Alone in a damp dark dungeon somewhere in England, Severus Snape was brewing a potion for his master. The potion itself was not difficult to make, but when heating it, one had to be careful. He had ruined it twice already by not paying attention during the heating process. His mind kept wandering to a certain brown haired, brown-eyed Gryffindor. ‘Focus, Severus, this will only take you fifteen minutes if you just focus.’
But try as he may, he couldn’t get her off his mind. He had taught at Hogwarts for seventeen years, and every once and awhile there would be a student that he found attractive. Not that he ever acted on those attractions, at least not until her.
He remembered the first time he had seen her, a tiny first year, looking terrified as she sat to be Sorted. He remembered wondering what that hair looked like in the morning after she woke up. Not in a sexual way mind you, she was only eleven, it was just he had never seen hair that thick and bushy. He remembered the first class he had taught with her in it, mainly because he was excited to torment the young Potter, son of his own tormentor. She was the only student he had ever taught who had memorized the textbook before coming to class. He was surprised and impressed by her knowledge and understanding for someone so young, but she was a Gryffindor, so he never let it show. After awhile, her know-it-all ways became annoying, and he started to enjoy tormenting her like all the rest. Then it happened; she collided with him while she was running away from that idiot Weasley. He had to run after her. She was a student, he was a teacher, and she was running into danger. He had no idea that in a split second she would break down all the walls he had spent his whole life building.
After being raised in a home with a father who enjoyed using his only son as punching bag, and a mother who did nothing to stop it, he was searching for something or someone who would show him what love was. When he got his letter to Hogwarts, he was ecstatic. Finally, he thought he would have friends and people who cared about him. His first day stepping off the train, he looked at Hogwarts in the distance, excitement bubbling through him and he smiled. His excitement was soon squashed by two boys with black hair. One had long, sleek black hair and grey eyes, the other had messy black hair and hazel eyes. Severus had bumped into the one with the sleek hair.
“What’s this? James, look at this kid. He looks like he’s been dunked head first into a vat of grease.” The kid let out a bark like laugh. The other boy, who Severus guessed was James, came over and stood next to them.
Severus tried to laugh the comment off, “Yes, well, you can’t choose what you inherit from your parents, unfortunately.” He looked down, a little uncomfortable; he wasn’t used to being around kids his own age.
“His parents must be really ugly then. Aye, Sirius?” James laughed, acting as if Severus couldn’t hear them. Severus’ face burned red as he stared at his feet, not understanding why they were being mean to him.
“Oh, is the little grease monkey embarrassed?” Sirius taunted.
“My…My name is Severus.” He stammered.
“Severus! What were your parents thinking naming you that? They must be as stupid as they are ugly.” Sirius let out another bark like laugh. Severus started walking away while trying to stop the tears that were threatening to come.
“Oh, is little Severus crying?” James asked as he and Sirius followed him toward the boats.
“No, James, not Severus ” Snivellus!” Sirius said in triumph at his own brilliance.
“Oh, yes, little, crying Snivellus!” James laughed.
All Severus wanted to do was leave, to be anywhere but there. Severus ran and got into a boat that could only hold one more, so his two new ’friends’ couldn’t follow him. As the boat started floating toward Hogwarts, Severus heard the laughter of James and Sirius coming from the boat next to him, he turned and saw that they had found two other students to befriend.
‘You’re such an idiot! Why would you ever think that anyone would want to be friends with you? You’re a half-blood who can’t get his own parents to love him.’
Severus brushed the memories away as he stopped the potion from burning just in time. Thinking about his grand childhood would not help him focus on his potion. He needed to think about his potion, but instead his mind wandered back to the night Hermione Granger collided with him in the hallway. After he had saved her from the Chimaera, she had started crying on him. He was shocked when she had chosen him to cry on, and to find comfort in. She could have gone back to her common room and had one of her friends make her feel better, but instead she had wrapped her arms around him. Something in him had broken; she was so vulnerable and innocent. She wasn’t repulsed by him ” something pure wasn’t disgusted by him. Nothing innocent or vulnerable had ever felt it could come near him, not since he was twelve.
That is when he had decided, when he had changed. No one would ever hurt him again. He froze himself inside; if he couldn’t feel anything, no one could make him feel pain. At the age of twelve, it seemed like a good plan. His parents could no longer hurt him, at least not emotionally. And his school tormentors couldn’t hurt him either. Along with shutting down his emotions came not being able to feel empathy for another person. Innocence could sense that he had shut-off his soul, and the innocent stayed away from him. That was until that night just months ago when innocence had returned to him. He had felt the oddest thing when she wrapped her arms around him, it was as though she had connected with a part of him that he never knew he had, a part that could still feel.
After bringing her back to his office, she had seen the book he had been reading before going on his nightly rounds. She had been surprised that he read Shakespeare; he realized she was trying not to talk about why she had been crying that night, so he began to debate with her on whether or not Hamlet was Shakespeare’s best tragic work. After awhile, he had gotten her to tell him why she had been crying. That imbecile Weasley had hurt her by kissing another girl right in front of her, after making her believe he had feelings for her. Tears had started forming in her eyes, and the newly re-found part of him couldn’t stand to see innocence cry, so he tried to make her laugh. It had worked, it also caused her to say something that made him realize he was acting and talking without his walls up. He quickly threw them back up and told her to leave. He could tell by her eyes that she was sad he was acting this way again, but he had to protect himself. She got up to leave, curtsied, and said thank you.
He didn’t sleep at all that night; he just stared at the ceiling above his bed, and thought about her and what had happened. He decided to act as if it had never happened. It was better to be just as, if not more, cold to her. He would not let a little know-it-all Gryffindor destroy the defenses he had spent so much time building.
“Today we will be talking about the wizard who created the vampire detection devise, and why it is so important to a wizard.” He looked over his Defense Against the Dark Arts class the Monday after the incident with Hermione.
“Does anyone know the name of this wizard?” True to form, Hermione Granger’s hand shot up, “Anyone besides Miss Granger?” He rolled his eyes and nodded to Hermione.
“I don’t know if I’m pronouncing this right, Professor, but his name was Eldrin Betelgeuse.” She said making Bet-el-guess-say sound like Bet-ill-guess-say.
“Miss Granger, if you are going to say something in my class make sure you know how to say it properly, that way you don’t sound like a slow, dim-witted moron who can’t string a proper sentence together. Ten points from Gryffindor for not knowing how to say a simple word, and its pronounced Bet-el-guess-say,” he said with the vilest smirk he could muster to throw at her. Hermione’s eyes filled with tears and she looked down at her desk.
‘You idiot, you made her cry! You were supposed to make her stay away from you, not break her in front of everyone.’
He continued class acting as though she meant nothing, after class when all his students left a feeling of loss filled him. He sat at his desk grading a stack of essays that were in front of him or trying to grade them. His head lifted at a sound in the doorway, Hermione stood there looking at him.
“Professor, I had a question about the chapter for next class, may I come in?” she asked with no emotion on her face or in her voice.
“Of course, Miss Granger, what is your question?” He leaned back in his chair and laced his hands in front of him.
“I have two actually; the first is the fall of the Dark wizard Crean what is the date of that event? And the second is why do you have to be so mean?” Her eyes flashed at him with the second question. He stood from his chair, both hands on his desk he leaned forward to answer.
“To your first question, Miss Granger, 1345 AD. To your second, I am your teacher with that comes a certain amount of respect. You have no right to ask such a question, even if
I did make you uncomfortable in my class.”
“I don’t understand you. I get a glimpse of your human side only to get the wrath of your foul, inhuman side.”
“You have no right to speak to me this way, Miss Granger, now leave,” he hissed at her.
“I showed you respect by not retorting your comments in class! If you think that we shouldn’t have spoken so freely to one another and that we should keep our distance, I understand. Just don’t be so cruel about it!” Tears filled her eyes, as she gave Severus a penetrating glare. When he didn’t answer, she spun around and stalked out of the classroom.
“Damn it!” Severus yelled as the potion turned a murky black color showing that he, again, had burned it. “I’m getting as bad as Longbottom."