“I swear by Merlin, if that’s another one of James’ classmates, I’m going to do something! That boy has got to stop fooling around with the girls in his year and above!”
“Charles, maybe it’s “”
“I don’t care, Jane! I mean, it’s the middle of the night for crying out loud!”
Lily listened to the voices get closer to the door she just rang. Maybe this was a bad idea.
Sam Shunpike and Ern (whoever he was) dropped her off in Pemberly, Derbyshire (as Sam informed her) at the doorstep of the most enormous mansion she had ever seen. It was bigger than the ones in fairytales. And it was definitely bigger than Netherfield Hall.
The door swung open, and there was a half-clothed Mrs. Potter “ with a coat pulled over her night dress “ and Mr. Potter, with a grumpy expression and a lit wand.
“Who “? Oh, Lily!” Mrs. Potter cried.
“Lily?” Mr. Potter asked both sleepily and grumpily.
“She was with us at Netherfield,” Mrs. Potter said to her husband. Then “ to Lily “ she asked, “Why are you here, honey?”
Lily thought she was going to burst out into tears, but she held them back. I mean, it was bad enough she was on the Potters’ doorstep in the middle of the night in the first place. “I “ I needed a place to stay. You said “”
“Shhh,” Mrs. Potter said comfortingly. “I know. I said this was the place to come if you need a second home. And you came to the right place, Lily.”
*
It was as if Mrs. Potter knew she was coming.
There were six guest rooms, but two of them already had fresh flowers and warm sheets. One was already occupied. Apparently, Sirius had taken to staying with the Potters, too. The other one was being tended to by a House Elf as Lily walked inside.
Lily loved everything about the manor. She explored the castle (what she called it) everyday, and always managed to find some time to spend to read in the sprawling gardens, or even on that bench in the rotunda. The artwork here was even older and more priceless, and nearly everything she sat on was antique.
Today, it was two o’clock, and by now she would’ve normally been outside relaxing. But today, it was raining. Or pouring, to be exact. So instead, Lily rested in the library with the rest of the Potter clan and Sirius Black.
“Mrs. Potter, don’t you have a daughter named Trinity?” Lily asked; she had recalled hearing of another Potter sibling.
“Yes, dear, but she’s at her friend Emmeline Vance’s home” was the reply she got. Mrs. Potter stared out the window wistfully. “I wish you could meet her. She has a lovely voice and wonderful piano skills. And she has a wonderful gift for Charms.”
Lily stretched, thinking about this. She closed her eyes, trying to imagine this girl in her mind.
Just To distract herself, Lily decided to read. She looked on the couch for her book when, suddenly, it hit her. Her book was probably on the bench in the rotunda. She got up immediately.
“Lily, dear, where are you going?” Mrs. Potter asked.
“I just have to get my book,” Lily said over her shoulder, walking out of the library and the house.
Outside, the air felt cold and heavy. Lily shivered as her teeth chattering. She spotted the bench, but there was no book. Lily paused, trying to remember where she left it. Then she smacked her forehead, not believing how stupid she was.
The garden! It would be soaked by now!
Grimacing, Lily prepared herself to run across the lawn into the gardens, which were like a maze. She quickly rushed down the marble stairs and started sprinting, her shoes sloshing in the wet mud. She could feel the rain soaking through her now wet, white shirt.
She entered the gardens, taking a left and spotting her book in the middle of the stone pathway surrounded by hedges and colorful bushes. Lily went to pick it up when “
“Evans!”
She whirled around, her hand halfway in her pocket where her wand was.
“There’s no reason for that,” James Potter said as she looked up, facing him. “I’m no threat.”
Really.
Instead of saying what was on her mind, though, Lily kept silent and crossed her arms. She was conscious of the fact that Potter’s eyes kept wandering over to her now see-through shirt.
James ran a hand through his hair. “I can’t stand it anymore, Evans. These past months have tortured me, leaving me awake at night “”
“That’s just poetry,” Lily said quietly, and James looked at her, blinking. He stepped closer. Surprisingly, Lily didn’t move.
“Don’t “ Don’t make this any harder than it has to be,” James said firmly. Lily just blinked back at him, not quite understanding...
“Fine,” he said, running a hand through his hair once again. “Right. Okay. It’s just so hard standing here in front of you knowing you can’t be mine.”
“I...don’t understand,” Lily said slowly, even though she had a pretty clear idea in her mind.
James stepped closer, closing the usual two-foot gap between the two of them. “Believe me, Lily, I’ve tried. I’ve fought against my conscience...my better judgment...”
Lily waited.
“Lily...” James whispered, now suddenly up against her ear, hands on her shoulders, “...I love you.”
Now that she hadn’t been expecting.
Surprisingly, though, Lily almost believed him. There was no swagger in how he said it, nothing prat-ish in the least. She found herself unable to push him off her.
“Please end this torture,” he continued whispering, “and be my girlfriend.”
The sickening thing was Lily actually considered.
What’s he ever done to me? she thought dreamily.
Suddenly, all the things he had done came rushing back to her. Embarrassing her in fifth year. Causing Willard ultimate unhappiness (even though Lily absolutely hated that slimy git). Breaking up her friend and her friend’s boyfriend, even though they were happy together.
So Lily backed away from him, her eyes narrowing. She spoke slowly. “I’m sorry, Potter, if I caused you any pain. I believe it was...well...unintentional. I do appreciate that you actually went through pain for me, though.”
James’ brow furrowed, and his eyebrows came together, as if they were trying to figure out if Lily was being sincere or mocking him. He paused before talking again.
“So...that’s your reply.” His voice was flat.
“Yes.”
“Are you mocking me?” He seemed cautious with his questions; he obviously was afraid Lily would slap him if he uttered the wrong words.
Lily pretended to consider, putting a devious smile on her face to add effect. “Maybe.”
“Are you rejecting me?” Now he really seemed angry.
“I believe, sometimes, your romantic feelings aren’t always returned by your current flavor of the week.” Was there something bitter in her tone, or was she imagining it?
“Can I ask why this feeling isn’t returned?” He was turning back into the normal James Potter, which kind of made Lily relieved. It was easier to be mean to him when he didn’t act so...nice.
“And can I ask why you say you like me against your ‘better judgment’?” Lily asked furiously, not thinking about why, exactly, the words came out of her mouth.
This comment made James was confused. After all, why did she care if he said that if she had just said that she didn’t care what he felt about her?
“Who cares if I said that if you clearly don’t like me?” he replied.
“You know I have other reasons for not liking you, Mr. Potter,” Lily answered, seething.
“What reasons?” James asked, his tone getting louder and more frustrated.
“Do you honestly believe I would want to be the girlfriend of someone who ruined the happiness of my best friend for possibly forever?!”
There was silence.
“Do you deny it?” Lily questioned quietly; for some weird reason, she was actually giving him a chance to defend himself in the middle of her rant.
James didn’t take the chance. “No,” he said, just as quietly, sticking his hands in the pockets of his wet pants.
“Then how could you do it?!” Lily thundered, shocked. Somewhere deep down, she wanted to believe he hadn’t caused her friend pain, but the truth had just slapped her in the face. Again.
“She obviously had no true romantic feelings for him,” James replied, his words clipped and cool. “Sirius was looking for love this year, and he found it in her. But she obviously did not feel the same way.”
“SamLin’s shy!” Lily yelled in defense of her friend.
“I needed to put Sirius out of his misery, since he didn’t believe she loved him like “”
“Because you were the one whispering these lies in his ear!”
“I still did it for his own good!” James shouted back. Clearly, he was not longer going to let her stomp over him in this fight.
“SamLin hardly ever tells any of us anything; that’s why we’re so concerned for her!” Lily shrieked.
Silence.
“Well,” Lily said snidely, breaking the silence that hung in between them, “I suppose that you thought she was like the other tramps that are constantly after “”
“No way! But we all thought “”
“WHAT?!” Lily bellowed.
James stopped his mouth as it opened, as he seemed to try to carefully select his words. “Sometimes, we Marauders thought that you guys were pressuring her to be in the relationship more than she wanted “”
“That’s rub“!” Lily said.
“It wasn’t just that!” James roared, making Lily shrink. He was clearly more than frustrated now. “It was the way your friend behaved sometimes that we didn’t always find suitable!” Thunder also roared in the distance, making Lily think James wasn’t the only one mad.
Lily stared at him in disbelief. He judged SamLin just by the people she hung out with? And he was willing to insult her best friends even if she was his ‘love’?
She found the best answer to that wouldn’t be cruel words, but a silence that made the atmosphere and even the weather colder, if that was possible.
He now seemed to regret his words.
“Sorry,” he mumbled, looking at the ground and not meeting her eyes. “It’s not you or SamLin.”
Lily was so mad that she wanted to walk away without saying anything, but she felt another issue should be addressed. “What about Willard?”
“Willard?” Lily could tell from one glance that she shouldn’t have brought it up, but she continued talking.
Once again, James starting closing in the gap between them. Lily just looked up at him, straight in the eye, trying to not think about how handsome he looked when his hair was slick and wet from the rain. “What do have to say about your attitude towards him?”
James’ eyes narrowed. “You actually care about my stupid cousin.”
Lily ignored James’ comment. “He told me about what you did to him.”
His tone became even more snide and sarcastic. “Yeah, his misfortunes.”
“You ruined his reputation and turned him into some evil person, but I guess the information just hasn’t passed through your big head.”
Now James looked as if he’d been slapped with words. He took one look at her, squinting through his glasses, which started getting watery. “That’s what you think,” he said flatly.
“You know what?” he said, his voice getting louder. “I think you’re just trying to pin the blame on me because your pride “”
“My pride?!” Lily practically screeched.
““ has been bruised,” James concluded, ignoring her.
“So those are the words of a conceited, popular Pureblood boy. Ever since I first learned all these interesting things about you, I realized you had no compassion for others, and you are completely incapable of true human feelings. This makes you the last person on earth “ even after my dreadful cousin “ that I would want to ever go out with, let alone love.”
More silence. In fact, it was enough silence that made Lily rethink her words, regretting them instantly.
James cleared his throat. He leaned in close enough so that his mouth was nearly against hers, and Lily just stood there.
“I’m sorry, Miss Evans, if I wasted your time,” he said coolly, with just a touch of hurt in his voice. Lily looked up, and she could see those dreamy hazel eyes. Then he walked away.
More than ever, Lily wanted to shout, “Don’t!” But what good would come from that? Instead, she watched him walk away, feeling terrible and miserable. Now she sank to the mud-covered ground, feeling the rain pound against her back and head, and wished more than ever she had never said that.
Is it Pride or Prejudice? by Stormbringer
Chapter Notes: (Here's one of my favorite scenes from P&P the movie. Very romantic and dramatic, yet depressing.) Lily goes to find her book, but instead finds enough romantic trouble that seems like it has come out of a romance novel.