James was sitting under the tree, staring into the stream. Everything in his world seemed distorted �“ three hours ago, he was having the time of his life. Now, the person he cared about above anything else hated him and it was all his fault. Nothing seemed to make sense. He sat, watching the water, trying to get his head around everything.
His thoughts were disturbed when he realised he wasn’t alone.
“Hey,” said Neala, twisting her hand nervously. He looked at her bleakly. “They…uh…the others feel kind of um…well…they thought it would be better if I…uh…”
“Has she really gone?” he asked, quietly.
“Yeah,” muttered Neala. “About twenty minutes ago.”
She scuffed her toes in the dusty ground.
“James, are you all right?”
He stared into the stream. Neala sighed heavily and sat down next to him. James, who didn’t know if he wanted her there or not, continued to stare into the water.
“I don’t know what to say,” she said, eventually.
“How much did you hear?” asked James.
“Pretty much all that Lily said…well…all she was shouting…”
“Oh.”
“I, err, didn’t realise you two were so serious…”
James thought about this for a moment. Had he known how serious they were? No. It was like everybody said: you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone. Well, Lily was gone. For good. It was only now, now she’d been hurt, that James realised exactly how much he cared about her.
“I’m so stupid!” he yelled suddenly, throwing a stone violently into the running water. He dropped his head into his hands.
“James...” Neala said, quietly. “I don’t know…maybe…maybe when she’s had a chance to calm down?”
“Mm,” said James, but he knew she was wrong. They sat in silence for a moment.
“There’s something else…” she murmured. “I should probably leave too.”
James looked at her.
“Why?” he asked.
“Well…I just think…Lily might see it as kind of…traitorous…sorry…”
“Nell,” said James, running a hand through his hair. “It’s my problem not yours,” he said. “Just do what…whatever.”
“Well, it’s not long ‘til we’re back at school…and we’ll see each other every day then…”
“Urgh,” groaned James.
“What?”
“School…it’s not gonna be fun having to see her again…and you’ll be split…”
“Oh yeah,” said Neala, sounding depressed. “I hadn’t thought of that…”
There was a pause.
“Do you think,” said Neala, slowly. “do you think that if we hadn’t come here then none of this would have happened?”
James considered this.
“I don’t know,” he said, finally. “I don’t think I’d have realised-”
He stopped himself quickly. It wouldn’t have been a good move to let anyone know that he was in love…it might have been a good move to let Lily know that though. Idiot.
“Realised what?” asked Neala, turning to look at him.
“Realised that…err,” he said, desperately scrabbling for an answer. His eyes fell upon the rays of sun that were filtering through the trees. “Realised that friends distract you from the sun.”
Neala laughed and put her head on his shoulder. James felt the weight in his stomach lessen very slightly as he knew that there was still someone around who cared about him.
“Well,” she said. “That’s one good thing that’s come out of this weekend.”
James sat still and tried to contemplate his situation. No matter what the girl at his side said the facts were still the same: Lily hated him. Neala was leaving. It was hot. However, there was a small glimmer of hope for James. Seeing Lily would be hard, but then again, it wasn’t like they’d never argued before. Maybe going back to school was just him being given yet another chance, only this time, he was not going to mess it up.
Lily was the one. He couldn’t help wondering that if she had known that then she wouldn’t have left. It didn’t matter now anyway because James knew that no matter what happened from here on in, he would never give up until Lily knew that he loved her.
*
Lily, much to her mother’s surprise, arrived home a day earlier than planned. Petunia almost had a heart attack when Lily appeared in the fireplace while she was watching television. Without replying to her mother’s urgent questions or Petunia’s wild insults, she went straight up to the bathroom, locked the door, sat on the edge of the bath and burst into tears. Lily may have been strong but she was also human; her anger had fully dissipated leaving only self pity and a hollow feeling of loneliness. Going back to school and having to face him was going to be so hard, not just because everything would be awkward but because, despite the way he had treated her, Lily still had feelings for James.
“No,” whispered Lily to herself, wiping the tears from her cheeks. “No. You do not like him. You never did.”
She got up and walked to the sink to look in the mirror. Her eyes, unlike most people, did not go read and puffy when she cried but became extremely large. However, nobody knew this because Lily never let anyone see her cry. Apart from James. He’d seen her cry just half an hour ago. Damn.
She smoothed her hair slightly, gave her eyes one final wipe, sniffed and quietly crossed the landing to her bedroom. As she entered the room, she saw that Remus’ owl, Flamel, was perched on the ledge of the open window. She approached the handsome, brown bird who twitched his head when she stroked his back with one finger. She took the scroll of parchment that was attached to Flamel’s leg and, after the owl had flown off, sat down on her bed to read it. She unrolled it, recognising the familiar writing of Remus.
Dear Lils,
I wanted to talk to you but Neala said you weren’t really in the mood for company before you left, so I thought I’d give you something to read for when you arrived home. That is, if you’ve gone home .For all I know you could be wandering the streets but I reckon you’ve got more sense than that.
If you are at home and reading this then I hope you’re ok and not sitting in your room crying. Mind you, I’ve never seen you cry in all the years I’ve known you so that’s unlikely. If you are crying then please don’t because the thought of that makes me sad. Sirius suggested that I turn up at your house sometime but I reckon your mum would freak out a bit so I thought a letter would be better. Plus, sometimes you can’t say what you need to face to face.
Anyway, here’s the real reason I wrote: this is probably the last thing you want to hear right now but I think that you need to know: James really cares about you, Lily. He would never, ever hurt you intentionally. And I’m not saying this as an excuse, but he’s never had a girlfriend before. It’s not like he’s short of admirers though �“ he could have been through the whole of Hogwarts by now. And he’s never given upon you, even when you’ve ignored him or yelled at him or even that one time when you slapped him. Surely that shows you how much you mean to him.
I haven’t spoken to him yet because he disappeared right after you said you were leaving. I think Neala’s gone to find him.
Lily, if there’s any way you two can make it up then do because when you two are together there is something about you. You just…click. Write back if you want to talk otherwise I’ll see you on the train �“ I’ll be saving you a seat.
Your true friend,
Remus x
Lily sniffed again and tried to blink back the tears. It wasn’t because she was upset but because she was so touched that she had a friend who cared about her. He always knew what to say; that was why they had become friends. Lily was angry on their very first prefect duty because James had been following her around all day but somehow, Remus knew just how to distract her.
She re -read the last bit of the letter.
You both just…click.
What did that mean? That was another thing about Remus. Part of his charm was to be quiet and cryptic so Lily could never work out what he was really trying to tell her. Sometimes that was a good thing though because she could just trust that he was wise enough to know what he was on about and so therefore everything was ok but now it was not good…not good at all because she had to forget about James completely. Too much time had been wasted on him anyway. After folding up the piece of parchment and putting it on the bedside table, she got out her sketchbook and quickly lost herself in the detailed sketches of a girl with green eyes and a boy with black hair.
Learning to Love by There you are Peter
Chapter Notes: So THIRD TIME LUCKY.
James and Lily deal with the aftermath of their revelations and some heavy realisations hit them...