Disclaimer: In my next life, I will come back as J.K. Rowling. But until then, I don’t own any of this. =P
If someone you love hurts you, cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it.
-- Anonymous
James Potter lay in bed, ruffling his disheveled black hair. He gazed pensively at the scarlet curtains draped around him, lost in the realms of his thoughts. The dusky velvet sky speckled with stars marked the closing of his first day back at Hogwarts. He was not sure how he felt about it.
This was his last year at Hogwarts and already everything was different. He, James Potter, prankster-extraordinaire, had been appointed Head Boy. For the first time in his life, he had responsibilities to take care of. His parents had always dispensed upon demand anything he wanted. Nothing had ever been expected of him. His grades and behaviour had never been of great consequence to them. Having had him late in life, they considered him their greatest treasure, and let him do as he pleased. Suddenly, he was partly responsible for the welfare of the entire student population. He could not fathom how he would achieve such a momentous task.
His other problem, and in his mind the graver of the two, was regarding the girl sharing all of his responsibilities this year. He could remember the exact day that he had fallen for her. They were in their fourth year, and he had transfigured her kitten into a flobberworm. She had been so relentlessly furious, so unstoppably livid, that he could hardly stand it. No one had ever told him off like that; his parents, his friends, even his teachers were won over by his charms. This girl, this suddenly beautiful girl, had actually stood up to him and ripped him up, taking his heart as she did it. Ever since that moment, Lily Evans had captivated him. He had wished more than anything for her to return his feelings, to no avail. She had resented and rejected his love. He put up with it for years, brushing off her rejections with a laugh. Each time, however, the rejection stung deeper.
In the summer, his friends finally took action to save their friend from another year of misery.
* * * * * * * * * *
“Prongs? PRONGS!” bellowed Sirius into the distracted face of his friend.
James leaped into the air, glowering at Sirius.
“What is your prob-”
“My problem is that you aren’t listening to my new marauding plans for this year,” said Sirius, pointing emphatically to a page entitled “Top Secret Evil Plans”.
“Great title,” yawned James.
“Pay attention, Prongs! What is with you?”
“I’m thinking about what to write in my new poem for Lily. How does this sound so far, ‘L is for Lovely. I is for Intelligent. L is for Laughy. Y is for “”
“Laughy? Good Lord, he’s finally lost it. I don’t even want to know what Y stood for,” said Remus. Peter snorted, but silenced himself at the scathing look he received from James.
“Listen, this is my last year to make her like me, and I can’t get rejected again!”
James’ friends were silent for a moment. The warm June sunlight was pouring in through his windows, exposing his large and extravagant bedroom.
“Actually James, we’ve been talking about that and… Well, you know that we only… Have you ever thought that maybe it’s time that you…” tried Remus.
“Moony, spit it out!” cried James, looking perplexedly at his friends.
“Have you ever thought that it’s time to just give up… on Lily? Now let me finish “” tried Remus again.
“ARE YOU CRAZY?” James yelled. “First of all, this is none of your business and secondly, I’m never giving up on her!”
“Calm down, mate,” said Sirius. “We realize that you really like her, but you’ve spent three years in misery because she doesn’t feel the same way! This is our last year at Hogwarts. It’s supposed to be the best year of our lives, and you’re going to waste it by sitting around depressed the whole time, whining about Evans! There are so many other girls out there “”
“No, you’re wrong! I’ve never liked anyone else and I never will. There aren’t any other girls out there.”
“Don’t you see what this is doing to you? You’re completely blinded by her. You’ve just got to move on,” said Remus.
“Lots of girls like you,” said Peter. “What about Evangeline? She’s always following you around.”
“Yeah, good idea, Wormtail. Evangeline Wilson is the perfect girl for you. She’s talented and gorgeous. What else do you need?” suggested Sirius.
* * * * * * * * * *
James remembered that summer day well. He had been so furious with his friends for even suggesting such a thing, but their words had struck a chord. Loving Lily had left him dejected for three years. The sight of her would fill him up, but the look on her face would tear him apart. He deserved a good last year. He had never even had a real girlfriend before, and he was sixteen! Sure, he had snogged quite a few girls, but he had never been committed to anyone. It was about time that he devoted himself to someone who would care back. With these thoughts reverberating in this mind, James decided to get over Lily. He had written to Evangeline the next day, asking for a date. He had been nervous when they had gone out, sure that he would hate her. Surprisingly, he found that they had much in common. Soon, his thoughts no longer drifted to the haunting green eyes of another girl.
Yet today, the task of forgetting Lily had become nearly impossible. He thought that he had stopped liking her, but seeing her again, hearing her voice… He had avoided her all day, scared at the idea of falling for her again. He had not known that she would be Head Girl. What would he do now? When she had seen him with Evangeline, he almost thought he had seen a flicker of disappointment cross her face. He knew, rather, that she was probably bubbling with joy.
It was these thoughts that James wrestled with as his first day at Hogwarts came to a close. Unable to conquer them, he let his dreams take him over, drifting to sleep.
* * * * * * * * * *
“Peter, will you pass the bacon,” said James. “Oh, and the ham. Wait, and the sausages. And the -”
“I see you’re still a nasty pig,” said Sarah, sitting down beside him.
“Hello to you too,” replied James, grinning sheepishly.
Violet sat down next to Remus and they immediately began going over their schedules.
“So what pranks do you guys have planned for this year?” asked Sarah.
“You’ll just have to wait and see,” said Peter excitedly.
At that moment, Sirius came stumbling over to them and slammed his fist on the table.
“Detention!” he said. “I’ve got detention already!”
“Oh tell! What did you do?” laughed Sarah.
“Nothing! I was just talking to Evangeline, and Evans came up and said something about me badgering the Hufflepuffs and gave me detention!”
“WHAT?” yelped Sarah.
“Lily gave you detention? I can’t believe it. Why would she…” Violet trailed off. “I’m going to go talk to her.” She picked up her books and stalked away. Sarah sighed and followed her friend.
Remus turned to Sirius.
“Wait, she gave you detention for badgering the Hufflepuffs?”
Sirius’ eyes widened and his friends laughed.
“That’s about the fakest excuse I’ve ever heard,” said James.
“Well what’s her problem then? As much of a pain as Evans can be, I never thought she’d go all Slytherin when she came into some power and start abusing it,” barked Sirius.
“You said you were talking to Evangeline when this happened?” questioned Remus.
“Wait, you think…” started James, as his friends turned to look at him.
“You know, Lily did seem a bit upset yesterday when she saw you two together,” said Peter.
“Oh, come off it, Wormtail,” snarled James.
“No, he’s right,” said Remus.
“So after convincing me to give up on her, now you’re telling me that I’ve still got a shot? Will you make up your minds?” James said angrily.
“I’m just starting to wonder if by moving on, you’ve made Lily fall for you,” said Remus.
Peter laughed.
“Yeah,” he said. “It looks to me as if the roles are reversing themselves.”
* * * * * * * * * *
James noticed how sulky Lily appeared during her classes that day and how she avoided the eyes of the Marauders. Although she seemed to cheer up slightly after double Potions (something James would never understand) he decided to go speak to her. He caught up with her as she was leaving the dungeons.
“Lily, do you think I could talk to you for a second?”
She spun around and flushed when she saw him. Before he could begin speaking, she spluttered out a flood of words.
“Listen, I just had a hard morning, I’m going to cancel Sirius’ detention. I was just really tired and had some trouble with those third year Slytherins and I don’t know why… there was no real reason, I just took my anger out on Black. You know, he is such a trouble maker and I shouldn’t have but I just couldn’t “”
“Lily, just calm down. I just wanted to see if you’re alright,” said James.
“What do you mean, if I’m alright? Alright about what?” asked Lily, sure that she already knew the answer.
“Well, I mean, about me and Evangeline,” he said, surprising himself by turning crimson.
“Of course I am!” she said, more forcefully than she intended to. “Don’t you even know me Potter, I’m relieved, that’s what I am. I’m just happy that you’ve moved on. I’m “ I’m thrilled!” The smile on her face was so taut that it hurt.
“Er, great then,” he replied, forcing a smile on his face.
“Great,” she repeated in a sugary tone. “See you at dinner.”
They parted ways. James felt humiliated for even thinking that Lily could have had feelings for him. He was convinced that he had made a fool of himself, unknowing that Lily felt even more foolish herself.
A/N: OK so I realize that this was a very boring chapter, but please don’t give up on me because the others will be much more exciting. I just needed a chapter to really show how James was feeling. Drama and twists will soon follow, so don’t fall asleep!
~Holly
p.s. Opinions, criticism, suggestions? All welcome!
p.p.s. I’m seriously thinking about changing Sarah’s name. It is just too common and not Potterish enough. What do you think about this? Can you think of a better name? Or would this be too confusing? Thanks