Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore was worried. Very worried.
He was sitting at the kitchen table at Grimmauld Place, deep in thought. Nothing like this had happened before in his long memory.
Two of the Order were missing. It was a full moon that night and in an hour’s time, the sun would go down, the moon would rise and Remus would transform into a werewolf. No matter who he was with and where he was with them, it would happen, and he and others could be seriously harmed.
His unusual wristwatch clanged loudly, telling him it was half past six. He sighed and rested his head lightly on his hand.
Tonks should've been there half an hour ago. He reluctantly decided that he should abandon headquarters and go on a personal search for both of the valuable members.
Dumbledore promptly stood, stepped outside of the derelict house (it was, like Hogwarts, impossible to Apparate from inside the building) and Apparated to the front of Remus' home.
He strode confidently up the stairs and rapped sharply on the door. He stood there like that for ten whole minutes, knocking every two, before sighing, checking there were no Muggles around and Apparating into the house.
Dumbledore thoroughly searched every room, before giving in to the idea that Remus was not there. He frowned and decided he should search Tonks' flat. Remus spent most evenings there, regardless of what everyone else thought of him and it was very likely that he was there now.
At this point, Dumbledore considered turning back. He was tired and Voldemort's power was increasing everyday, despite what Fudge was telling everyone. He shook his head to clear his thoughts and focused on the main thing that mattered at that time. Finding Remus and Tonks. He swiftly Apparated to an alleyway by Tonks' block of flats.
He removed his robes and folded them so they fit into one of the voluminous pockets in the Muggle suit he wore below. He then walked smartly into the block of flats and knocked on the first door he came to.
After several long moments, a young woman with scraggly blonde hair scraped back in a clip and bouncing a wailing toddler on her hip answered.
"Good evening, ma'am, I was wondering if you could inform me in which flat a Miss Nymphadora Tonks currently resides in?" Dumbledore asked pleasantly.
The woman raised her finely plucked eyebrows before answering.
"Tell you what, mate, why don't you take yourself and your dumb speeches outa my flat and try lookin' at the flat numbers?" she asked sarcastically. "Or would that be too much of a problem for your old legs, grandpa?"
Without waiting for an answer, the woman slammed the door in his demurely smiling face.
Dumbledore sighed, wondering why everyone in the world was trying to make life difficult for him, before seeing which room Tonks lived in and beginning the long ascent up to it.
*
Tonks had just opened the door to her flat and was tentatively calling Remus' name. Except, her voice came out as a whisper. She was scared, petrified even, and she didn't know why.
She tiptoed into her small kitchen and looked around. The fridge was dented and smashed up, as if someone with no hands or arms had tried to open it.
Frowning, she pulled out her wand and continued her search into her living room.
A flash of white. Hot breath on her face. The blinding light of an ineffective spell being cast. And then, Tonks took in what she was seeing.
A werewolf.
A fully-grown, hungry-looking werewolf. Tonks screamed. She could think of nothing else to do, even less the consequences of the noise. The werewolf cowered, trying to block out the high-pitched sound.
Tonks found herself staring the creature in its eyes. But they weren't just any eyes. They were Remus' eyes. Those beautiful, brown, speckled with gold eyes that she had found herself staring into so many times. But.... how?
Then it struck her. This wasn't just any old werewolf who had ventured into her flat. This was Remus in his transformed state. He must've been looking for her and lost track of time, just as she had done in his home.
Then another thing hit her and brought a sharp pang of fear to her stomach. She was alone, on the top floor of a Muggle block of flats with a fully-grown, non-sedated werewolf towering over her.
She scrambled to her feet, foolishly trying to run away. But her legs collapsed. She cursed; she had always had weak ankles. She turned around on the floor and let out a gasp as she saw Remus the werewolf towering over her, frighteningly violent.
"P-please, Remus, its me, Tonks. You remember, don't you? We have tea together, remember that, R-Remus?" she pleaded, her voice at least thee tones higher than usual.
The werewolf seemed to calm slightly at the sound of her voice and a familiar name. Then he became confused. He sniffed at her before baring his teeth in a defensive manner.
Tonks screamed again. That infernal noise! Remus didn't like it; he had to make it stop. So he began to advance upon his prey.
*
Outside Tonks' flat, Dumbledore heard a high-pitched shriek. Deciding that now was not the time to worry about being polite, he Apparated into the room.
He quickly assessed the situation and sent a strong Stunning spell at Remus. Not expecting an attack from behind, the werewolf froze before falling into to floor in a crumpled heap.
Dumbledore stepped around him and crouched down on the floor next to the stricken Tonks.
"I apologise for my harshness and insensitivity, but we should get back to Headquarters, before Remus awakes," he said softly.
Tonks shook her head.
"T-that's not R-Remus," she whispered.
"That is Remus in his transformed state, not the Remus we know. Now, please, Nymphadora, we really must be going. I don't suppose you feel up to Apparating, grasp my arm and hold on tight."
And with that, the calm old man and the shocked and still terrified young woman Apparated away from their deaths.
*
The next morning, Tonks received a knock on the door of the room she was staying in at Grimmauld Place.
"Come in," she answered, sleepily.
Remus tentatively opened the door and peered inside. Tonks blushed, he looked awful. His hair was in disarray, his clothes were tattered and torn at the seams and he looked so dishevelled and tired.
"Remus, good morning," Tonks greeted him shyly.
"I'm so glad you're alright. I was so scared I'd hurt you, and I am so, so sorry. You must accept my sincerest and humblest apologies, it won't ever happen again, I promise. Oh, Tonks, I'm so sorry!"
"Remus! I don't want your apologies, I -"
"Look, I know you're upset with the way I acted last night, I could've killed you! I can't apologise enough!"
"Remus! It's not your fau-"
"Please, Tonks, just accept my apology, you're one of my best friends, and I am truly sorry."
"SHUT UP!" Tonks yelled.
Remus stopped his babbled explanation to look at Tonks, wide-eyed.
"I'm sorry I yelled, but you wouldn't be quiet and let me accept your apology, you twit! It wasn't your fault, it was my fault for going missing and I'm sorry. Even if it were your fault, I wouldn't let you apologise, anyway," Tonks said, her bottom lip jutting out slightly in determination.
Remus smiled.
"Thank you."
They sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, thinking how good it felt to be friends with each other.
"Tea?" Remus eventually asked.
"You know I hate the way you make it," Tonks replied with a grin.
Remus shook his head and conjured up two cups of steaming tea, he handed Tonks hers and she was surprised to see whipped cream decorating the surface. She smiled happily.
"Or maybe I don't hate it so much."
They sipped their beverages, chatting lightly, each just relishing how it felt to be with each other, how comfortable and right it felt.
Eventually, silence fell and Remus realised that he would have to tell her what he had been meaning to since he sought her out that morning. He gulped the last drop of him tea and set the mug down beside him before stealing a glance at Tonks.
Her hands were clasped around the cup and she had a dreamy look of content on her closed eyes heart-shaped pale face. The morning sunlight streamed through the window behind her, illuminating her spiky hair and surrounding her with a warm glow of gold.
"Tonks?" he asked, anxiously.
"Hmm?"
"I found your diary."
Her eyes snapped open and she regarded him with caution.
"And I read it."
She set her mug down on her bedside table and closed her eyes once more. There was no content on her face this time. She then uttered a sob and buried her head in her hands.
Remus bit his lip guiltily and slipped up on the bed beside her from his position on the floor, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.
"Tonks, I'm really sorry that I looked, truly I am, but I just couldn't help it. I'm only human, after all...well, sort of. Anyway, I am extremely flattered to have caught your attention in this way, but I am simply not right for you. I'm too old for someone as young as you and far too poor as well. Not only that, but I'm a werewolf, I am too dangerous and would be terrified of hurting you. More terrified than I was last night. It just wouldn't work."
"Stop it!" Tonks cried. "Just stop it!"
"Stop what?" Remus asked.
"Stop explaining things, stop being so logical and so formal! Just stop being realistic for one moment. We could make it work, Remus, I don't care about any of those things! I just want to be with you!" Tonks cried passionately.
"It wouldn't work," he replied simply, his voice filled with regret and his eyes not meeting hers.
"It would! We could make it work!" Tonks protested, submerging her head once more in her arms, muttering all the while. "It would work. It would, it would, it would..."
Remus removed his hand from her shoulder and stared guiltily at the floor, waiting for her moans to stop. He had to stop acting like this. He was Remus John Lupin. He was calm and sensible; he didn't lose his head at a girl half his age who had a crazy crush on him. He just couldn't. And he had to stop whatever he was doing to make her fancy him.
Although Remus had tackled many situations in his 30 or so years on earth, he had only ever tackled love once before. A long time ago, when he was still at Hogwarts, a head strong, clever young woman had told him she loved him. And he had loved her, or so he thought. They dated for a while, before the woman had dated someone else, eventually marrying that man.
The only love Remus had ever experienced had ended in bitter tears and wasted years. He wasn't going to put himself through that again, and he certainly wouldn't put Tonks through that. He sighed.
"I'm sorry," he whispered. It was all he could think of to say in comfort.
Tonks looked up, frowning, she had turned her hair from her usual bright pink to a deep shade of black, almost purple, her eyes mimicking the colour.
"What for?" she asked.
"For leading you on the way I obviously have. It will not happen again."
Tonks stared at him for a moment. Then she sniffed and a great sob wracked her whole body and she started to weep passionately.
Remus rested his hand once more on her shoulder for a moment before standing and going to leave. It was better that he left her now.
"Wait!" Tonks cried, desperately.
Remus turned back, cursing himself silently.
"Do you love me?" Tonks asked, softly yet curiously.
Remus could only stare.
Did he love her? Could he answer and live with himself if he told the truth? Could he live with himself if he didn’t? His eyes scanned her face searching for the laughter of a secret joke in her eyes. He could find nothing.
"Why do you want to know, Tonks? Would it change anything?" he asked, skilfully evading the question until he could think of a decent answer.
"No, of course not. Mainly because you're a stubborn idiot and wouldn't change your mind, even if you did love me. But it would be nice to know if my feelings were returned, or not," she said, her eyes and whole face set in determination, silently demanding an answer.
Remus just stood there, his eyes still searching her face.
"I love you," Tonks told him, eventually. And her eyes told the same story.
Remus felt his eyes pricking with tears. He hadn't cried for years, yet three little words were bringing such a huge rush of emotion that it had to escape somehow.
"Do you love me?" Tonks persisted.
Remus took a step back and prepared to Apparate.
"Yes," he whispered.
And then, with a sharp pop, he was gone.
Tonks fell back on her bed, changing her hair and eyes back to the way they were, a grin so wide it felt like it stretched from ear to ear. He loved her! Remus Lupin loved her! She was so happy! He loved her!!
Then, with a pang, she realised that he had refused to be with her. It didn't matter that they loved each other; he didn't want to 'endanger' her by being with her.
Tonks rolled over and closed her eyes, she swiftly fell asleep, the exertions of that morning had made her exhausted. But she didn't sleep well, for her dreams were filled with destroyed hopes, despair and anguish.
*
The next few months passed awkwardly for both Remus and Tonks, avoiding each other as much as possible. The death of her cousin and Remus' dear friend, Sirius Black, came hard upon both of them so they sought comfort in each other for a while.
The short time after that was filled with silence and grief, but they all brightened up as much as possible to meet Harry at King's Cross.
A week or so later, Tonks bumped into Remus at Hogsmeade. They agreed to meet up for a Butterbeer in the Leaky Cauldron that afternoon.
Remus arrived first and ordered them both drinks as Tonks came stumbling in. They sat down and sat in a slightly uncomfortable silence for a few moments.
"Remus, please, I really do love you, why could we not at least try a relationship?" Tonks suddenly burst out, as if their conversation a few weeks ago had never finished.
"Tonks, please, stop it. I told you before and I'll tell you again until I get it through to you. I'm too old, too poor and far too dangerous for you. I have no job so therefore no income and would not be able to support a free spirit, such as yourself. I'm sorry, Tonks, but that's the way it is. Now, if you'll excuse me," he lectured, draining his bottle and standing to leave, "I should be getting home, I have a book I'd like to finish."
He nodded to her and did his normal farewell salute before dropping a few sickles on the table and turning to leave.
Tonks was left sitting alone, her half-empty bottle of Butterbeer forgotten about, her hair a plain, mousy brown.
She groaned and banged her head on the wall a total of three times in despair.
On My Own by JC_Cainstone
Chapter Notes: Enjoy, and my sincere apologies that chapter three took so long to be validated, entirely my fault.