Dislaimer: Nope, I don't own the Harry Potter books, or any of the characters in it. I also don't own the Harry Potter films, but I am going to see the 4th one soon!
A/N: Just want to say thanks to all my reviewers, and the mods for having this up so quickly! So thanks!
Dear Dumby - Issue 1
Dear Dumby,
I have this problem, and it’s been going on for a while now, well, all my life, practically. As it is, this problem is being very detrimental to my education, as I can’t get a decent nights sleep, and have to resort to sleeping in History of Magic (that’s a lot more painful, I get cramp in my neck and bruises on my arm from where Hermione keeps poking me to wake me up), and I keep having to skip exams and stuff to fight with this person. That’s what my problem is, I have this ongoing feud with a person (who has to remain nameless, for legal reasons and because, well, he‘s not supposed to be named). We just can’t seem to get along; he keeps trying to kill me, and I taunt him and try to avoid getting killed. But I feel that this has been going on long enough, and I’m rather tired of it. Do you have anything that could help me get along with him?
Thanks,
Fed Up of Avoiding Avada Kedavera
Dear Fed Up of Avoiding Avada Kedavera,
I am very sorry to hear you are having problems with this person, and I’m extremely upset that this is a hazard to your education. My advice for sleeping is counting Hippogriffs. As for your feud with that person, I suggest that you try and remember that everyone has some good, kindness, or sensitivity in them, even if you don’t see it. Why not try talking to this person instead of killing and taunting each other? See if you have any shared interests, or mutual friends. You might find you have more in common then you think!
Good luck and best wishes,
Dumby
Dear Dumby,
Yesterday in Potions, something terrible happened. I was just sitting there, not causing any harm, minding my own buisness, just grinding my salamander scales whilst trying to ignore the smell of damp there is down in the dungeons (do you think you could get someone to clean that place once in a while?), when all of a sudden, it happened. I broke a nail. It was so unexpected! I just wasn’t prepared! It looks horrendous! Now I can’t use my right hand at all, as everyone will see that my nails are uneven, and it’s really difficult doing everything one-handed. Especially doing everything left-handed, as I’m right-handed. Also, I have developed a peculiar fear of pestles. So do you have any nail re-growth spells or general help for me?
Love,
Traumatised
Dear Traumatised,
I am very sorry to hear of your unfortunate mishap, although I hope this won’t put you off involving yourself in Potions fully in the future. Maybe you should concentrate more on the task at hand than the general décor of the classroom? Although you do have a good point about the damp, I will try and make sure it is cleaned soon. I’m very sorry, but I don’t recall any nail re-growth spells, but you could try the library, or failing that, Hermione Granger. If you can’t find a nail re-growth spell, you could always try breaking all your other nails to match, and call it a fashion statement. Or you could wear gloves.
I hope this helps, and that you recover from the emotional upheaval that you have encountered,
Dumby
Dear Dumby,
I, I mean, my friend, has this huge problem that I, I mean, my friend, can’t ask anyone about, as that would mean not only would I, I mean, my friend, have to admit to whoever I, I mean, they, told about this huge problem, I’d, I mean, they’d, have to admit to myself. I mean, himself. But, they did tell me, obviously, as I’m writing this, so…they did admit it to themselves…but…they’re in denial! And I’m writing this instead of my friend, because…my friend can’t write, because…of…a…a thing!
Anyway, I, I mean, my friend, has this friend, who’s a girl, and we’re, I mean, they’re, really close, but we fight all the time, about everything. And as I kind of, maybe, sort of, might like her as more than just a friend. Maybe. I mean, my friend might kind of, maybe, sort of, might like her as more than just a friend. Maybe.
What should I do to stop fighting with her (and maybe ask her out)?
Confused
P.S. Do you think you could help me, I mean, my friend, no wait, I mean me, with my Potions homework? I’ve already don’t ½ inch, so if you could do 6 ½ inches on the pros and cons of brewing a potent spell, that would be great.
Dear Confused,
Congratulations on (practically) admitting your, I mean, your friend’s, feelings for your, I mean your friend’s, friend. I’m sure it came as a great shock (do you think anyone else has guessed?). My advice on preventing arguments with this friend seems so obvious you may have overlooked it - be nice to her. Even if you, I mean, your friend, doesn’t agree with what she’s saying, just smile and nod. That should help in avoiding arguments (she can’t argue with you, I mean, your friend, for agreeing with her!) and the trouble you, I mean, your friend, would get into by getting into an argument. This could also help you with asking her out, if you’re really nice to her, perhaps she’ll get the hint and ask you - saving you the bother/torment/embarrassment of having to do it yourself! I mean, of course, your friend.
Good luck,
Dumby
P.S. No, sorry, I can’t help you with your Potions homework. Why do you think I hire someone else to teach it?
Dear Dumby,
I need help in disciplining rowdy students. Please can we reinstate the use of the chains in the dungeons? And whipping for severe misdemeanours? And some new curtains?
Cat - Lover 212
Dear Cat - Lover 212,
No. Lines, cleaning without magic and venturing into the Forbidden Forest to find irregular and possible dangerous creatures is fair enough punishment. I will think about the curtains though.
Dumby
Dear Dumby by Oppungo
Chapter Notes: It's the first Issue of 'Dear Dumby', and it's full of problems, (not very good) code-names, denial and some surprising solutions.