After what seemed like hours, Harry quieted and slumped in his mother’s embrace. He felt completely drained, and while he had a sick, hollow feeling in his stomach for his indiscretion, he also felt strangely liberated. They knew now, and while he still had to be careful about what he told them, the barrier of the unknown future no longer lay between them.
He raised his head and gently began untangling himself from his mother’s arms. She held on for a moment, then sighed and let go, leaning back against his father. James wrapped his arms around Lily, kissing the top of her head and stroking her hair.
Harry leaned against Ginny, running one hand through his hair and down his face. He kept his hand over his eyes as he mumbled, “So now you know.”
“Oh, Harry,” Lily whispered, her eyes immediately filling up with tears. “I“I don’t know what to say. Is there any way to stop it?”
“No,” he said, his voice full of bitterness and angry grief as his other hand curled into a fist. “I keep trying to think of a way, and I just can’t see one. No matter what I do, it will change everything, and Voldemort might never be defeated.” He raised his other hand from his face and finally looked straight at his parents. “It’s got to be me, you see,” he said slowly. “There’s“there’s a prophecy. Because of“of you, and your love for me, I’m the only one who can kill him. You save me, and somehow, that makes me his mortal enemy. And””
He stopped and took a deep breath before continuing. “And if I tell you how you“you die, and it doesn’t happen that way, then no one may ever be born that can stop him, or he’ll just try again and it will happen anyway.” He rubbed his hands over his face again, kneading his eyes with his knuckles.
“Look, I’m not explaining this very well. I just… I just want you to know that I would do almost anything to save you, even if it meant dying.” He raised his face from his hands and looked straight at them, his eyes pleading with them to understand.
“But…if I save you, I murder hundreds, and…I just… can’t do that.”
They looked back at him, their gazes sorrowful, but resigned. Lily reached out to him and took his hand.
“We understand, son. It’s one of the things we knew might happen when we joined the Order of the Phoenix. The greater good comes first”and choosing to save the wizarding world over two lives is certainly the greater good. It’s a hard, hard choice. I“I’m not sure I could make it. But we know it’s the right one, and we’re proud of you for it.”
James nodded silently, lending his support to his wife’s words. The edges of Harry’s mouth turned up, though it wasn’t a smile by any means.
“Thank you for understanding,” he said quietly. “I“I want to save you more than anything. Your absence has made my life so miserable I can barely stand it, and I’m so incredibly tempted to just ignore everything and tell everyone to go find another hero, but…I…I can’t.”
Lily squeezed his hand. “We understand,” she said again. Then her manner became brisk, and acquired a kind of forced cheerfulness. “Anyway, it’s getting late, and you must be tired. And the baby will have me up all night, I’m sure.” She smiled slightly and wagged her finger at Harry. “You’re a good baby so far, but you never sleep! Ever!”
Harry couldn’t help himself; he grinned. “Still don’t,” he pronounced, rising from the sofa and helping Ginny to her feet. “I’m the world’s worst insomniac, in addition to being its savior. Ginny’s had a bit of experience with that. The number of times she’s found me in the common room at two in the morning…” She rolled her eyes at him, a tiny smile appearing on her face.
“I can’t count those times on both hands, and you certainly didn’t sleep last night. Maybe tonight you’ll get some rest.”
He turned his grin on her. “Maybe I will, and maybe I won’t,” he said, and winked cheekily at her before suddenly looking worried. “I mean, I won’t try anything, Ginny, that came out wrong””
But her chuckle cut him off as she linked her arm with his and pulled him towards the stairs. He followed her a step before stopping and turning back to his parents, who still sat on the floor in each other’s arms. His mother had slumped against her husband, the light going out of her face as soon as her son’s back had turned. Harry knelt and wrapped them both in a tight embrace, and when he let go, Lily was blinking back tears, and even James’s eyes were bright.
“We love you, son,” he said gruffly. “You know that, right?” Harry nodded, a lump blocking his throat, before hurrying up the stairs to Ginny. She took his hand when he reached her, shooting a sympathetic glance over her shoulder at his parents and catching a glimpse of the pain they had mostly hidden from Harry before the door shut behind her.
Harry moved to the bed as soon as the door was closed, letting go of her hand and sitting heavily on it. He rubbed his eyes tiredly, and Ginny hurried over to him, but he waved away her concern.
“I’m fine, Ginny, I’m not going to break down again. I just…I just can’t believe I told them.” He hit the pillow, his fist making a muted “fwap” as it connected. “I could’ve just ruined everything. And now, they’ll be looking over their shoulders and expecting death at every turn.”
He sighed and fell back against the pillow he had hit, one hand shielding his eyes. Ginny crawled up beside him and nestled against him, and he pulled her close with his other arm. They lay like that for a long while, not saying anything, as the room grew dark and the light shining from under the door blinked out. Harry drew comfort and strength from her by her mere presence, which told him that she was there for him, and that she’d never leave him, even if he turned her away.
“I love you, you know,” she whispered, just when he thought she’d drifted off to sleep. He smiled and tightened his embrace, turning his body so that they were facing one another. He could barely make out her features in the dark, but he knew them so well that it didn’t matter. He ran his fingers lightly over her face, his touch feather-light.
He followed his fingers with his lips, kissing her forehead, her closed eyes, and her nose. His mouth hovered around hers, brushing her lips as they parted, and he breathed, “I love you, too.”
She smiled against his lips, wound her fingers in his hair, and pressed her mouth to his. He kissed her deeply in return, cupping the back of her head with one hand and using the other to pull her as close to him as he possibly could. Ginny tangled her legs with his, and in the dark it was nearly impossible for them to tell where one left off and the other began.
“Ginny…” he breathed as he finally broke the kiss, turning his attention to her neck and shoulder, the flowery scent of her hair surrounding and intoxicating him. Her skin shivered each time he touched it, and she made low, humming sounds that he felt vibrate along her throat as he followed it with his mouth, stopping when he reached the neckline of her shirt.
“Mmm, don’t stop, that’s lovely,” she murmured, and he drew a quick breath before placing his lips in the hollow of her throat. He stroked her hair back away from her face and ran his hand down her arm to thread his fingers through hers.
He pulled away abruptly, clutching the fabric of her shirt and burying his face in her hair.
“We should probably stop, before things get too far,” he muttered, and she sighed.
“Probably,” she said wistfully. He felt her smile against his neck. “You have such self-control,” she commented, laughing softly. She rolled on top of him, taking him by surprise. “It makes me wonder what it will take for you to finally lose it,” she teased, and he smiled.
“I’m sure you’ll find out soon,” he replied, stroking her cheek and drawing her back down to kiss her, her hair falling around them in curtains.
“Well, good night then, Harry, since you’re so determined to be a gentleman. Which is definitely not a bad thing,” she said when they finally broke apart, kissing him playfully on the cheek. Harry smiled, almost feeling happy again, before kissing her back. The only thing that stopped that feeling from being complete was the sick hollowness from his earlier indiscretion that still lay in his stomach like a dead thing.
“Good night, Ginny,” he replied as she pulled the covers up and snuggled close to him.
He stayed wrapped around her, listening to the sound of her steady breathing long after she’d fallen asleep. He smiled as she mumbled something too faint for him to hear. He told himself it was his name.
After several more minutes, when he was sure she wouldn’t wake up, he rose quietly, edging himself slowly out of the bed. Ginny turned in her sleep, reaching out to him as she sensed his absence, but he was back in moments, the knife Sirius had given him for his fifteenth birthday clutched in one hand.
“It’s all right, Ginny, I’m here,” he soothed, stroking her hair with one hand and kissing her forehead. She smiled and cuddled close to him, settling back into a deep sleep.
Once she had quieted, Harry took a few locks of her long red hair and quickly cut them from her head. Not enough that she’d notice the difference, but enough for his purpose. He stuck the hairs in the drawer of the bedside table, and then curled his body around Ginny’s, finally letting himself relax enough to fall asleep.
* * *
Lily gathered her tiny son in her arms, drinking him in. According to Harry, she had a limited time with him, and she wasn’t going to waste a second of it. She smoothed his baby fine hair, which was already as unruly as his father’s, and ran her fingers over his soft skin. He smelled of baby powder and milk, a scent she’d previously associated with all babies, but now seemed to be unique to her little Harry.
She barely heard James enter the nursery she was so engrossed in her son. Her husband came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, leaning his head over her shoulder to look down at her and his son, and Lily nearly jumped out of his arms. He smiled and kissed her on the cheek.
“Sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“You didn’t, really,” she lied, smiling weakly back at him as he reached one hand around her to stroke his son’s cheek. Harry yawned and squirmed before sinking back into sleep, clutching one of his father’s fingers in his tiny hand. Lily bent her head, hiding her face, and a moment later, James felt a drop of water land on his hand. He tilted his wife’s wet face towards him.
“Why are you crying?” James asked softly. “Is it about what Harry said this evening?”
“I…I just wish we had more time. We don’t even know how much we have left,” Lily said brokenly, and James tightened his grip around her.
“It doesn’t matter,” he said quietly. “We never knew how much time we had together to begin with. I mean, it was enough of a risk having a baby now, instead of waiting until the war’s over. Now, we know our time together will be less rather than more. We just have to make it count.” He smiled sadly. “We’re actually getting the best of both worlds right now, if you think about it. We’re getting to see the man he’ll become, which is going a long way towards easing my mind about things. I mean, I wish it could be different”Merlin, I wish it could be different”but, seeing him here, healthy and as normal as any young man, it makes me think that things will turn out all right in the end.”
Lily nodded an agreement as tears kept leaking out of her eyes. Soon she was sobbing, baby Harry shaking in her arms. He scrunched his face and began to make grizzling noises, the way all uneasy babies do when they’re about to wake up, and they’re not happy about it.
James took him from Lily, who let him go reluctantly. She hugged herself, still sniffling, as her husband gently eased the baby back into sleep before laying him carefully down in his crib. James tucked a blanket around Harry’s body, placing his favorite stuffed hippogriff next to him.
When he was finished, James remained by the crib, gazing down at his son. Lily moved beside him and slid an arm around his waist, leaning her head against his shoulder. She was still crying, though her sobs had grown less violent, and James pulled her into an embrace, trying to soothe her even as a lump formed in his own throat.
“Oh, James,” she whispered, “I“I don’t want to die. Not yet, especially not yet! Harry’ll be all alone…who’ll take care of him?” She sniffed again. “He said he was miserable!”
He rubbed her back soothingly. “He probably just meant that he misses us. Don’t worry, he’ll be surrounded by people that will love and take good care of him. I mean, Sirius is his godfather, though I was rather hoping he’d never have to fulfill all of his duties. Can you see Sirius as a father?” he joked. Lily smiled wetly. “Seriously, though, Sirius loves him like a son already. And I’m sure he’ll have lots of help; the Weasleys, for example. Molly’s one of the most motherly people we know.”
“Alice, too. I swear, she’ll have as many as Molly in a few years. And little Neville’s only a day or so older than Harry. Think what friends they might be!” She forgot herself for a moment, imagining a bright and happy future for her son, though she wasn’t in it. Her husband smiled encouragingly and kissed her forehead.
“You see? It will work out, in the end. Our little boy’ll be cared for, don’t worry. Now, you’re worn out from everything that’s happened. Why don’t we go to bed?” James coaxed.
Lily nodded, wiping her cheeks with the back of one hand as James led her to the entrance of the nursery with the other. She hesitated at the door, turning back to gaze at her son’s crib for a moment before following James wearily to their room.
Comforted by the airy castles they had built, James and Lily slipped into sleep, unaware that their castles would fall soon after they did.
Of Christmas Past by Chaser921
Chapter Notes: Hello everyone! I'm doing better about updating, see? I hope you all enjoy it, and hopefully, the next one won't be too far behind. Thanks again to my wonderful beta, Yemeron.