Chapter Sixty-Four: The Mark
The march back through the camp was jubilant. Bran, in front, leapt every other step, and blasted Muggles to their death in celebration. The older Death Eaters walked with calm confidence”they had done this many times before, and did not have feelings quite as strong. Lottie stayed in the center of the group, drawing no attention to herself, and grinning at the others to keep her performance seeming authentic.
The masked man a few paces ahead turned to face her, and Lottie recognized Snape’s eyes instantly. They bore into her and, though she was filled with emotional turmoil, her Occlumency held true. Despite this, he fell back, and taking his cue, Lottie slowed her speed to meet his.
Snape slipped off his mask. The expression on his face was one of minute details. Lottie did not bother trying to read it, but focused on her own ragged breathing. “If you want to be sick,” he finally said in a low tone, “Do it now”before you go to see the Dark Lord.”
Lottie looked at him and quickly the base of her stomach filled with gratitude. His warning”had it been that?”intentional or not had probably saved her life. She took his implied permission and fell back from the group.
She only needed a moment, she knew. She slipped into an alley and leaned against the wall. She was not going to cry; she was not going to throw up”she just needed a moment to collect herself. The memory of what had just happened whirred in her head, but she silenced it. There would be time to mourn”but now was not it. If she showed one hint of weakness in front of the Dark Lord, her life would end.
She swallowed the bile that had collected in the back of her throat. She swallowed whatever emotions she felt along with it, and trotted to catch up with the group.
Bran was still in the lead”now he was singing. One of the other recruits sang along with him, as they marched and shot sparks from their wands. Lottie could see the glint of blood thirst in their eyes. By the time they reached the gates of the camp, a senior Death Eater had taken the lead. He opened up the gate, let them pass through, and shut it again behind them.
By that point everybody”including Bran”was silent. Lottie wasn’t sure whether they knew what was ahead of them or not. Had Snape’s advice broken some unspoken rule? Were they supposed to arrive at headquarters and be shocked by the Dark Lord’s presence? Whether or not they knew, Bran and the other five recruits had accumulated an air of solemnity. Lottie glanced at Snape who was walking a little ways ahead of her. He had definitely saved her life by warning her”but had he done it on purpose? Did he know it was her? Was he trying to save Shaula or Lottie?
Lottie let these thoughts carry her back to the tunnels of headquarters. They followed the paths silently and finally reached the large, empty chamber. Unlike before, it was completely dark. Lottie blinked furiously, but her eyes simply would not adjust to the pitch black. The others moved with seemingly no problem. She let herself be jostled into place, and finally, when all was still, she waited.
Flames leapt up from seemingly nowhere. Lottie looked around. The orange glow glimmered off the Death Eaters’ metal masks. It shone in Bran’s eyes. They stood in a circle, she noticed. Nobody moved.
Finally a voice spoke. “You have been summoned here because you are the best.” The voice was high, cold, and uncomfortably familiar. Lottie looked for its source, and found it. The Dark Lord stood in a gap in the circle. She wondered how he had gotten there without anyone noticing”or whether he had just always been there. His red eyes shone brighter than the fire behind him.
“You have shown the most talent, through your years at schooling, and he most aptitude in these trials,” the Dark Lord went on. His eyes lingered on each of them in turn”each of the unmasked recruits. Lottie felt his eyes slide on to her, and felt a wave of vulnerability. She stared back at him, trying to look neither confrontational nor meek. Her Occlumency held true, and he turned his gaze to another of the recruits.
Finally, after a prolonged silence, he spoke again. “You are the few chosen to be in my inner circle. The few worthy of the Dark Mark.”
Lottie again glanced at the others. Their eyes were filled with such wonder that she was momentarily disgusted. Bran openly wept. Vaguely, she hoped she looked appropriately happy enough, and contorted her face into a stupid grin just for good measure.
The Dark Lord spoke again. “You have shown devotion so far in your lives”but your trials are not over.” Lottie watched him carefully. It seemed so easy right now to just draw her wand and kill him. She knew how to, and was certainly capable. But she reminded herself of the Horcruxes. It would do no good without destroying them first. She wondered if she would still be alive by the time they were all finished. If she was, maybe she could be the one to do it”maybe she could be the one to kill him once and for all.
“Bennett,” the Dark Lord hissed.
Bran picked his head up before crumpling to the ground and crawling toward his master, kissing the hem of his robe and repeating, “Thank you, my Lord. Thank you.”
“Enough.” The Dark lord held up a narrow, white hand. “You have shown talent in all of your years of school”so much, in fact, that we decided that you would be more useful here. You have a great capacity, Bennett. Give me your arm.”
Tears poured down Bran’s cheeks as he rolled up the sleeve of his robe and extended his left arm. Lottie thought he looked absurdly stupid, but, she thought grimly, she probably had never seen such uncontained joy in her entire life.
The Dark Lord was murmuring something”it was not any incantation that she recognized, and it was much longer, more like a chant than a spell. His long, spidery hands moved rhythmically over Bran’s white skin, and the chant grew in volume. Lottie turned her attention to Bran’s face and saw that his tears continued to fall, though his expression was now still. He looked as if it were just dawning on him how painful this was. The tears flowed down his face harder now”if that was possible, but he his face remained frozen, in awe, joy and pain. Finally, a flash of white light blinded Lottie’s eyes, and was gone in an instant.
Bran drew his arm instinctively away from the Dark Lord; he was now sobbing in earnest. His right hand’s knuckles were white as he clutched the new brand, which glowed red, before fading to jet-black. There was a moment of stillness. The other recruits stared at Bran, who was now shaking, though from pain or joy, Lottie was not sure. He joined his place back in the circle, after sensing his cue and there was more silence.
“Carrow,” the Dark Lord finally hissed. Lottie shut her eyes, took a breath, and advanced. So many thoughts flew through her mind at once that they were deafening to the point of silence. Now was not the time to feel overwhelmed. Lottie stared resolutely at the Dark Lord. She wasn’t entirely sure whether Bran’s actions were compulsory or over the top, so she compromised. With considerably more dignity than her predecessor, Lottie knelt down, murmured, “Thank you, my Lord,” and kissed the hem of his robe.
The words felt horribly strange on her lips and her tongue burned as though it were on fire. She ignored every feeling and pushed herself up, meeting the Dark Lord’s scarlet gaze.
He was performing Legilimency, but thankfully, Lottie’s Occlumency, even in that crucial moment, was sufficient. She vaguely recognized that his Legilimency was not as probing as Snape’s, but ignored the thought.
“You were chosen for you noble blood.” The Dark Lord’s voice created goose bumps on the back of Lottie’s neck. This seemed like something almost out of a nightmare”the circle of masked Death Eaters, the glimmering fire, the red eyes”she seemed incredibly vulnerable, and impossibly in control at the same time. “You quickly proved yourself worthy of your ancestry,” the Dark Lord continued. “Your arm.”
Lottie obediently rolled up the sleeve of her robe. She took a final look at her unmarked flesh, and looked back up. Again, the Dark Lord whispered his incantation. At this distance, Lottie could recognize the clarity in his voice, as though he were hissing straight into her ear. She saw now that his hand movements were not random or simple, but precise and unimaginably complex.
She was aware of a wild burning sensation on her skin. At first, it did not bother her, but felt like a small tingle, or a constant state of goose bumps. Soon enough, though, it became downright unbearable. It felt like the Dark Lord’s long fingers were dragging knives of fire across her arm. Lottie was no longer aware of anything but the horrible sensation. She gnashed her teeth, but kept her eyes resolutely dry. The Dark Lord’s voice seemed to be growing louder, almost to a shout, where it filled her completely”all she could hear”all she could feel.
It stopped suddenly. Lottie took a moment’s pause and looked down. Red glowed on her skin, but quickly faded to black. She saw this intricate pattern, and it seemed to mark her very soul. Wordlessly, she stepped back into the circle and let the others have their turn.
She paid them little mind. She looked down at the Dark Mark on her flesh and experienced a visceral reaction. Despite her best efforts to suppress everything, this physical change in her caused thousands of emotions to resurface. She had killed”she was a murderer. She felt a terrible, pulsing pain, somewhere she could not locate. Her parents had died”and it was her fault. She might as well have fired the curse herself.
As she gazed down on the black Mark, Lottie tried to remind herself that she was doing this for the war”was doing this to end the Dark Lord’s reign. But why had she agreed to help Alsemore in the first place? To keep her family safe. But she had sacrificed them to do her job. What should she have done? Would there be any point in winning the war if everyone died in the process?
Lottie’s stomach churned uncomfortably, and she felt an almost overwhelming need to throw up. She was vaguely aware of memories stirring in her thoughts, but they were nothing compared to the physical pain she felt.
A memory came swimming back into her mind. It was so real that she almost completely lost sight of the world around her. Her cerebral experience almost became real”and Lottie was overcome by the wariness and hunger she had felt at the time. In her memory, Snape stood across from her, right after she had successfully blocked him with Occlumency, and said simply, “That’s it.”
The memory evaporated and Lottie blinked in the present. The Dark Lord was now marking the final recruit. She turned her gaze to the present-time Snape, who stood masked on the Dark Lord’s right side. He was already staring at her, his black eyes glimmering. As they met each other’s gaze, Lottie felt suddenly and horribly vulnerable. She hastily strengthened her Occlumency and right when she did, Snape turned his gaze back to the final recruit.
The last candidate was branded, and the Dark Lord gazed at each of them in turn. “You were given this gift,” he said, “because of your proven dedication to me. Do not let it falter.” With that, he spun around with a rustle of his cloak and disappeared into darkness. The circle broke up promptly, and Lottie silently followed the flow of traffic back to the recruits’ chambers.
She did not speak to anybody, but went back to her room. She locked the door. Her determined stoicism was rapidly evaporating. Horrified, Lottie tried to cling onto it, to cling onto what gave her the power of Occlumency, but it was crumbling quickly. The black skull on her forearm stared up at her.
Lottie unrolled her sleeve to block it from view, but it was, if anything, more present. The smell of her own burnt flesh stung her nostrils. The Mark itched”or stung, maybe; it felt so foreign. She couldn’t stop running her fingers over it as she realized with sinking horror, that she would have this for the rest of her life.
She wanted to throw up. It seemed like this was a Mark on her soul, not on her body”an idea she would have scoffed at before, but now she understood intimately. The corners of her eyes tingled curiously, and she realized that she was on the brink of tears. Lottie couldn’t remember the last time she cried.
Suddenly the impact hit her like a wave”square in the chest. She doubled over with the blow and wrapped her arms around her stomach. The images that she had suppressed rose suddenly and overwhelmed her vision. This regurgitation of memory made her head spin.
She saw Bran’s face”suddenly alive with blood thirst, as he killed her mother. She saw her father, bravely, stoically step in front, sacrificing himself. And they had killed him”she had killed him. She could have stopped it all. She hadn’t. An audible groan escaped her lips and she moved her shaking hands to her face. It was wet with tears”the salt stung her raw cheeks.
She thought of Andrea”she thought of Colm and realized that she had no idea where they were right now. Was Colm at school or with the werewolves? Had Andrea been given a mission? Were they even alive?
All of her life”or virtually all of it”had been spent preparing for this. Since the beginning, Palmyitor had singled her out”chosen her. But why? Why had she been chosen? Why not Andrea instead? Memories clouded her vision and she saw a resolute Andrea, nobly refusing to use Dark Magic. Was that why Lottie had been chosen? Her capacity for cruelty? That phrase struck a curious cord”and she remembered where it had come from. Dewitt”a Death Eater”had said them”had told her that she over all others had the innate ability to kill. Was that why one had been chosen? Palmyitor had taught her for this”she suddenly felt like a pig raised for slaughter.
With a rush of determination, she stood up. She could not see herself, but imagined how strange she looked crying. Had anybody ever seen her cry? She suddenly could not remember. But then another realization hit her. She wasn’t crying. It was not her tear-stricken face that people would see”it was Shaula’s. With her wand in hand, Lottie turned on the spot and Disapperated.
She appeared with a crack back at Alsemore, in the entrance hall. Stillness was everywhere. There was almost complete darkness, but still it was brighter than the Death Eater headquarters. Lottie turned around, searching for any living soul. Where was everybody?
A clock in the corner gave the answer. As it chimed four times, she realized that it was the middle of the night. Taking heed of this, Lottie walked down the familiar steps to Palmyitor’s office. The castle was different now, utterly changed, or was it she who had changed?
She reached the office and knocked on the door. After thirty seconds with no answer, she knocked again. Still, there was silence. Lottie made a careful fist and proceeded to pound on the thin wood until finally, she heard a noise inside.
The door swung open, and framed by the silver light from a newly lit candle, Palmyitor stood glowering. She wore a floor-length, pink nightgown that vaguely reminded Lottie of a humorous memory that she couldn’t quite get a grasp of. There was a moment of puzzlement in the old professor’s eyes before realization dawned on her. “Rowe.”
Lottie nodded. She couldn’t imagine what Palmyitor was thinking. “What is it?” Palmyitor finally demanded.
“I”I”” Lottie fiddled with her left sleeve. She saw Palmyitor’s eyes flit downward and widen in understanding.
“For heaven’s sake, don’t show it here”come inside.” Lottie followed numbly and collapsed into the chair opposite the desk. “It was initiation night,” Palmyitor said.
Lottie nodded again. She couldn’t find any words. She wasn’t even sure if she could speak without breaking out into sobs. The tears had stopped flowing from her eyes, but she still felt them against her cheek. As means of explanation, she rolled up her sleeve and displayed it.
Palmyitor looked down at the Mark with cold indifference. “Well done,” she said finally. “Being recruited directly into the Dark Lord’s inner circle is difficult. Only the most talented””
“That’s not why I’m here.” Lottie surprised herself with the ferocity in her voice.
Palmyitor blinked at her. “Well, what””
“You didn’t tell me,” Lottie growled. “You didn’t tell me it would be like this.”
“Like what?”
“What I had to do.” Lottie attempted to keep her tone calm, her face controlled, but could feel heat rising to her cheeks. “I killed people. I tortured people. I””
“I thought you understood that,” Palmyitor interrupted sharply. “When you agreed to do this, you”don’t you know what Death Eaters do?”
“Then why am I doing it? If the point of doing this is to stop the killing, why do I have to kill to do it?”
Palmyitor silenced her with a mere purse of her lips. Lottie wondered if she realized that her palm was cupped firmly over her own left forearm. “In a war like this, Rowe, we have to make decisions. We have to make sacrifices.”
“To what extent?” Lottie rose from her chair so quickly that she knocked it over. It crashed against the ground with a clatter. “If I have to kill one Muggle a day to fit in, how many Muggles will I kill before this is over? How many expendable people have to die until they’re not expendable anymore? I had to watch my own parents die! I had to stand there and let them be murdered, even though I was fully capable of preventing it.” The tears began to fall down Lottie’s face once again. She also felt a curious sensation”it felt like she was shrinking. She wondered if it was an effect of terrible remorse before realizing that the Polyjuice was wearing off, and she was, in fact, shrinking from Shaula’s big form to her own height.
“One life equals another, Rowe,” Palmyitor said with set teeth. “They would have died soon enough anyway.”
“Really?” Lottie slammed her palms against the desk. Palmyitor did not flinch. “If one life equals another, then why not me instead of them? Why not you?”
“You and I are useful. Unfortunately””
“So only Muggle lives are equal.” Lottie straightened up and glared at Palmyitor fiercely. “Only you could say that”only you, who has lived your entire life in comfort with magic, could think that you’re innately better than those who don’t have it. That’s a Death Eater idea, you know. Maybe all of your time with them corrupted you”maybe you actually believe what you pretended to””
“Enough.” Palmyitor rose from her chair to match Lottie. Lottie opened her mouth to argue again, but Palmyitor cut her off. “No, I said enough, Rowe. Sit down.” Lottie didn’t budge. She felt a vein somewhere in her forehead twitch. “Rowe, I said sit.”
Lottie’s legs buckled beneath her. Thankfully, Palmyitor had magically raised the chair again, into which she collapsed heavily.
“Perhaps you are not the candidate I always thought you were,” Palmyitor said, not sitting herself, so that she towered over Lottie. “We chose you from the very beginning for your deep rooted talent. Your ability to shed off the emotions that hold you back. Yes”we knew from the very beginning that you could do this. What do you think the Ivory Table is for?”
Lottie breathed heavily, unable to find any satisfactory way to voice her fury.
“Do you remember the first and most important thing I taught you?” Palmyitor went on. “If you cannot control your emotions, you cannot perform Occlumency. You had a propensity for anger in those days, but with careful training, you learned to shed it.”
Lottie looked down at her lap. “So that’s it?” she finally said. “Just”get over it.” She looked up to meet Palmyitor’s eyes. “That’s easy enough here”to forget a bad grade or punishment”but the real world””
“The same theory still applies.”
“THIS ISN’T THEORY!” Lottie tried to get out of her chair again, but found that it was restraining her. “This is causing your own parent’s death”do you know what that’s like? This is becoming the thing you despise to stop it”how does that even make sense?” Lottie brandished her Mark again. “This will never come off,” she growled. “It was given to Shaula, but it’s still on my skin.”
In a sudden, jerking gesture, Palmyitor pulled up the sleeve of her nightgown to bare her own Dark Mark. There it was, twin to Lottie’s”identically burnt into her flesh. “There.” Palmyitor jabbed a finger at the skull. “Do not talk to me like I do not understand, Rowe. I suffered the exact same problems”I made the exact same sacrifices. I did that for fifty years, Rowe. You were chosen for your ability”an ability that far outreaches mine, Severus’s and the Dark Lord’s”and yet you cannot even last one day in this job. Without any inside knowledge in this war, we are essentially hopeless.”
Lottie pulled her arm back. Her eyes never leaving Palmyitor’s, she rolled down her sleeve. Her heart seemed to slow to an infinitely sluggish pace. “So what?” she finally said. “I do have to just get over it?”
“In so few words”yes.” Palmyitor pulled back her sleeve over her Mark and forced her hands civilly on the desk. “Pull yourself together because, honestly Rowe, right now you’re all over the place. I sensed your deafening thoughts before I heard your knocking.”
Lottie took another deep breath and shut her eyes. She willed herself to forget about emotions”to forget about a conscience. She could deal with that after the job was done. “Okay,” she said aloud, more to pacify herself than anything. “Okay.” She opened her eyes and stood up. The chair let her go.
“Be cautious when returning Rowe,” Palmyitor said as Lottie took another swig of Polyjuice Potion. “Your absence might be noticed.”
Lottie nodded, but the words bounced off of her as though she were hollow. “Right.” Without another word, she Disapparated back into Darkness.
“You ought to be more careful.” The voice that greeted her return was devastatingly familiar. Her room was almost pitch black, and as her eyes adjusted, she spun around to find the source of the noise. When she could finally see again, the image hit her square in the chest. Snape sat on the edge of her bed, observing her distastefully.
“What do you mean?” Lottie asked.
Snape cocked his head so that strands of greasy hair fell into his eyes. “Do not play dumb with me, Carrow.” His spite for the name unnerved Lottie. It dripped with irony.
“What?” Lottie couldn’t help but think how lucky she was that Palmyitor had made her calm down before returning. Her Occlumency, thankfully, held true against Snape, though it was certainly weaker than normal. She could feel him trying to bend it, to break it.
“Where did you just return from?” Snape asked, raising his eyebrows slightly.
“That’s my business.”
“Really.” He got to his feet. In the pitch black, his eyes had lost their usual malicious glimmer. “You”who have no family or friends”you with no place to live but here. Where could you be going? I would say it is entirely my business. I helped you reach your current position more than you would know””
Lottie hated swallowing her anger, but she knew she had no choice. She could have killed him right then, but then her position would be given away entirely. She could perform Legilimency on him to find out who had helped him out of his prison, but then he would surely know her identity. He seemed to have a hint already, though.
“I thank you very much for your help, in that case,” she said carefully.
Snape frowned further. Lottie had no intention of elaborating on the subject. A wrinkle in his forehead deepened in thought. Finally, he said, “How did you get the information from that Muggle?”
“How do you think? I tortured him.”
“Interesting.” Snape swept around her and fiddled with something on her desk. A moment later, a candle’s wick ignited. The glimmering light made Snape’s shadow morph against the stone wall. “When I questioned him, he had no recent memory of being tortured.”
“How could you question him further?” Lottie asked. “He was a vegetable by the time you finished with him.”
“I have ways of”ah”persuading answers out of people.” Snape’s long fingers wrapped around the base of the long candle. Melted wax dribbled down his fingers, but he was oblivious to the burn. “Are you familiar with the art of Legilimency?”
Lottie rolled her eyes. “We already discussed this.”
“Yes, but then you lied.”
Lottie pursed her lips. “Don’t call me a liar.”
“What do you know about Legilimency?”
“That’s mind reading, right?”
Lottie relished in the rage that purpled on Snape’s face. His lips became white as he bit them. She knew that frustration well”Andrea had never understood the art’s delicacy either. “No,” he said with gritted teeth. “It is not, in fact, as simple as that. It is a precise art”” He cut himself off and let go of the candle. Instead of falling, it hovered in mid-air. “I wonder how you retrieved all of that information from the Muggle with no use of torture.”
“And I wonder how you got information from him after he completely lost his mind.”
“I used Legilimency.”
The corners of Lottie’s mouth twisted into a miniscule smile. It was almost funny to see his growing frustration. “But how can you read his mind if he’s lost it?”
Snape narrowed his eyes. “With the subtle art of Legilimency, you can invade the memories of even the most distant minds. I would not have pushed him so far if I knew I could never get the names of the filthy rabble-rousers from him.”
It was Lottie’s turn to frown. “That was how you found out? That was why you killed them?”
“Is that how you found out as well?” Snape asked. “For any normal wizard, it would take hours to find a subject. Any normal wizard would have to torture every Muggle they passed”trial and error. How did you”without any former knowledge of that camp and apparently without any Legilimency abilities”find the right Muggle so quickly?”
Lottie pursed her lips. She didn’t have a great answer to that. She had found him quickly because she knew where to wait”and she had used Legilimency. “Luck,” she said with a smile.
Snape took a sharp breath in. “Fine,” he said. “Fine.” He picked up the candle again. “Pay more attention to those around you,” he said as he wrenched open the door. The light from outside almost blinded Lottie. “You must be more subtle if you wish to keep secrets.” He left and slammed the door behind him.
Lottie let out a slow sigh and sat down on her bed. She wrapped her fingers around her left forearm. The Mark stared up at her, burnt black against her skin.
Halfway to Infinity by Eponine
Chapter Notes: Thanks, coolh5000, for beta'ing this chapter!
This one's dedicated to Sergei Lukyanenko because his Night Watch series is simply great.