A moment later there was a knock at the door. James and Lily instantly stopped wrestling, though Lily kept giggling a minute or so after they stopped. As she struggled to get her mirth under control, James darted to the kitchen door. Muffled words were exchanged before Harry heard the door open, and James reappeared, followed by Albus Dumbledore.
Harry swallowed, a lump suddenly forming in his throat. He had mixed feelings about the headmaster’s reappearance. On the one hand, it was wonderful to see him alive and well, humming quietly to himself like a large, grey bumblebee. On the other hand, it would be incredibly difficult to not give anything away, and Dumbledore was too shrewd to miss anything for long.
“Hello, Lily, Ginny, Harry,” Dumbledore said pleasantly, though his eyes immediately fixed sharply on Harry.
“Hello, Dumbledore,” Lily said cheerfully, rising to greet the headmaster. “Have a seat. Would you like something to drink? I think we may have some mulled mead…I can try to find it for you, if you like.”
He held up a wrinkled hand as he sank wearily into the armchair she offered him. “That won’t be necessary, but thank you, Lily. I won’t be long. I came to tell you all about my findings on the stone circle.”
Harry stiffened. Much as they needed to discuss this subject, he was incredibly reluctant to, because talking about it would make his departure seem that much closer. He wanted to go back to the future, he did, but…he was so tired. He wanted a few moments of peace before he was thrust back into the dark, bitter conflict that he would be forced to end. And he wanted this time with his parents; wanted it more than he’d ever wanted anything in his entire life. He deserved it, he thought fiercely. He had sacrificed so much; didn’t he deserve some happiness in his life, too? His thoughts started to drift to Ginny, but he yanked them back when he realized that Dumbledore was speaking again.
“… It was apparently constructed right before the circles were outlawed, and the builder died soon after, so it was forgotten by everyone. I examined it earlier this morning, and though it is a little shabby, it appears to be functional. I did a few tests, just to be sure, and it is stable, as far as I can tell. It is not very strong right now, however. It will be strongest again””
“On New Year’s Eve,” Harry interrupted, suddenly remembering what Ron and Hermione had told him. Dumbledore raised his eyebrows at him, and he flushed.
“We met a couple of Harry’s friends today, in Godric’s Hollow. Apparently, they’ve come to bring him back, and they said New Year’s Eve was the day they’d leave,” James broke in quickly, pulling Dumbledore’s attention off of Harry. Ginny, however, looked at him sharply.
“Who were they? My brother and Hermione?” she asked. Harry nodded and her expression darkened.
“I was going to tell you in a little while, when we could really talk,” Harry said hurriedly, and her face cleared as she nodded slowly.
“I think you had better tell me what happened, Harry,” Dumbledore said, the barest edge of impatience in his voice. Harry obediently recited everything that happened in the alley, interrupted occasionally as James added his own observations.
“I would like to meet these friends of yours, if possible, Harry,” Dumbledore said thoughtfully when Harry had finished.
Harry shrugged. “Sure, they’re staying in Godric’s Hollow. I’ll let them know you’d like to meet them in the morning, if you don’t mind.”
Dumbledore nodded before standing slowly, his body creaking a little as he rose. He smiled wryly.
“Ah, the cost of wisdom! Stiff joints and wrinkles!” He shook Harry’s hand. “I trust I will see you again before you go?”
Harry nodded uncertainly, and Dumbledore smiled again as he moved into the kitchen.
“Until next time!” he said cheerily. A puff of cold air swirled into the house with his departure, and James followed to be sure the door was locked securely. He returned in a moment and collapsed on the floor next to his infant son.
Baby Harry crawled over to his father and immediately started pulling on James’s unruly hair. James winced and sat up quickly, tugging his hair out of Harry’s grasp. The child screwed up his face, and James hurriedly pulled out his wand, making colored balls of smoke dance around his son’s head to prevent a tantrum. Lily smiled affectionately and kissed him swiftly on the cheek before rising and going into the kitchen.
“Supper will be ready in a few minutes,” she called over her shoulder. A delicious smell soon began wafting into the sitting room, and she was serving hot onion soup and cold sandwiches a little while later.
“I thought we’d keep tonight and tomorrow simple, since we’ll be having a feast Christmas Day,” she explained as she ladled out the soup. Supper was a quiet affair, as Lily and James tried unsuccessfully to draw Harry and Ginny in to conversation. They were too absorbed in their own thoughts and used the food as an excuse to keep full mouths and silent tongues.
After supper was over, Harry and Ginny volunteered to clean up, and Lily accepted their offer gratefully.
“I’ve got to get this little man bathed and into bed,” she said as she hoisted her squirming son out of his high chair. “James, could you run his bath for me while I get him undressed?”
James nodded and disappeared upstairs, Lily following him more slowly with the baby. Ginny and Harry were left alone at the sink. They washed and dried in silence at first, stealing sidelong glances at each other. Finally, when they were nearly done, Ginny broke the silence.
“So, is it later yet?” she asked, a faint smile on her lips. He looked at her questioningly, his brow furrowed in a slight frown. “What you were thinking earlier”you said you’d tell me later. Is it later yet?”
He chuckled as he dried the last dish and placed it in the cabinet.
“I suppose so,” he said, as he leaned on the counter and ran one hand through the back of his hair, making it stick up even more than it already was. He suddenly felt anxious. What if Ginny had decided she’d had enough and didn’t want to try anymore? She’d seemed really upset last night, and he was worried that she might have given up on him.
“Well,” he began nervously, “I talked to my dad today.” He paused, not really sure how to go on, and Ginny raised an eyebrow.
“I would hope you talked to him, since you were around him all day,” she teased, and he laughed again. He suddenly felt a bit more relaxed, though still a little apprehensive. It was amazing how easily she was able to calm him.
“Well, yeah, we talked a lot, but…he said something to me that really made me start thinking, and he was right. At least, I think he was.” He paused again.
“Do I get to hear this pearl of wisdom?” Ginny asked as she reached around him for a glass. Harry stepped around her, and in one smooth twisting movement had her trapped in his arms against the counter. She gazed up at him, eyes wide, as he lowered his face to hers. When he was within inches of her lips, he stopped, and said softly, “He told me that just because there’s a war going on doesn’t mean we can’t be happy.”
She nodded slowly, and he took this as a sign to continue. “And he said that I should let you decide for yourself if you want to be with me, and not push you away to protect you.”
Ginny grinned at this, and placed her arms around his neck, drawing him closer to her so that she was pressed up against him. She raised herself on her toes and brought her mouth to his ear.
“Your father is a very smart man,” she murmured in his ear, her breath sending chills down his neck, and then she was kissing him hard on the mouth, her hands in his hair. He wrapped his arms around her, stroking one hand down her back and cupping her head with the other as he kissed her back as desperately as she was kissing him. He couldn’t think of anything else, was aware of nothing but her, until they finally broke apart, after what seemed like hours.
She rested her head on his shoulder and he laid his cheek on her hair, inhaling its flowery scent as he took in great gulps of air.
“So, I guess this means you still want me?” he asked breathlessly, and she chuckled.
“Yes, I still want you, you idiot,” she said as she raised her head, smiling. He smiled back at her and hugged her close.
“I was so afraid I’d lost you,” he whispered, and felt her arms tighten around him.
“You’ll never lose me,” she whispered back, and planted a soft kiss on his jaw. He sighed contentedly as he felt happiness bloom in his chest. He examined the emotion curiously, even as it radiated through him. So, this was what it felt like to be happy”really, truly happy. It was a beautiful feeling. He rested his head on top of Ginny’s again and closed his eyes.
He could have stayed like that for hours, but a few minutes later, he heard his parents’ feet on the stairs and raised his head. In a moment, James appeared in the doorway, followed closely by Lily. James stopped short as soon as he saw them, a huge grin appearing on his face.
“Took my advice, did you?” he said smugly, and Harry smiled. Before he could reply, however, his mother came up behind James and ducked under his arm, sliding a hand around his waist.
“You gave him advice? I’m surprised Ginny hasn’t punched him yet,” she said, raising her eyebrows. James opened his mouth immediately, but whatever reply he came up with was drowned by Harry and Ginny’s laughter. He huffed and pulled away from Lily, marching to the stove and reaching for the kettle.
“Anyone else want a cup of tea?” he asked as he filled it. Everyone nodded their assent, and soon they were gathered in the sitting room, steaming cups in front of them.
Lily sipped hers slowly as she sat on the floor and leaned against James’s legs. Harry was strangely reminded of an afternoon in the Gryffindor common room, when Ginny had leaned against him just as his mother leaned against his father now. He smiled as he raised his cup to his lips, and his father caught his eye.
“What’s so funny?” James wanted to know, and Harry chuckled.
“You just reminded me of us for a minute. Remember that day last spring, when you decided to…er…experiment on me, Ginny?”
She looked confused for a moment, but then her eyes lit up, and smirk spread across her face.
“What, with my make-up?” she asked, and James nearly spit out his tea.
“You let her put make-up on you?” he asked, incredulous.
Harry blushed. “Well, it wasn’t exactly like that, you see,” he began, but Ginny interrupted him.
“Remember how we told you earlier about the rumor that Harry had a Horntail tattoo on his chest?” James nodded, and she continued. “Well, we were talking about it in the common room later, and I decided to draw a Horntail on his chest with my make-up, just to see what it would look like.” She grinned. “It was quite entertaining.”
The Potters burst into laughter at this, followed closely by Harry and Ginny.
“Shhh!” Lily hushed, holding her sides. “We’ll wake the baby! I only just got him down to sleep!”
They tried to quiet down, though it appeared especially difficult for James, who kept snickering at odd moments. Lily tried to ignore him, and turned back to her son.
“So, how did we remind you of yourselves? I mean, other than the obvious resemblance.”
Harry smiled and stroked Ginny’s hair as he answered his mother. “We used to sit like that a lot, me in the chair and Ginny leaning against my legs,” he said quietly, and Ginny scooted closer to him. He glanced over at her and draped his arm around her shoulders.
They’d started out sitting a careful distance apart on the couch, but as the conversation progressed to talk of Quidditch and school, they forgot themselves and moved closer, until Ginny was sprawled in Harry’s lap, and he had one arm wrapped around her while his free hand threaded its fingers through her hair. James noticed and nudged Lily, sharing a private smile with her that had Harry asking what the joke was.
“Oh, it’s nothing. You just seem much more…comfortable, that’s all,” James said, wagging his eyebrows at his son. Harry felt his cheeks burn, but smiled at his father anyway.
“I decided to take your advice,” he said seriously. “Pushing her away won’t keep her safe, and she won’t let me anyway.” Ginny punched him gently in the arm, and he grinned and pulled her closer to kiss the top of her head.
Lily sighed as she watched them, and reached up for James’s hand just as he reached down for hers.
“It’s a pity you still have to worry about the war, like we do,” she mused, absently stroking her thumb across the top of her husband’s hand. He squeezed her fingers lightly, and she returned it. “You’d think it would be over, if not by now, then at least by your time. Nearly twenty years,” she continued, shaking her head. “So many are already dead…”
A lump formed in Harry’s throat as her voice trailed off. “Yeah,” he mumbled, suddenly very interested in the rug. Ginny’s expression flashed from contentment to worry, and she sat up in Harry’s lap as he turned towards her and tightened his embrace. She slid one arm around his back, and raised her other hand to his face. He gave her a weak smile before glancing away again.
Lily caught his change in mood at once and half-rose, suddenly concerned. “Are you all right, Harry?” she asked, and James looked at him closely as he, too, noticed the tension in his son.
Harry nodded, not looking up. “I’m fine,” he said flatly. “I just don’t like talking about the war, that’s all.”
“Oh,” Lily said, a little taken aback. “I’m sorry. We won’t mention it again.”
He shrugged. “Thanks. It’s just…I’ve been really involved in it since I was eleven. You might say it’s taken over my life. And now that I’m here with you…I don’t want it to taint the time we have together. It’s too precious.”
“Don’t worry, son,” James said bracingly. “We’ll have a brilliant Christmas. The first of many!”
Harry jerked his head down in what could have been a nod of acknowledgement, but his mother saw his features twist into a painful mask as he looked away. Ginny started talking to James about Quidditch in an attempt to draw their attention away from Harry as he struggled to regain his calm. He’d almost made a dangerous slip, and he didn’t want it to happen again. He tried to show interest in James and Ginny’s conversation, but he could feel his mother’s eyes on him, and tried to avoid her gaze.
“Harry, look at me,” Lily said sharply, interrupting the Quidditch talk, and he was so startled to hear her speak that way that he looked up automatically. He looked away quickly, but not before she saw the pain swimming in his eyes. Lily rose and walked over to her son, kneeling in front of him.
“What’s wrong? Something’s bothering you, something that hurts very badly. What is it?” she asked gently, taking his face and making him meet her gaze when he tried to turn away.
“I”it’s nothing. I’m fine.” He gave her the same weak smile he’d given Ginny earlier, but it didn’t work. The façade he’d built was starting to crack, and if Lily pushed very much harder, she’d shatter the whole thing.
She pushed.
“No, you’re not! I’m your mother; I can tell something’s wrong.” She smiled. “You should know that.”
A flash of pain crossed Harry’s face again before he smiled, but this time it was more like a grimace. “Yeah…yeah, I’ve had loads of experience with your motherly instincts,” he muttered. Lily’s forehead wrinkled as she heard the lie in his voice.
He started to untangle himself from Ginny. “I’m not feeling very well…. I “ I think I’ll go to the bathroom.” Ginny nodded, concern in her eyes.
“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” she asked.
He shrugged, and said simply, “I’ll survive. I always do.”
Lily laid a hand on his arm as he started to get up. “We love you, you know, your father and I. Even if we don’t know this version of you very well yet. And I want you to know, you can always come to us if you need us, either of us, even if it’s just to talk.”
Then she placed her arms around him and hugged him tightly, and he felt the tears start leaking out of his eyes. He cursed them, but couldn’t stop them, any more than he could make his heart stop beating.
He collapsed back on the sofa as soon as his mother let go and buried his head in his hands. Ginny pulled him to her, and he hid his face in her shoulder as she tried to sooth him.
“It’s all right, Harry, I’m here. I’m right here, and so’s your mum, and your dad. We’re all here for you, don’t worry, it will be all right,” she murmured, barely loud enough for him to make out her words. They helped steady him, but his control was still incredibly shaky, and he could feel himself slipping as he felt his mother’s arms encircle him again.
“Oh, my dear,” Lily breathed as James came and knelt beside her, his hand on Harry’s shoulder. “It’s all right, we’re here for you, we’ll never leave you.”
He almost lost it then, but managed to hold on to his fragile self-control by the tips of his fingers, barely containing the emotion that threatened to overwhelm him.
“Did you lose someone close to you?” Lily’s gentle question cracked his resolve, and he nodded again, his hands balling into fists so tight that his fingernails began cutting into his skin. He tried to make himself focus on them instead of his mother, but her words seemed to reverberate around his head.
Did you lose…lose someone…someone close to you…lose someone…did you…
“Yes,” he gasped, to fill the silence and drown out the relentless echoes in his mind. “Yes, I’ve lost nearly everyone.”
Lily held him tighter as he began to shake, exchanging a worried glance with James, who shrugged helplessly and squeezed his son’s shoulder.
“Everyone?” she asked tentatively, “Surely not everyone. You’ve still got Ginny, and…and me and your father…” Her voice faltered as Harry’s broke in. It was hoarse, as if the words were being torn out of his throat.
“No, no, I don’t have you or Dad, I lost you both before I could remember you…. I lost you…you and Sirius and Dumbledore...and Cedric…. I tried to save him, I tried, but I just wasn’t fast enough…Sirius, too, and Dumbledore…. I couldn’t save them, any of them, and if they hadn’t been trying to protect me they might not have died….”
He was sobbing now”great, harsh sobs that stole his breath and made his words come out in spurts. Ginny stroked his hair as his mother held him, tears rolling down Lily’s cheeks as her son’s anguish poured out of him. James had wrapped his arms around them both when Harry began speaking, and he continued to hold them, offering what comfort he could to his wife and son as he waited out the storm of grief that battered his family.
Of Christmas Past by Chaser921
Chapter Notes: I am sooooooo incredibly sorry it's taken this long; what with finals, the holidays, and writer's block, it's taken me an incredibly long amount of time to write this bit. And then we had the hacker attack and the queue was in danger of collapsing, and I didn't want to be the one to crash it, so I waited longer. I hope it's worth the wait!