Chapter Sixty-Eight: Back at Alsemore
When Lottie got back to Alsemore, she slept for twenty-three hours straight. The physical stress of resisting the pull of the veil combined with the mental stress of blocking out those millions (or billions) of thoughts was just too much for her. She didn’t go back to her dorm room, but stayed in the Hospital Wing. She didn’t want to revisit the place she had already said goodbye to.
When she woke, the whole world was dark. She lay on her back and stared up at the ceiling, letting emptiness fill her. She didn’t know what was going to become of her life now. The Dark Lord’s Horcruxes were all destroyed, but she felt no sense of victory. After all, he was still very much alive.
And all of the Death Eaters had seen her transform. Her cover was blown. She couldn’t go back as Shaula now”could she go back at all? If she couldn’t, what purpose did she have in life? She might as well be dead”she might as well have fallen through the veil herself like the Horcrux… like Snape.
That idea filled her with terror. It seized her chest and caused her limbs to contract. But she was not dead, she told herself firmly. She was alive, breathing and thinking”that’s what mattered.
Lottie sat up and threw the covers off of her. She was still in the same clothes”the oversized robes that had fit Shaula’s wide frame. She put her hands to her face. The wound that Snape had given her was gone”all evidence of his existence was gone. She felt like she was in a dream, but when she pulled up her left sleeve, there sat the Dark Mark, charred into her skin, making everything else that had happened unavoidably real.
She stood up. Her legs were a little shaky at first, but once she got her balance, she could walk. She had no idea what time it was, but had to go somewhere. Her bare toes skimmed the cold ground as she walked through the large, Hospital Wing doors. Out of habit, she went to Palmyitor’s office.
When she reached the familiar door, it opened without her knocking. Palmyitor sat behind her desk, as though she were waiting for her. Her eyes were rimmed with red, and her whole body quivered just slightly”as though she were on the verge of a collapse.
“Have you slept at all?” Lottie asked as she sat down in the chair opposite the desk.
“No.”
Lottie drew her legs up and hugged her knees. “Now what?”
Palmyitor looked at her with the intensity of one attempting Legilimency. Lottie shut her eyes. She was too empty for anything to be found.
“You tell me,” Palmyitor finally said.
“I can’t go back as Shaula. A few Death Eaters got away”they saw me.”
“No. I think it’s safe to say that you ruined that disguise thoroughly.”
Lottie knew that this was supposed to sting, but let it just wash over her harmlessly. Weakly, she suggested, “We could find someone else”I could go through recruitment again.”
“Oh yes? Palmyitor asked, her voice full of spite. “Yes, we could just find another perfect candidate and kidnap them. We could just wait a whole year until the next recruitment for the inner circle”and the Dark Lord will certainly not notice that you already have the Mark.”
“What do you want me to say?” Lottie leaned back in her chair, resigned.
“You ruined the entire operation, Rowe. We”I have spent years of my life training you, and you ruined it in under two months.”
“If it weren’t for me, you would have never found the Horcrux,” Lottie pointed out. “Nobody else was brave enough.”
“Rowe, you are several things, but brave is not one of them.”
Lottie was just growing irritated. “Well we only have one part of his soul left to destroy””
“Yes, and it is the most difficult and dangerous part of them all.” Palmyitor got to her feet. “The only part that can fight back.”
“Yes,” Lottie said wearily, “but it also can be lured.” She put her feet back on the ground. “Do you really need me to get him here? There are hundreds of us”all it takes is one curse to finish him off.”
Palmyitor said nothing, but sat back down. She rested her head in her right hand and sighed.
“Look,” Lottie said, “I don’t think I should have to solve this entire problem. We can fight the rest of this war without someone on the inside.”
“You are so ignorant, Rowe.” Palmyitor massaged her temples. “They have someone on the inside. That is the problem. Somebody told them about our mission.”
“We already checked everyone,” Lottie said. “Nobody we checked had let Snape out”he probably just got out on himself.”
“And this mission?”
“Maybe this was the day they were planning on coming anyway. I wasn’t in the meeting”I wouldn’t know.”
“The likelihood of that is so small””
“But it’s possible.” Lottie got to her feet. “Did anyone else know about this mission? It was either one of the students or one of the professors. It definitely wasn’t one of us because we checked everyone. Maybe you’re the traitor? Maybe Clynalmoy? We all have a clean record.”
Palmyitor leapt back to her feet. “That is quite enough,” she said. “What you are suggesting is absurd.” Lottie just shrugged and turned to leave. She had had enough of this. But just as she reached the door, Palmyitor’s voice stopped her. “By the way, Rowe”it’s Tuesday. You are expected back in class tomorrow.”
Lottie did not acknowledge her on the way out. It was absurd to think that classes were still going on”and she had to go. Learning seemed trivial now. She followed the path to the common room blankly, but when she reached the clock, she realized she had no idea what the password was. She only waited ten minutes for somebody to exit, before losing patience and walking back up the stairs.
A clock in the entrance hall told her that it was two in the morning. Lottie ascended the steps and looked out of one of the corridor’s small windows. A thin layer of November snow had fallen and coated the grounds in white. She wondered where Andrea was”if she was in their dormitory, sleeping like everyone else, or off battling Death Eaters.
Lottie continued to climb the stairs until she was on the fourth and final floor. Palmyitor had made it very clear that she was done with missions”it was back to regular school. Lottie didn’t think that was entirely practical as much as it was a passive aggressive punishment. Stuck at school, did she even have any meaning anymore?
She had killed. Lottie clasped a hand over her Mark and sank down to the ground, sitting against the wall. She had murdered to play her part”but had it been worth it? Her parents were dead now”for what? A destroyed Horcrux. That’s all this had been worth. Staring out at the grey snow, Lottie leaned her head against the cold stone, and drifted off to sleep.
She woke up when the first rays of sunlight were trying to creep above the horizon. Lottie stretched. Her back cramped and she had a weird taste in her mouth. Maybe breakfast had already started. She began to descend the stairs to the Great Hall.
There were already a few people eating when she got there. Lottie spotted Julianne steadily pushing her way through a bowl of oatmeal. Lottie sat down across from her, and without any explanation, began to spoon hash browns onto her plate.
“Merlin, Lottie.” Julianne looked up from her oatmeal. “I never thought I’d see you again.”
“Yeah”well”here I am.”
“I thought you’d been given a mission.”
“It’s over.”
“That’s good at least.”
Lottie frowned at her and took a stab at her potatoes. “No,” she said. “It’s not. It was ruined”not completed.”
“Oh.”
Lottie looked up at Julianne disdainfully. She had always been awkward”useless, even. She wasn’t chosen for a special mission. She was stuck here, because she wasn’t talented enough, when everyone else in their year was already off working. Now it was Lottie who was useless”Lottie who had nothing else to contribute.
“So,” Lottie said casually, “where’s Andrea?”
Julianne put her spoon down in her empty bowl and pulled over a plate of eggs. “You didn’t know?” she said with a full mouth. “She left”on a mission.”
“No, I was on that mission too. We came back days ago.”
“Yes,” Julianne said patiently. “She came back from that and then left again.”
“What? When?”
“Yesterday.”
“Are you serious?” Lottie groaned. “I slept through one day and missed her? Where did she go?”
“I don’t know.” Julianne shoveled her last bit of egg into her mouth and then started a mountain of potatoes. “She’s been training for it for a while though.”
Lottie pushed her plate away from her. “I could kill Palmyitor.”
Julianne looked up from her enormous breakfast. “What does she have to do with any of this?”
“It was just to make me angry,” Lottie said. “She was doing it because I messed up”but I didn’t mess up that badly. If it weren’t for me””
“I’m sorry Lottie, but I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Julianne put down her fork and shot Lottie a puzzled gaze. “But you might want to put on your uniform because class starts soon.”
Lottie looked down. She was still in her Death Eater robes. “Right.” She stood up, ignoring the mound of uneaten food she was leaving behind. “Er”what’s the time for the clock?”
Julianne didn’t look up as she poured herself a cup of juice. “Two minutes to midnight.”
“Thanks.” Lottie left the Great Hall silently and began to descend the steps. After entering the time into the clock, she pushed her way into the common room.
She didn’t want to look at it. She had already said goodbye to everything and was not ready to be banished back here. Younger students rushed up and down the stairs, getting ready for class. They had no idea.
Lottie went down the steps to the girls’ dormitories, and entered the seventh years’ rooms. All of the bed were pristine, except for Julianne’s. It looked like Sophie had been sent away as well.
Lottie sat down at the foot of her bed and pulled out her old uniform. It seemed absolutely ridiculous that she had to wear this again”the clothes she wore when she was eleven. As she changed, she could feel the dusty, old fabric compressing her.
She ran her hands over her left arm, where just layers of fabric hid her Dark Mark. This would be on her for the rest of her life, however long that would be”a Mark of failure until the day she died. Everyone was off in the world doing something useful. Except for her. She had sacrificed everything and ultimately failed.
Classes that day were worse than torture. Lottie sat in the back of each room, disdainfully watching her classmates. There were very few of them now. Andrea, Sophie and Andrew Victorsen were all gone, leaving only Julianne, Edgar, Devin, and her.
Everything they were learning was trivial. Nothing would have helped any of them in the real world. Lottie glared at the professors as they lectured, as though challenging them.
They had Occlumency last. Lessons were now being taught by Palmyitor herself. Lottie didn’t do anything in class. She didn’t volunteer. She didn’t take notes. Palmyitor never called on her. Lottie spent the entire lesson, legs and arms crossed, shooting bitter glares at Palmyitor.
Finally, class ended, and the others filed out. Lottie remained behind. She hadn’t even stood up to leave.
“Class is dismissed, Rowe,” Palmyitor said, busying herself with a roll of parchment. Lottie still didn’t do anything. Palmyitor looked up. “Rowe. I said class is dismissed.”
Lottie got to her feet, but walked towards the desk, not the door. “Why did you send Andrea away?”
Palmyitor snorted with cruel laughter. “She had a mission, Rowe.”
“Yeah, but you had to send her away before I could see her? Are you sure?”
“Yes,” Palmyitor said. “She is working with the Ministry”they’ve been behaving oddly lately. We needed somebody there as soon as possible. What is the problem, Rowe?”
“You just did that to make my life miserable,” Lottie said. “To get back at me for the Department of Mysteries””
“Rowe, this is a war. I am not planning to get petty revenge.”
“Are you sure? It sounds just like the kind of the move you would make.”
“That is enough.” Palmyitor got to her feet. “Just because you lived a privileged life up until now does not mean it is going to continue. You got away with your terrible attitude and awful discipline because you were useful. Now you are not, and you are going to suffer the consequences if you insist on behaving like a spoiled child.”
“I am not useless””
“Most people in this school take seven years of training, and then go die for the cause. You had a different path, Rowe, but you ruined it””
“I am not just here to die for the cause.” Lottie’s voice grew louder. “Are you forgetting who I am? I’m related to Harry Potter”I”I’m more important than any of you.”
“Oh really?” Palmyitor leaned forward on the desk, her eyes full of malice. “Really? I held a job for fifty years. For fifty years, I reported and gathered information. You”the cousin of famous Potter couldn’t even hold it for fifty days!”
“I got more done than you did. If it weren’t for me, we would have never found that Horcrux,” Lottie said. “Harry destroyed a Horcrux when he was twelve. You’re what? One hundred? You’ve never done anything.”
Palmyitor inhaled sharply. It sounded more like a snake hissing than anything. “You know, Rowe, I think I do have a mission for you.”
Lottie narrowed her eyes. She knew Palmyitor too well at this point to take this seriously. More likely than anything, this would be some sort of tedious task to annoy her.
“Don’t you want to know what it is?” Palmyitor was smiling now.
“I’m not sure.”
“We’ve got a few stragglers in our new batch of first years”a few who can’t seem to grasp the most simple concepts. They’re having trouble with dueling, especially.”
“Interesting,” Lottie said scathingly. “I’m sure that’s never happened before. Nobody’s ever fallen behind.”
“Oh no, it is quite common,” Palmyitor said, choosing to ignore Lottie’s sarcasm. “You struggled especially. In any case, we’ve been giving them tutoring sessions. We think some experience outside of the classroom will do them some good. It would keep them more on their guard”a change of scenery””
“Are you insane?” Lottie interrupted. “They could be found out in the open. How are you going to make sure they’re not killed?”
“Well that will be your job.”
“This is idiotic.” Lottie’s volume was creeping upward. “How in Merlin’s name will this help at all? Why can’t they just practice here? Are you stupid?”
“You know,” Palmyitor said coldly, “if you cannot control your emotions, you cannot perform Legilimency””
“I DON’T CARE ABOUT LEGILIMENCY!” Lottie crossed to Palmyitor’s desk and slammed her palms against it. “This is stupid”are you just trying to get them murdered? I don’t mind babysitting”whatever”but why would you purposefully send them out to danger? We’re going to be murdered.”
Palmyitor’s face remained passive. “Well you’re just going to have to figure that out, aren’t you?”
Lottie met the group of first years the next day. They were a scrawny, nervous-looking bunch. There were three deathly skinny girls, and a boy who was smaller than all of them. Lottie stared down at them, frowning and quite certain that she had never been that tiny.
“Okay, you lot,” she said gruffly when they met in the entrance hall. “I’ve been given the afternoon, and according to Palmyitor, we can’t do it here, so I’ve got to take you out.”
The first years just blinked up at her with wide doe eyes. Lottie had to suppress the urge to scowl at them. She waited for a moment longer for any of them to say anything, but they did not. “Okay,” she finally sighed. “Do all of you have coats? It’s going to be freezing out.”
The first years nodded mutely. “Okay, we’re going to Apparate,” Lottie said. “Apparate”you know what that is? Yeah? Okay, whatever. Just hold my arms.”
They did so shyly, clinging onto the baggy fabric of her robe with their fingertips.
“No, you have to really hold on”you don’t want to be splinched, do you?” They didn’t say anything. Lottie suppressed the urge to shout at them. “Just hold on really tight”no seriously”as hard as you can.”
Once all four of them held onto her sufficiently, Lottie spun on her heel and Disapparated.
They reached the middle of a deserted pile of rubble. Lottie remembered passing it when she had been Shaula, but had never seen a Death Eater go there. “Okay, let’s go.”
She took a few steps forward before realizing that nobody followed her. Lottie turned back around. All four first years were on their knees, groaning. One had actually vomited. “Are you serious?” Lottie groaned. “Okay, guys, get up.” She Vanished the vomit wordlessly and pulled each first year up by the elbow.
They hesitated and Lottie was filled with the strong urge to kick them. Of everything Palmyitor could have done, banishing her to an exceedingly average life was definitely the cruelest. “No, really,” Lottie said. “This is actually dangerous. We can’t dawdle. Do you want to be killed?”
This seemed to motivate them enough and they clipped along behind her obediently like ducks. Lottie led them for about a mile, to a spot so deep in wreckage that they weren’t easy to spot. Lottie didn’t know what had caused the ruins, but it was clearly inconsequential enough to not be patrolled.
Once they were safely hidden, Lottie put them through a series of dodging exercises. They were good at this; they had probably practiced in the camps. After about twenty minutes, she let them practice shooting sparks at one another, and when they had grown bored of that, Lottie began to speak.
“Well that’s all well and good,” she said. “You’re very good at making sparks”congratulations. Split up into pairs now. We’re going to practice dueling. Don’t hold back, okay? Don’t be afraid to hurt the other person. We’re magic”we can heal it. It’s not a big deal”and you definitely won’t kill each other even if you try.”
They nodded and broke up into pairs, but before they could fire any spells, Lottie added, “And there’s a catch. I’ll be firing spells at you every now and then”so you’re really going to have to be on guard.”
“But that’s not how duels work,” said one girl”the one who had thrown up. “A duel is one on one.”
“Spoken with all of the knowledge given to you from theory and books. Good job.” Lottie rolled her eyes. “In a perfect world, every fight would be fair”one on one”but in the real world you have people all around trying to kill you. A Death Eater won’t spare you because he doesn’t want to break the rules. Got it?”
Nobody said anything. Lottie smirked. “Okay. Go.”
Their duels were tentative. They didn’t really know any spells that could be actually harmful, so just shot sparks that stuck to the other person’s clothes or hair. Lottie walked around the periphery, firing Stunners.
They dodged them pretty well, though there were a few near misses. “Come on,” Lottie said, “you’re not trying to hit the other person. Try to finish them.”
The first years obediently redoubled their efforts. Now they were paying less attention, and there were many more close calls. The boy’s face screwed up with concentration as he raised his wand to shoot a spell. Lottie stood behind him, a little ways off, so that he couldn’t feel her presence. When the time was right, she fired a Stunner.
It caught him square in the back. He let out a strangled cry and fell forward, colliding with the ground loudly. “See?” Lottie said to the others. “That’s why you have to””
But the rest of her words were lost. Spells shot through the air in a flurry of color. The first years all fell to the ground, taking cover, but Lottie turned to the source of the attack.
“Who’s there?” she called. “Hello?”
A spell flew through the air and hit her in the arm, causing her wand to go flying. Before she could even scramble to get it, a mass of people was upon her.
There were so many people that Lottie couldn’t even tell what was going on. Somebody grabbed her roughly by the elbows. There were screams”they had grabbed the first years too.
“Who are you?” demanded a gruff voice from behind her.
Whoever was holding Lottie wheeled her around to face the voice’s source. Lottie frowned. He wasn’t in Death Eater robes. “Who are you?” she asked, trying to pull against the strong arms that held her back.
“Me? I am the Minister of Magic, if you can’t tell””
“Barkesdale?”
“Yes.”
Lottie could have laughed. He wasn’t a Death Eater. It was just a misunderstanding. “Oh”we’re”” she gestured with her head toward the first years “”students at Alsemore. We’re not Death Eaters.”
“Liar.” Barkesdale approached her with a sneer on his face. His eyes looked oddly blank. “Why else would you attack that boy?”
“I didn’t attack him.” Lottie again strained against the man who held her. “We’re practicing dueling”it was just a Stunner. We’re students. Go ask Palmyitor”she sent us here.”
“The Ministry operates alone.”
Lottie raised her eyebrows at this. “I thought you were under the command of Alsemore””
“Shut up.” Barkesdale flicked his wand and all of the air flew out of Lottie’s lungs. She gasped for breath, completely winded. Barkesdale turned to the cronies who held Lottie and the others back. “Pull up their sleeves.”
Before Lottie even had time to react, the man behind her ripped up her left sleeve to reveal, black against her skin, the Dark Mark.
The first years behind her gasped. Barkesdale smiled a cruel and ruthless smile. “Proof,” he said.
“It’s not proof.” Lottie was beginning to panic now. This was not looking very good for her. “It’s not”I’m not a Death Eater. I was a spy”I”I had to get the Mark. It’s not me””
“I said shut up.” Barkesdale turned to her sharply. “You have the Mark of the Dark Lord. What more proof could we need?”
“No”it’s not!” Lottie shouted. “I don’t support him”I was a spy”I””
“Shut up.”
“LISTEN TO ME!”
Barkesdale rolled his eyes as he pulled out his wand. For one wild moment, Lottie was sure he was going to kill her. But instead, he hissed, “Stupefy,” and everything went black.
Halfway to Infinity by Eponine
Chapter Notes: Thanks to coolh5000 for being an awesome beta!
This chapter is dedicated to the entire rehearsal team and cast of my show.