JK Rowling is the sole owner and creator of Harry Potter-I own nothing.
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Ginny felt her hands fall awkwardly to her side as her body become rigid and cold. As the steam from the deep red train disappeared into the distance, she could feel her heart being pulled with it. Even though she told herself that she wanted to forget about her past, she knew the truth was opposite, and having James around kept the warmth of Harry’s soul alive. With James removed from the home, all presence of Harry would eradicate with it.
An emptiness filled her lungs and all she could feel was the bitter quiet of the now empty train station. There was so much left unsaid between her thoughts and reality, so much denied and displaced to shield her body from any more pain, all of which was now finding its way to the surface.
James was the perfect representation of her husband and she had allowed her mind to meld the two into one being. Even though she saw the two as very different individuals, James somehow glued the gap between her lonely existence and the love of Harry, and with James no longer around she would have to accept that Harry was really dead and never coming back.
How was a woman supposed to deal with this kind of loss? How does a wife say good-bye to the man she loves? How does a mother wave farewell? Ginny shook her shoulders and thought about James again. He was only going to Hogwarts and she could see him any time she really needed to, and he would write.
“What am I doing?” She said to herself calmly. “I’m getting worked up over nothing.”
Ginny shook her head to rattle out the thoughts. I have to get on with my life, she thought, this is getting ridiculous. Harry would hate to see me like this, I need to be strong again, brave again. A cold sensation began to tighten around her lungs as she choked back emotion.
“Mrs. Potter?” A deep man’s voice said, startling Ginny from behind. She whipped around to see a tall, chubby figure wearing a maroon uniform to match the train and noticed at once that he was the caller.
“Yes, I’m sorry, I’m on my way now,” she said quickly brushing past to leave.
“No, no, Mrs. Potter,” he called after her, “I noticed you with your boy and I, well, I was just going to tell you that it’s my youngest son’s first year as well…we couldn’t be prouder...and I just wanted to tell you, well, that it gets easier.”
Ginny smiled meaninglessly, knowing his intentions were well, but hated the conversation all the same.
“They send you letters telling you what a wonderful time they’re having and your heart gets a little lighter with each word…well, I’m sure you remember, anyway.” Ginny huffed quietly and the man stepped forward slightly. “Really…well…I really wanted to tell you, as well, that…” the man fumbled for words and Ginny could tell that it was hard for him to conjure just the right sentence. “Well, I just wanted to say that Hogwarts needs your boy same way it needed his father, everyone knows he’ll be just as powerful if not more.”
Ginny stared back at him blankly, a bit offended at his boldness. The man blinked awkwardly.
“Your husband-he saved my family’s life. He left the wizarding world the greatest gift he could have in your boy. You be proud, and know that we’re all excited to see what becomes of the son of greatest wizard to ever live.” He watched her innocently for just a moment, then gave the gentlest nod and walked away.
Ginny stood in confusion and flattery. She did enjoy it when people complimented both her husband and her son, but never let on why it hurt so badly to hear it. She stood for a second longer, accepting within herself that today would not be a day to be powerful-tears were pushing at her eyelids and she didn’t have the strength to hold them back.
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“Remus, please…say something…”
Remus caught his eyes like hungry fish hooks and took in a solid breath. “Harry…what do you want me to say?”
“Something…anything,” Harry replied carefully.
“How long has this been going on, did you say?” There was an eerie calm about the phrase, similar to that which comes before a terrible storm.
“Well, we were married in November, but we’d been dating for more than a year before that.”
“A year? And no one knew? No one at all?” He pressed out bitterly, but still without the full force Ginny knew was coming.
“Well, I think there were suspicions, even with you, Remus, but we knew that for the safety of everyone our relationship would have to be hidden from all, even those most dear to us.” Harry looked so calm, and so strong. Ginny missed seeing this side to him.
Remus waited. “I don’t understand. Why would you do something like this? Didn’t you understand how dangerous it was? I mean, and sneaking out to see each other? Ginny, Harry especially, didn’t you think that there might be death eaters watching your every move? What possessed you to think you could just…run off and marry? I can’t even…I don’t even know where to begin! I mean…this is just ludicrous!”
The fire was welling up and Ginny knew the explosion was fast on its way.
“Remus, look, we don’t pretend to think it was an easy decision or believe that we can just play house. We know how dangerous our choices were-“
“You know, you say?! You know how dangerous your choices were, really? So tell me, Harry, tell me, then, what you were thinking. Because I will tell you what I was thinking when I told you long ago that you should concentrate on this war and this war alone! I will tell you what I was thinking when I told you that you should not date Ginny! And I will tell you what the rest of the order were thinking when they put their own lives on the line to protect you from this very thing!”
“Protect me?!” Now Harry was getting angry as well.
“Yes, Harry, protect you! We all knew that the two of you had feelings for each other and we knew how dangerous it would be for the war, were you to act upon those feelings!”
“I don’t think I need to be protected like a little child anymore, Remus!”
“Well obviously you do or you would never have gotten yourself into this ridiculous situation and called me for help!”
“This situation is not ridiculous! Ginny and I are in love and there is nothing that could be said to change that, so rather than wasting away thinking about not having her, I took action! And I think it’s worked out just fine until now! We understand that this is not the greatest position we could be in for the time, but we here regardless, and something has to be done about it. I thought I could come to you if I needed help!”
Remus looked almost more hurt than upset anymore, as was Harry.
“Harry, you can come to me, and I’m glad that you know that. I’d just hoped the help you’d need would be something a bit different than this. Have you thought about what this will mean? How will you possibly hide a child from Voldemort? How will you win this war when your concentration is on a crying baby in desperate danger every moment of its life? And what about the horrible position you’ve put Ms. Weasley in?”
“I can take care of Ginny; if I didn’t think I could don’t you believe I would have chosen a different path about this? I will get her through this, no matter how I have to go about doing it.” Harry looked adamantly at Remus then glanced to Ginny as if he had said something particularly wonderful.
Ginny scoffed. Even though she admittedly wanted help in this moment, she knew she could certainly take care of herself. She pulled in between the dueling men and demanded, “It is Mrs. Potter now, Remus, thank you very much, and I don’t appreciate being talked about as if I do not exist! Don’t you think I can make decisions on my own? Wouldn’t I have put myself this position? And you Harry! I don’t need you to get me through this! I am quite capable on my own!”
“No, Gin, I…” Harry fumbled, confused at the turn.
“Ginny, please sit down,” Remus pleaded exhaustedly.
“I will not!” She scoffed again, her hands on her hips in a very Molly-esc form. “It’s me you should be blaming for all of this, anyway, not Harry! He didn’t ask for any of this! I was the one who was irresponsible and wouldn’t leave well enough alone! I wasn’t satisfied being away from him and was determined that he loved me. I know I should have left him alone, Remus, and I know I should have been more careful to ensure that a baby wouldn’t come! But now it has happened, and well…well, I’m sorry, but that’s just the way it is. So don’t be angry with Harry, be angry with me, however, right now we need your help, not your judgment.”
Ginny remained firm, although she could feel her courage leaving her and her hands were becoming shaky. She took in another defiant huff of air and waited, trying desperately to keep the tears from surfacing.
Harry stepped towards her, his arms out to catch her frail body within them. “Ginny, I’ve told you that this is not your fault! Please, you are not the one to blame in this!”
Ginny pushed back slightly, shaking her head. “No, Harry, we both know that I could’ve done something to prevent this. I won’t let you take the blame for what has happened. Not this.”
“And I won’t let you take the blame for it either,” he said softly.
Ginny let herself catch his sincere, gentle eyes and saw that they were filled with as much pain as her own. She began to cry and collapsed into his chest as Harry threw his strong arms around her, kissing the top of her head and whispering simple comforts into her ear.
Remus watched as this scene unfolded and felt a twinge in his heart for the young pair before him. He still did not agree with what they had done, but for a moment he understood and felt empathy for their situation. He should never have underestimated Harry, after all Harry had always proven himself as an overly-capable boy and now, as a fully-grown wizard. And Ginny…poor, sweet Ginny. She had also shown her true colors over the last years, fighting alongside the Order, never complaining, never showing grief or faltering when death came upon her life.
Amidst all the trouble and worry over battle Remus had forgotten that the two were real, gentle, loving people with genuine emotions. He swallowed hard knowing that there was only one possible answer, a tough and desperate one, but an answer all the same.
He shuffled out a cough to catch their attention and spoke softly. “This will take time to figure out, but I believe there is a solution, it will just take some finding. Let’s not waste any more time.”
Ginny and Harry nodded and the three set their minds to work.
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Ginny raced for the brick divider and entered into the bustling train station full of muggles that she’d never before been so annoyed to see. Her long, red hair flying behind her, she stormed out of Kings Cross as fast as she could and found her way into a nearby alley. Making sure that no one was around to see her disappear, she concentrated hard on the one place she knew she could go alone to release the pressure of tears swelling even deeper behind her eyes and with a loud crack she had apparated to the burrow.
As her eyes focused on the building before her, a sudden sharp fear paralyzed her in place. After her parent’s death the burrow had been abandoned. At first Ginny had returned regularly to scream or cry, or even just throw something, because she knew this was a place that no one else would dare follow her to, or even look for her at. However, as time progressed, and James aged, Ginny found less and less desire to return to her childhood home, and the separation of everything she’d loved in her past sifted into a deeper and deeper hole.
It was a crisp September afternoon and it felt like it had so many afternoons before when her family had loaded together and headed off for the Hogwarts train, laughing, rushing here and there to remember everything they needed, and almost always returning to grab the one thing that they forgot. The burrow had been a grand, inviting house at that time, but now the building before her was tall and looming with shadows filling the outside walls like weary circles under tired eyes.
There was a whistle of wind that came racing past her face and she shrugged her shoulders in confidence. As her left foot moved her one step closer, she noticed the familiar way her shoe sunk into the slightly damp ground. The grass covered her foot as if trying to steer her backwards and she pulled sideways to meet with the dirt path leading to the front door.
The closer she got, the louder the voices became. She could hear Bill laughing, and Charlie shouting victories over Quidditch. There was an explosion and then a unison apology called out from Fred and George’s room upstairs, and her mother giggled as her father dipped and kissed her and there was a mutual gag from all the children. Then it was silent, just a building again, and Ginny saw the reality of her former home filled with only memories of ghosts. Never again would those voices sound out throughout the walls of this location.
She wished her mum could be here right now to hug her and spread wisdoms. Ginny pushed her tongue against the back of her teeth as she remembered how Molly must have understood death so much more than her. Molly knew what it meant to loose not only a husband, but children as well. Ginny found herself expressly grateful that James was safe and strong, unlike so many other children that had been born throughout the war. With that extended courage sucked into her insides, she entered the house.
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Remus pressed into their eyes, holding closely to the stillness. “You’ve told no one else, Ginny?”
“No, no one,” she said swiping a tear from her cheek.
“Bear in mind you’ve committed yourself to do whatever it takes, yes?”
“Yes,” she said firmly, being careful to hide any lingering doubts.
Harry rubbed her shoulder in confidence and Ginny smiled at him. Butterflies filled her stomach as she caught his eyes, tired, but still filled with that new hope she’d noticed earlier.
“And you, Harry? You are also prepared to go to any length to protect what we know here?”
“Yes, Remus, anything.”
Remus paused again, obviously uncertain of the thoughts tangled within his mind. Ginny found herself becoming even more nervous now then she had been before telling Harry, and waiting with baited breath. She had no expectations of any sort of solution and was hungry for something to ease her mind.
Remus made sure to connect his gaze with both Harry and Ginny, and then stated blankly, “You have to die.”
Ginny and Harry stood puzzled, running the words over in their mouths.
“Die? What? Well that’s not funny at all, Remus!” Ginny spit out in indignation.
“No, no, not literally, Ginny. But everyone will have to think so.”
“I don’t understand…” Ginny was beginning to feel worse than she had before Remus had given this unwelcome idea.
“Ginny, you will need to disappear into hiding, presumably with Harry, but that will never work, obviously if you’re still alive. If the Order thinks you’ve been kidnapped they will come looking for you. If you’ve run away, the same.” Ginny hated to think where this was going.
“As well, there are others who know the code for Harry’s distress and are aware that I rushed to see him this evening; they will expect to know what the emergency was. You can be certain the moment I return to headquarters I will be rushed with questions.”
Harry looked to his wife and gave her a concerned, but agreeable glance. Ginny could tell he was much more understanding of Lupin’s words than she was.
“I just don’t like this, Remus; I don’t like this at all! I’m not certain exactly what you’re planning, but I don’t even want to hear the rest of it. I will not have my family believe that I have been killed when I am perfectly well! They’ve had to deal with enough of that in truth!”
“And you would rather open a particularly easy path for Voldemort and his death eaters to kill everyone close to you by making this known, then?”
The room stood quietly as a single tear found its way from Ginny’s eye. She stood stiffly, hoping Harry would agree with her and help find a different, much more reasonable solution.
“Ginny…he has a point…”
“What? No, Harry! How could you even think this is valid at all?”
Remus stepped into the conversation again. “Ginny, I know this is a horrible plan, but I would just have you think for a moment the situation we’re in. Voldemort gains more power every day he is left alive and with this increasing power, Voldemort gains knowledge; knowledge which he is using to find Harry’s weaknesses, his greatest of which, I fear, is you, and soon to be, this child.”
Ginny let out a heavy breath.
“He knows almost everything we do, and it has been a very meticulous and trying time to simply keep Harry’s whereabouts a secret. If anyone else at the Order knew where he was, I am not certain he would still be alive.”
Harry let out a heavy breath this time, but Ginny knew it was not out of fear, but of understanding that these statements were all too true.
“In that, Ginny, if Voldemort knew of Harry’s feelings for you, and this is just saying any feelings at all-not considering they are so deep he has gone and married you-you would absolutely be unsafe. This is why we tried so desperately to keep you apart, and why we were so adamant to burn into Harry the danger of pursuing a relationship with you.”
“Yes, but why do I have to ‘die’? Can’t we figure some other way to keep this secret?” Ginny pleaded, knowing full well the response, but hoping all the same.
“I assume you want to keep the child, and raise it?” Remus questioned quickly.
Ginny looked at Harry, who responded with an affirming nod. “Yes, we do,” she replied.
“Then no, Ginny, there really is no other option. We have to trust very few, and tell even less of this.”
“What about-“
“You parents? You know that answer already, Ginny, I know you do. Even though I certainly don’t believe your parents would run and tell death eaters about this baby, I feel their emotions are too deeply rooted in protecting their children to be safe. They would react as parents, and not as calmly-minded individuals. This goes the same for most everyone-war does strange things to a man’s heart and mind. Ginny, they have to think you’ve died, that there is no way for you to be rescued, in order for the three of you, Harry, you and this baby, to have any chance of survival. Do you understand this?”
Ginny’s mind raced for any sort of intelligent rebuttal, but found nothing. She wouldn’t dare admit it to anyone, but she had known from the very moment she’d discovered this pregnancy that the only way for her own safety to remain in its current condition, as well ensuring any chance of this child coming into the world, would be to do something drastic, something particularly terrible to think of. Like having to tell her parents she’d died, perhaps.
“I suppose I understand, but even then, what kind of lies do you expect the Order to really believe? They are not just some random brood of unintelligible pirates! They will catch on to even the slightest corner of a tale of this magnitude.”
Remus had obviously thought of all these things. “It’s not uncommon for Harry to go in search of horcrux clues on his own as long as he tells one Order member, which is most always me. I will have to tell them that the mission went array when he discovered they had kidnapped you and were holding you ransom, and in his quick wit Harry called only for me because he didn’t want your family to find you in that position and lose their concentration or cool.”
Harry thanked him for the quick-wit compliment and Ginny smacked his arm.
“Well what about my body? You know my family won’t sit still unless there’s a body.”
Remus looked a bit ill at this thought and Ginny could see for the first time throughout the conversation that this was as difficult for him as it was for her.
“I’d rather not go into detail about that one, but I believe it sufficient to say your body will have been…well…disposed of, so to say.”
“You would really just do that to me? You would really just ‘dispose’ of my body? I don’t believe this! Harry, this is a joke!”
Ginny turned to Harry for help, but noticed his face was serious. “That’s not what he said, Gin…” Harry said quietly.
“So you think this would actually work?” His eyes lifted to meet Ginny in that commanding way that she normally found attractive, but this time, it sent chills up her spine. “Harry?”
“Ginny…what other choice do we have…”
More tears began to stream down her cheeks as she pushed Harry far away from her. “I can’t bear the thought of my mother’s expression when she’s told yet another one of her children has been killed! It will only fuel more anger! What if Ron goes crazy?”
Remus sighed. “Ginny, these are details that I will handle, but I need you and Harry to decide if this is what you are going to do. There is no room for weakness if we go through with this. I understand that the urge would be to break and tell your family otherwise, but it would be a death sentence for many people, including yourselves. Ginny, Harry, both of you, I need you to make a vow that you will follow this through until the end. When Voldemort has been killed we can sort out how to, well, bring you back to life really, but until then you will basically…no longer exist.”
There was silence in the room as Ginny turned her back to the two men and walked towards the shabby couch. She looked at them every minute or so, as if to speak, but never quite found the words, and the men continued to wait.
“Harry,” she finally said softly. Harry walked to her side and sat on the couch next to her. “What if something happens to you? Then what will I do? I can’t do this…raise this baby…alone…”
“Oh, Gin,” Harry said as he scooped her into his arms, “I will win this war, and I will kill Voldemort with more swift passion then I ever would have before. This baby will never know a day without me, and neither will you.”
Ginny watched him for a moment. Harry had said these words from his gut and even though every inch of her being was terrified and confused, she knew what must happen.
“Then we do what is necessary,” she said gently into his chest.
Harry looked to Remus and gave a simple nod. Remus returned the motion and disappeared into the night.
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A/N: Thank you so much for all the reviews so far, but please keep them coming! I hope you like this chapter and are intrigued! There’s so much more coming in the next chapters and I hope I’m as excited writing them as you are reading them!