Chapter Forty-Five: Lottie’s New Mission
Lottie sulked the next morning at breakfast, poking her bacon moodily. Andrea sat next to her, but didn’t say a word. “Hey, Rowe,” called a voice. Lottie turned around, Andrew Victorsen, a boy in her year, stood with his arms crossed. He had always been a severe sort of character; Lottie wasn’t sure if this was because Edgar and Devin did not seem to like him that much, or if it was what caused their dislike. “Palmyitor wants to see you,” he said. “She’s in her office. Sounds serious.”
Lottie dropped her fork. She knew exactly what this was about”her violent duel with Andrea. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Andrea’s faint smile. “Don’t laugh,” she snapped. “It’s not funny, okay?”
Without saying another word, she swung her bag over her shoulder and sulked out of the Hall. Her heart hammered in her chest as she descended the stairs to Palmyitor’s office. She knocked on the door twice. It swung open.
All three heads crowded in the cramped office. Palmyitor, as usual, sat at her desk with her hands folded. Clynalmoy stood behind her with his hands stuffed in his pockets. Maelioric, with folded arms, leaned against the back wall.
“You”erm”” Lottie’s throat was dry. She swallowed. “You wanted to see me, Professors?”
“Yes,” Palmyitor said. She glanced at Clynalmoy and Maelioric in turn before saying, “We have reconsidered our position.”
Lottie stared blankly ahead, fiercely trying to repress all of the doubts swimming through her mind. “Professor?”
“We have decided that, although Woolbright has the fifth year slot this summer, you may also go on the mission to Hogwarts.”
Lottie’s face completely betrayed her; her jaw fell open, her eyes widened, and her hands fell limp at her sides. “Th”thank you, Professor. I”I don’t know””
“Keep in mind that this does not relate to any achievement of yours,” Palmyitor said sternly, “but our own decision that your skills could prove useful on this mission.” Lottie nodded solemnly. “With that in mind,” Palmyitor continued, “we have the right to withdraw you from this assignment at any time. If, for example, you are still unable to master your Occlumency by the time of departure, we may decide that your skills are not necessary, after all.”
Lottie nodded again. She knew what that meant”if she wasn’t able to beat Snape by the end of the year, she wouldn’t be able to go. “Thank you,” she said again.
The door behind her swung open. Lottie smiled and left the office. She couldn’t believe it. She nearly skipped up the staircase”the joy filling her was so overpowering.
She reached the entrance hall and was just reaching for the door of the Great Hall, when a voice stopped her. “Rowe?” It was Maelioric. He caught up to her in three long steps.
“Yes, Professor?” she asked, turning around to face him.
He crouched down so that he was eye to eye with her. The earnestness in his face reminded Lottie of the day he came to pick her up from the camps. “You’ve got a good friend, Rowe,” he said, smiling warmly. “Just remember that. Don’t throw her away.”
As realization dawned on her, guilt flooded into the pit of her stomach. “Thanks, Professor,” she said.
Maelioric stood up. “Come on,” he said. “We’ve got twenty minutes before classes behind; how much bacon do you think we can finish by then?” He winked and pulled the door open.
Lottie found her seat at the Palmyitor table next to Andrea, who was still smiling. “It was you, wasn’t it?” Lottie asked.
Andrea’s face broke out into a full-out grin. “How could you tell?”
Lottie laughed, but soon her laughter died and she stared guiltily at her plate. “But why?” she asked. “Especially after the duel”why would you””
“I know what’s best for you,” Andrea said. “How angry can I be? You wanted it much more than I did and it showed. Palmyitor is just unreasonable.”
Lottie made a face and said, “And she told me I have to figure out how to block Snape this year”or I won’t be allowed to go.”
Andrea brushed her hair out of her face. “That shouldn’t be too hard, should it? You seem to get closer every time. And now”especially”you have an incentive.”
“That will make it even worse,” Lottie said. “Every time I think about beating him, I’ll get excited”and then I won’t be able to keep my emotions under control.”
“Speaking of Snape, come on, we’ve got his class now. Maybe today will be the day.”
The descent into the cold, dark dungeon did nothing to dampen Lottie’s mood. Snape smirked and leaned against the wall as the class entered. He put them through the regular rounds of torture by calling one person at a time and watching them fail spectacularly. When it was Lottie’s turn, he seemed to sneer unusually wide, as if he knew how important it was.
After watching her entire class fail, Lottie was not feeling particularly enthusiastic about facing him. She took a breath and waited. “Legilimens.”
The pressure of the attack was strong, but Lottie was able to resist it. The pressure increased, and Lottie accordingly increased her defenses. She took another breath. She couldn’t believe it”she had never resisted this long. A small ounce of excitement leapt into her stomach”and suddenly emotions flooded through her.
Snape pounced on these like some large and vicious cat. He led her through a series of her least favorite memories”years at the camp, watching dead bodies float through the sewage system, François’s body, laying spread-eagle on the floor…
“Okay, you win,” she said meekly. She came back to her senses kneeling on the ground.
“Pity,” Snape said, but nothing else. Lottie pushed herself up, glaring at the professor’s dark, beady eyes, and returned to her chair. She spent the rest of the lecture with her head in her hands. She didn’t need to listen”she knew it all. She knew exactly what she needed to do in order to block Snape completely”she just couldn’t do it.
By lunchtime, she had lost her appetite completely. “You were really close this time,” Andrea said encouragingly.
“Yes, and I still can’t do it.” Lottie speared the vegetables on her plate with the tip of her fork. “I just fail worse and worse each time. I know what I have to do.”
“They why don’t you do it?”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know! It just doesn’t work like that.” Lottie shoved her plate away from her and groaned. “And I only have until June to figure it out.”
“Okay, listen, I think we can do this,” Andrea said. “I want you to come to Hogwarts as much as you do. Let’s just sit and think about all of the Occlumens we know. Palmyitor and Snape are two. How do they do it?”
“They don’t feel. It’s as simple as that. I wish I could do that.”
“No, you don’t,” Andrea said. “Look at them”do they look happy? They gave up their souls for their power.”
“But there isn’t any other way to do it, Andrea.”
“Look at Breckenridge,” Andrea said. “He still has feelings”wherever he is”he still is happy. How did he do it?”
“I don’t know, but he isn’t as good as Snape””
“But he’s good enough, isn’t he? I’m not as good at Occlumency as you are, but it looked to me like he kept his emotions compartmentalized. He still had them, but was able to control them. That’s what’s important.”
The bell signaling the end of lunch rang. “We can figure this out after classes,” Andrea said as they stood up. “Oh”and we have a Hogwarts meeting tonight. They told us about it yesterday. It will be in the Great Hall after dinner.”
Lottie ate so vehemently at dinner that she nearly choked four times. Andrea would have scolded her on a normal day, but she seemed just as excited, and too nervous to care.
“What do you think we’ll do tonight?” Lottie asked. “Duel?”
“I doubt it,” Andrea said. “They’ll probably just tell us about this summer and what we’ll have to do. It’s not a long meeting”an hour, I think. I have a”erm”” she leaned in nervously, eying the students around them “”a Transfiguration tutoring session after.”
“Great. I’ll go to the library then and see if I can find anything useful on Occlumency.”
Seemingly out of nowhere, Andrea erupted into laughter”a giggle so lighthearted and uncharacteristic that Lottie could only blink.
“What?” Lottie asked, suppressing a smile in an attempt to ignore the laughter’s contagiousness.
“I don’t know”it’s just like we’re first years again,” Andrea said. “Don’t you remember? We went to the library looking for books so you could learn Occlumency””
“”before our next lesson,” Lottie added.
“Because you didn’t want Breckenridge to know that you”” Andrea stopped laughing and looked meaningfully at the Clynalmoy table. They sat in silence for a moment before Andrea burst into laughter again. “What a crazy, temperamental eleven-year-old you were.”
The corners of Lottie’s mouth twitched into a smile. “Well look at you,” she said. “You’re the one who learned the map of the castle over night and took it upon yourself to be the leader of the class.”
Andrea buried her face in her hands and groaned. “I was trying to forget about that,” she said.
They spent the rest of the meal laughing away their nerves. Once the other students began to file out of the Hall, Lottie lost the joviality. She looked around at the people left”the few chosen to complete the mission. Nine other students”and her. They all seemed to stand up on some unspoken cue and filed to the front of the Hall. Maelioric waved his wand and the tables cleared out of the way.
“Welcome,” he said, as he tucked his wand back into his pocket. “You nine”excuse me”ten”” he glanced knowingly at Lottie “”you ten have been chosen because you are the most fit for this job. Each of you has a unique skill that will help us on this mission.”
“That does not mean,” Palmyitor interrupted, “that you are the best at what you do. This does not mean that you are the most talented in your year. So don’t let this get to your head.”
Maelioric began to smile as he said, “Thank you, Naesa. Yes”we don’t want any inflated heads. It will make the commute very difficult.” He chuckled to himself. “That being said”erm… Ryan, why don’t you explain this? It was your plan, after all.”
“Oh”yes, okay,” Clynalmoy said with mild surprise. It was not often that he spoke up. “The basic idea is to split you up into pairs based on your abilities. You two complement each other by making up for the other’s weaknesses. So”erm”yes. When I call your name, come up here and get a page of basic information that you’ll need for the trip. Overton?”
Ally stood up, brushing her brown bangs from her eyes and, flashing Clynalmoy a toothy smile, crossed to pick up a piece of parchment. Lottie had to suppress the urge to shoot a curse at her turned back. “Rowe?” Clynalmoy called.
Lottie crossed to the front of the Hall and took the parchment from Clynalmoy. “Oh Merlin,” she groaned as she glanced down at it. Scrawled across the top was, “Partner: Colm Scrivener.”
Clynalmoy handed out the rest of the pages and instructed them to sit next to their partner. Lottie sat cross-legged on the ground, glowering at Colm over her parchment. She looked back down at the page and read the paragraph about him. “Scrivener,” it read, “has a large power behind him. His spells carry an extraordinary amount of strength”unusual for a fifth year. What he has in strength, however, he lacks in flexibility. He has no agility or creativity. He cannot get in and out of situations, but once he is there, he can end the game. You should be warned that it will take an extra effort on your part if anything goes wrong.”
Lottie scoffed and looked up at him. “So apparently, you can shoot a mean hex,” she said, “but you’re lugging around too much weight to be able to doge.” She laughed. “And I guess you’ll also freak out if anything goes wrong”so I’ll have to save you there too.”
Colm sat up straighter. Lottie saw the muscles on his arm tense. “Yeah, well, this says that I have to babysit you, so you don’t lose your temper and try to kill someone on our side.”
“I wouldn’t do that.”
“It also says that you’re basically incompetent at Charms and Transfiguration.”
“Yeah, well you’re too stupid to deal with any kind of danger at all. You’re just a big, stupid””
“Miss Rowe, Mr. Scrivener,” Clynalmoy said timidly as he crossed the Hall toward them. “You are supposed to read about the other’s weakness and discuss how you will work together to make a good team, not just blindly accuse””
“Oh, I’m sorry, Professor,” Lottie said. “Okay, Scrivener, I have to work on lugging your fat ass around the castle while you make sure not to piss me off, okay?”
Clynalmoy heaved a sigh before turning to all of the students. “If you look further down the page, you will see a section on materials. We will issue these to you when you arrive at Hogwarts, but you can practice with similar tools beforehand. They have been strategically assigned to you based on what you will most likely be doing this summer.”
Lottie glanced down. On her page it told her that she and Colm would be receiving two extremely fast broomsticks for the trip. Her stomach plummeted. Her biggest weakness was flying.
“We will begin practical lessons this Saturday,” Clynalmoy said. “Meet on the grounds at nine in the morning.”
Lottie groaned and pushed herself to her feet. “Not quite yet, Rowe,” Palmyitor said. “There is quite an important matter we have left to address. We will be leaving in early May, so that they will still have classes in session. It will be easier, you see, for you to blend in with the other students. You will have to get far ahead in your schoolwork in order to be able to miss a month of classes. We will put you in accelerated classes in March. You may want to concern yourself with staying on top of your work.” Palmyitor seemed quite pleased with the students’ daunted expressions. “Now, Rowe, you are dismissed.”
Lottie rolled up her parchment and waited uncomfortably as Andrea carefully placed hers in her bag. “Weird, right?” she said as they left the hall. “Who did you get placed with?”
“I’m sorry, Lottie, I’d love to talk, but I have a Transfiguration lesson upstairs that I was supposed to be at five minutes ago,” Andrea said in one breath. “I’ll talk to you tonight, though.”
Lottie stood stationary and stared as Andrea skipped up the stairs, two at a time, running to her meeting. She tried to ignore the aftertaste of jealousy as she turned to skulk to the library.
The only students left inside the vast library were the most antisocial people in the school”the people who rarely spoke and had few”if any”friends. It had a sense of routine. People sat comfortably in their straight-backed chairs and spoke to nobody. Lottie bee-lined for the Occlumency section and ran her fingertips over the dusty pamphlets and books. She seriously doubted whether Andrea’s idea of compartmentalizing her emotions would work; she was convinced that the only way to beat Snape would be to descend to his level of coldness.
The books she selected were old, often handwritten, by familiar names from history. These people lived their lives as Occlumens, so they could probably have some helpful advice.
Lottie left the library, laden with books and began to descend the stairs to the Palmyitor common room.
Andrea didn’t get back for another hour, and by that time, Lottie had already skimmed through the first two books. Both made similar statements”that the only way to be an extremely effective Occlumens was to lose all major emotions entirely. They both mentioned techniques in the vein of Andrea’s, but explained that it could only be competent, at best, and Lottie wasn’t there just to be competent.
“How was your lesson?” she asked dully as Andrea sat down at their table in the corner.
“Great,” she said. “I think we’re really on the right track. Find anything interesting in there?”
“Nothing helpful in these.” Lottie gestured toward the two books beside her. “I was just moving onto this third one.”
“Here, I’ll help you.” Andrea pulled the fourth book toward herself. “Oh, and I saw that you got paired with Colm Scrivener,” she added carefully. “That was interesting.”
“Yeah,” Lottie groaned. “I think the basic idea was that I’d be able to save him if he’s too slow to escape or something. Who are you paired with?”
“Ally Overton,” Andrea sighed. “I really don’t want to talk about it.”
Lottie snorted into her book. “What? It seems like a compliment. Her weakness is”what?”everything. So I guess that means your strength is everything.”
“Very funny,” Andrea said. “Even you have to admit that she’s pretty good at Charms, though.” Lottie shrugged moodily. A moment of silence between the pair and Lottie looked back down at the leather-bound book in her hands. “So,” Andrea began, cracking open her own book, “are you sure there aren’t any helpful tips in those two?”
“Any good Occlumens wouldn’t include a helpful tips page,” Lottie said, trying to keep her irritation from creeping into her voice. “It just doesn’t work that way. It’s not like Charms or Potions; you can’t just say, ‘Oh, remember to squint your eyes extra hard,’ or””
“Okay, okay.” Andrea raised her hands helplessly. “I’m sorry. I’ll just read quietly and tell you if I find anything.”
Lottie sighed and returned to her book. She couldn’t understand where all of this new aggression was coming from, but knew it certainly wouldn’t help her beat Snape.
“Wait, look at this.” Andrea tapped the yellowing page she had open with her fingertip. “’Although it is not a common practice, a fairly effective method of blocking attacks is retreating to a blank part of your mind, rather than emptying it altogether. It is an effective tool in keeping away invaders and also retaining your own sense of feeling.’”
“Great,” Lottie drawled. “That’s what the other books said, but read the next line.”
Andrea looked down, and read, “’It is quite an uncommon practice because of its level of difficulty. It is possible to achieve this level of blocking, but it takes several more years of work”’”
“See?”
“Well”it’s worth a try, isn’t it? It said it might take more time, but you’ve already gotten a good head start. Promise me you’ll at least try next time we face Snape.”
Lottie looked at Andrea, whose earnestness was almost pouring across the table and filling the common room. “Fine,” she said. “I’ll try.”
Snape spent half of their next Occlumency lesson spewing his disappointment that nobody”not even seventh years”had managed to successfully block his attacks. “I had been hoping that we would be able to move to Legilimency by the end of this year, but due to inept students, it seems””
“Professor?” Andrea timidly raised her hand. “Just”just because a few of us are behind doesn’t mean that everyone else is. I”I just mean to say that Lottie has been doing Legilimency for a while. She learned””
“How can one move onto a more advanced topic, while still failing with the basics?” Snape asked, his large nostrils flaring dangerously. “Tell me, Rowe, who let you move on? That can only be the product of an incompetent teacher.”
“Professor Breckenridge was not incompetent,” Lottie said, surprised at her own loyalty to the old teacher. “I learned more from him than I did from you.”
“Oh?” Snape raised his eyebrows slightly. “Then why can you still not perform Occlumency?”
“I can,” Lottie said. “I have before.”
“Then show me.”
Lottie stood up wordlessly and looked back at Andrea who shot her a painfully dorky thumbs up. Lottie stood directly across from Snape. She had to separate her thoughts. She was nervous, and tired, and angry. As she looked at Snape, she had to fight the temptation to try and swallow all of that. She had to at least try to compartmentalize them”for Andrea.
She shut her eyes and took a breath. In her mind’s eye, she saw herself pushing all of the excess thoughts to one side of her mind, and inhabiting the other, empty half. Right when she opened her eyes, Snape hissed, “Legilimens,” and delved into her mind.
She could feel him there, but there was nothing for him to find. It was almost a pleasant feeling, knowing somebody was there with you. For an instant, Lottie thought she might have done it. As Snape searched for memories in her vacant head, she felt a minor sense of victory. The thought didn’t last for long, though. Soon enough, Snape found that hidden pocket of thoughts and feelings and broke its defenses in an instant.
Memories roared through her head. Lottie could no longer see, but a jolt of pain in her knees told her that she had collapsed. She clamped her hands to her ears, even though she knew it wouldn’t make a difference.
The memories suddenly stopped. The room swam into focus, and Snape towered above her. “That juvenile attempt will not do you any good here,” he said. “Sacrifices must be made to be the best.” He turned his head sharply to the rest of the class. “Class dismissed.” Without another word, he spun on his heel and left the classroom.
The other students filed out silently, as was custom after Snape’s classes. Lottie didn’t, but instead rested her head in her hands and sighed, staring at the ground.
“It was a good try,” Andrea said sincerely as she extended a hand to help Lottie stand.
“A try isn’t good enough,” Lottie said as she took Andrea’s hand and pulled herself up. “It’d take a miracle to actually beat him.”
Halfway to Infinity by Eponine
Chapter Notes: Thanks to coolh5000 for her help with this chapter!
This chapter is dedicated to my acting teacher.