Tonks sat at the table, fuming. She had just spilled her heart out to Remus Lupin, telling him everything that had been on her mind for the past five months and he had refused to say anything in return. Then he had kissed her- and it wasn’t just a kiss on the cheek. It was serious.
Then he had run.
He hadn’t even paid for his food! The waitress was looking at Tonks quizzically, and the men at the bar were watching her as well.
“You better run off after yer boyfriend, girl.”
“He didn’ look happy- you got onions on that burger?”
She slammed a few Muggle bills and coins onto the table and left the pub, grabbing her coat and hat as she passed the door. She ran down the street, unaware of where she was going, flying past cars that honked at her when she got too close.
Finally, she arrived, panting, in a dim alleyway with a single rotting bench sitting against a few trash cans.
Fine, she thought savagely. If he wants to be like that then fine, I don’t care…I’ll find someone else.
But even as she thought it, she didn’t believe herself. She was in love with him, and nothing could change that. Is that the way love is? she thought. Truly? Once you’re in love, are you stuck that way, forever?
The hopelessness of her situation threatened to engulf her. She buried her face in her hands as the wind whipped her face and the cold filled her body. She felt as if dementors were surrounding her…
They were.
A sudden, rattling breath alerted her to their presence and she looked up, shaking in the cold. Five of them had surrounded her. The alleyway had gone quiet and dark, as if someone had thrown a switch and cut the power.
Tonks whipped her wand out, more out of instinct than actually thinking clearly. She raised it feebly, pulling herself off the bench, trying to conjure a happy thought. But there was no happiness in her…
“EXPECTO PATRONUM!” she yelled, but she still couldn’t hear her own voice over the howling of the wind. The cold was in her, filling her…she was drowning, lost in a vortex of rushing wind and bone chilling cold…
“Expecto…expecto patronum…”she tried again, dredging her brain for something happy. The memories were there; she knew it; but they seemed to hover on the edges of her consciousness like so many unreachable clouds.
The dementors were reaching for her. Tonks’ brain was full of white mist, someone was screaming in her head. She was going to die…
And suddenly through the mist she saw a white light so bright she had to shield her closed eyes. She suddenly felt someone’s arms around her, lifting her from the ground, where she hadn’t even realized she had fallen. She tried feebly to open her eyes, but the light was too blinding.
She moaned, and a hoarse voice said, “Tonks, I’ve got you, quiet now…”
She thought it sounded like Remus, but she couldn’t be sure. She hoped it was, but the world went black before she could find out.
Tonks came to in the most comfortable bed possible. She didn’t even want to open her eyes, hoping this wonderful warmth could continue forever. Her natural Auror’s curiosity about her location overcame this desire, however, and she opened her eyes to look around.
She was in the spare bedroom at the Burrow, the one with the crates full of joke merchandise against the wall and the lingering scent of gunpowder. Mrs. Weasley was hovering anxiously over her, looking worried.
“Tonks! Oh, thank goodness you came round, I was just about to call for a Healer,” Mrs. Weasley said worriedly. Tonks blinked.
“What happened?” she said weakly.
“Oh, it was dementors, and Remus only just got you out of there in time, the poor dear…he looked all white and shaky,” she said, peering at Tonks’ forehead, which, she now noticed, was drenched in cold sweat.
“Remus?”
“Yes, dear, he found you just in time…”
“Oh…Where is he?” Tonks inquired, starting to feel slightly embarrassed that Remus had found her, an Auror, in such a situation.
“He had to leave, dear, urgent business. Now you just finish that chocolate and try to get some sleep,” Mrs. Weasley said, forcing a large slab of Honeyduke’s chocolate into Tonks’ hand and plumping up her pillows.
Tonks nibbled at the chocolate and watched Mrs. Weasley fiddle with the curtains. Tonks was starting to feel very ashamed, being taken down by couple of dementors when she was a fully trained Auror.
“Mrs. Weasley?”
“Yes, dear?”
“Can we keep what happened- I mean, well, can we keep it a…a secret?” Tonks asked, feeling herself go red.
Mrs. Weasley turned to look at her, her expression soft. “Of course, dear. But I wanted to tell you…” She paused.
“No one thinks less of you. Not Remus, nor I. Bad times happen to everyone. I’m sure they just caught you unawares when you were feeling down. But I wanted to ask you if there’s anything- other than the usual stress of life, I mean- that’s getting you down.”
“No,” Tonks said. She wished to heaven that was true. Mrs. Weasley watched her for a moment, then turned to go.
“Wait,” Tonks said. “Yes, there is.”
Dear Remus,
I hope your spy work is going well and that I won’t give away your cover by sending this letter. You’ll notice I used the most nondescript owl in the area. I think he has a twin, actually.
Anyway, I am delighted to say that Tonks recovered completely from her attack and left early the next morning. She requested that the attack remain a secret, so Arthur and I have kept quiet. I only hope you will do so as well. (Bill and Fleur have no idea she was here, as she left before either of them were up.)
Tonks told me about her encounter with you in that Muggle pub, and before you go pointing fingers, Remus, dear, let me assure you that the story remains safe with me. However, Tonks is upset with you and wants to know the truth about your feelings. Normally I don’t intervene in this sort of thing, but I can’t bear to see her so gloomy. I think it’s time you two talked this out.
Take care, dear, and do come and visit soon.
-Molly Weasley
Remus put down Molly’s letter with a sigh. He knew Tonks was angry with him, and he should probably talk to her, but he couldn’t. Not because he was afraid, not because he didn’t love her.
It was because when she was around he could think straight. He had realized that when he had rescued her. When he was near her, touching her, he couldn’t tell right from wrong, up from down. All he could think of was how it had felt to kiss her, to hold her, to press himself against her…
He was dangerous.
He couldn’t be in love with her, he was too poor, too old, and he was a werewolf. Being around him, she would be in danger, but he couldn’t stop himself when he was near her. He was a danger to both of them.
Remus promised himself that he wouldn’t go near Tonks. He wouldn’t even put himself in that position again. He received another owl from Mrs. Weasley, urging him to just talk to Tonks, no matter how he felt, but he determinedly avoided replying.
Winter passed into spring, and Remus avoided Tonks, just as he avoided the Weasleys, Harry and the Order. The only person he was in contact with was Dumbledore.
But then Dumbledore had died.
That evening, Remus had been on patrol at Hogwarts. Most unluckily, Tonks had been on the same one. However, he had managed to concentrate on strictly business while he was under the watchful eye of Minerva McGonagall.
When Remus thought about it later, he remembered little, the evening had been so clouded with so many emotions. Nervousness, at seeing Tonks again, fear and confusion when the Death Eaters had attacked, and incredible grief when he heard that Dumbledore was dead.
And Fleur still loved Bill when he had been bitten…
Tonks had tried yet again to talk sense into him, Mrs. Weasley had said he was being ridiculous, but Remus was most affected when Mr. Weasley gave his opinion.
”And after all, Remus, young and whole men do not necessarily remain so.”
Was he being stupid? Why was he really denying himself the love that he felt? Was he afraid? He cared about so many people, so why did he have the inability to let them care for him?
But you’re a werewolf, said a small voice in his head. You don’t deserve it.
He did deserve it, though. It was not his fault he had been bitten. Why should he deny the fact that he loved someone more that he’d ever loved anyone in his life?
Dumbledore would be happier than anybody to think there was a little more love in the world…
He slipped out of the hospital wing, out onto the grounds. He could hear screams and sobs shatter the night, but he just wanted to be alone under the old beech tree by the lake, just him and his very confused thoughts.
A/N: Please review. Did you like it...or not?
Love Is by smiley10792
Chapter Notes: Two quotes from HBP appear here- they're not mine, don't sue me!