Remus sat under the tree for what must have been hours, his mind whirring and buzzing confusedly for a while, but eventually drifting into a numb haze of disconnected thoughts. He was dimly aware of a delegation of Ministry officials arriving shortly after he left the Hospital Wing, but they didn’t see him concealed beneath the leafy branches of the beech tree.
It began to rain, fat drops thundering against the Hogwarts rooftops, and accumulating on the leaves and falling with a soft splash into his hair and onto his robes. Remus felt no inclination to move, even as the rain soaked him through his underwear. The cold seemed to be the only feeling now penetrating his mind, and it was a blessed relief to know that his senses were still working.
Dumbledore was gone…and Tonks was in love with him. He had hoped that the moment that she declared her undying love for him would not be in a Muggle pub or the Hogwarts Hospital Wing on the eve of Dumbledore’s death, but apparently, that’s how love is.
He closed his eyes, and let two salty tears escape from under his eyelids, where they blended smoothly with the rain running down his cheeks.
Footsteps behind him startled Remus out of his reverie. He turned around sharply, one hand wiping his wet face and the other resting protectively over the pocket that held his wand. He could make out a figure in the gloom. Afraid that it was a Death Eater that hadn’t left the school, he withdrew his wand completely from his pocket.
“It’s me,” the figure said. Remus breathed an inward sigh of relief. It was only Tonks.
She stepped out of the shadow of the trees, and sat down beside him. She was awfully close, and Remus’ fingers and toes started tingling slightly. He tried not to look at her, but he couldn’t help it. Somehow, she managed to look beautiful, even soaked to her skin. He slipped his wand back into his pocket.
“Everything’s going to change now,” she whispered, so softly Remus could barely hear her over the rain. He said nothing.
She leaned back against the tree trunk, her shoulder a mere inch away from his. As she shifted, her little finger brushed his, and an electrical charge shot through his frozen body. With bravery he didn’t know he had, he found her hand with his and entwined his fingers gently in hers. She shot him a quick look, but said nothing about it.
“You never answered my question,” she said, determinedly not looking at him.
“What?”
“That’s twice now I’ve spilled my heart out to you, and you haven’t answered my question: Do you feel the same way?” she asked, sounding simultaneously disappointed and amused.
Remus didn’t know what to say. “I…er…”
There was nothing else for it. He leaned over and kissed her softly on the mouth. After a brief moment, they broke apart, but Tonks kept her eyes locked on his.
“That’s what you did last time,” she said. “And I still don’t know what the heck is going on with you.”
Remus’ entire body was screaming at him to kiss her, but he stopped himself. He had to tell her the truth- now or never.
“I know you’re angry with me, and I should have talked to you before, but I couldn’t. Not because I was afraid, not because I didn’t love you,” he said, looking straight into her eyes.
“Why?”
“It…” he paused, wondering how to phrase his feelings. “It was because when you’re around I can’t think straight. I realized when I rescued you that when I’m near you, touching you, I can’t tell right from wrong, up from down. All I can think of was how it had felt to kiss you, to hold you, to be close to you…I’m dangerous.”
“Remus, you”“ she started, but he cut her off.
“I realized tonight that I was being stupid. I was denying the fact that there was someone out there that I loved more than anyone else. I--“ he stopped, his voice catching suddenly in his throat. Swallowing, he tried to continue.
“I realized that I could be dead tomorrow, and you would never know how I feel. I realized that Dumbledore would be happier than anyone to know that there was a little more love in the world…”
She looked at him, a shadow of hope stirring in the cloak of sadness about her eyes. Her mouse brown hair was plastered against her cheeks, and rain dripped steadily from her nose. Remus felt that relentless urge to be close to her overcome him again. Slowly, tentatively, he brought his hand up to touch her cheek, his thumb gently rubbing her jaw line.
He watched her slowly smile, erasing the harsh lines that pain had etched in her countenance. Tentatively, he brought her face towards his until he could feel he breath on his cheeks. Rain dripped on both their heads, but neither seemed to notice.
Right there under the beech tree in the rain, he kissed her, pulling her close to him until she was sitting in his lap, running his hands through her hair and up and down her back. His every nerve was on fire, and even though their bodies were pressed as tightly together as possible, he wanted to get closer to her. He deepened the kiss, caressing her cheeks with his fingers.
He fell back, twisting in her embrace so he landed with his back on the ground, Tonks on top of him, their lips still locked together. His hands were moving furiously against her back, pulling her as close as he could get her.
Just when Remus thought he would explode with happiness, they broke apart, breathing slightly heavier than normal. Remus rolled over onto his side, and Tonks buried her face in his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and held her gently.
It was one of the most beautiful things that had ever happened to him, even in the midst of so much pain and heartache. Dumbledore was dead, but Tonks was in love with him. He wasn’t quite sure if he should laugh or cry.
Tonks, it seemed, had the same dilemma. He realized suddenly that she was shaking in his arms. She looked up at him, tears rolling through the raindrops that still clung to her face.
“Tonks?”
“I don’t know whether to laugh or cry…” she said, shaking. “I never thought this would happen…”
She kept shaking, clinging desperately to Remus. He held her close, as if he hoped to shield her from the whole world with his arms. She looked up at him; the hope that had surfaced in her eyes so recently was now almost gone. He covered her mouth with his again, and held it there for a long time.
When they broke apart, he whispered softly in her ear.
“Do both,” he said.
Remus found Tonks early the next morning before she had even fully awoken. They had both stayed in staff quarters at Hogwarts- his room was only a few doors down from hers. They would stay at Hogwarts until Dumbledore’s funeral.
He knocked on her door when dawn had just begun to stain the horizon rosy pink. She was lying in bed, contemplating the challenge that surviving breakfast was sure to be that morning, and she didn’t feel like getting up.
“Come in,” she called, grabbing her wand from her bedside table and unlocking the door with one weary flick of her wrist. Remus was standing there, fully dressed, with a stack of toast on a large plate, with two cups of coffee balancing precariously on the edge.
“Morning,” he said simply, closing the door behind him.
“I love you,” she breathed, eyeing the toast. A grin flitted across his grim features.
“Is that only because I come bearing food?” he said, looking amusedly at her.
“Sort of,” she said, nearly laughing.
He gave a small smile. “I knew you wouldn’t want to go to breakfast- not after…”
The happy atmosphere in the room suddenly vanished. Remus looked at her slightly awkwardly.
“Anyway,” he continued, “I brought this from the kitchens. Do you want to go for a walk?”
“That sounds excellent,” Tonks said. “Now turn around while I get dressed.”
Ten minutes later, Remus and Tonks were at the edge of the lake, seated on the dewy grass, their plate of toast rapidly vanishing. His arm was draped loosely around her shoulders, shielding her from the morning chill.
Tonks looked across the smooth surface of the lake. The trees were still dripping slightly from the rain the previous night, and the whole lawn looked somehow sad and diminished in the absence of so many students who would normally be milling around on the grassy slope. The only people out this morning, apart from themselves, were four teenagers underneath the beech tree where Remus and Tonks had been the night before. In took Tonks a moment to realize who they were.
“Remus, look,” she whispered, pointing across to them. She needn’t have spoken so softly, as both she and Remus were sitting in such a way that the students could neither see nor hear them.
“What?”
“Over there. It’s Harry- with Ron and Hermione and Ginny.”
“What are they…?” Tonks started to ask, but something had stopped her. “Remus,” she said, “Harry just kissed her!”
“What?!”
“Harry just kissed Ginny. On the lips. It was quick, but still..”
“I didn’t know they were dating!” Remus said indignantly. “Harry didn’t tell me anything…”
He continued to mutter silently under his breath for a few moments. Tonks chuckled, but watched him very closely. As his muttering died away, she continued to look at him.
“You really care about Harry, don’t you?” she said.
“Yeah, I do,” he said. “He reminds me a lot of James. Come to think of it, Ginny reminds me a lot of Lily. She’s good for him.”
Tonks laughed. She thought the same.
“But Harry’s had it really difficult- and I have a feeling it’s only going to get harder for him. If I know anything about Harry, I know he’s going to go after Voldemort, and soon. And if I know anything about Harry, he’s not going to continue his relationship with Ginny. He’ll want her to be safe…”
Tonks watched Harry across the lake. She didn’t know him really well, but she knew him enough to respect him and like him. She could barely believe that someone who had been through so much could still sit under a beech tree and talk with his friends. She could barely believe he could even fall in love with someone when life had dealt him nothing but cruelty.
In some ways, Harry reminded her of Remus. They were both people who were forced to deny their love for other people due to the horrible things life had thrown at them, but they were still able to stay strong and right and true.
“It’s going to be hard for him,” Remus said, and Tonks nodded.
“He needs his friends,” she told him. “People like you and Ron and Hermione. People he can come to when it all gets to be too much.”
“Yeah,” he said quietly. “I know the feeling. I had James and Sirius when I was younger, but now…”
“Now you have me,” Tonks said.
Love Is by smiley10792
Chapter Notes: All the characters are JKR's- you know the drill.
This may be the last chapter, unless I can think of a fantastic way to continue it without boring anyone to tears.