shifted her position on the couch, turning to him and gently placing her hand on the side of his face. “Oh Remy, why did you not tell me this when I returned to England?”
His eyelids slid closed; he felt blinded by the intensity of emotion in her intoxicatingly green eyes. “I was just glad to have you back, Rinna. You were back, you were hurting, and I didn’t want to rock the boat. I just wanted everything to be all right between us.”
He heard her breathe in sharply, and opened his eyes. He was startled to see her eyes welling with tears.
“How could things be all right between us when I have been such a miserably selfish bitch to you?” she cried. “I am so sorry; I didn’t realize how much I had hurt you. That I hurt you when I hurt Sirius, when I left, and even now. I take your love and friendship for granted, don’t I? How can you even bear to be around me, Remus?” The words tumbled without hindrance from her mouth, her head swam with the effects of the alcohol, and her ever-present facade was breaking apart.
He took her hand and tried to shush her, but she was not consolable. “You and Sirius…you were the two men I loved most in my life, and look what I did to each of you…” The tears that had been threatening to spill finally sprang forth and rolled down her cheeks, and she sat, unable to move, gasping and sobbing. Her body shook, and she couldn’t stop crying.
Fueled by intoxication and overwhelmed by all she had learned that day, she broke down as Remus put his arms around her and pulled her to him, resting her head on his chest and running soothing hands up and down her back. He held her close to him and stroked her hair and her back and let her cry. Maybe this will help her…please let this help her.
After a very long time, Rinna pulled away from his chest and looked at the large wet stain on his shirt. “I’m suh…sorry…I slob…slobbered all over…you,” she got out between shuddering breaths.
“S’okay,” he said softly, and he pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket and gently wiped the tears from her cheeks. He brushed his fingers along her forehead, pushing aside her hair that stuck there. She sighed, and leaned back against the couch, eyes closed.
He took her hand, remembering the trick she would do in school of pushing on pressure points in the hand to calm and soothe, and did his best to caress the points he could recall. “D’you feel any better?” His voice was deep with concern.
Her answer was faint and he had to lean in to hear, “Nothing makes me feel any better. I’ve done things for which I don’t think I will ever be forgiven. I can’t even forgive myself…”
“Rinna,” his voice was just above a whisper. She opened her eyes and looked into his. “I forgive you, for all that is mine to forgive. Please do not torment yourself anymore; I can’t bear it.”
Rinna’s mind reeled, stoked by mixed emotions and fire whiskey and a funny heaviness in her chest. “I don’t know how to stop the guilt and the pain anymore. It’s all spinning, out of my control. Help me, Remus,” she whispered.
Remus watched as several tears spilled down her cheeks and moved, excruciatingly slowly, past the corner of her mouth. His eyes traced their path as the tears slid over her jaw and trickled down her neck, finally coming to rest in the hollow just above the breast bone. They shimmered there fuzzily as her chest rose and fell in little quivering movements. Mesmerized, he watched the pool of tears sparkle like a jewel at her throat. Without thinking, he leaned forward, and placed a kiss there.
He felt her sharp intake of breath when his lips touched her neck, and she squeezed his hand that was holding hers. He pulled away, tasting the salt of her tears on his lips. She was looking at him, her green eyes wide. Part of his mind screamed at him to stop before he crossed a line, but the alcohol singing in his veins made him bold. He cupped her face in his hand, tenderly wiping one last tear with his thumb. Her eyes fluttered closed as she leaned into the caress.
He pulled her to him into an embrace, tucking her head under his chin and stroking her back. Her hair smelled like herbs, or chamomile? He wasn’t sure, so he inhaled her scent again. She smelled wonderful, and his stomach flip-flopped ever so slightly. He dropped a kiss on the top of her head. She tilted her chin to look up at him, eyelids heavy over emerald orbs, full pink lips parted as she took a deep breath, a slight flush high in her cheeks.
His resolve broke. Ignoring the warning screaming faintly in the back of his head, he bent forward and captured her lips with his. She felt warm, and tasted of salt and whiskey. His heart pounded, and his breath hitched as she fisted her hand in his hair, pulling him to her and deepening the kiss. Remus felt all peripheral awareness slip away until his only thought was of her hot, demanding mouth and the exquisite sounds she was making deep in her throat. Her lips parted and the tip of her tongue traced his lower lip. Remus groaned and captured her upper lip with both of his before letting go and tracing kisses along her jaw to the base of her earlobe.
She leaned her head to the side, giving him access as he hungrily kissed her neck to the collar bone. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion, as if she was sluggishly wading through all the fire whiskey she had consumed. A hint of a thought nipped at her suggesting that she should not be here on her couch with Remus so delightfully pressed up against her. She pushed away the thought; she just wanted to float in the alcohol-induced euphoria that clouded memories and felt so good. She hadn’t been kissed so deliciously in so long, and Remus felt warm and smelled of soap and musk and…
Rinna took his face in her hands and dragged his mouth back to hers, kissing him urgently and thoroughly. Then she fluttered kisses on his cheeks and neck, finding a sensitive spot behind his ear. He groaned again as she lapped and nipped at the area with voracity, making half-whimpering, half-moaning sounds in his ear.
Remus took her with him as he stretched out on the couch, and he proceeded to return her kisses on her throat, collar bone, and down the opening of her blouse. He felt her hands untucking his shirt and slipping under the hem to stroke caressingly up to his nipples. Her hands seemed to cast spells that made his body buzz. He untangled his hand from her hair and unfastened the top button of her blouse, then lavished kisses on the soft skin between her breasts. He felt her tremble underneath him. He felt his body respond.
Rinna squirmed under him in a most enticing manner and he realized she was trying to roll him onto his back, which may have worked if not for the narrowness of the couch. She almost pushed him off, but he saved himself at the last minute by pressing the length of his body fully against her. His face landed conveniently right back in her décolleté, and not being a man to waste a good opportunity, he laved the spot with his tongue.
“Remy,” she murmured huskily.
“Mmmm?”
“Remy, thish couch is too schm…too small for us.”
“Mmm hmmm,” he replied.
“Get up, silly.”
“Where’m I going?”
“Someplace better,” she slurred.
Miraculously, they managed to get to their feet, and Rinna grabbed his shirt front to keep from toppling over. He steadied her with his arms, and she tugged him down the hall. Their progress was slow, since they had to stop every step or so to lean against something. Rinna’s knees seemed to have turned to jelly, and Remus was not much better off. They clung to each other and inched their way gradually toward her room. Rinna could not understand how her cozy house had gotten so large.
She giggled.
“Wha’s so funny?” Remus wanted to know.
“I feel squiffy.”
Remus snorted. “Tha’s an undersh…an undershtatement if I’ve ever heard one!”
“Oh, look…we’re here!” she said in surprise.
Remus eyes widened as he realized where they were, but she dragged him forward before he could protest. Not that he really wanted to protest. Next thing he knew he had tumbled with her into the bed. She used his momentum to roll him onto his back and she propped on one elbow above him. He knew he was leering at her drunkenly. She looked at him and smiled, her eyes slightly glassy. “Thish is better, dontcha think?” she asked thickly. He nodded, and regretted it as the room began to spin.
Rinna fumbled up to her hands and knees, which took a few attempts, and then crawled on top of him to straddle his thighs. She made the mistake of sitting up abruptly. “Ooooh…” she grabbed her head and swayed. “Too fast…”
She slumped back down and put her head on Remus’ chest, and took some deep breaths. “I need to lie down.” He put his arms around her and rolled slightly to the side so she settled on her hip, but her one leg was still draped over his thighs. Her head was in the hollow of his shoulder, and she sighed.
A minute passed. Then two. Remus’ heartbeat began to slow slightly. He ran his hand down Rinna’s back. “Rinna? Rin?” She stirred against him and murmured something unintelligible. He chuckled. He would try to rouse her in a minute, but first he just wanted to lay here and enjoy the feel of her warm body against him, and close his eyes for just a little while, until the spinning stopped…
~~~~~~
The sun had already set when Remus opened his eyes again; he was in an unfamiliar bed feeling rather inebriated and he couldn’t feel his arm. His usually quick mind took a few extra heartbeats before he remembered where he was and who he was with. I really should move to the couch, it would be the proper thing to do…but he realized that he no longer wanted to do the proper thing, not with Rinna lying here in bed with him in his embrace. Besides, he knew there was no way he could make that long trek back to the living room without falling. He squirmed, trying to get his numb arm out from under her, and she stirred against him.
“Blackie?” she breathed.
Remus caught his breath. In a moment of clarity that cut through the alcohol haze Remus realized that he still was living in Sirius’ shadow in all things where this woman was concerned. That’s the way it was back then, and nothing has changed…yet.
“No, luv, it’s Remus.”
“Oh, Remy,” her words were still slurred. “I had the oddest dream ‘bout Sirius…I dreamt he was innocent…”
“I know, Rinna. Now go back to sleep.”
Despite the boldness imparted to him by the fire whiskey, he was too much of a gentleman to take advantage of her in her state of inebriety. Sighing in frustration, he moved his arm from under her and resettled her against him, holding her close and wishing that just this once, he might’ve been the man at the forefront of her conscious and subconscious thoughts.
~~~~~~
Early morning light came softly through the window. Rinna opened her eyes when she became cognizant that she was spooned with her back flush against a masculine form and an arm around her waist. Remus her mind identified for her. Well, here’s a fine situation. She realized that she had never thought of someday finding herself in such a position, because she had been struggling to keep her heart from feeling anything, really, these last few years… and it had never occurred to her to think their relationship could be more than platonic. And certainly not as the result of imbibing in entirely too much alcohol.
Slowly and carefully, she turned over, feeling his hand slip across her belly as she did so. He stirred and tightened his arm around her possessively, but didn’t wake; and damn, but she liked the way it felt to have his arm around her. Her face was close to his now, and she looked at him as he slept, eyes wandering over his familiar features: sandy hair shot through ever so slightly with hints of gray here and there, slightly darker brows and eyelashes hiding hazel eyes (she loved his eyes), handsome face that was marked by a few scars and the recently acquired scratches (the scars did not mar his features…only served to make him look a bit rakish).
A smile played at her lips as she remembered the first time Remus had spoken to her, truly spoken to her in a conversation, at the beginning of her fourth year at Hogwarts…it was in the library, of course. He saw me working on my Transfiguration essay and sat down across from me. He smiled at me, and, oh sweet Merlin, that smile…I don’t think I got any more work done that evening…They had bandied about the essay topic for a bit, not even stopping as Lily joined them, until the Marauders had come along and commandeered him, no doubt for the perpetration of some mischief. She was thirteen years old, and she was smitten…
And now, a little more than twenty years later, he looked perfect, lying here in her bed with his arm draped around her. Her eyes widened in realization of what she was thinking. Am I falling for Remus? Am I still drunk? What is going on? She knew she had better get her feelings for this man sorted out before…
Remus’ hand tightened on her hip where it rested, then his eyes opened and looked right into hers. She watched as they widened in surprise, then darkened in color at the memory of the night before. He snatched his hand away from her body as if he’d been burned. To her chagrin, she blushed like the thirteen year old she’d just recalled. The situation was about as awkward as being caught necking in a broom closet by your Transfiguration professor. What the hell? Why is my mind bringing up Sirius at a time like this? It was time for some damage control.
“Uhm…Good morning,” she said. Oh that is just brilliant, girl!
He rolled onto his back and groaned, “There is nothing good about the pounding in my head.”
Rinna giggled. Giggling? My stars, what has gotten into me? Stop it this instant, Rinna! “S’matter, old man, can’t hold your liquor?”
He turned back again to look at her, scowling. “You mean to tell me that you are not feeling any effects from the fire whiskey?”
“You mean the dull throb in my head, the dry mouth and the feeling that I’ll be violently ill if I stand upright? Nope, hadn’t noticed,” she smirked wickedly.
“You are a vile wench! Remind me to never get drunk with you again.”
“Why? Because we become too brutally honest with each other, or because we end up in bed together?”
Remus winced. “Look, about that…”
“Don’t you dare apologize, Remus Lupin. We are both adults. There is nothing wrong with what we did…or didn’t do, as the case may be.”
He looked at her seriously, choosing his words carefully. “I won’t deny that I am rather attracted to you, Rinna. It’s just that…I don’t want to do anything that would jeopardize our friendship.”
She flopped back onto her back and sighed. “And you think that the two of us being more than friends would.”
“I don’t know.” Part of him was screaming to just tell her he wanted her as so much more than a friend, but the logical, practical part of him remembered her calling for Sirius while she lay in his arms. If Sirius was here now, he had no doubt which of the two she would choose. Do I really want to get involved in a relationship when her heart belongs to someone else? The reckless side of him insisted YES!
She spoke quietly, “Thinking of disturbing the status quo scares me a little, too.”
He propped up on his elbow to get a better look at her. “Let’s just see what happens. Does that sound all right?”
She smiled at him. She knew she loved him dearly. Maybe they should just see what develops. “Absolutely.” She rolled to the other side, and carefully sat up.
“What are you doing?” Remus wondered.
“I’m going to attempt to crawl to the loo,” she informed him, carefully cradling her head in her hands. She gamely heaved herself to her feet, and regretted it immediately. “On second thought, I think I’ll just lie down.”
“Looks like we are stuck here for a while.”
She snorted. “Well, at least the company is nice. Certainly better than the last time I got completely pissed.”
He didn’t rise to the bait. “I’m not even going to ask.”
It was the worst hangover either of them had had in a very long time.
**********
Rinna looked into the glass top, watching as the light caught in the glass and made tiny rainbows. It occurred to her that she had spent a large portion of her life focusing on a period of less than two weeks. Granted, she had lost her fiancé, her best friend and her husband, her sanity and her godson. Some of that she could change, like with Harry, some of that she couldn’t, I miss you so much, Lily, and some of that…well, time would tell.
Under girding all the pain, all the guilt, all the sorrow was anger: deep, righteous, soul-rendering anger. One person was responsible for this, the one person whose power she had sworn to contest till she no longer had breath in her body: Voldemort. She thought of the people she cared about…Remus, Harry, Dorrie, the Weasleys, Dumbledore, Sirius…none of them were safe if Voldemort returned to power.
Her hands gripped the glass stopper tightly. She had forsaken her oath long enough; now was the time to reclaim her power and the purpose she had set for herself when she left England. She would somehow be instrumental in bringing the Dark Lord down... She took the glass top, and hurled it into the fireplace, listening in satisfaction as it splintered into tiny pieces. Her reticence shattered with it. She knew what she had to do now.
A/N: Wondering what Bill’s spells mean in English? Well, resolvo veneficus = dispel magic, aspectus invisus = see unseen. Latin courtesy of GameWyrd.
Well, it’s the longest chapter yet. I’d like to know what you thought…so you know what to do. Mosey on down to the “review” button and leave me a review. I will be so very happy if you do!