Good is an Illusion by AFootyFan
Chapter Notes: Okay, I realize that I haven't updated since October (yikes!), so I decided to kinda split this long chapter into two parts so you'll have it sooner. Happy reading, and review if you want me to get off my butt and type up Muggle Day, Part 2: The fun continues!
AN: 4-20-08: Well, I've just revised the chapters and fixed all the typos I could find. If you're still coming across them, please let me know in a review or through email. Also, I'd love to continue the story, but, as you may have guessed, I've run into some writer's block. I plan to set aside a weekend (maybe next, if homework allows) and sketch out the rest of the plot, something I probably should have done when I started the story. Thanks for all your patience and kind reviews, and I promise to keep you updated on my progress.
Lily found herself once again peeking surreptitiously behind a curtain of hair over at Alice. The girl’s words from the previous day still had Lily burning with curiosity. Just who did Alice’s heart beat for?
Alice had dragged Lily into her cubicle for the day, insisting that the “dull” and “ugly” walls of Lily’s workspace was enough to make any “normal” person scream, and she wouldn’t have Lily surrounded by it. Lily took a moment to scan the perimeter, and was unsuccessful in finding any grey wall poking out from behind the bright and numerous decorations Alice had pinned up all over the wall, chair, and desk of the cubicle. It was then that her eyes fell upon something that made them widen.
“Snagging the Stallion: Men tell us their Darkest Secrets?” she read off the spine of the little red book with eyebrows raised. Alice burst into giggles and retrieved the book from under the desk, dumping it into Lily’s lap.
“That’s for you,” she said, obviously holding back a laugh as she watched Lily’s face turn to confusion. “It’s quite good… helpful,” and that was the only explanation Lily got.
Unsure of what she was about to find, Lily warily opened the book to a page in the middle and gagged. “Alice!! You didn’t tell me it had pictures!!”
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The day was overcast and gloomy. James stood in line behind Sirius, waiting to be served lunch.
“Can’t see why we’re not allowed to do this the usual way,” Sirius grumbled from the corner of his mouth impatiently after the two had stood in line for ten minutes. His foot tapped and his arms were crossed defiantly. “I mean, everyone here would do anything for Arthur, but is this really necessary?”
James shrugged and dug into the pocket of his robes, pulling out the grubby memo that had appeared on his desk before lunch.
“Friends and Colleagues-
Today, lunch will be served in the traditional Muggle practice
of ‘Buffet’, to honor Muggle Day here at the Ministry. I hope you
enjoy the feast! “Arthur Weasley,” James read aloud.
Sirius shuddered. “Muggle Day- I almost forgot,” he grimaced.
“Now, now,” James scolded. “You remember last year? That was fun stuff!” James grinned as Sirius looked fiercely at the ceiling, obviously re-experiencing last year’s slip ‘n slide incident.
“That wasn’t funny! If Weasley had told me the rubbage needed water, nothing would have happened.”
James decided to play it safe and let the subject drop. Besides, he thought as his stomach rumbled, they were nearing the front of the line where the actual food was. “Well, the food should be good,” he thought aloud to break the silence. Sirius grunted noncommittally, still apparently miffed about James’s taunting.
The line moved foreword, and James found himself at the end of an insanely long table that was bending under the weight of hundreds of dishes of breads, salads and meats.
“Wow,” Sirius stated, his annoyed stance morphing into eagerness.
“Took the words right out of my mouth,” James managed as he gaped. “Maybe Muggle Day isn’t so bad this year.”
“Oh, don’t think it’s over yet!” Arthur Weasley had appeared next to James in line, his already-filled plate in hand, an excited look in his eye. A good-natured man, Arthur stood about a head shorter than James, his shockingly red hair disappearing as his hairline receded rapidly. He had kind, soft eyes, and was the kind of person everyone put up with, because they knew his heart was in the right place. He was constantly running through the halls, brandishing a newly-discovered muggle invention, or offering to show you his ever growing fellytone collection.
“Oh, hello, Arthur,” Sirius acknowledged, his eyes still glued to the food before him. James wouldn’t have been surprised to see drool.
“We can’t wait to try the food,” James alleged, following Sirius’s gaze.
“Oh, yes!” Arthur seemed to be bouncing on the balls of his feet. “Well, it truly is quite marvelous! I know you’ll love it!” And with that, he strode backwards in the line to chat with someone else. The line moved foreword again and they were at last presented with plates and silverware.
Another five minutes later, they were completely through the line, their plates piled high with the hot food- there was no way they were going through that line again.
“Finally,” Sirius mumbled through a mouthful of bagel. They found an empty table with some difficulty in the over-crowded cafeteria. “You know…” Sirius swallowed hugely and began to cast conspiratorial glances around the room with squinted eyes. “I’ve never even seen half the people in here. I bet they don’t even work here!”
James snorted into his muffin.
“Think this is funny?” Sirius took another monstrous bite out of his bagel, ripping it in half with his teeth. “Think it’s a laughing matter that bums off the street are penetrating the system to score some free grub?” The complete Sirius-ness of that statement made James laugh again.
“You’re right, Sirius, this is a seriou-,” That was as far as James was able to get without laughing at the look on his friend’s face. Sirius puffed out his chest, bib and all.
“Ahh, yes. That reminds me, James,” he stated in slight annoyance. James sobered up. He didn’t like the look Sirius was giving him.
“Huh? You never call me that,” he said.
“I know, but I’ve been thinking over our little… predicament with you,” here James’s eyebrows rose, “and I have solved the mystery, so… go me,” he ended, tipping his glass at James and winking. The charming effect was somewhat spoiled by the bib, along with the crumbs adhered to it and his chin.
“So just what is our predicament?” Sirius put on a pitying face.
“James, you haven’t been with a girl since Hogwarts,” he reminded his bewildered friend. “Is that the kind of legacy the guy who was once the Hogwarts top bachelor’s best friend wants to leave behind?” James considered setting him straight- he had been the Hogwarts top bachelor! - but considered better of it. Sirius had apparently seen the distress on James’s face and misinterpreted it. “But not to worry! I have a plan. I like to call it ‘Operation: Jim’!” James stared at him blankly. He was unimpressed with this plan.
“Who’s Jim?”
“As of today, you are!” James wrinkled his nose like a child being force-fed lettuce.
“What is this suppose to solve?” Memories of countless occasions when Sirius’s ‘plans’ had backfired were filling his head. Sirius was so intent on ‘Operation: Jim’ that he set down his bagel. Never a good sign.
“You see, I’ve been thinking about this for quite a while- since fifth year, when Evans kept turning you down. It didn’t make sense. You’re a handsome enough chap. And then, just last night, it clicked!” He was getting very excited now, and his food lay forgotten in front of him. “She heard us calling you ‘Prongs’ everyday! She must have thought that meant that you… well, that you were ‘over-equipped’!” He spoke the last two words in a whisper, and while making quotation marks with his hands.
At this point James choked on his pumpkin juice at the absurdity of the words. He had heard absurd before, but this was WAY over the line. “I highly doubt it, Sirius,” Oh, what an understatement.
“What else could it mean? We made them cryptic on purpose so no one would know. This wouldn’t have been a problem if I’d had the foresight to realize some girls have dirty minds,” He acknowledged, nodding his head solemnly. James peered into the other man’s eyes.
“You’re joking, right?” Of course Sirius must be pulling his leg. The notion was just too ridiculous. “You think that Lily didn’t want to go out with me because she thought I had two… well, you know?”
“Well, honestly, would you go out with someone like that if you were a girl?” Sirius asked sheepishly. James began to retort- half the female population, including staff had made sexual advances on him in his seven years of attending Hogwarts- but Sirius cut him off. “It doesn’t matter now though, because you are indeed, um… correctly proportioned,” he reassured James, gesturing at him from across the table. “But, we cannot allow another slip-up like that again! Therefore, you shall hereby be referred to as ‘Jim’! Don’t you see? It’s ingenious! No one can get confused over an innocent nickname like Jim!” James was waiting for Sirius to laugh in his face and tease him for being fooled so easily. Sirius just sat, gauging James’s reaction.
“No.”
“What?!” Sirius whined.
“You’re not calling me Jim,” he stated simply. Sirius gaped at him.
“Did you-,”
“Shut up and eat your vegetables,” James ordered with the authority of a general. He couldn’t remember ever having to tell Sirius to eat. To make the situation even more unorthodox, Sirius didn’t comply. James raised an eyebrow.
“Not hungry? Well, in that case…,” in one swift movement, he dumped the contents of Sirius’s plate onto his own. Immediately forgetting ‘Operation: Jim’, Sirius sprang foreword to reclaim his lunch. James smiled inwardly. Knew that would work…
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Several minutes later, Lily finished the last bite of her broccoli casserole and leaned back in her chair, humming contentedly.
“Wow, Lily,” Alice murmured drowsily. “You can really eat…”
Lily let her eyes close as she nodded. She hadn’t truly eaten her fill in years. “I think I might sleep for a month,” she admitted. There was silence. One of Lily’s eyes squinted open to peer at her fast asleep friend. Her stomach gurgled happily and she gave into the sleepy haze…
“Well, well, well,” Lily started and attempted to stand and face the voice, forgetting she was seated in a pushed-in chair. Her knees knocked against the hard plastic of the table. Alice snorted at the noise but remained in her slumber. Lily turned to glare at Elliott Adams.
“What do you want?” she hissed, perhaps a bit too venomously. He merely smirked.
“I see you enjoyed your meal, although I hope you saved room for the rest of the month,” he chucked.
Rolling her eyes, Lily let her head drop back onto the table. “Go away. Let me sleep in peace,” she mumbled.
“Nope. Incase you haven’t noticed, everyone’s gone,” Lily irritably lifted her head to search the cafeteria. He was right; they were the only ones in the vast room.
“Hmm…” she tapped her chin. “And I care? All the better to sleep.”
A small smile curved Adams’s mouth. “Well enjoy that while it lasts. I’m just warning you, they’re bringing in the games now,” he spoke slowly and deliberately.
Annoyance stabbed at Lily. “Don’t waste my time, Adams. What games?” she was now wide awake, thanks to him.
“Apparently Muggle Day isn’t over yet,” his eyes gleamed. “Weasley’s setting up an obstacle course in here!”
Lily sprang out of her chair, successfully this time. “What?!” she clapped a hand to her mouth, waiting with breath held as she eyed Alice nervously. The sleeping girl merely snored on. Honestly, she could sleep through a stampede. Lily turned back to Adams, this time whispering, “No no no no! Has he gone madder? Doesn’t he remember last year?” She wrung her hands and began to pace.
“Wow, that woke you up,” Elliott grinned.
“Shut up! We have to stop this,” she abruptly turned to the cafeteria exit. “Come on!”
He jogged to her side. “What are you going to do?”
She paused, biting her lip. “I don’t know- something!”