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A Battle of Mind and Heart by mollyweasleyisfantastic

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A/N: I only wish I could be so lucky to have written this myself, but alas, everything Harry Potter belongs to a one Miss JK Rowling.

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Ginny settled her shaking hand on the screen door that was lying ripped from its hinges, blocking the entryway, and pulled it to the side just far enough to walk past. It was overwhelming to enter the Burrow this time. Windows were still shattered and the glass from them lye spread all around the floor. Furniture was overturned and the ghostly screaming of all who died within the walls echoed through her bones.

She had been here since the battle, but something had changed…there was something this time that was calling to her, something oddly awake and resonating. The room began to stir and swing about as if the shadows were alive and a sweeping emotion lifted all her strength away.

I just don’t know how to be strong anymore…Ginny thought hopelessly. She collapsed onto the dusty wood floors of her childhood home, tears exploding from her weary brown eyes.

“All I ever wanted was you, Harry. Nothing more, nothing less. I don’t understand how I’m supposed to believe anything else, or how to want anything different. How am I supposed to have any other life than the one I had with you?”

Ginny swallowed the thick ball of anger swelling within her throat, her will broken and quickly leaving, and cried into the open space once more.

“Why?! Why did you have to leave me? I need you, Harry! I can’t do this anymore…I can’t live like this anymore!”

Her thoughts anchored towards the son they had created together, that beautiful, exciting child that Harry had only been able to spend a few years getting to know. She hugged her own waist and began to rock on her knees as coughs spit out her mouth alongside the screams.
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“You’re doing great Ginny, don’t give up,” Tonks coached calmly.

Ginny felt like her body was going to shatter in the pain and took cherished relief in between contractions. She looked around at the decrepit room she was laying in, then down to a mousy brown-haired woman at her feet; she had never been more grateful for another female in her life.

Tonks had been recruited by her husband, Remus, in the early evening when Ginny went into labor. It only took a few minutes for Harry and his friend to realize they could not do this on their own and there was left but only one option, call another woman.

There wasn’t much time to explain the details at first, but since this labor had been continuing from 6pm until 5am, there had been moments of lull to tell Tonks the necessary bits. Her reaction had been similar to her husbands, although she was always much calmer than he.

“I’m sorry you had to find out this way,” Ginny said in a still moment, “and it means a lot to me that you’ve come…”

“Well…I’m not really sure what I think about all of this, quite a shock, that’s for certain,” Tonks said as she dipped a small towel into a bowl of warm water and placed it over Ginny’s forehead, “but, I can’t say that I blame you either. Quite a looker, that Harry,” She laughed out loud trying to get Ginny’s mind off of such problems. Tonks knew that Ginny needed all her strength for the delivery to be safe, and dwelling on frivolities at this time was not conducive.

“Thank you…” Ginny whispered a moment later.

All Ginny had thought about lately was what a horrible thing she’d done to those she loved, and often contemplated and doubted her choices. When Tonks had entered the room that evening there was a rush of humiliation that enveloped the young woman and she just knew that Remus’ wife was thinking all sorts of terrible judgments and painful things to condemn her with. Yet Tonks had said nothing of the sort, and the gentle joke prior showed the true character of her feelings.

“Oh! Here comes another one…” Ginny scrunched through belated breath. She rolled her head into her chest and pushed with all her might, keeping in mind simple pleasures like flowers and a sunny day in the mountains to avert the pain. It didn’t help much.

“Nymphadora knows what she’s doing, Harry, don’t worry.” Remus said trying to calm a nervous father-to-be outside the room.

“Right, yeah, of course,” he sad overly agreeable. Harry had been trying to pretend that he was not concerned, but it was more than obvious by the silence, the pacing and the constant fidgeting of his fingers through his hair.

There was another gasp from behind the door and Harry shot his eyes in its direction. Ginny wasn’t a screamer, but there were definite groans of pain leaving her mouth and Harry wished this baby would hurry itself and enter the world already.

“Must be a girl,” he laughed awkwardly as he tried to stir the tension in the air.

Remus smiled with him and the two plopped on the floor in unison, rather exhausted from the long night. Neither had eaten or slept, but knew the two women were having a bit of a harder time then they and unspokenly agreed to leave the issue well-enough alone.

There was a sudden, desperate cry in pain and then silence, and Harry’s ears perked to the situation.

“What’s happened?” He asked Remus as he swallowed a large ball into his throat.

“Not sure,” Remus replied nonchalantly.

Within the room there was calm. Ginny let her head drop back on to one of the pillows behind her, completely exhausted, and closed her eyes. Her heart pounded and sweat lingered over her entire body, but the bursting sound of an infant crying reminded her of the precious gift waiting to meet her.

“Ginny,” Tonks whispered as Ginny opened her eyes, “You have a son; a beautiful, healthy boy.” Tonks finished wiping the infant with a gentle, brown towel and lifted him up to his mother.

Ginny let out an eager breath and welcomed the wrapped bundle into her arms. His cheeks were chubby and pink and Ginny smoothed her hand over his lush head of thick, black hair.

“Just like your daddy, I see,” she said as she kissed his forehead and smiled.

Tonks took in a soothing breath, thankful the delivery was over and both mother and child were healthy and safe. She met Ginny’s eyes for a moment and noticed how adult she’d become overnight.

This is not the young girl I met many years ago, she thought gently.

She wrapped her arms around her own chest and thought not about the confusion that had overwhelmed her when she first arrived, nor the racing inquiries and unpleasantries she’d wanted to say to both Gin and Harry, but rather saw only a mother in love with her newborn son, and a couple who had gone to incredible lengths to ensure that the young boy would have a life of wonder and content. She was in awe at their strength and courage, not bitter at their youthful indiscretions.

“Thank you so much, Nymphadora…you have no idea,” Ginny said quietly.

Tonks gave a very subtle bend of the head in response. “Shall I give Harry the good news, then?” She grinned.

Harry sprung to his feet as the door slowly creaked open to reveal a very tired caretaker. She stepped outside and closed the door behind her and both Harry and Remus began to feel fear creep through their skin…was something wrong? What had happened?

“Go meet your son, Harry.” Tonks said coolly.

“A son? Oh Merlin! Did you hear that, Remus? I have a son!” A gigantic smile took over Harry’s entire face and he bound through the door to meet his new family.

“Give it a moment,” Tonks said to her husband, gently placing her hand on his chest to stop him from following Harry into the room. He smiled at her and wrapped his arms around her waist, knowing there was much to discuss in later time.

“Harry, he’s so beautiful,” Ginny said in a tone so sweet Harry felt his heart begin to melt, “and he looks just like you.”

Harry leaned down to the tiny bundle in his wife’s arms and moved the blanket just slightly enough to uncover the sleeping face hidden beneath. His breath fell swiftly from his lungs as he gazed at the tiny human curled so peacefully amongst such dim and dank quarters. Ginny motioned for him to take the boy into his own arms and Harry did so without a moment’s hesitation.

“How is it possible to love something this much, Gin?” He said as he examined his son’s tiny hands and fingers.

He felt Ginny’s hand gently wrap around his arm and he turned to look at her face. She’d never looked more beautiful to him than she did at this very moment and he felt as if he would explode for the emotions pounding through his chest. It had been a long time since he’d been this happy.

“Gin…” he said softly as he placed the baby back in her chest, “thank you.”

She let out a gentle giggle and replied, “Well, you’re welcome, no trouble at all, really.”

Harry smiled back at her and leaned down to place a soft kiss her lips. He lingered for a moment then pulled back just enough to catch her eyes in his own. Certain fear filled his body as he realized the dark world that lay outside these four walls and was determined to protect his family from it.

Ginny raised her right palm and placed it carefully on his cheek and Harry’s body tingled with the sensation. He couldn’t lose her. He couldn’t lose his son.

“I will keep you safe, Gin,” he said, his eyes blazing into hers. “I will win this war, and I will come back home to you after every battle until there are no more battles to be fought.” He sat up completely now and inched himself onto the side of the bed. He looked at the baby one more time and let his hand fall softly across its back. “James will never know a day without me, and nor will you. I know I’ve said it before, but I want you to know just how much I mean it. I promise you.”
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The air was tight with tears and anger, and Ginny braced the memory in her mind a second longer. He had promised her.

“You told me that we would never be without you! But you’re not here and James needs you, Harry! This isn’t fair!”

She felt her fingers roll themselves into tightly-wound fists and she punched the ground, more tears staining the floor before her. Every inch of her frail body was shaking with intense emotion as she fell completely limp amongst the rubble and heaved one more desperate cry.

The fire red of her hair exploded against the dim light of the remnants of the living room she was curled up in and she felt a strange sensation prickle up the back of her neck.

Ginny had returned to the burrow many times to revel in emotions such as these, however, never had the pain been more real. Until this moment she had always been able to cry the reality of his death away, leaving with the same mind that Harry was somehow going to return to her, that everything would be fine again. But there was something different this time. Perhaps it was the fact that James had finally left for school and she no longer had him there to sustain her sanity, or perhaps it was simply that time had caught up with her, but somehow, the pain of eight years collapsed upon her and Ginny couldn’t even find the strength to stand.

The eerie sounds of her reckoning pain echoed throughout the halls and many floors of the Burrow, causing old creaks and shadows to resurrect themselves and Ginny slowed her breath to listen. She could hear the windowpanes bellow in aged moans and the steps creak as if beckoning for use. She glanced up towards the wall to notice the fireplace that was sitting in front of her.

I remember the first time Harry used floo powder in this very fireplace…she thought through more tears.

Brushing her hair out of her face with a smooth right hand, she glanced around the room, taking in the trash and destruction that still remained from the battle so many years ago. So much death in such a small place…she mumbled. She inhaled as the wind pushed a strong, rainy breeze through the broken glass window and found within it the courage to pull herself from a ball on the floor to her knees once more.

Not too far from her was the hutch her mother had kept so many pictures and knick-knacks on, now turned on its side, lying broken and defeated across the ground. She pushed herself back against it to rest her tired body and pulled her hair to the right side of her neck, stopping momentarily to caress the aching joint.

“Harry…” she whispered, collecting herself into calm, “I wish you were here…I wish…I wish you were here to hug me and hold me and kiss me to tell me that I will be all right. I’m not really sure what to do, Harry…I’m so lonely.”

There was another howl of wind outside the house and Ginny looked towards the window where only a frame remained. She could see her father’s body flying backwards through it, a blast of green light rapturing his life. Another set of tears flocked down her cheeks and she quickly looked back down at her feet.

“This is so hard, Harry,” she pressed through sobs, “and I feel so defeated, like I’ll never be right again.”

More creaks from the stairs and Ginny gave them little glance. In the air, Harry was pulling her hand as she giggled with absolute content, so carefree and full of life. She closed her eyes and took in another deep breath. She could smell him, feel his rough hands graze her jaw as he pulled her in for a passionate kiss. She could hear his heart pounding after they’d made love and the gentle breathing as he slept. Ginny felt her back slump a little farther down the edge of the hutch and spoke into the darkness again.

“I help George at the shop, and I think that he likes the red-headed company, but it’s not what I want to do with my life. What else is there to do, though, I suppose, Harry? We always talked about raising a family and I always thought that would be my life’s work…” her voice trailed off as she thought about her son once more.

Harry and Ginny had done so much to keep him hidden, to keep him safe. The two and a half years spent raising him, running from secret place to secret place, trying to remain unknown to Voldemort’s army as well as the Order, had been an exhausting but hopeful time. Ginny smiled as she remembered the way Harry would beam every time James said “Dad” or the way James would squeal with delight whenever Harry came home from a mission.

It wasn’t easy to keep their son secret from those they loved. Tonks had never returned to visit, best for everyone’s sake that she stay away, and Remus was with the family as often as missions deemed necessary, but never for pleasure. He would often report to her and Harry how those back home were doing, but Ginny asked never to know how the news of her supposed death was taken.

Even harder than her death, however, was trying to come back to life. It had been nearly more difficult to present herself to her family, full of the shame of what she had done and barely paired with the courage of her husband and child to remind her of the reasoning behind her choices. It was only in the careful and loving prodding of Harry that she found the courage to reveal her secrets.
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Ginny rubbed her palms down the side of her dark green jumper once more as her heart pounded inside her chest. She could barely breathe for the emotions exploding within her. A furious mix of excitement, fear, anticipation and confusion filled her mind to the point of bursting and she closed her eyes to take a calming breath.

“Ginny, it will be all right,” a familiar voice whispered in her ear. She leaned into the strong hand that had been placed on her shoulder and placed her own on top of it.

“I’m so scared, Harry. I just don’t know what to expect.”

Harry turned her around to face him and wrapped his arms around her waist. He leaned in and left a gentle kiss on her forehead, which she responded to with a soft squeeze around his chest. After so many years of searching and waiting, battles and secrets, the war was finally almost over. Harry had found and destroyed the remaining horcruxes and there was now only one object left to conquer, Voldemort himself.

Harry had called a meeting with the Order, some of whom had not seen him in almost four years, to arrange the final battle, which he knew would ultimately come down to just him and the dark wizard. It would be less than an hour’s time in which he would arrive at headquarters, but he had more in mind than just war.

“I don’t really know what to expect, either, Gin, and I have to admit that I’m almost more scared about this than I am facing Voldemort.”

Ginny nodded assuringly, but, like always, Harry knew what was running deep through her tired mind.

“This has to be done. Ginny, if something happens to me you will need your family. The time has finally come to face that reality.” Harry took her sweating hands into his own and watched as their fingers tangled amongst each other. “This is the right time, the only time.”

“I know, Harry,” she sighed, “it’s just…it’s been so long, nearly three years now! And all this time they’ve thought I’d been killed at the hands of that terrible wizard. What a horrible, horrible lie to tell someone! What if they don’t forgive me? What if they don’t think it was worth it? All this for…oh, Harry…what if they’re mad about James and don’t love him? What if James is scared? What if he doesn’t understand? There are so many questions, my heart aches for merely thinking of them!” Ginny flopped her shoulders down with a sigh and pulled into Harry’s chest. There was no other place she preferred to be more than this one.

‘”Nonsense, Gin, you know full well that they will love their grandson and nephew. And we’ve talked to James about this too many times for him to not understand or to be frightened. He has your courage, you know. And your mind.” Harry stroked the back of her hair, kissing the top of her head once more.

“Mummy?” A soft voice said as Ginny felt a tug at her jeans. Harry bent down and swooped up the black haired boy asking if he was ready to meet Granddaddy and Grandmummy. With a giggle from James’ sweet mouth and a deep breath from Ginny, he held his family close and apparated to Order headquarters.

The familiar sucking sensation was over as fast as it began and Ginny found herself face to face with a looming wooden door. This is it. No backing down now…she encouraged herself as she lined behind Harry. She took James from his arms and cradled the squirming two-year old with a full embrace, her wand at the ready beneath his blanket.

Harry knocked four times across the upper right corner of the door then recited a strange line, letting his presence be known. There was silence, then an echoing knock in response.

“Does the elephant know its way across the flowered fields?” A deep voice scratched out from behind the door.

Harry leaned in and replied, “Only on days of red rain.”

Ginny could hear a collection of locks and spells being removed for what felt like an eternity, then at last, light. Harry rushed her in first, looking around to make sure there were no spies following, and entered immediately after. Remus shook Harry’s hand with both of his own then turned to Ginny with glowing eyes. He pulled James out of her arms to give him a tight hug before setting him to his feet. Ginny reached for James’ hand as Remus spoke quietly.

“Tonks has not seen this one since his birth, and I know she’s elated to meet the energetic toddler he’s become.” Ginny tried to smile, but nothing really moved. Remus’ wife was the only other person who knew.

Remus patted James on the head then turned his attention elsewhere with dignified calm. “We’ve been waiting a long time for this, Harry.”

Her husband clenched his jaw and nodded. “Far too long, my friend, far too long.”

“The Order has been prepared has much as possible, and they eagerly await your return.” He searched the couple and played with his palms nervously. “It will be a reunion of all sorts won’t it?” The space fell quiet with fear and anticipation. Remus understood the mood and simply added, “Ready?”

Ginny couldn’t even gather herself to nod, but stared at him with conceding eyes. He responded with a half smile, which was of no comfort to her, then led the way through a dimly lit hall. Remus glanced one more time at the couple before easing open another locked door and showing Harry through. He waited in the doorway, propping it open slightly, knowing Harry would not be the last one to greet all who remained inside.

Ginny waited, listening for voices. Who would be here, who was left?

“Harry…” A woman’s voice gasped, and at once Ginny knew it was her mother.

“Molly!” Harry said, choking on overwhelming elation at seeing his mother-in-law. He embraced her tightly and Molly commented that he was too skinny, as she had always done before, and Harry simply responded, “We’ll work on that.”

Ginny listened as her father, Fred, George, Hermione, McGonagall, Moody, Tonks, and many others greeted Harry warmly. Then she heard a gentle voice cough out a weak hello and tears filled her eyes.

“Hello, Ron,” Harry responded equally gentle. There was a pause, and then a scramble and slapping and Ginny knew they were locked in a desperate hug. She could hear quiet tears and wondered if her own welcome would be as warm.

Remus let out a conspicuous cough and Harry knew that it was time to introduce those waiting just beyond the wall.

“Before we begin this meeting, there’s…there’s something else, something very important that I need to tell everyone, if you could just gather yourselves for a moment.”

Ginny’s heart was pounding so loud she was certain it could be heard outside of her chest.

“Well, I suppose there’s no easy way to say this…” Harry swallowed. For the first time in a long time he was afraid. He met Molly’s confused gaze and hoped she would handle this well. With that he nodded to Remus who stepped farther back and widened the opening for the door. Ginny clutched the hand of her son with every inch of muscle in her body and stepped through.

There was much more light in this room than the rest of the building, but it was still not bright enough for everyone to comprehend the face before them. Ginny knew she had changed, but she’d hoped that it would not be so drastic her own family wouldn’t recognize her. The air was sucked from the room and Harry reached for her hand.

“I would like you to meet (he inhales) Ginny Potter…and James Potter.”

Ginny felt as if she was going to explode as James crept from behind her with the gentle coaxing from his mother’s touch and there was agonizing stillness in the room. Ginny looked at the faces around her, searching desperately for her family.

“Mum?” She said as she finally caught her mother’s tired face standing against the wall with George.

“Ginny?” Molly gasped, shaking with fear and hope. She inched forward through the surrounding bodies until she was only a few feet away. She studied Ginny’s face for a minute or so, her eyes wild with the scene. There was just the sound of creaking floor boards as Molly tried to understand and believe what was presented before her.

“Is it possible?” She whispered, revelation creeping in.

“Mum…” Ginny began to sob, “It’s really me…”

Molly exploded in cries and threw her arms around the daughter she’d believed to have died three years before. “I don’t understand! I thought you were dead!” She sobbed.

“Oh, mum! I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry!”

Ginny felt another hand on her back and looked up to see her father with tears spilling down his cheeks. “Oh, dad!” She said as they fell into a tight embrace. “I’ve missed you so much!” Arthur Weasley nodded as he pulled back and wiped his tears with a shaking hand.

“Mum?” James hissed at her side. Ginny looked down and noticed that he had crept beneath her legs and was standing in between Molly and herself. Molly gave Ginny a questioning glance.

“Right, mum, dad, everyone…I believe Harry introduced this little stranger,” she said as she hauled James into her arms to make him eye-level with the rest of the Order, “this is our son, James.”

Ginny held her breath as obvious contemplation was taking place across the room.

“Ganmum?” James blurted, ripping into the awkward silence. Molly looked at Ginny as if seeking approval then beamed at the child and bit her lip as she nodded affirmatively. “Hug!” James popped again as he reached his arms towards her.

There was a gentle giggle from the surrounding audience and Ginny let out a deep breath. Molly reached back to her grandson and Ginny released James into her arms.

“I suppose you’re not a very shy lad are you?” Molly cooed.

Ginny stepped back into Harry’s waiting arm as those around, standing, watching the scene, swarmed the three newcomers for hugs and questions. Harry beamed as everyone begged to hold his son, and Ginny swallowed the precious air around him. She never let go of her husband’s side and at one brief moment, when they were left alone, leaned in to steal a kiss. Her heart leapt at the touch of his warm lips and thanked the stars that this beautiful man belonged to her.

She felt as if an entire world had been removed from her heart, leaving weightless joy in its place, but there were still many questions to answer and Harry still had one more challenge to face. It was time for the final battle.
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“Oh, Harry…you were such a wonderful father and an amazing husband…” Ginny whispered into the swaying air.
“You were my best friend, my life, my hopes, my every dream…and I just wish…” tears began to form again around her swollen brown eyes, “I just wish I could have one more moment with you.”

Suddenly a huge, banging crash shot Ginny from her daydreams and she instinctively reached for her wand.

“Hello?” She hollered into the cold air. She pushed off the hutch and slowly moved to her feet, not bothering to brush the dirt of her clothes. “Is someone there?”

Perhaps it was an animal, she thought dimly, but was not so quick to believe it. She stared towards the front door, but nothing looked out of place. She threw her head around to catch sight of the stairs, but again, nothing. She listened silently, her breath the only sound filling the room.

“Perhaps I was hearing things,” she mumbled.

Another clanging, this time longer but less defined, reverberated from the kitchen and she gripped her wand even tighter. Her heart began to race and years of fear rushed into her bones.

“Who’s there?” She demanded as she began to creep towards the sound. There was a footstep or two and she was certain she would jump out of her skin. Who the hell would have followed her here?

“Ginny?” A gentle voice said into the stillness and Ginny fell instantly frozen. Her lungs shut up like plastic bags as a pair of brilliant green eyes met her own.

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A/N: As a reader, I normally hate cliffhangers because they’re just so terrible to wait upon, but I didn’t feel there was any other way to end this chapter. So don’t hate me for it, but rather savor it! And I promise to get the next chapter up soon! Thank you for reading! Please review!