Disclaimer: The usual, none of the characters are mine; they were created by Ms. J.K. Rowling. The only thing I can claim to own in all this is my imagination.
Harry was quite used to seeing the Weasley household in an uproar but today it seemed to have crossed the line from controlled turmoil into total insanity. It was the day of Bill's wedding and he had been able to hear Mrs. Weasley shouting at everyone since daybreak. The wedding was to take place at the Great Hall at Hogwarts at four in the afternoon, followed by a party that would stretch into the night after which they were to return to the Burrow. Harry spent the day dodging Weasleys who were tearing all over the place. Everyone seemed to have something to do, even Hermione. He had asked if he could help with anything but Mrs. Weasley had told him that he could just relax, everything was under control; which, incidentally, was far from being the case. So Harry spent a rather lonely morning watching them rush around him. Finally after a hurried lunch where everyone seemed to be competing to see who could shovel the most amount of food into their mouths in the shortest time, Harry retired to Ron's room to change. He spent quite a long time adjusting his attire, he wanted to look his best for the last time any of them would see him for a while. The new dress robes he had bought fitted well; Madam Malkin had given off her best; and he couldn't deny that he looked quite good in it. He wasn't a skinny eleven year old anymore. After six years of Quidditch and battling Voldemort at every opportunity, he had grown much taller and stronger. Finally at half past two, he stepped out the room ready, only to be almost run over by Ron who went charging in the opposite direction. "SorryHarrylookingoodmate" was all Harry could catch as he hurtled past.
He made his way downstairs and found that the energy levels were reaching feverish heights. Mrs. Weasley seemed to be everywhere at the same time. Mr. Weasley had a look on his face, which clearly indicated that he was wishing that all this would be over soon. Harry saw Ginny run past on an errand for her mother. She was looking quite flustered, rushing around for some last minute chores, but Harry felt she looked just as pretty. She smiled at him as she ran past and Harry felt a thrill run through him. Once she was gone, however, Harry sank into a melancholy mood. It would be bittersweet day. After all, he would be returning to Hogwarts for one day before he left, returning to the place that had been home to him for six years and which would no longer be a sanctuary where he could escape the evil of the world. Harry sat in a comfortable armchair sunk in his thoughts, while the tempest raged around him. He didn't even notice the twins trying to get in everyone's way and then attempt to dodge the various hexes being fired at them by their frustrated mother and sister. Harry was struck once again by the enormity of the task that had been set for him. He had to find the remaining Horcruxes with no help at all. Then he had to defeat Voldemort with absolutely no idea as to how he was to do so. He heaved a deep sigh and wished again that he didn’t have the scar, the scar that marked him as Voldemort’s biggest enemy.
It was entirely possible that Harry would have gone on thinking such thoughts till the last trump if he hadn’t suddenly come back to reality with a strange feeling that something was not right. It took him a moment to realize that he was now completely alone and the noise had ceased. He looked at his watch; it was a quarter past three and he realized that everyone else must have gone to get changed. They were to apparate to Hogsmeade at a quarter to four and then carriages would take them from there to the school. Harry got out of his chair and decided to take his thoughts for a walk outside before it was time to leave. Before he could move, he heard a footfall on the stairs and turned to see who was coming down. And then his jaw dropped and he couldn't help goggling.
He thought she had looked good for the Yule Ball during their fourth year but she looked even better this time around. In the two and half years since the Ball she seemed to have changed a great deal, changes he hadn't noticed. She wore a powder blue gown and she seemed to float downstairs. His reaction wasn't lost on her. She smiled gently as she linked her arm with his.
"Close your mouth, Harry Potter, we are not a codfish", she said impishly.
Harry hastily hitched up his lower jaw and retorted "Whatever you say, Mary Poppins."
She laughed and he felt a stab of regret that he wouldn't be hearing that laugh for a long time after that day. He felt a compliment was expected.
"You look..." he began, running through a list of adjectives he could use. “Good", he finished lamely.
He could see a look of disappointment flash across her eyes. "Is that..."
"I mean, you look beautiful, Hermione", he amended hastily, feeling an unnatural warmth in his ears as he said it.
Her face lit up. "Thanks, you look handsome in those new robes. They seem to have been made for you," she said. "So, shall we leave now and wait for the others at Hogsmeade?"
"Sounds good to me. I'll just tell Mr. Weasley and then we'll be on our way." he said, thankful for some respite. He felt as if his face was burning up and he was sure he had turned a bright shade of pink.
When he returned she was standing by the door waiting for him. "Ready to go? You have to hold on to me tightly, Harry, you haven't passed your Apparition test yet."
"I have to do it alone,” Harry replied, “I spoke to Mr. Weasley and he said that with the recent upheaval at the Ministry they don’t really have much time to be scheduling Apparition tests so if I can apparate to Hogsmeade in one piece, he'd consider that as the test and get me passed."
"Oh... well, that's great. I'm sure you'll do it with no problems at all."
Harry looked at her sharply. He seemed to have detected something in her voice. But she was smiling at him now, yet he felt that she had said those words with a touch of... "Ah, I'm looking for things that aren't there", he scolded himself.
"After you", he said courteously.
"See you in a minute."
Harry closed his eyes and concentrated hard on his destination, Madam Rosmerta's hostelry in Hogsmeade. Then he stepped forward and felt the familiar pressure, as if he was being pushed through a thin tube. Just when he thought he couldn't take it anymore, the pressure eased and he opened his eyes and found himself in The Three Broomsticks. Harry quickly checked that all of him had come through especially checking his eyebrows since Ron had failed his test for leaving half of his eyebrow behind. He seemed to be all there so he took a look around. Several of the guests had arrived and he could make out several Ministry officials in the horde. He noticed Percy Weasley amongst them and frowned. Percy was also Bill's brother yet he almost never visited his family any more.
"Inconsiderate prat", muttered Harry.
"Not talking about me, I hope", said a voice behind him.
Harry turned to see Remus Lupin, who had been one of his father's closest friends and who had also taught Harry, Defence against the Dark Arts in his third year. With him was Sirius' cousin, Nymphadora, or Tonks as everyone called her. Harry thought she was looking happier than he had seen her in recent times.
"Wotcher, Harry. Where's Ron and Hermione?" she asked.
Harry looked around... where was Hermione? His eyes roamed across the room before finally finding her in earnest conversation with Luna Lovegood and Neville Longbottom. She saw him looking at her and smiled and he smiled back…
"Err, Harry?" He jerked around to see Lupin and Tonks grinning at him. He felt the color rising in his cheeks again and hastily turned to get some butterbeer from Madam Rosmerta.
The Weasleys and the Delacours finally arrived at ten to four. Everyone bundled into the carriages, which sped off towards the castle. Harry was in a carriage with Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Neville and Luna. Ron, he noticed, was trying his hardest not to stare at Hermione. He seemed to be trying to say something nice but nothing would come. Harry waited till she was deep in conversation with Ginny then he nudged Ron.
"Tell her she looks beautiful", he prompted in a low whisper.
"What? I can't do that. Besides isn't it obvious that she looks good."
"Quite, but women like to hear these things."
"Still, I can't..."
"What are you guys whispering about?" asked Ginny suspiciously.
"Nothing" said Ron quickly but his voice seemed higher than usual. Harry sighed. Sometimes he thought Ron had a block of concrete instead of a head.
The wedding ceremony was wonderful. Bill looked a lot better and his wounds had begun to heal. He still had hideous scars but they couldn't mask the happiness that was obvious on his face. Fleur looked even more beautiful than usual and there were murmurs from some of the younger attendees as she walked down the aisle. She was part veela after all. Harry had managed to overcome the insidious charm of the veela side of Fleur long ago. Ron hadn't been as successful though and Harry tried desperately not to laugh as he watched Ron goggle at his sister in law as she walked towards Bill. He looked over at Hermione who was frowning at Ron's expression and his grin spread even wider.
"What are you smirking about?" asked Hermione in a heated whisper. Harry quickly assumed an expression more in keeping with the solemnity of the occasion.
After the ceremony the guests wandered around looking at the majestic halls of Hogwarts castle. The trio in the meantime was headed towards the Gryffindor common room. Hermione had suggested that they take one last look at it since they weren't coming back. Ron had agreed immediately but Harry had been more reluctant. He didn't need any more reminders of his time at Hogwarts that might weaken his resolve. He had tagged along hoping that the password had changed over the holidays. Unfortunately it hadn’t and the Fat Lady swung back to let them in. They stood looking at the common room for a few moments, the armchairs around the fireplace, the rugs on the floor and the paintings on the wall. Objects that Harry had unconsciously seen for six years, yet he seemed to notice them for the first time now.
After a few moments of looking over the common room, they split up to head to their respective dorms. His dorm affected Harry even more than the common room had. Harry looked down at the bed he had slept on for the last six years. In his mind's eye he could see his books scattered about and Hedwig’s cage standing in the corner; it was as if he was back home.
"Hey Harry, I just remembered Mum asked me to run down to check on the grub. Mind if I run along without you?" Ron said, cutting into his thoughts.
"Sure, no problem. Catch you later", mumbled Harry absently as Ron hurried out.
Harry stood looking out the window at the grounds as he had done numerous times during his stay at Hogwarts. He could feel something hard and prickly blocking his throat and swallowed hard. He couldn't afford to get emotional. Not now. Not here. He looked around one last time and headed back to the common room. He was a little surprised to see Hermione still there. She had also evidently been trying hard to keep her emotions in check. They stood looking at each other and then the tears began to fall silently down her face. And Harry could feel burning tears descend down his cheeks as well. He held her close, each taking comfort in the other's presence.
"I'm scared, Harry."
"I know; I am too. You don't have to come with me you know." He had a wild hope that she would say that she didn't want to, at least then he wouldn't feel so guilty about leaving her behind. But he also knew what she would say.
"No. I can't let you do this alone. You need us with you. We been together for six years, we won't let you go alone into danger," she said firmly. That’s what he had been afraid of.
Fifteen minutes later they were back in the Great Hall. It would have been sooner had Hermione not taken so much time to dry her tear-stained face. Harry felt he could have dried off after a shower in less time. When they reached the Hall, the dancing was about to begin. Ron came up to them.
"You were there for quite some time," he said, his voice betraying a mix of surprise and suspicion.
"Yeah, got rather nostalgic", replied Harry vaguely not wanting to talk about it.
Before Ron could ask any more questions, the band struck up a lively tune and Bill and Fleur stepped onto the dance floor as the newly married couple. All the Weasleys and the Delacours joined them shortly as was the custom. Ginny danced with one of Fleur's cousins and Ron was with another of Fleur’s part veela cousins, Danielle. Harry could feel the little green monster raise its ugly head. Fleur's cousin looked like sculpture that had come alive. He could see Hermione wasn't looking altogether pleased either. He spent a few pleasant moments debating the attractions of the bat bogey hex in comparison with the jelly legs hex, with respect to their effect on Fleur’s cousin; and then he caught himself. It no longer mattered. He probably wasn't going to see her again and it was better if she found someone else. The realization was painful but oddly liberating in a way. Perhaps he’d survive the fight with Voldemort, in which case he could come back to her. But till then the further they were apart, the better it was for her. He turned to see Hermione looking at him strangely.
"Would you care to dance?" he asked with a mock bow.
"I thought you'd never ask," she said grinning, as they headed for the dance floor.
He had a pleasant time dancing with Hermione, mainly because she was a much better dancer and therefore made up for his appearing like an elephant with two left feet. After a short break to relieve his aching calf muscles he danced with Luna and that turned out to be a near disaster. Luna insisted on telling him about the various conspiracy theories that her dad had dug up for his paper, the Quibbler, and Harry had to try very hard not to laugh. The effort, however, made him lose step a couple of times and he accidentally trod rather heavily on her feet on more than one occasion. Nothing seemed to faze the dreamy Luna Lovegood and she accepted Harry's apologies gracefully. Once he was done flattening Luna’s toes, he felt somewhat at a loss. Hermione came up to him as he sat eating treacle fudge with a rather faraway look on his face.
"Why don't you ask Ginny for a dance?"
"We're not together any..."
"I know, she told me. She also told me why and while it’s very noble and all, one dance isn't going to hurt," she said knowledgeably. Harry realized the truth in this, so he asked Ginny for a dance and they took their turn.
Conversation was at a bit of a premium for a while, considering their break-up at Dumbledore’s funeral. Harry was wondering how he could ask her anything without bringing it to the fore again. He settled on a comfortable non-threatening question.
“So… how have you been?”
She started slightly, not having expected to hear him speak. “Oh, um… I’m not too bad. How was your summer?” she asked politely.
“Rotten. My aunt and uncle decided they’d make life as bad as possible for me since I wasn’t going to be returning”, Harry replied with feeling.
Ginny stared at him wide-eyed. “That’s horrible. How can they do that, you are their nephew after all.”
“That’s never stopped them before,” stated Harry simply.
For some reason he hadn’t wanted to tell anyone about Aunt Petunia rather strange behaviour on the day he’d left and he decided he wouldn’t tell Ginny either. It didn’t seem all that important anyway.
Ginny dropped her head slightly and then said softly. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”
This was what Harry had feared. But he couldn’t avoid the topic now that it had come up. “I thought about you a lot too,” he said with a sigh.
“I still stand by what I said that day at Dumbledore’s funeral. I’m ready to do whatever it takes to help you; I want to be by your side.” There was a determined edge to her voice and Harry couldn’t help but wish that he could take her. But he knew he couldn’t, there was too much to lose and Harry couldn’t bear the thought of losing her as well.
“I know and I wish that it could be that way but it isn’t. We have to stay apart, it’s the only way I can be sure you’re safe.”
Her face fell and then suddenly she shot him a most unusual question. “Then why did you ask me to dance?”
Harry gaped, unsure of why she had asked that particular question. He could sense that he shouldn’t say the wrong thing; only he didn’t know what the wrong thing was. So he said the first thing that came to his mind.
“That doesn’t prove much, I danced with Hermione and Luna too.”
“So I’m just one of the girls now, is that it?” she shot back.
“No… yes… I don’t know, all right,” said Harry quickly. There, I’ve said the wrong thing, thought Harry. But there was nothing for it now. Harry was getting decidedly uncomfortable with the conversation and its effect on his resolve, so he opted for the surgeon’s knife as the most painful but most direct way to end that particular line of talk.
“Let’s just say that I don’t have the liberty of having feelings any longer. The fewer feelings I show, the fewer opportunities Voldemort will have of getting to me, or to those I care about,” he finished, his face inscrutable.
“Harry, it’s our feelings that make us who we are. You can’t just leave your feelings behind,” she said and much as Harry wanted to agree with her, he knew he couldn’t.
“No, but I can hide them; and I must, for all our sakes,” he replied in a tone that clearly implied that he didn’t want to continue the conversation. Realising that her attempts were going nowhere, Ginny did not attempt a rejoinder and they danced on in silence.
“Hey, I don’t remember being asked to dance by a zombie?” Harry jerked out of his reverie and saw Ginny smiling at him. He grinned back sheepishly.
“Sorry, was just thinking of some stuff.”
“And what might that be?” she asked curiously.
“About Hogwarts. I guess it is going to stay open, right?” It was a question he had been pondering on for quite a while.
“Yes, I heard Mum and Dad talking about it. Apparently, McGonagall and some of the other teachers met Scrimgeour about it and he’s allowed them to go on with classes for whoever would like to come back to school.”
“I guess there won’t be many coming back to school. But who’s going to teach… Defence against the Dark Arts and Potions? I thought Slughorn was only staying a year,” said Harry, with the slightest hint of a pause.
It hurt him to speak about Defence against the Dark Arts because it reminded him of his erstwhile teacher, Professor Snape. Ginny didn’t seem to notice his discomfort; she was reveling in this new position of having all the answers, a role that often fell to Hermione.
“Yeah but I believe McGonagall convinced him to stay on. He isn’t a bad potions master after all. And I think she’s trying to get Mad-Eye or Lupin to come back for DADA.”
“That’s good. It looks like things are settling down. Dumbledore would have been pleased,” said Harry grimly. This time his tone would have been noticeable even to an ice princess and Ginny looked at him apprehensively.
“Harry if you want to talk about it…”
“Not now. Maybe some time later when I’m ready,” he said, rather more brusquely than he had intended to. She wished he wasn’t so difficult to read. She was just opening her mouth to ask him when someone spoke up behind them.
“Excusez moi. Mind if I cut een?” It was Fleur’s Adonis-like cousin, Henri, who was looking down at Harry with a rather patronizing expression on his face. Harry’s first instinct was to tell him to go boil his head but then he thought better of it.
“Sure. You don’t mind, do you?” he asked Ginny, making sure he avoided her gaze. He really wanted to end the conversation; it was getting too painful for him.
“No, no problem at all,” she replied glacially.
She started to dance with Henri and Harry took himself off to the refreshments section to mull over the details of his escape plan.
It was now getting onto seven in the evening and the Hall was bathed in soft light by the candles that were floating above the room. The party was to end in a short while before they headed back to the Burrow. Harry was sitting in a corner, a mug of butterbeer in his hand, waiting for it all to end so that they could go back. It was almost time for him to walk away from them all. It was not a pleasant thought.
"Penny for your thoughts?" a voice said. He looked up to see Hermione looking down at him, a soft smile playing on her lips. She had spent the best part of the last half hour dancing with various partners and her face was flushed.
"I thought the correct expression was, a Knut for your thoughts", said Harry, pleased to see her laugh at the lame joke.
"Care for one last dance?"
"Hermione, I'm tired and you should be exhausted. You've been dancing for hours." He hadn’t failed to notice that Ron was treading the measure with Danielle for probably the fifth time that evening.
"I know, but one more. And then there's to be a bit of a surprise that the ladies planned out. Sort of like a belated Valentines Day celebration. No one was really thinking of Valentines in February, were they?"
"All right, just one." he said absently, not registering most of what she had said.
Harry forced his protesting legs to go through the steps, not realizing that the tempo of the music had begun, imperceptibly, to slow down. Harry wasn’t really concentrating on the music but his body unconsciously adjusted to the slow, romantic tune that the band had sunk into now. He awoke with a start to the feeling that he was almost crawling across the floor; the music was so slow. As the reality of the situation came home to him, Harry began to feel slightly uneasy. He felt trapped, situated as they were in the middle of the floor, and Ron and Ginny were nowhere to be seen.
"We can sit this one out", she said gently. He looked at her then decided to keep going; why, he had no idea.
She rested her head on his chest as they moved with the music. Harry felt as if he would drown in the cloying sweetness of the music, the atmosphere, and the moment. He tried to bring his errant mind back on the straight and narrow but it was floating away.
"I wish I was with Ginny. I wish I could be with her forever. I wish this moment would never end.”
It took him a moment to realize it and then it hit him, “Whoa, what was that last one?" It was a disconcerting thought, to say the least, and as he tried to explain it to himself...
"You aren't planning on running away, are you?" she asked quietly without lifting her head.
CRASH. He thought everyone must have heard his heart thud against his chest. How did she know, had she guessed or had they told her? They had promised they wouldn't but what if they had?
"Whatever gave you that idea?" He tried to keep his voice level, nonchalant.
"You have this strange look on your face nowadays; as if you’re somewhere far away. All alone, just you," she explained. Harry knew that Hermione's brilliance had helped him several times, but he wished now that she wasn't quite as perceptive as that.
"Well, I've had a lot on mind lately." That part was true at least. Thoughts of Sirius and Dumbledore and Cedric kept forcing their way into his mind and then the blaming would begin. Voices in his head would clamor that it was his fault that they were dead while he tried desperately to defend himself.
"It’s not your fault. They didn't die because of you," she said softly.
He didn't know if she’d been practicing her Legilimensy, she seemed to have developed this uncanny knack of knowing what he was thinking. He looked down at her face, which was now turned towards him.
"I know, you've told me that several times. But it’s no good. I can't help but feel that I could have done something to prevent it."
"But killing yourself over it, the way you seem hell-bent on doing, is just plain stupid. And it’s likely to cause you to do something totally irrational."
"So maybe you think it’s irrational that I want to avenge the deaths of my parents, my godfather and of my friends", he snapped, feeling his anger rise.
"No, but it is irrational to run into danger without any idea of what you're doing or what you're going to do", she said calmly. Harry opened his mouth to say something then shut it again. She was right as usual. But he had to stay strong. He still wasn't taking them with him.
"Did you borrow Ginny's perfume?" Harry asked to change the subject. Hermione was rather stunned at this rather abrupt change in topics.
"I… well, no, but I liked it so much that I bought some for myself."
“Ah… Fleurs d'un ruisseau, isn’t it,” he said attempting to keep a straight face.
Her mouth dropped open like a letterbox.
“How did you know that?”
“Flowers from a brook,” he said casually as if it was something everyone would know as a matter of fact.
“Harry, what… how… I mean that’s amazing. But when did you start learning to recognize women’s perfume, or start learning French for that matter?”
“I move in mysterious ways, my wonders to perform,” Harry replied trying out an inscrutable expression but spoiling the effect by grinning broadly.
She shot him a shrewd look. “You saw it in the bathroom at the Burrow, didn’t you?”
“Yup,” he admitted, his smile getting even wider.
Hermione laughed and then she abruptly pulled away from Harry. He was so surprised that by the time he realized what had happened, she had vanished in the crowd. He now stood all alone in the center of the floor. He scanned the crowd for Hermione, for Ginny, for Ron. He suddenly caught a flash of red hair out of the corner of his eye and as he turned to look, he say something brown move in his peripheral vision. He didn't know what kind of a game this was but it was unsettling him. And then the lights went out.
Gauging from the fact that there were no screams from any of the women, he deduced that this was the surprise that Hermione had told him of. Though what the surprise was, he hadn't the foggiest, until he felt the arms go around his neck. He felt his head being directed gently downward. "You mustn’t; you must be strong", said a voice in his head. But the voice was rapidly losing strength and conviction.
"Oh well, this won't change anything. One doesn't count", he thought as he felt her lips seeking his till they locked gently. It wasn't rough or overly passionate, though the passion was unmistakable. It was as if she knew what this kiss meant to him, a memory to carry forward as he set out on his journey, a gentle touch to sustain him in dark times; and for that he was grateful.
He didn't know how long they kissed; he wished it could have been forever. But she was gone as suddenly as she had come. The lights came on. Harry still stood in the middle of the room, surrounded by the same couples, alone except for a faint flowery scent lingering all around him.
A/N: A rather long chapter, I know, and I hope you like it. Please do review, only then will know how I’ve been doing so far. Also the idea for the part where Harry talks about “Fleurs d'un ruisseau”, was taken from the movie “Scent of a Woman”.
Chow for now.
Scarhead Steve.