Part One
“I like big butts and I cannot lie! These other brothers can’t deny!-”
Perfect! Just unbelievably perfect.
Okay, Fred, we get it. Just because this particular sweet was your idea, it does not necessarily mean that I didn’t help you. Look at it from my point of view-
I never said that, though.
Well, you were thinking it.
Thanks. Well, anyways, just in case you hadn’t got the idea, we, as in George and I, decided that since we were in trouble, stuck in our room and had nothing better to do, we would invent something. Oh, but not just anything.
No, certainly not just anything. Considering Ron, Harry and Hermione’s ridiculous idea of a musical, we thought that we would make this invention…fitting to the theme.
Yes, indeed brother. So we made seven sweets. But with a twist. You would have already heard about six of them, three of which Ron, Harry and Hermione already exhibited. The last, my black beauty, was something rather special, however. Lupin had it, basically. George, you write the rest, my hand hurts with all this scheming.
Right, so now Lupin’s...rapping. Oh, not the bum-shake, Professor. This should really be rated PG. Alright, I know what you’re thinking. How did we come up with such a brilliant plan? Well, it would have been brilliant if there wasn’t this small, little, tiny, wee detail. We sort of don’t know how to make them stop. That bit’s Fred’s fault.
So? That didn’t need to be mentioned. Anyways, we wanted to ask you all, as Muggle-borns, if you know how to stop Lupin. Rapping, I mean. You see, we would have written to the Ministry of Magic but that new bloke, Rufus Scrimgeour person, wouldn’t quite take this as a joke and we might get into a lot of trouble.
So, you see, we thought that you Muggle-borns attending Hogwarts, would tell us how to stop this. If there is a way, that is. We’re kind of worried. Harry’s really getting into the opera.
And the whole big butts thing, Lupin should never dance like that.
Ever.
We would usually ask Hermione but she’s too busy whistling. I know this sounds complicated, but we have our reasons for not mentioning it to pure bloods, as it were.
In fact, Fred, I’m slightly confused myself. Oh well, just please help us.
We considered the following methods but we weren’t too certain about them…you’ll see why:
1. An anti-reversal formula. Contains six unicorn hairs, some secret stuff and a toe from each of the victims.
2. Voice box removers.
3. Telling the Ministry and getting into trouble (this was Tonks’ idea. Barmy that woman is).
4. Leaving them the way they are (Tonks objected to this. Always spoils the fun, she does).
And that’s pretty much all we’ve got. Merlin, that’s the door. George’s just gone to go get it. While he’s gone, I should warn you about something. He’s sort of moody. I’m not sure why, though. Maybe he’s jealous. Of the black sweet, I mean. Oh, here he comes. Wait hang on a second, that’s-
“Hi Fred,” says Neville Longbottom. What on earth is he doing here? We’re sort of in a slight “ okay, not so slight “ crisis. Oh Merlin, there goes Harry’s singing again. Hang on, George just winked at me. This can only mean one thing.
“So, how do you like our homemade chocolates, Neville?”
Part Two
As she paced up and down the Weasley kitchen, Tonks could still think of no way to reverse these strange happenings. Her husband-to-be, Remus Lupin, could do nothing as much as rap at this moment and it was completely stressing her out. She could take him to St Mungo’s but she was silly enough to promise the twins that she wouldn’t. This reminded her of being at school…
“Hoggy Warty Hogwarts.”
Everyone singing a different tune of the school song…
“Whether we be old and bald.”
Just like how Lupin, Harry, Hermione and Ron were now…
“Our heads could do with filling.”
Five voices: one rapping, another opera-singing, the next whistling, then one humming and the last just very out of tune. Wait, there are only four of them. A sudden realisation hit Tonks like one of Harry’s top notes. That sounded a lot like, but it couldn’t be, he called today and said…he was coming over.
“Neville?” Tonks questioned with paranoia, “Fred, George, where are you? You boys better not have done what I think you have!” It was too late, however. Neville had eaten the chocolate and now the Weasley household was stuck with it. Tonks was the only sane person left in the house and she had no idea what to do.
Fred and George were too busy singing along to take any notice of her walking towards Ron and grabbing hold of his hand. Ron was the first victim of any of the sweets and he would be the closest person to wearing it off…hopefully. She dragged him into one of the Weasley bedrooms and, to her own horror, began to sing to him.
Ridiculous as it may have sounded, both the singing and the idea, she was singing at the top of her voice to try and get his attention. Suddenly, something inside Ron woke. A musical message of some sort must have reached his brain and confused the magic used to set his humming off in the first place. He was glowing bright red and couldn’t, for one reason or another, look Tonks in the eye.
“Um, thanks Tonks,” Ron managed, still not catching her eye. Suddenly a load roar came from the living-room which they could only assume was Harry. At once, leaving Ron in the bedroom, Tonks rushed into the living-room and grabbed Hermione. She brought her to the bedroom where Ron was and he continued to blush, possibly harder this time. Repeating what she had done with Ron, Hermione began to awake from her whistling.
Hermione was now in full recovery. She looked around the room to Tonks then to Ron, turned a beetroot colour and then fell into a deep sleep. It was probably all the hardcore whistling, they imagined.
Next it was Harry’s turn. This was not going to be quite as easy, however, because despite the fact that Fred and George were too engrossed in Neville and Lupin to realise, Harry was very…bouncy with his opera.
Tonks made her way towards the living-room with quiet footsteps. She had to be discreet and subtle. Harry was in her grasp now and all she had to do was reach out and grab him-
“Fred, George! We’re home!” Mrs Weasley’s unmistakeable voice was echoing throughout the Weasley house. “I see you’ve been practising your musical then. Well, I shall not disturb in that case. Come, Arthur. Let’s leave them to their game.
That was too close for comfort, Tonks thought to herself. She now had Harry in the bedroom with the other two and, doing what she did to them, she began to sing to them.
Like she had hoped, Harry was out of the musical trance. Three down, two to go.
“Tonks, what on Merlin’s beard is going on?” Harry asked in pure confusion. Tonks, desperate as she was, ignored him. She ran outside, took both Lupin and Neville by the collars, and brought them back into the bedroom. She took one last mental picture of Lupin rapping and then started to sing again. Both of them awoke from their daze.
“Well, I’m not even going to bother to ask what’s going on.” Lupin straightened his robes, “I won’t be seeing any of you for another week or so at least, I should imagine.” With that, Lupin left not even bothering to acknowledge Tonks or anyone else.
“Ron, your parents are upstairs. I suggest you leave Hermione here for a while. You guys can take advantage of this alone time.” Tonks winked at the boys and followed Lupin outside with a self-congratulating grin on her face. This was something she would never forget.
“Well, Harry, you want to go and kill my brothers?” Ron questioned.
“You bet I do,” Harry replied. With that, he, Ron and Neville went outside concocting an evil plan to get back at the twins. They also planned on using this time to practise the musical without Hermione’s once-every-minute input.
“Tonks didn’t have a bad voice come to think of it, Ron. Maybe we should give her the part of Hermione,” Harry joked as they shut the door of the bedroom behind them.
Harry Potter: the Musical? by kaammini_the_kreacher
Chapter Notes: I am so sorry for being such a terribly slow author! I promise that I will be better and faster next time. Thanks so much to everyone who helped, especially Schmerg_the_Impaler who BETA-ed this for me! Enjoy! A note of caution: the story is in two parts - the first from the point of view of both Fred and George (one in normal writing, the other in italics) and the second in third person narrative.