Settling herself back down across from him, Ginny listened as his slightly hoarse voice slowly washed over her. He spoke of the lost prophecy that Sybil Trelawney had made before his birth, the prophecy which sealed his fate. He talked at length about the power he had that the Dark Lord did not, mentioning quickly and quietly that he would end up being a murderer or being murdered. He left nothing out, including the bit about how Neville could have been the other boy to whom the prophecy referred, as well as how Snape had told half the prophecy to Voldemort after eavesdropping on Trelawney�s job interview. When no words remained to clarify the utter absurdity of it all, he finally looked up from his trainers to see the look of shock and sadness on Ginny�s face.
It had been difficult recounting the past year to her, but it was the only way she could ever understand his final decision. He figured her logic would win out, and that she would leave him alone. Even though he tried to grasp the constant stream of emotion running across her face, he never came close to judging her genuine thoughts.
Minutes passed. Her shock left a lengthy pause in their conversation, and Harry feared nothing more than being misunderstood at a time like this. Why wasn�t she saying anything? Thoughts moving as quickly as hers raced at that moment were not capable of finding an outlet in coherent speech. �Harry, my Harry, is going to have to kill Voldemort or die trying,� she thought to herself. Sick nausea gripped her insides so that she could barely breathe. This was not happening. It couldn�t be true. Never in all of her daydreams and nightmares had such a future presented itself.
At last, Harry, unable to bear the uncertainty any longer, hastily continued. �Ginny, are you all right?� He took the slight jerk of her head as a yes and said, �There�s more: I�ve been having lessons with Dumbledore all year and going into his pensieve. We�ve been looking back at old memories of Voldemort, trying to understand how to kill him. And it turns out that there are seven horcruxes he made. That�s where you can keep a part of your soul after you kill someone�� His exhausted voice battled onward as he explained all that he had seen in Dumbledore�s pensieve and what his new mission entailed.
�I�m so sorry that I didn�t tell you before, but Dumbledore only allowed me to tell Ron and Hermione about the prophecy and our lessons, and I didn�t think that I should break that trust. But at least now you know where I was the night Hogwarts was attacked. I hope that you can forgive me,� he ended quietly.
The rattling of the train against the tracks provided the only noise in their small compartment. Ginny, looking more petite and fragile than ever before, got up and stood by the window. She ran her hands through her thick hair and finally pressed her forehead against the cool glass. Turning around and facing him too quickly would prove disastrous. He noticed her clenching and unclenching her fist. The spastic movement brought on a new wave of nerves in the pit of his stomach.
At the sound of her voice his eyes snapped back up to meet hers. �The power you have, it�s love isn�t it?� she asked sadly.
A sort of grimace erupted across Harry�s features, and he blushed noticeably. Of all the things for her to clue into! When he had imagined this conversation in his mind, Ginny flung herself at him and begged him not to go off and duel the darkest wizard of their age. Sure, it was a bit melodramatic but certainly better than talking about the prophecy�s pronouncement of his capacity for love. �Y-Yes, Voldemort doesn�t know what it is to love,� he answered, willing his voice not to crack.
�No I didn�t think he would, but that changes things doesn�t it? I was already forgiving you, and now you spring this on me,� she choked out.
�I-I�m not sure what you mean exactly,� he managed, gazing at her with puzzled trepidation. Many men come to fear the soft, carefully-spoken words which lean towards fairy-tale fantasies spoken by a woman whom they could not fully commit to. For Harry, Ginny�s words were not a trap in the traditional sense. He just did not want to deal with his feelings right now, not deny that he had feelings. And certainly not deny that he had feelings for her. But how long could he play dumb? He didn�t want Ginny running away with herself when he was in no condition to appreciate her sentiments. He tried to speak, but she was faster.
�I mean�oh God, Harry!�.I mean that you have the capability to love, that�s what you�re going to have to use besides the horcruxes to kill him for good in the end, and yet, you�ve been pushing me away from you!� she shrieked.
Harry started to stammer out something to his knees, but Ginny was merciful and spoke over him in a slightly subdued tone.
�It�s just ironic, that�s all. I know you�ve been scared for my safety. I understand that.� He made a move towards her, but she took a small step backwards to the sunlit window.
�I didn�t expect you to fall in love with me or anything, but I�well�I just find it odd now because at any time Malfoy or Snape could have told Voldemort that we were together. We were already playing a risky game. Is that what this was to you, a game? Let�s play with stupid little Ginny�s feelings because she won�t know any better. Let�s use her until we get bored and then throw her into the bin. Was that it Harry? Come on, you can tell me the truth. I can handle it,� said a malicious, taunting voice that he barely recognized.
She wouldn�t cry in front of him. She wouldn�t. It was amazing to think that he could have such an affect over her. He could completely wreck her world, and she allowed him to do it. What a pathetic fool I�ve become, she thought in the deep recesses of her mind, too tired to continue fighting and yet unwilling to surrender.
Harry was both confused angry. What the bloody hell was she talking about? Of course he loved her. This was never a game! It had taken him such a long to figure out his feelings�He�d wasted so much time pining for Cho when they could have been happy together. He was the prat, but not because he was playing games with her. Just because he was slow and screwed up in the feelings department. She was moving to the door. He had to make her understand his intentions. Again he blocked her from leaving, but this time he had pressed her up against the wall by enclosing her wrist in his grip. She let out a gasp of indignation as the train rumbled under a bridge.
�Let me go, Harry!� she cried out.
�Not until you let me say this,� he replied.
He pulled her around to face him, seeing the hurt flood her eyes. He wanted to see them dance and sparkle again. He wanted her to be happy. And most of all, he wanted her to be his�but that was asking too much.
�Ginny, I�ve been trying to protect you because I care about you so much. I never wanted you to be hurt, and I sure as hell wasn�t going to ask you to wait for me. I didn�t think you�d want to be with me anymore if you knew how dangerous my life was about to become. Clearly, I was wrong��
He spoke so quietly that she had to strain to hear him. But at these words, she looked up at him strangely. He was never this candid. She looked directly into his green eyes to judge his sincerity and finally resorted to pulling on her necklace to gain a few seconds of time to respond to this pronouncement. Whatever she said, she had to convey to him how much he had hurt her in a kinder, less violent way than before. Otherwise, the poor prat would never learn anything.
Finally deciding that he was just doing the best that he could with what he knew, she sighed, saying, �Well, I�m glad that you�ve finally realized that I never intended to walk away from you, but I still can�t believe you shut me out like that. she said forecefully.
�What do you mean?� he asked quickly, almost blurring the words.
�I mean that you asked me to stay on the sidelines and be a good girl, and that�s something I just can�t accept. You asked me to be something I�m not. I don�t cry over boys. I don�t stand by and let life happen to me anymore.� He snorted slightly, and she glared up at him. �Don�t you dare make fun of me, Harry! If I didn�t put up a struggle, would you still want me?� she asked.
�Of course I would Gin�� he started.
�No you wouldn�t, because then I�d just be Ron�s little sister again. The girl who stays quiet in the corner and doesn�t speak up for herself. I cried over you Harry, and I�m speaking up for myself now. I do care about you so much, but all this nonsense has been ridiculous. You brought me down to a place where I felt useless. I just wanted you to know that��
Harry couldn�t allow her to continue, it was too painful, �Ginny, it�s not that I didn�t think you could handle being my girlfriend. I just know that I can�t handle it right now. I don�t want to see you targeted by Death Eaters and injured or with your memory gone. And I know I would save you before anyone else, and it could sidetrack me from Voldemort��
�I don�t need to be saved-,� Ginny began, angry that he seemed to be breaking up with her all over again. Why were they simply spinning in circles, playing games with each other?
�I understand that, Ginny. You�re bloody gorgeous and talented, but the answer is still no. We can�t risk it, no matter what either of us feel.�
Yet his actions did not match his words. She found her breath was coming more ragged despite her anger as she felt his hands encircling her waist. �Then what are you doing?� she demanded of him.
�I don�t know� he muttered as he moved ever closer. She could feel herself blushing and was trying to ignore her obvious attraction long enough to say something rational. He was so close that she could smell the faint scent of the unfamiliar spice that often cloaked him. �Look Harry, I�m so sorry that the damn prophecy was ever made, and that you�ve got to kill Voldemort. It isn�t fair, and I don�t know how you deal with all of it without cracking up.� She pushed hard against his chest and he stumbled back two steps. �I�ll help you if you need me, but I don�t think I can be involved with you if you�re going to keep sending out mixed messages.�
�It�s not that I want to-� he tried.
�It doesn�t matter what you intend. I can�t keep up this charade with you. I won�t play these games anymore. It�s exhausting, and it makes me feel horrible� she said more calmly, but she was not meeting his gaze. He drew nearer again. She felt one of his hands on her lower back and the other one rested dangerously low by her hip. He was certainly getting bold in his frustration.
�This isn�t a game, and you know it,� said a voice that barely belonged to Harry.
�Well, whatever it is, you need to take your hands off of me if you still want them attached to your arms� she threatened callously, drawing her wand out of her robe pocket.
At last he backed away from her, nodding as if recognizing stepping over the line. She met his eyes, and quick flashes of memory suddenly shone before her.
A young boy with messy black hair asking her mum how to get onto Platform 9 �� Waking up in the Chamber of Secrets to find him kneeling over her so very pale�Telling him that she had to go to the Yull Ball with Neville and couldn�t go with him�Fighting the Death Eaters in the Department of Mysteries together�Laughing at the Burrow about Phlegm�Being kissed by him in the very crowded common room after the match�
Stop it, you fool! she shouted internally. It�s over. He just made the decision for you. And with that, her flat voice said �Goodbye, Harry,� and she stalked out of the compartment.
As the door slammed shut behind her, he crumpled into a cushioned seat while the gleaming, scarlet steam engine indifferently raced him towards his darkening fate.
Where Dwell the Brave at Heart by FelicisQuill
Chapter Notes: A chapter to include frustration, infatuation, and a battle of give-and-take. As a side note, I originally wrote this piece before Deathly Hallows was published as something fun to do in the interim. I desired a more complete conversation and understanding between Harry and Ginny than Half Blood Prince provided. Due to the satisfying epilogue within Deathly Hallows, I have decided to leave this story’s conclusion in its original form. I have done my best to be true to the characters' personalities and their conflicting emotions in Half Blood Prince. I rest assured in the knowledge that the true conclusion of the couple’s relationship has been beautifully penned by J.K. Rowling.