Chapter Fifty-Five: A Crack in the Glass
When Lottie returned to the Palmyitor common room, Andrea was already waiting for her. “Good morning,” she said with an unusual cheeriness in her voice.
“Hi.”
“Palmyitor was just in,” Andrea said. “She says they’re having trials for a whole new mission tonight.”
Lottie stared at Andrea. She sounded positively delighted at the notion. It was odd”Andrea hadn’t seemed this happy in months”not since sixth year started. “What’s the mission?” Lottie asked.
“We have to convince some dementors to switch from the Dark Lord’s side to ours.”
“That sounds like a terrible idea,” Lottie said, frowning. “How in Merlin’s name are we supposed to do that? They’ve got free reign on Muggles now. What better deal can we give them?”
“I guess that’s part of the mission,” Andrea said, exuding the sort of excitement that Lottie hadn’t seen from her since before the Hogwarts trip. “We get to figure it out.”
“Well that sounds pointless.” Lottie sat back in her chair emphatically. “What do we want them on our side for anyway?”
Not crestfallen in the least, Andrea chirped, “No idea, but I’m definitely going to try out. Come on”do you want to head to breakfast?”
“Sure, whatever.”
Sitting at breakfast with Andrea and no Colm to make eye contact with reminded Lottie of the years before”before Colm”before Hogwarts”even before Snape. It felt like something from a different life now.
She and Andrea spent the rest of the day theorizing what the upcoming trials would hold and practicing as many jinxes and curses as they could remember. Lottie did not have high hopes when she showed up at the try-outs. For the one part, Palmyitor did not seem to want her to do anything, and for the other, about every single sixth and seventh year in the school showed up. The beginning of the trials were very similar to the ones for the Hogwarts trip”basic dodging and target practice. Once everybody was thoroughly out of breath, Palmyitor stood before them all.
“We are going to start eliminating potential candidates from here on out,” she said, surveying the crowd. “Our next task will be producing corporeal Patronuses.”
Lottie was not the only one who exclaimed several choice swear words. “Maybe you’ll be able to do it this time,” Andrea said brightly as she pulled out her wand.
“I doubt it.”
Lottie waited in line for her turn, even though she was fully aware of the fact that the chance that she would actually succeed was slim to none. Even if she had been able to produce one before, Colm’s departure left her miserable enough to block almost any happy thought from entering her mind.
The process was long and dull. Apparently, the majority of students were unable to produce Patronuses either, and those who failed were not-so-politely asked to leave. When it was Andrea’s turn, not only did she produce her sickeningly adorable lamb, but she also made it trot a lap around the Great Hall before letting it shimmer into nothingness.
Lottie stepped up for her turn and for the first time, realized just how many people there were there. Every eye was upon her as she tried to think of something”anything”happy. “Expecto Patronum”” she thought of Colm “”Expecto Patronum”” but he was gone “”EXPECTO PATRONUM!”
Nothing happened. Before Palmyitor could say anything, Lottie groaned, “I know, I know”I’m leaving,” and exited the Hall without looking anyone in the eye.
Lottie returned to the Palmyitor common room and flopped onto a couch. She had been stupid to think she even stood a chance. Of course she would need to know how to produce a Patronus to go fight dementors. It was idiotic to think otherwise.
Andrea, perfect Andrea, had done it with no problem. Why hadn’t she realized that they would need to practice Patronuses? Or had she and just not told Lottie, so that she would make a fool of herself? That seemed more likely than anything.
Lottie wished she could talk to Colm. He hadn’t even been gone a day and she was already losing her mind. And of course, she couldn’t help but feel a growing frustration at herself for that. Since when had she been this dependent on anyone? At least now that Andrea was in a good mood, she might be less aloof”or was she happy because she knew Lottie would fail during these trials?
Andrea always seemed to be happiest when Lottie was least, she realized with a scowl. And she had just started to get moody like this when Lottie started seeing Colm. She was just jealous.
Lottie punched the side of the couch in frustration. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that Andrea always seemed to hate her success. She had scolded Lottie for winning duels at Beauxbatons and hadn’t even let her practice Legilimency against her. Andrea had not seemed happy for Lottie at all when she had finally succeeded in blocking Snape. It seemed obvious now. Andrea had always been jealous.
The common room door opened. Andrea walked over to Lottie and laughed when she saw her sprawled against the entire sofa. “Want to budge up so I can sit down?”
When Lottie did not even acknowledge her, Andrea frowned and sat in the chair across. “What’s up?”
Lottie didn’t say anything.
“Are you mad about the Patronus thing?” Andrea asked. “That was really dumb of us”we should have realized that we would need to practice it.”
“Well it worked out all right for you, didn’t it?” Lottie mumbled.
Andrea’s smile melted away. “Well, I still didn’t get it,” she said. “Lost it to a couple of Maelioiric seventh years, but still”it was cool to get that far.”
“Yeah, I bet you loved that, didn’t you?” Lottie snapped, pushing herself up so she was seated.
“What are you talking about?”
“Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m saying.”
“Well I don’t. What the hell are you talking about, Lottie?”
Lottie got to her feet. It felt good to be standing above Andrea, telling her everything she did wrong. “You just love doing better than me,” Lottie said.
“What do you mean by that?”
“You were always jealous before.” Lottie paced around Andrea, unable to contain all of the sudden anger she felt in stillness. “You were jealous because I get all of the attention and because I’m better at Occlumency and because I have a boyfriend.”
“Are you kidding me?” Andrea got to her feet too now. “Are you actually being serious with me? Me, jealous of you? For what? Because you get into more trouble? Because you’re better at detaching yourself from all of your emotions and caring about nothing? Oh”it must be because you have a stupid”fat”boyfriend.” The glass of the window behind Andrea began to crack. Long, thin lines stretched across the frame.
“For your information,” Andrea began again, “I don’t even want to do Occlumency. It’s not good for you. Nothing is worth giving up your soul. And you know what? I think Colm is a foul human being.”
Lottie gaped at her. She had never seen Andrea this angry before. Tears blurred in her clear eyes behind her glasses, and her fists shook with rage. “You’re”you’re just jealous,” Lottie said again.
“No! I’m not!” Andrea shouted. The window behind her shattered. The frigid January wind blasted in with a shower of glass. “Colm is disgusting”he doesn’t care about anything.”
“He cares about me,” Lottie snarled.
“That’s what you think, but I wouldn’t trust him with anything. And I swear”you’ll pay if you put your trust in him.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” Lottie took a step closer, advancing toward Andrea, who still quivered with rage.
“It means that he is going to hurt you”and if you knew anything, you’d dump him right now.”
Lottie couldn’t believe what Andrea was saying. “Don’t you dare talk about him like that.”
“Fine,” Andrea said, rushing toward the staircase. Lottie followed her. “But you don’t see what he’s doing to you. When he ruins everything, don’t think I’ll be there to help.” Andrea began to storm down the stairs, slamming her boots against the stone for extra emphasis.
“Well I don’t want your help, anyway,” Lottie shouted after her. Only silence responded.
Lottie turned back to the common room, where everybody was staring at her. Snow and freezing wind was still gushing in through the shattered window. Lottie pulled out her wand and murmured, “Reparo.” The glass flew back together, but the long crack remained.
Alsemore without Colm or Andrea was a very bleak place. Lottie spent long hours alone, either doing homework or practicing Occlumency and Legilimency. Sometimes she sat with Sophie and Julianne, or the other Palmyitor boys, but even then, she felt truly isolated.
Not that she was going to apologize to Andrea, though. She woke up early just so she wouldn’t have to make eye contact with her, and sat as far away from her as possible in classes.
The rest of January dragged by. Lottie couldn’t remember ever feeling so lonely. The only thing that got her by was counting down the days to Colm’s return. The full moon was in early February, and he was coming back the next afternoon.
He was Apparating directly to Maelioiric’s office, so that afternoon, Lottie waited outside. She couldn’t remember ever wanting to see anybody so badly; after all, a whole month with nobody to talk to was a long time.
She heard a crack come from behind the office door. Heart pounding with excitement, Lottie waited. The door opened.
“Should’ve known you’d be here,” Colm said as he emerged into the corridor.
Lottie couldn’t even think of anything to say. The grin that spread across her face must have been enough. Colm smiled wearily and embraced her into a tight hug. “You want to”erm”” Lottie glanced at the ajar office door “”find somewhere more private?”
“Sure.” Colm laced his fingers with hers and began to walk. Lottie paid little attention to where they were going, but watched Colm carefully. He looked a little worse for wear. His hair had grown long and untamed. Dark bags were swollen under his eyes, and his face was covered with scratches and bruises.
“Colm,” Lottie said, once they arrived in a deserted classroom, “what exactly are they doing to you?”
“What?” Colm asked. “What do you mean?”
“I mean your face, Colm,” Lottie said. “You look like somebody tried to claw it off.”
“Oh”it’s nothing.” Colm waved his hand casually and sat down on top of a desk. “The full moon is a bit rough on everyone. There isn’t enough Wolfsbane to go around”don’t worry about it,” he said hastily, seeing Lottie’s look. “Tell me about everything here.”
Lottie tried to wait so he would talk more, but when he didn’t say anything, she shrugged and sat down on a desk. “Andrea and I had a fight,” she said, not meeting his eyes.
“What? What was it about?”
Lottie frowned. His tone did not seem to match the situation”it almost sounded casual. “It was about”well”” Lottie hesitated. She couldn’t say, ‘about you.’ “A lot of things,” she said. “She was just jealous, I think.”
“Of what?”
Lottie met his eyes. He understood this situation much better than she thought he would”and probably had already figured out what she had meant. “Everything, I guess,” she said. “I’m better at Occlumency and everything. And you know I’m re”” Lottie stopped herself. She had almost said related to Harry Potter. Palmyitor had told her to keep it a secret, and she had already made the mistake of telling Andrea. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Colm though, she just could never be sure who was eavesdropping these days.
“Did it just happen?” Colm asked. “Or was it sparked by something?”
“I don’t even know.” Lottie rested her face against her fist. “She came back from a trial bragging about how she can produce a Patronus and I can’t”and next thing I know, she’s screaming at me.”
Lottie looked up at Colm. He looked deep in thought. He absentmindedly rubbed his leg”the spot where he had been bitten. “I can’t really help you with what she was thinking,” he said. “I just don’t get her, to be honest. She always seems so angry.”
“I don’t get her either.”
“I can help you with a Patronus, though,” Colm said, his eyes brightening. “I’ve gotten pretty good at it recently.”
Lottie smiled. “Honestly, Colm, I don’t think I’ll ever get the hang of it. I just don’t really have any happy enough memories.”
“I can help you with that too.” The corners of Colm’s mouth were raised in an impish smile. Lottie couldn’t help but laugh. She felt a warmth filling her again. After so long alone, she finally had someone who cared about her. Colm was drawing closer. Lottie was smiling, and letting him. Their lips had just met when the slam of the door against the wall pulled them apart.
“There you are.” Andrea stood in the doorway scowling. “I’m supposed to tell you to come to Palmyitor’s office. We have a mission.”
Lottie never hated Andrea more than she did in that moment. Fury rose in her chest like a snake, and she hardly suppressed the ever-mounting desire to just throttle her. “Great,” she seethed. “Just perfect. I haven’t seen my boyfriend in a month and this is exactly what I want to be doing.”
Colm gave Lottie a little squeeze of the shoulder, and Lottie followed Andrea out into the corridor. They walked down the steps to Palmyitor’s office, and Andrea said, “Oh I hope I didn’t just ruin a special moment.” Her voice dripped with venomous malice.
They walked on in silence until they reached Palmyitor’s office door which stood ajar. The office was crammed. Every single sixth and seventh year in their house was stuffed inside. Slightly crestfallen, Lottie found a spot next to Andrew Victorsen. She had hoped that she would at least be getting a special mission.
“Good evening,” Palmyitor said, glowering at them all. “You’re here to participate in a mission near the end of the year.”
Lottie crossed her arms and leaned against the wall.
“We’ll be taking this group to Hogsmeade village near Hogwarts,” Palmyitor went on. “Specifically to the Hog’s Head. We believe that clues might be hidden there.”
“Isn’t that dangerous?” asked a seventh year, who Lottie didn’t recognize.
“Yes, Jones,” Palmyitor said darkly. “It is. But we will be Apparating directly to the premises, without going to the village. The bartender knows we’ll be there.”
“Then why is it going to take so long?” demanded the older girl, Jones. Her grey eyes were set intently on Palmyitor, and a frown was etched across her olive face. “Why can’t we go now?”
Palmyitor shot a glare at her. “It will take time to set up certain protections. I wouldn’t just blindly drag fifteen students to the village of the Dark Lord’s headquarters.”
Lottie wanted desperately to point out that she had the year previous, but she held her tongue.
“You are aware of the workings of a Fidelius charm?” Palmyitor said. “You will all be told the location by a Secret Keeper. Only those who have been told by him”and him alone”will be ago to get there.”
“Well who is the Secret Keeper?” asked Jones.
“Professor Snape,” Palmyitor said.
Lottie had to prevent herself from screaming in frustration. If there was one way to assure the danger of this trip, it was to put their trust in Snape. Judging by the looks on everyone’s faces, she wasn’t the only one who was nervous.
Palmyitor frowned at their expressions. “I know what you are all about to say,” she began, “and I don’t want to hear one word of it. I would trust my life with Snape.”
“Good,” retorted Jones, “because you are.”
Lottie could see Palmyitor struggling to retain control. Although her eyes were blank, a vein pulsed threateningly in her forehead. “That is enough,” she said. “I will give you more information throughout the year, but you have nothing to fear when trusting Snape. You may go.
Lottie filed out with everyone else. This was bad”they were in a lot of trouble. Lottie turned to Andrea, to express these concerns, before realizing that they weren’t talking. She broke off from the group and headed back to the deserted classroom to tell Colm.
The week with Colm could not have lasted long enough. Lottie spent day and night with him, and when he left again, Lottie was once more left with nobody. She came back to the common room after bidding him goodbye and stood in the doorframe for a moment. She really didn’t want to sit alone again today. She glanced around, and spotted the seventh year, Jones, who was settled on the edge of a sofa.
“Hi,” Lottie said as she sat down next to her. “Jones”right?”
“My surname,” the girl said without looking up. “I’m Veronica.” She moved her gaze upward and smiled. Lottie noticed that her deep, grey eyes were watching her carefully. Veronica’s hair was just down to her shoulders and dark, with a few streaks of highlighted blond. That along with her olive skin and upturned nose gave her a very odd appearance.
“Lottie.” Lottie sat back against the sofa and looked down at the parchment stretched out in front of Veronica. “What’s that?”
“An Occlumency paper.” Veronica held up the parchment. “Snape can be a real dick sometimes. I have no idea what to do with this.”
“Let me help you,” Lottie said, pulling the paper toward her. “It’s my best class.” She bent low over the piece of parchment and scanned its lines quickly. She glanced up to find her quill, so she could make corrections, when she spotted Andrea watching her across the common room.
Andrea’s light eyes were narrowed, and flitted back and forth between Lottie and Veronica. “What?” Lottie called.
Andrea flushed red”Lottie couldn’t tell whether it was embarrassment or anger”and quickly said, “Nothing.”
Hanging around with Veronica proved to be more satisfying than time with Andrea. Veronica was bad at pretty much everything, and Lottie definitely relished in being the smart one. The year passed more quickly now that she had a pseudo friend. Lottie managed to ignore Andrea completely and survived by spending some time with Veronica, and impatiently waiting for Colm’s visits every month.
Colm spent much of his time back helping Lottie. With him she managed to produce silver mist that occasionally almost took on a shape. But once he left, she was just as hopeless as ever.
One May night, Lottie sat in the library with bleary eyes, working on an assignment for Charms. She scanned over her work without really reading it”her mind just felt dead.
“The pretentious little suck-up,” snarled a familiar voice near by. Lottie picked her head up”that sounded like Veronica. “Ratting me out,” said the voice again. There was no doubt about it”that definitely was her. The voice was coming from Lottie’s right, where the study tables ended and a wall of shelves began.
Quietly Lottie rose and approached the first shelf. Peeking through a gap in the books, she could see Veronica, leaning against the opposite shelf, complaining to a friend who had the back of her head toward Lottie.
“But what’d you do?” asked the friend.
Veronica scoffed. “It wasn’t a big deal,” she said. “People do it all the time. I just had to practice this new hex I learned for a test, but nobody wanted to help, so I snuck up on a first year””
“People do do that all the time,” agreed the friend. “I got hit a thousand times when I was a first year. What happened?”
“That four-eyes prefect,” Veronica spat. “Woolbright. She came up behind me, right when I was about to make my move and disarmed me. She told me off”can you believe that”and took me to Palmyitor’s office.”
“Merlin,” the friend said. “It wasn’t that serious.”
“That’s what I said.” Veronica’s face grew dark. It changed with her anger and gave her such an ugly expression that Lottie was taken aback. “But Palmyitor gave me detention for two days”all because of Woolbright, the little bitch.” Veronica’s face was rising in color. All Lottie needed to do was glance at her eyes to feel her explosion of anger. “And Palmyitor only likes this Woolbright because she hangs out with Rowe.”
Somewhere in the back of Lottie’s mind, a tiny flame of anger kindled.
“What do you mean?” the friend asked.
“Oh come on”you’ve seen how Rowe is treated. Palmyitor lets her on a thousand missions. Do you remember what it was like before she got here? Palmyitor almost was fair”at least sort of. She would let us meet with her if we were having a problem, but once Rowe got here, she stopped.”
“Do you really think that had to do with Rowe?” the friend asked. “We were only first years then”are you sure it wasn’t that?”
Veronica’s expression grew uglier. “Positive,” she said. “And you know the only reason Woolbright was even made a prefect was because of Rowe. Palmyitor hates her”the ugly, self-righteous ass.”
Lottie had heard enough. A calm sense of intellectual anger rushed through her as she drew her wand. Years ago, she would have tackled Veronica, but today, with an Occlumen’s training, she felt oddly detached from that impluse. “Sectumsempra,” she hissed, before booking it out of the area. Veronica’s screams were all she needed to hear before quietly slipping out of the library.
She rushed to the Palmyitor common room with a sense of purpose. She had to find Andrea to explain. She slipped through the clock and found her friend settled in the corner of the room over a pile of homework.
“Andrea,” Lottie said, sitting down quietly next to her.
Andrea glanced up. The confusion on her face was palpable. She and Lottie hadn’t spoken for months, and suddenly Lottie sat down like nothing had changed. “What do you want?” Andrea asked.
“I want…” Lottie struggled to find the words. “I want to be friends again.”
Andrea’s expression was foggy. Lottie could sense all of the different emotions flying through her eyes”exasperation, confusion, elation, anger. Lottie wondered which one she would choose. “Why do you want that?” she finally said, resuming her all-business tone.
“Because”because”I realized that Alsemore sucks without a friend.”
Andrea’s expression darkened. She opened her mouth to speak, but Lottie quickly said, “No, listen. The year has been horrible without you. Veronica is terrible. And I just heard her talking in the library. She was saying nasty things about you”terrible things, but I defended you. I hexed her””
“Are you kidding me?” Andrea said so shrilly that several people nearby looked up. “You hexed her? Are you stupid?”
“No, Andrea, you don’t understand.” Lottie didn’t get why Andrea wasn’t excited. They could finally be friends again. “I defended you. I understand now.”
“No, you don’t!” Andrea got to her feet. The common room fell silent. Every eye was on Andrea, usually meek Andrea, who suddenly lost it. “You don’t get it at all. You should hear yourself. You don’t care about me”you care about being in a duo. You are completely selfish.”
Lottie just gaped at her as she packed up her bag. Where had all of this anger come from? “Get someone else to be your sidekick,” Andrea said, swinging her bag around her shoulder. “And don’t you dare use your evil, Dark Magic in my name again.”
Halfway to Infinity by Eponine
Chapter Notes: Thanks, coolh5000, for beta'ing this chapter! Happy Thanksgiving to all of my American readers! This chapter is dedicated to my amazing Biffle, who is always a supportive and caring friend.