To Love Life Again
Chapter Four
Pumpy-umpy-umpkin
“Dear Hermione,
How are you? You really must be enjoying yourself. We were ever so surprised when we received your letter saying you wouldn’t come, but we weren’t worried. We know you. We trust you. We’re so glad we sent you there.
Take care of yourself. We miss you, but don’t hurry back. You need this holiday. Don’t ask me about work, I won’t answer you.
P.S: I’m having trouble sleeping and waking, but Mum says it’s just part of the joys of motherhood. I’m really big already. Fred and George are betting I’m carrying twins! I don’t have a problem with that, but I hope to Merlin they won’t take after their twin uncles.
We have the names ready. I won’t tell you as of now. Yes, I’m wearing my wicked grin.
Though I also have to pee every five minutes, I love every minute of this, Hermione. And I can’t wait!
Love, Ginny.
Hermione placed Ginny’s letter on her table and began to write a reply, nibbling on muffins, which had come from Aunt Patty that morning. On the window ledge, Hedwig sat waiting, pecking every now and then on the muffin beside her. Crookshanks snoozed by Hermione’s feet. It was four in the afternoon, and a sultry breeze was playing around Ardmore. Hermione leaned back, breathed in, stretched, and then faced her parchment.
“Dear Ginny,
I miss you, too. And I’m not quite happy not seeing you with your belly all big with the next Potter! Since you won’t allow me to break my hiatus, can you visit me one afternoon when you’re feeling good?
You and Harry weren’t exaggerating when you told me how beautiful this place was. Spring has come and I have loads of flowers in my yard! I don’t know their names and I’m thinking of getting a book on gardening when I go downtown.
Oh, and I’m so sorry I took this long to reply. I’ve been occupied with rambling this hill and dining with the MacElroys”really lovely people. When I came in the day you sent your letter, it was already late and Hedwig was gone. I had to wait until you made her return for my letter. Yes, I’m wearing my wicked grin here, too.
And one more thing”do you know Blenkinsop Waterbut? He owns the Green Dragon. How come you didn’t tell me about him and his pub? He said he’d been here for ages, so it was impossible you didn’t meet him. It’s been so nice talking to him; he has helped me a lot. I’m asking you about him now because I’ve been looking for his pub for a week, but I can’t find it! Of course I couldn’t ask the Muggles, since they’re not even aware of its being there.
Kiss Harry and all the Weasleys for me. I’ll say goodbye for now because I also owe Mum a letter. Take care, Gin, you and my godchild/godchildren. I’m excited, too! And yes, thank you for sending me here. I’m glad I came. I just hope I’ll find Mr Waterbut again or else I will have to look for a remedy for my craving for sour buttercream.
Love, Hermione.
~ * ~
“There’s no need to go all the way to Waterford for a book on gardening, my dear. Kathy and I know the critters that bloom here, we’ll be happy to introduce them to you.”
“I’ll be happier introducing her to a man, though. Have you a sweetheart back in England, then, Hermione?” Kathy asked, ducking when Aunt Patty aimed a potato at her. “What, ma? There’s nothing wrong with that. We’re cousins after all.”
Hermione gave a small laugh, that laugh she used when not feeling inclined to laugh at all. “Oh, erm, no, I don’t have a sweetheart back in England.”
Kathy’s eyes gleamed with interest. “Never had one either?”
“Kathy, you prying wench””
“Don’t pretend like you’re not interested, Ma.” And Kathy ducked again. The potato did sail this time and landed by the kitchen door. Hermione was glad to leave the table to pick it up, thereby having the chance to blink her eyes and take a deep breath.
“It’s alright, Aunt Patty,” she said to the woman as she handed back the potato. “Yes, I did have a sweetheart. He died, though.”
Both women gasped and crossed themselves. Kathy looked stricken. “Oh, Ma, throw that potato at me again, I won’t duck this time. I’m so sorry, Hermione, I had no idea.”
“I understand. He’s not supposed to be dead, is he? Perhaps he could have left me for another, or gone someplace, but not dead. He was too young to die.”
They looked at her uncertainly. And then Aunt Patty scooted her chair nearer Hermione and patted her shoulder. “You are too young to be left like that, too, poor lass.”
Hermione shrugged off the comforting arm and drank the rest of the cold coffee left in Aunt Patty’s mug. “Please don’t, you two. When you get me started, I won’t stop. He’ll be gone five years this June.”
“Five years. Aww, you loved young. That’s the sweetest love of all.”
Hermione smiled at Kathy. “Yes. But the funny thing was we spent most of those years we were together bickering. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and””
“Oh, my dear, I could only imagine. But don’t think like that. I’m sure he wouldn’t have had it any other way either. And I should have known. An intelligent girl like you will never like a passive boy. You’d want someone who challenges you and annoys you, because it tickles your brains to challenge and annoy him back.”
“I’ll keep that in mind, thanks, ma,” Kathy said, writing on an invisible notepad and winking at Hermione.
Aunt Patty rolled her eyes at her daughter. “Hermione, why don’t you stay with us instead? It’s too lonesome for you to be alone in Faerie Hill. You need company, I think.”
“Don’t.”
They all turned their heads sharply to the door. Andrei had poked his head in and had thrown a piece of large fish in the sink.
“Don’t take her up in her offer,” he told Hermione without looking at her. “She’ll only have you working like a horse in the pub.” He turned away.
“You’re not working like a horse at all, Andrei. And I’ll take some off your wage this week for complaining.”
Kathy and Aunt Patty laughed as Andrei’s head thunked resonantly on the door jamb. Hermione joined in, and she might just take up Aunt Patty in her offer. Why not? They radiated sympathy and warmth, and she loved the way they reassured her about Ron. She never liked solitude when she wasn’t studying or working. And here she would be closer to the Green Dragon, though it still hadn’t reappeared to her.
~ * ~
Draco couldn’t wait until lunch was through and Hermione would go back to her cottage. But just his luck, it rained. Business in the pub slackened, and so Kathy and Aunt Patty sat Hermione down in one of the tables and they put their heads together about some thing or other leaving him and Jack to do the mopping and wiping.
“She’s got a thing with her, that lass,” Jack mumbled, while gathering empties.
“What thing?” Draco grunted, pushing the mop savagely across the floor. He didn’t look up to look at Hermione as Jack was doing.
“I’ve never seen you this grumpy about a girl, ol’ boy,” Jack mused, grinning now.
“Kathy and Aunt Patty are rubbing off on you.”
“I’m just saying, Hermione looks like she could do with some cheering up. She looks like she’s been scolded and whipped, you know? Very melancholy and scared.”
“Scared?” Now he did look at Hermione. And at that precise moment she caught his eyes, her laughter turned into sobs.
~ * ~
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry”I just””
“What have I said, Hermione?”
“Nothing really, Kathy, it was just”” Hermione swallowed. “His name was Ron.”
The two women’s faces crumpled with shocked dismay, and she felt all the more ashamed when Jack and Andrei hurried over.
“What happened? Why are you crying, Hermione?” Jack asked kindly.
“We were talking about”your son”dirtying his nappies,” Kathy answered wryly, putting an arm around Hermione. “It’s okay, Hermione.”
“Oh, well, that’s pretty upsetting.” Jack nodded emphatically. Aunt Patty glared at him though the corners of her lips twitched.
“I’m sorry,” Hermione said again. Oh, Merlin, how embarrassing to break down like that, and in the middle of conversation! She’d never done that before, and she’d never thought it possible, not after the peace and lightheartedness she had newly acquired. She had been laughing, and then”it just broke out of her. “I shouldn’t have””
“That’s ridiculous. You can cry all you want, dear, and you should! It’s better that way,” Aunt Patty intoned.
Hermione shook her head, willing her face to go back to normal color. She felt as if all her blood was pumping there. “Thank you for having me here. I guess I should go back now.”
“No!” Kathy almost cried. “I’m not letting you go back there and be alone tonight after I made you cry. This is all my doing, prying you awhile ago. You’ll stay here with us for tonight. Jack, I’m staying here too, okay?”
“Absolutely, Katherine.” Before he returned to the bar, Jack gave Hermione a light squeeze in the shoulder for comfort.
Andrei turned to make his way back to the spot he was mopping, too. He had never once met her eyes during the commotion, so it was understandable that she jumped a little when she felt his hand on her shoulder. Just a second’s touch, but also offering comfort.
~ * ~
Hermione had always loved the hour just after the sun rose.
She remembered how when she was at the Burrow, she would get up immediately and watch Ginny sleeping, and then tiptoe to the attic and see Harry and Ron snoring. She liked looking at people while they slept. They looked so peaceful that way, and adorable. Especially Ron. She smiled.
She didn’t know if it was just her, or spring, or an effect of the wine she and Kathy had downed last night, but this morning looked brighter than any other. And she could hear the birds making quite a racket outside her windows. She could feel a combined lightness and heaviness in her head, but she smiled and threw off the covers so that the sunlight bathing her bed would bath her skin, too. She soaked up the warmth.
It was spring. Spring! She’d had other springs before, but right now, she felt as if she was also leaving hibernation. Like a squirrel. She laughed a little at that. “You little brown chipmunk,” Ron had said once.
“I’m definitely hung over, I guess.”
She tidied her face and hair and went out of her room. The hall was silent. Well, not exactly silent. She could hear little Ron crying. To her surprise, the sound came from the door just down the hall.
She went to it, and hurried inside.
But Ron was already being taken care of. Andrei had the baby in his arms, dancing in big bouncy steps. He froze though when he saw her.
“Good morning. What’s upset the little fellow?” Hermione smiled.
Andrei looked away, placed Ron in his crib, and went to a little counter in the room where bottles and a can of infant formula stood. “Kathy went home for a bit and Jack’s helping Aunt Patty with the day’s deliveries so I got stuck with this little guy, who’s just in the mood to give me trouble.”
“Oh, I bet not. Maybe he’s just hungry. Aren’t you, sweetie?” she crooned at the crib. But Ron still cried. Hermione patted his tummy, and he calmed a little.
“Why don’t you go downstairs and have your breakfast while I take care of Ron?”
“Oh, okay.” Hermione kissed the baby and went out, not without smiling at Andrei. She didn’t forget kindnesses. And Andrei had been kind yesterday. She only grinned when, as usual, he turned away.
She didn’t go downstairs, though. Instead she stood by the hall’s window. It looked out on the parking lot, but beyond the parking lot was the little road, lined with hedges, and beyond the road was the sea, an expanse of blue intermingling with green, with gulls streaking over it, like little moving clouds. From the room to her right, she heard Ron start again.
“Hey, you’re being tiresome, you little chipmunk. I’m onto you. And I’m not doing it! I’m not!” She heard Andrei say.
Ron howled.
“Merlin! I could kill your father for accustoming you to that, you spoiled monkey! You want me to sing the stupid song, don’t you?”
Ron was quiet now. And so was Hermione. She could see her reflection in the window, and she wore an expression of dread and surprise.
“No, I won’t. I’m not falling for your tricks.”
Ron howled again.
“Oh, alright! Merlin! I’ll ask payment from Jack for this.”
And then Andrei began to sing. He had lowered his voice though, so Hermione unconsciously went back to the door, opened it a crack and peered in.
“…honeybunch, sugarplum, pumpy-umpy-umpkin.
You’re my sweetie pie.
You’re my cuppycake, gumdrop, snoogums-boogums,
You’re the apple of my eye.
And I love you so and I want you to know
That I’ll always be right here.
And I love to sing sweet songs to you
Because you are so dear.”
Andrei had Ron in his arm and as he sang those silly sweet words, he swung around. The room rang with the child’s giggles. Hermione was still dazed by what she heard awhile ago, but she couldn’t help it, she giggled herself.
~ * ~
Draco froze for the second time in less than a half-hour. And for the second time in less than a half-hour, too, his heart made that weird jump, his stomach made that weird twitch and his breath forgot to flow smoothly.
What was the matter with him?
And what was the matter with her? Why can’t she leave him alone? There she was with her bright eyes and wild hair, leaning on the door jamb, laughing. His head filled with the sound like it was water and he was drowning. He scowled. She stopped giggling at Ron and straightened up.
“Sorry for spying. I was in the window in the hall, couldn’t help but look when this imp started giggling.”
“I told you to go downstairs and get your breakfast.”
She blinked. And then her expression hardened. He was reminded of that time in her kitchen at the cottage when he had let slip. He had let slip again now.
“I’m sorry for disobeying your orders.”
“It wasn’t an order, alright?”
“Then why so upset that I’m still here? If it bothers you when I talk to you, just say so.”
She waited. He didn’t speak.
“Where did you learn the expression ‘Merlin’?”
His head snapped up. Ron looked from him to Hermione. And her face as she stood there undid him. What right had she to question him when she was the one intruding into his already quiet life?
“It does bother me when you talk. Are you satisfied?”
He would have liked it if she shouted at him or returned a retort or even just glared at him before turning to leave. But instead, the look on her face made him grimace and then snort at himself in disgust. She wasn’t angry. She was hurt.
~ * ~
If he was Draco Malfoy, why did he seem to hate her? They hadn’t been exactly bosom friends, but she hadn’t been outright hostile to him either, and even if she was, it was almost always his own fault, the foul-mouthed ferret.
She clapped a hand to her mouth almost as if she had spoken that thought. She sighed and dropped down on her heels in front of one of her flowerbeds. By her feet were daffodils and snowdrops uncurling in the dusk. They looked so strong and delicate at the same time, young blossoms. They had pushed out of the earth and were fighting to grow and bloom, but one step or one night of frost could crush and kill them. Perhaps that was why nature gave flowers. As symbols of strength and vulnerability. She had thought herself strong and brave once. Now she knew better. She had been weak and a coward. Perhaps she was still weak and a coward as well. She had no way of knowing.
With a low hoot, Hedwig greeted her and alighted on her shoulder. Hermione stroked her and then took Ginny’s letter from the owl’s foot. It was short.
“Who is Blenkinsop Waterbut?
Is he some handsome Irishman I wasn’t fortunate enough to meet? No, Hermione, we haven’t met him, and nor have we seen The Green Dragon. That’s strange, isn’t it? I’m sure you will find him again and then you can satisfy curiosity, yours and mine.
I’m sorry I took this long to reply, I was in a particularly terrible mood swing yesterday and Harry is still suffering.
Tell me more about the MacElroys, how are they? And forgive us for not telling you about their baby’s name. But now it seems we needn’t have worried.
I might visit you, yes. I’m not telling you when. I’ll just wait until I’m in a wicked enough mood to just barge in on you and your lover.
Mum and Dad and everyone are missing you and send you their love.
Love, Ginny.
Hermione laughed at the last part of Ginny’s letter and tenderly pocketed the note. When Hedwig saw this, she nipped Hermione gently in the ear and then flew off into the golden sky. It was a glorious sunset again and Hermione stayed where she was, beside her flowers.
She didn’t know when she started, but she suddenly heard herself singing, the words of that song she heard that morning coming out of her lips seemingly of their own accord. A soft breeze flew in from the sea, so that her flowers seemed to dance to the tune. She smiled and, though she felt a little silly, didn’t stop singing.
~ * ~
He felt as if Kathy had walloped him with her maternity bag like she did seven months ago (He had just stood there in the room stunned while she shrieked for him to get Jack) when he made it to the crest of Faerie Hill and saw Hermione.
She was sitting beside her flowers, and singing. It was the same silly song Jack and Kathy had taught their son, but the words sounded like a…well, they sounded beautiful and heart-breaking at the same time.
Heart-breaking? He had just thought such a word? He shook his head, took a deep breath, and proceeded to her low garden fence.
She saw him before he even reached the little gate. She stopped singing and stood up, waiting for him. He was unnerved though that she didn’t look furious, which he thought she should be, which he felt he preferred, and which he definitely would have preferred, really. Why couldn’t she hold grudges for once?
“Aunt Patty wants you for dinner,” he said without preamble, looking at the thatched roof of the cottage.
She didn’t answer and he looked at her. That was what she’d been waiting for, it seemed. She locked her eyes with his, smiled and said thanks.
He nodded dumbly. He felt dumb. He started to turn away and then turned back.
“I’m sorry for this morning”” they said in unison.
Draco was so startled at the sound of their voices mingling that he felt his face grow warm. Hermione laughed a little.
“Look, I’m really sorry, Andrei.” And again, he was startled into looking at her. Her eyes were glowing, reflecting the gold in the sky. “I realize I was being impolite. And even if you are hiding something from me, which I acknowledge is very rude of me to think”well, perhaps you have a reason to and you have every right to.”
He just stared at her, at those eyes. She began to be uncomfortable now and looked back down at her flowers.
“Thanks,” he heard himself whisper. She heard him though and smiled and shrugged.
“That’s for taking care of Crookshanks when I was too upset and drunk last night to remember he’s left alone here.”
At first he had no idea what she was talking about. His mind seemed to be frozen. And then he felt himself smiling and shrugging back.
“Friends?” She held out her hand.
It was then that he panicked. He looked at her face, at her hand, and”
He took it in his, and shook it gently. She nodded. He noticed that her hand was a little clammy but perhaps she was only as nervous as he was.
Cut it out. It’s dusk and it’s early spring, idiot. Not exactly warm yet. Why on earth would she be nervous with you?
~ * ~
“I thought we’d have one last frost tonight, but again, weather is not a thing to be predicted, however long you have known it, just like our very own selves, eh?”
Draco rolled his eyes and stopped walking. So the man had thought to show himself at last. Without a word, he followed the shaft of light spilling out from the open door and went in the little pub. He also ignored the hearty pat he received on the shoulder.
“Well, it’s been a long time. How have you been faring?” A tall tankard of creamy yellow drink was placed in front of Draco in the bar.
“Don’t you serve any other drink in this place?” Draco asked.
Waterbut laughed. “There’s no use pretending you don’t like it. I think sour buttercream is like life. It’s sharp, but it’s sweet as well, and creamy so that you can’t help but drink more.”
Draco nodded impatiently and drank.
“How’s Hermione?”
“Why? Haven’t you been seeing her?”
Waterbut just gave that evasive shrug.
“She’s great. My aunt and cousin are doting on her as if she’s a little puppy.”
“Is it my imagination, or do I sense jealousy?”
“It’s your pesky imagination.”
Waterbut laughed again.
“In any case, though you are grumpy as ever, I’m glad you have honored me with your presence in my humble pub.”
“There’s no use pretending this is my choice, alright. I just want to know why we’re seeing each other again.”
“Oh, I can’t answer that. Everything would have been pointless if I do.”
Draco glared at him and then vented his vexation on his tankard. But he had hardly drained it when it refilled itself as its bottom touched the bar.
“Please to drink your sour buttercream. It’ll do you good.”
Draco sighed and sipped. Before he lost his resolve, he blurted, “Remember when you told me that we all just had roles, whether good or bad? Those people who played bad roles”shouldn’t they be punished, and if they’re not, shouldn’t they punish themselves to atone?”
“Atone? How? Isn’t turning a new leaf atonement enough?”
Draco shook his head in frustration and expelled his breath in a rush. “It’s not exactly atonement, is it; it’s just what’s right.”
“Well, being happy is right, too, is it not?”
Draco stared at him, and then he lowered his eyes in confusion and disbelief. Merlin knew he wanted to believe though.
“You know, my boy, though you have shed your name, you are still letting your past grip you in a vise. Let yourself go. Why are you troubled of the ‘threat’ of becoming happy?”
“I don’t deserve it.”
“Years ago, we have covered this same subject, it’s only different now in some respect.”
“Yes!” Draco snarled. “I hurt people. I don’t want the danger of doing that again.”
“There is always danger. There is not a safe moment in this world. That’s why it’s brave to live and to love.”
Draco felt his face go warm. “Thanks for the drink. Good night.” And with that, he hastily left the Green Dragon.
Author’s Note: ‘The Cuppycake Song’ was written by Judianna Castle and sung by Amy Castle.
Thank you for reading. Tell me what you think, please. I always love and respond to reviews. ^_^
Ooh, and I won’t forget my friend Debonny, who gave me the lyrics of the Cuppycake Song! Otherwise, I wouldn’t have known it even existed (see my bio as to the why of this).