Dear Dumby by Oppungo
Chapter Notes: It seems there are still problems in the wizarding world in the third issue of Dear Dumby, although it doesn't seem that certain people have quite mastered the art of subtlety yet.....
Dear Dumby,
I really need your help - I think my Snargaluff plant sort of…ate my roommates wardrobe. I don’t want to go to Professor Sprout, as Herbology is the only thing I’m really good at, and I want to prove that I can do this on my own. With your help, naturally. I’m not quite sure how this happened as I left the room as usual for dinner, and when I came back, the wardrobe was gone and my plant burped! My Snargaluff was just sitting there, next to it, with a satisfied look on it’s face, and it did seem more engorged than usual. I tried to fish it out, but I all I got was one mouldy maroon sock and a lot of slime.
Please help, and preferably quickly, for although my roommate isn’t that observant, I’m afraid he might start to notice soon!
Thanks,
HerbsRox05
Dear HerbsRox05,
Oh dear, this does sound difficult. I wasn’t aware that a Snargaluff plant could consume something as large as a wardrobe! Perhaps you should consider entering it in for a competition of some sort?
But back to the problem at hand, I can quite understand your reluctance to go to Professor Sprout, and wanting to prove yourself, etc. Also, going to an authority would mean you having to admit to your roommate that your plant ate his wardrobe (how exactly have managed to keep him from noticing so far?).
I suggest that you make absolutely sure that the Snargaluff really did eat the wardrobe, and if it did, you may have to resort to dissecting the plant. If you are unwilling to do that, take into consideration as to whether your roommate really needs his wardrobe?
If all other attempts fail, I suggest that you go to a member of staff (or perhaps Hermione Granger), but only as a last resort. See if you can handle it by yourself first!
Good Luck,
Dumby
Dear Dumby,
Fine. My problem is that I brought this seriously cool chair from a Muggle shop, on which the seat goes up and down! It’s revolutionary! The problem is, I somehow made it go really far down, and now I can’t work out how to make it go back up again! And I look quite silly with my head three centimetres below my desk. Can you help me to put it back up again?
Sincerely,
Vote Fudge for Another Term as Minister
Dear Vote Fudge for Another Term as Minister,
I suggest that you take a look at the underside of the chair, to see if there is a lever or button that you have to press. If you find one, press it, and see if the chair returns to it’s original height. If it doesn’t, you could take it back to the shop which you brought it from and demand a refund/demonstration.
Whatever you do, don’t bother to look at the instruction manual. They never have anything useful in them, in fact, the only thing they are useful for is using as fire kindling.
Hope this helps,
Dumby
P.S. This may sound rather stupid/extreme, but have you considered using magic to make the chair go higher?
P.P.S. You might still want to work on your subtlety.
Dear Dumby,
I need your help. I’m getting really tired of being overshadowed by all my family. It’s like no-one can ever notice me for who I am. Or if they finally do, my family all scare them away! I really want to be an individual, and make my family back off a bit and just let me be me. What can I do to make people notice me as myself, someone other than just another family member? And make my family do the same thing?
Thanks,
Unique Wannabe
Dear Unique Wannabe,
I completely understand your predicament! I remember a similar time when my brother Aberforth decided he wanted to break away from the stereotype part as my brother. Now, he did this by furthering an interest in goats, but you may wish to go in different direction than that. Although it is an idea; why not pursue a new hobby? There are many activities you could further, such as Gobstones or Divination. Also, you could consider a new look, that makes you stand out, from not only your family, but everyone else as well! You could explore new areas in fashion, activities and attitude!
I hope that you manage to find yourself, and that everyone else finds you too!
Dumby
Dear Dumby,
I am with…security. I was wondering what methods you have in place to keep out intruders/evil overlords and how you could overcome these and get into the castle undetected. All for purely professional purposes, obviously. Are there any times when you are away from the castle, leaving it unguarded? Not that I, personally, care, or anything. I’m only doing my job you understand. I’m not plotting anything, apart from how to get a promotion! I have a big…presentation coming up, and I’m really keen on making it big in…security.
So any information that you have on security in the castle, and when it’s unguarded, etc., would be a great help.
Sincerely,
Lovely Man, Very Definitely, Really, Obviously, Opposed To Evil
Dear Lovely Man, Very Definitely, Really, Obviously Opposed To Evil,
Congratulations on being with a security company. I am very sorry, it would be inadvisable for me to explain all of our security methods to you, just in case you happened to be an evil dark lord of some sort hell bent on world domination and killing one in particular of our students (ha ha! As if a lovely security man such as yourself would be such a thing! Ridiculous, I know! But you can never be too careful with these anonymous letters, as you well know, being in security.).
For your presentation, I would suggest being completely original, maybe looking at other famous escape artists, etc., for inspiration. Can you think of anyone famous who managed to get in and out of houses multiple times with out ever getting caught?
I wish you luck with your presentation and hopefully achieve your promotion,
Dumby
A/N: Especially for The Ghoul In The Attic and Lilypudding, as I received numerous pleas and threats from them to include Neville!! (He‘ll also be in the next chapter too, so be happy!!)