Hello, Detention Journal and supposed wearied reader! It is I, Lily Evans. Today is Monday the twenty-third of March. And this weekend, only a week after I broke up with the bloke I dated for…five months, two weeks and a few days, I’ve decided that I am genuinely happy. I might even be the happiest I’ve ever been. Does that seem strange to you, hypothetical reader? I can almost hear your hypothetical exasperated response… in fact, it sounds sort of like Sophie…
“Lily,” she said to me when I asked her this at lunch on Sunday, putting down her sandwich and giving me a look of greatest impatience, “you are so clueless that it’s starting to get on my nerves.”
“How do you call yourself a Hufflepuff?” I demanded of her, slightly nonplussed. “You’re supposed to be kind, patient, understanding and loyal.”
Sophie rolled her eyes in response. “Even the nicest Hufflepuff would have already lost their patience with you.”
She’s so sensitive, don’t you see? See how she treats her troubled, confused, recently singled ‘best friend’? She preferred to eat her cheese and tomato sandwich than answer me such a simple question. She preferred tomatoes over helping out a poor, wandering, needy soul such as myself. Tomatoes. Have I mentioned that I hate tomatoes?
And what did she mean by ‘clueless’? What, is it supposed to be obvious to me why I’m suddenly this happy? Actually, it’s not only Sophie, it’s everyone! They’ve all been saying these odd, cryptic things lately. Good Merlin, I feel as if they know me a lot better than I know myself. Am I missing something?
Well, anyway, all of last week I didn’t get around to writing much in this journal, because McGonagall insisted upon having conversations with me and James during our detentions. Yes, aside from shedding tears over our newly blooming friendship, she is actually trying to be a par of said friendship. I was right all along; she’s completely off her rocker. But I’m actually beginning to grow fonder of her. She has very interesting conversation topics, a possibility I had never thought to consider. We’ve chatted about everything from fancy dress robes to Mexican Muggle soap-opera, a subject I deem both the Professor and James to be inordinately fascinated by.
“It’s something about the way they pronounce the names,” Professor McGonagall confessed to us on Friday. “Diego. Rodrigo. Sonia. Eduardo. They’re very…enchanting.”
I was greatly disturbed by this and judging by the look on James’s face, so was he.
“How does she know about Mexican soap?” I asked James in a whisper as we bade McGonagall goodnight and left her room a little later than usual.
James waved this off as irrelevant and uninteresting. “I’m sure she has some distant Muggle relation somewhere. Most people do. Hey, do you think McGonagall’s had a secret love affair with some Mexican bloke named…Carlos?” James whispered to me, prolonging the ‘rrr’ sound disturbingly insinuatively.
“You’re just awful!” I told him in a whisper, making myself not burst into laughter.
“What? Their names are enchanting…” he sighed in a good imitation of McGonagall. “Oh, come on!”
“Well, what’s your excuse for liking Mexican soap?” I asked, laughing loudly, once we were a comfortable distance away from her office.
He shrugged and glanced at me, smiling roguishly. My stomach did a tango. “Sexy women,” he suggested.
I slapped him and he laughed.
We had settled into a comfortable routine. I awoke, not in the least way different from before, fell back asleep and was yelled at by Alex that if I didn’t get my ‘Royal Ass’ out of bed I would be late to Charms. I rushed through all of my morning rituals, ran down the stairs into the Common Room, was surprised by the sight of James waiting for me by the portrait hole and left with him to the Great Hall, for two minutes of breakfast, during which we shared amused looks of exasperation concerning the bewildered stares of the rest of the school. Then we ran along the corridors (out of sight of the Professors, of course, because for some reason we aren’t allowed to run in the halls. Stupid rule, if you ask me, as that is one of the only ways for some people to burn calories, and it isn’t as if we are going to break any priceless vases on our way to classes, as there aren’t priceless vases… I’m getting severely off track…), accompanied by Sophie, Sirius, Remus and Peter (who tended to bring more breakfast to keep him entertained along the way). We made it into Charms exactly on time, out of breath and content. I sat with Sophie right behind Sirius and James and to the left of Remus and Peter. Terry watched all of sullenly as we stifled laughter at one of Sirius’s inane and completely senseless jokes. Honestly, the boy acts as if he were in Kindergarten. But Sophie assures me that in other aspects he is very mature, which, of course, is a little too much information in my opinion.
The rest of the day usually continued in the same blissfully monotonous way. Not considering of course, all of the annoying and odd publicity my new friendships were earning. Honestly, people should have better things to do. Girls break up with their boyfriends all the time, and they make new friends just as commonly. I understand that James and I apparently have this whole ‘history,’ but that’s only just so fascinating. On Wednesday my lovely roommate Tamara actually asked me (jokingly, of course, else I should think her quite immature) if I’d undergone a brain transfusion with a llama. As if llamas were the James-Potter-friendly animal!
“Get used to it, Lily,” I was advised by Remus at breakfast on Thursday, after having recounted the lama incident to them all. “It only shows signs of getting worse.”
I frowned. “But, why? I mean, eventually they’ll get used to the idea that I’m friends with you lot. Nothing else is going to happen, why would it get worse?”
That’s what I mean when I say the world is conspiring to behave oddly around me. After I asked this they all burst into fits of coughing and refused to answer my question, until James told me seriously, “You’re absolutely right, Lily.”
But I didn’t miss that little twitch his lips made.
Well, back to the point. I’ve been having really great days. I’d forgotten how good it felt to be single. And if Terry and Kathy McKinnon would stop crossing me in the hallways, forcing me to look away and speed up involuntarily, I’d be having an absolutely swell time.
Oh, I have to tell this to someone… or something, doesn’t much make a difference to me. So on Friday James and I got back to the common room still laughing and joking about McGonagall and Mexican men to find that all of the Marauders, Rich, Sophie (to whom someone “ three guesses who - must have probably told the password) and Maura seated at the best couch, right in front of the fire.
“Hey-hey!” shouted Sirius, raising his arms exuberantly as we approached. He was holding a green bottle in his right hand, and I’ll bet every last strand of hair of mine that what he had inside wasn’t orange juice. “If it isn’t the two miscreant Heads come to join the party!”
Peter burst into silly little giggles, and Maura snickered for a while as well. Remus looked on in silent amusement. To my amazement, I could see he had a bottle in his hand too.
“Geez, how many has he had already?” asked James laughingly, unfazed.
“That’s ‘bout his second,” Remus answered in a very steady voice.
“Don’t you think this is a little too risqué, even for you lot? I mean, McGonagall could come in here any minute and expel you for smuggling Firewhiskey in.” I nodded my head emphatically, eyeing all of the bottles. “And,” I added as an afterthought, “I’m not sure she would like it that Sophie’s in here either. Not that I don’t want you to be here,” I said to Sophie, who had looked annoyed for a moment.
“Oh, come on, Lily!” Sirius exclaimed, and to my utter surprise, yanked me over the couch and next to him. I regret to say I yelped. “We’re all of age here. And, don’t worry; we have our means of concealment.”
I had the urge to laugh at his comically happy face, but forced myself to say, “Well, it is still against the rules to bring alcohol into the school.” Nobody acted in the least perturbed about this, so I decided I would give up. And, I mean, every now and then, I guess some whiskey isn’t so bad.
“Be a good sport and don’t tattle on us, m’kay?” Sirius droned to me, looking me in the eye in a way his drunken mind probably considered suave and persuasive. That time, I did burst into laughter, just as James dropped down on the floor in front of us, between Rich and Maura, much to their disgruntlement, and took a bottle from under the couch.
“Where did you guys get all of these anyway?” Sophie asked, sounding impressed.
“I shan’t tell you, child!” Sirius yelled suddenly, pointing his finger at Sophie, making some weary third years over in the corner jump. Then he began to laugh hysterically, until James punched him in the stomach from his position on the floor.
“Seriously though, where did you guys get these?” It was Maura’s turn to ask, as Rich offered her a bottle with raised brows.
Peter opened his mouth, but Sirius put his finger to his lips and said, “Shh!” very loudly. Then he giggled. Yes, Sirius Black giggled.
“Sirius…” I poked him in the arm to make him look at me. “Truth or dare?”
For a few moments he gazed at me in confusion; then his look changed to that of suspicion. He considered me for several seconds, before saying smugly, “Dare!”
I grinned widely. He thought he’d gone away didn’t he? Ha! “I dare you to tell us where you got all these.”
“Oh, good one, Lily!” Sophie applauded me.
“You can’t dishonour a dare, or you’re not a Gryffindor,” Maura reminded him.
Sirius whined. “Fine.” He pouted for a while, looking back and forth between his friends. They all sort of shrugged. “We know another way out of the castle, actually several, and from them we can get to Hogsmeade… and, yeah.” He gazed around sullenly for a while, before his face lit up when he spotted Remus sipping from his bottle. “Moony, truth or dare to you!”
Remus, for some reason unbeknownst to me referred to as ‘Moony’, glared at Sirius for a while, poor thing. Then he sighed resignedly. “Dare.”
At this Sirius actually bounced in his seat. Honestly, if I can have anything to do with it, I’m never letting him near another bottle of alcohol for as long as I live. He becomes a perky little psychopath when he drinks.
“I dare you to stick your arse into the fire!”
“What?” Remus yelped while the rest of us looked torn between hysterics and real worry for Sirius’s sanity.
“Stick your arse into the fire. Do it Moony, I dare you!”
“No! That’s completely insane. I’ll get burned.”
“We’ll put you out,” Sirius suggested seriously.
“The hell you will! Sirius, give me that bottle,” Remus demanded, extending his hand. The rest of us watched in great amusement, our heads darting from one to the other.
“No! It’s mine!”
“Sirius, I think you’ve had enough.”
“Remus, I think you have to do your dare.”
“How about this,” James intervened as Remus looked as if he was ready to lunge at Sirius, and Sirius hugged the green bottle to his chest, “Sirius, you put the bottle away, just for now. And Moony, you just sort of… stand by the fire, you know. When your arse gets too hot for you, you can leave.” James finished this speech with a cracking face, as the rest of us snickered as well. Goodness, these boys are tremendously entertaining, see?
Remus blushed, but moved toward the fire nonetheless. He turned to us, all trying very hard to keep straight faces; Peter was actually turning purple for the effort. Remus noticed this.
“Peter… truth or dare?”
Peter scrunched his lips together and around, considering. He seemed to be in great concentrated decision, a thing I assure you isn’t witnessed all too often. In the end he decided on dare, looking weary.
Remus seemed pleased. He grinned and announced, glancing vengefully over at Sirius, “I dare you to kick Sirius in the unmentionables. Wait for an opportune moment.”
This made everyone laugh, except for Sirius (for obvious reasons), who yanked a pillow from under himself and placed it protectively between his legs. His bleary eyes focused on Peter, who looked almost as troubled as he. I suspect he assumes that approaching Sirius’s unmentionables, what with him not being one of Sirius’s love interests, is similar to signing one’s own death sentence. Even if Sirius is drunk to a flabbergasting extent.
“If you come near me,” Sirius told Peter fiercely, although the threatening affect was somewhat marred by the large hiccup that escaped from his mouth as he spoke, “I’ll permanently stick your head into a melon. And your dare won’t work, Remus, because I’m keeping my eyes peeled.”
“Not for long you aren’t,” Remus provoked. This is certainly a side of him that I hadn’t known before. I always thought he was so innocent and virtuous. But then again, I also thought that Sirius looked like he could hold his alcohol.
“So…” Peter interrupted, glancing around. “Rich. Truth or dare?”
“Dare, then.”
Peter stopped to think for a while. Even though he will always look like an empty-headed, pastry-eating machine to me, I guess he is sort of cute when he tries to think.
“I dare you to... to... to bury your boxers in the snow!”
Rich didn’t even look startled. He just merely looked sceptical, and asked, “Now?”
“Er, no, tomorrow morning, when there are tons of people around to see you do it.” Peter grinned, looking proud of himself, while Maura chuckled teasingly at Rich.
At this new bit of information Rich looked a little unhappy. He grumbled. He never grumbles. That made Maura giggle. She, on the other hand, always giggles. But even so, I’m becoming a bit fond of her too. I seem to be very prone to liking people lately. It must be some sort of post break-up syndrome.
“That’s going to be embarrassing...” Rich admitted. He looked around for a new victim, and I sort of hid behind Sirius (who, surprisingly, was still watching Peter wearily). “James, truth or dare?”
James lifted his head of the couch he was leaning on, between Maura and Rich. His glasses slipped down to the tip of his nose, and he pushed them back up while speaking. “Well, since everyone else has chosen ‘dare’ so far, I’ll go ahead and pick ‘truth.’”
“Who’s a better kisser; Tamara or Alex?”
Now, hold on a second. Tamara and Alex? My roommates? Why in blazes did Rich expect James to know that? And why was everybody else chuckling? Oh, no, never mind, they might be chuckling because Maura just leaned across James to smack Rich in the face and demand indignantly, “What does it matter to you which one is a better kisser, eh?”
James actually considered the question. I was certainly missing something.
“Wait, wait! You went out with Tamara and Alex?” For some reason I spoke a little louder than I’d intended. And I could actually feel my stupid heart speed up. Honestly, it must have some sort of malfunctioning. It’s completely incoherent in relation to my mind.
James raised his eyebrows. He eyed me curiously. Rich eyed me curiously. Sirius turned away from Peter to eye me curiously. Everyone eyed me curiously. Well, what? Did I have huge strands of seaweed in my teeth? I’m not a mutated specimen in a zoo to be ogled at like that, you know.
“I went out with Alex,” James told me, and suddenly my heart felt a little... tight, maybe? There goes another organ I should add to the list of defaults. Goodness, I’m like a walking and talking disease. “Tamara, I only snogged.”
I gaped. “Oh. I didn’t know that.”
“That’s because you hated him, Lily,” Sophie most helpfully reminded me. Her abundant sensitivity shows through once more, I hope you’ve noticed. “Whenever a gossip bearer came around and said, ‘Guess who Potter’s snogging?’ you’d stick your fingers in your ears and say, ‘No, don’t tell me! It’ll only make me feel acute revulsion and pity for the poor girl, and possibly make me regurgitate my lunch’.”
Goodness! I was beginning to discover that Sophie’s blunt brutality dwelled in a whole new dimension. I cringed deeply. “I did, didn’t I?” I asked weakly.
“You did,” Rich assured me, nodding.
I chanced a glance at James. He was staring at me amusedly. Why, I have no clue. But at least it’s better than if he were actually offended.
“Tamara is a better kisser,” James confessed to everyone.
“I agree!” Sirius shouted, lifting his bottle as if for a toast. Then he put his arm around Sophie’s neck and continued, “But Sophie’s even better!”
Sophie turned beet red, I know not if from embarrassment or because Sirius was cutting off all circulation to her head.
“That was too much information,” Rich grumbled cringing. “Shut up, Sirius. Anyway, why is she a better kisser?” he added, ignoring Maura’s kicking his shin.
“Who, Sophie?” Sirius barked.
“NO! That’s absolutely disgusting.”
“Gee, thanks, Rich,” Sophie snorted, rolling her eyes, still looking like a tomato.
“Hey, you’re free to snog who you want,” Rich objected, raising his hands defensively, “I’ve got nothing against it I just really don’t want to know the details. Neither do I want to know the details about the way Lily snogs. Please just spare me.”
“Then why exactly do you want to know why Tamara’s a better kisser?” Maura glared at him angrily, arms crossed over her abundant chest.
Rich sighed resignedly. “For extremely platonic curiosity. You are the only one I’m interested in any other way.”
Aw! How cute! I had no idea Rich was capable of being sweet and romantic. Neither was Sophie, judging by the dumbfounded look on her face. Maura was pleased. She got up, stepped over James, inconveniently placed between them, and sat down onto Rich’s lap, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him firmly. Sirius immediately burst into enthusiastic cheer. For that reason, I think, Rich and Maura pulled away rather quickly, although they didn’t show any signs of wanting to.
“Look, she’s a better kisser because I think she’s a better kisser. I don’t have to answer that, it wasn’t part of the question.” James looked cheeky and challenging. I almost found myself thinking ‘aw’ again. What the hell is the matter with me?
“Lily!”
I jumped about a foot into the air when James said my name. And when I found his eyes on mine, my heart went gallivanting all around my chest and I couldn’t seem to get a hold on it again. There was something mischievous in his look. That was becoming a synonym of a near heart attack for me. Damn it! I need a doctor.
“Truth or dare, Lily?”
“Er… well … dare!”
The mischievous glint became even more pronounced. My heart sped up to an alarming rate. Goodness, I would have given anything to know what he was thinking… Because I was curious. I was very, very curious!
“I dare you to go skinny-dipping in the lake.”
All was silent.
“What?”
“You heard me.”
“Yes, I heard, but I don’t believe you.”
“Why not?”
“Why? Well, because it’s just ridiculous. We’re not even allowed to be out now, let alone go prancing through the lake completely starkers.”
“Don’t worry; we’ll keep watch for you.”
“You will do no such thing. You’re not going anywhere near me!”
“Ah, so you’ve agreed?”
“What? No!”
“What’s the matter? Are you scared, Lily?”
Oh, that did it! Just that. No one ever gets away with calling me a coward, even if I have to do something tremendously preposterous, like stripping and going for a swim in the lake in the end of March. It is beginning to scare me how well he knows me.
I leaped to my feet, glaring challengingly at him.
“Not a chance,” I said firmly.
Sirius raised his arms and cheered. Peter chose this moment to kick him you-know-where.
“Ha!” Remus shouted triumphantly. “Revenge!”
So, dear hypothetically amused reader, I, Lily Evans, went skinny-dipping on a dare. Can you imagine such a thing? I certainly couldn’t have. I couldn’t have imagined myself playing ‘truth or dare’ either. And I couldn’t imagine I’d call James Potter a friend, or Sirius Black funny, or Rich romantic, or Sophie blushing. A lot of things I couldn’t have imagined are happening. It’s as if everything I’ve ever stated impossible is taking place, just so I can be proven wrong. Well, I get it. I accept. And I like it.
I wonder what McGonagall would say if she found out I’d gone skinny-dipping. I wonder what James thinks she would say. I already know I’m going to have another hilarious conversation once I get out of here.
And you know what, anonymous reader? I haven’t thought about Terry, or Kathy McKinnon, for three full days.
Lily Evans, Skinny-Dipper Extraordinaire
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Hi guys! Did you like this chapter? And sorry for the wait, but I hope it was worth it.
I just couldn't resist writing something in about Mexican Soap. I'm not a fan myself, but many brazilians are, although I agree with McGonagall that Spanish is the sexiest language. And some of those dares were taken from personal experience... I won't say which ones, though.
To anyone who is interested, I have a few new one-shots. And I have a new chaptered romance, The Unorthdodox Artist. It's Draco/Cho. Doesn't that sound interesting? *nudge*
Thanks to Katie for betaing for me once more. And thanks to YOU for so kindly reviewing and telling me what you want to happen to Sophie and Sirius! Friends? Lovers?
What do you think?
The Epic Tale of the Hogwarts Food-fight by Gin_Drinka
Chapter Notes: Oh, you've heard of this before? Really? Well, I certainly don't know how, I wrote this Harry Potter stuff...NOT!