Remus leaves the table complaining of a stomach ache. There is no reason for them not to believe him because, after all, he does look quite sick. He escapes the Great Hall thankfully and nearly runs up the seven flights to Gryffindor Tower, panting out the password before dashing up to the dormitory.
Professor Dumbledore is going to kill him.
He’s been an idiot, really. He had wanted to stay as long as
possible; was having the time of his life. Why did the stupid full moon had to come now?
He yanks out his valise from under his bed, throwing shirts and trousers into it, a necessity in maintaining the lie. If any of the others come up and see him leaving he has to have an excuse ready. Even he knows that the one Dumbledore suggested was weak; his mother might be weak-willed, but she isn’t weak. Or sick. Or dying. She is in perfect health and Remus hates having to use the lie to his new friends.
But he can’t tell them. Can never tell them or anyone else. No one can know his secret or he’d be dismissed from school, shunned for the rest of his life. Already shunned, for that matter, by those who knew. Only his parents understand that it wasn’t his fault. He hadn’t asked for it; didn’t know why it had to have happened to him.
It isn’t fair!
He rubs his eyes angrily. He will not cry. He won’t.
Crying dosen’t solve anything. It never has and it never would.
Angry now, as well as late, he pulls the zipper closed viscously and breaks it.
Suddenly, he finds himself on the floor, sobbing, shaking. Realizing, in a moment of irony, that he is strong enough to manage as a werewolf but is incapable of dealing with a broken zipper. He wants to destroy something.
He feels the monster begin to well up within him. Feel the savage animal awaken, feeding on his anger.
No!
He pulls himself up, forcing the monster down. Knowing that if he can keep it down for just a little bit longer everyone would stay safe. This is a test he has to pass; if they can manage this time, Dumbledore had said, they could manage all the others. He wipes his face with the sleeve of his robes and when he puts his arm down...they are there. He hadn’t heard the door open.
“Remus, are you crying?” James asks incredulously.
“I“” he starts, helpless.
“You were! Why were you crying?” James goes on, virtually bouncing into the room and onto his bed.
“I“”
“Where are you going?” James interrupts, spotting the bag on Remus’s bed as he lies down on his own, his chin resting in his hands. “Running away?”
“I“”
“You haven’t told us why you were crying,” James says suddenly. “Does it have to do with why you’re running away?”
“I“”
“Is it because you’re not doing well in Potions and old Sluggy doesn’t like you?” James cuts in. “Is that it? Are you running away to plot his“”
“James?”
“Eh?”
“Shut up,” Sirius says flatly.
“But“”
“He told us he’s going to visit his mum. Don’t you remember anything?”
James stares at Sirius dumbly.
Remus stares at Sirius, so filled with gratitude that Sirius has made James shut up, has remembered the excuse, that it nearly drowns the monster inside of him. He feels the sudden urge to kiss Sirius’s toes in thanks.
“His mum,” Sirius repeats. “She’s sick?” he adds, his voice falling.
Another moment of complete incomprehension on James’s face and then“
“Oh! Right! I remember! Is that why you were crying?” he asks, turning back to Remus.
“I“” Remus says while thinking it is a lucky thing he is going to be far away from James Potter tonight. He might kill him otherwise.
“James,” Sirius says.
“What?” James answers, sounding annoyed at the constant interruption.
“You’re being a prat.”
“I am?”
“Yes.”
“Oh. Sorry Remus.”
“It’s“”
“What happened to your bag?” he asks, bounding off his bed and over to Remus’s.
“I broke the zipper,” Remus says quickly, knowing that if he
doesn’t finish a sentence, he will bite James, transformed or not.
“Oh. Why did“”
“Here,” Sirius’s voice comes again, saving him. “You can use mine,” he offers, tossing a black leather bag at him.
Remus catches it, stunned. “You“I“You don’t have to.”
Sirius shrugs. “I’m not using it, am I?”
Remus blushes. “No.”
He is definitely going to kiss Sirius’s toes one day. As soon as he gets over how embarrassed he is to be thinking it in the first place.
“Go on then.”
Feeling immensely stupid, Remus transfers all his belongings into the clearly new, clearly expensive valise. “Thanks,” he says, being careful to close the zipper slowly.
“Can I ask him how long he’ll be gone?” James asks, giving Sirius a snide look.
Sirius shrugs.
“Three days,” Remus answers when James opens his mouth to ask the question again.
His eyes fall on the window behind James...and the lack of sun outside of it.
“I have to go!” he yells suddenly, frantically, running out of the room without another word.
Dumbledore really was going to kill him.
A/N: Shame on me for not posting this chapter as soon as it was ready. I know. Sorry! Hope you enjoyed it. If you did, leave a review to inspire aopt for Second Year.