Many hours had passed since a single drunken proclamation had been made within the dark Gryffindor common room, and Kirsty subconsciously snuggled down even further under the sleeping bag that she had fashioned into a make-shift blanket.
“Budge over, love,” instructed a voice from somewhere above her, jerking her awake. Kirsty groggily opened one eye, and upon seeing that the dim glow of the fire provided the room with its only light, she proceeded to drape the sleeping bag over her head. “Come on, Kirst, it’s cold,” moaned the voice.
Sirius? Not a-bloody-gain! She was going to get a reputation if she wasn’t careful. “What? Why? What are you up to?” she asked drowsily, tightening the sleeping bag instinctively around her.
She felt him trying to prise her fingers away from the edge of the sleeping bag, and unfortunately for Kirsty, they showed no resistance. Her fingers unfurled themselves and allowed Sirius’ warm hand to swallow them whole.
“Body warmth,” replied Sirius simply, sliding under the make-shift blanket beside her. He moved in close and buried his head in the tendrils of dark hair at the back of Kirsty’s neck, whilst simultaneously sliding his arms around her waist and entwining his fingers together as if claiming possession. All of this gave Kirsty immense discomfort, and her nerve endings were on red alert.
Kirsty cleared her throat, determined to find some safe ground. “So, did you enjoy your birthday then?”
“Mmm, very much so. I must say, you guys rock,” replied Sirius, his lips moving against her neck.
Kirsty laughed softly. “That we do.” A long silence ensued. “So, Emma and Sam, eh?” ventured Kirsty finally. “Who would have thought?”
“I know.”
Kirsty started to get annoyed with his noncommittal responses. “Fancy them keeping it a secret from us for that long. In fact, I’m surprised they let it slip tonight.”
“Well, secrets of that calibre tend to eat people up inside, you know?”
“Hmm, I suppose,” agreed Kirsty, stifling a yawn.
There was yet another silence but this time it was Sirius who decided to break it. He placed his chin on Kirsty’s shoulder so that his cheek rested against hers. “You’re lovely, do you know that?” he informed her in a moment of boldness.
“Yes, apparently according to you, all of us girls are.”
“No, forget about the rest of them,” he insisted. “I’m on about you, just you. You’re gorgeous, Kirst.”
“Sirius, you’re drunk,” said Kirsty dismissively.
“No, I’m not!” retorted Sirius, slurring his words ever so slightly. “Okay, maybe I am a little bit tipsy, but nevertheless, I know what I want.” He began to slide his hand down the length of Kirsty’s side until it snaked along the top of her thigh.
“Sirius!” hissed Kirsty in a reprimanding tone, making to slap his hand away. Just before she landed the hit though, Sirius moved his hand further down her thigh and grabbed a hold of her hand. Kirsty felt unbelievably wrong footed, and her cheeks flamed with embarrassment; it was a good thing it was dark. Sirius entwined her hand in his and rolled her over to face him, taking a firm hold of her other hand in the process. Kirsty also noticed that he had draped his leg over the top of hers, preventing her escape, but there was something awfully intimate about their positioning, and Kirsty felt prickles of self-consciousness.
Sirius was staring into her eyes with such intensity that a small flip occurred in Kirsty’s lower abdomen. “Did you mean what you said earlier?” he asked in all seriousness. “About not fancying me anymore.”
Kirsty would have laughed out loud if it weren’t for the air of vulnerability that seemed to be surrounding Sirius in waves. She swallowed hard before answering. “Well, yeah… sort of.”
In an abrupt reaction, Sirius released her hands and turned away from her. Kirsty started to panic - had she upset him? Frantically, she grabbed hold of his arm to force him back round to face her again. “Wait, that came out wrong!” she protested, taking a hold of his hands again in what she hoped was a gesture of reassurance. “Let me explain,” she implored him. “I think you’re extremely good-looking. I always have done. It’s just that I never really think about you in that way anymore.”
“How come?” he asked her, his voice sounding restricted.
“Well, I guess I just think of you as a good friend now. My feelings of attraction towards you have gone. After all, I did stop thinking of you in that way after our fifth year.”
“Oh, I see. So what you’re trying to say is that you envisage us as friends and nothing more?”
“Precisely,” replied Kirsty, sighing with relief.
“And that’s all we’ll ever be?” asked Sirius, sounding more and more guarded in his approach.
“Unless you’d prefer for us to become enemies again?” she teased him. Sirius didn’t deign to answer but instead stared morosely down at the pillow. Kirsty had a horrible feeling that her attempt at humour had backfired.
“It’s getting late,” he announced suddenly. “We should get some sleep. After all, you’ve got to pack for home tomorrow.” And with that, he rolled over, his back to her once more.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right. Look, Sirius, are you sure you’re okay?” she asked tentatively.
“I’m fine, never better. I just wanted to gain a better perspective on some things, that’s all,” he informed her, his voice sounding distant.
“Oh,” she said in surprise. “Well, I’m glad that I could be of some help.” Kirsty hated how fake she sounded; their conversation had become incredibly stilted. She hadn’t ever been at a loss for what to say to Sirius, and she didn’t like it one bit.
“Good night,” said Sirius formally, shuffling around on their makeshift bed in order to get more comfortable and lengthening the distance between their bodies as he did so.
“Good night, Sirius.” Kirsty bridged the gap between them and briefly placed her hand on top of his. “Happy birthday.” She kissed him lightly on the jaw and brushed her thumb across his hand before moving away again.
She rolled over so that they were now lying back to back, and as she did, so she heard Sirius heave an almighty sigh. She gulped, swallowing her feelings of hurt and uncertainty. In a matter of seconds, they seemed to have become complete strangers; the awkwardness between them was now palpable. Her mind was abuzz with confusion and guilt over how blunt she had just been with him. She could do nothing but hope that things would be better in the morning and that everything between her and Sirius would simply return to normal… somehow. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, trying her best to drift off into a dreamless sleep. But as she lay there, nervously fidgeting with a loose thread she had found on the sleeping bag, she felt emotions that she had long thought lost begin to stir from deep down within her. Strong feelings towards Sirius began to bubble up inside her as if they had been dredged up from the tips of her very toes. Feelings of desire that had long remained hidden emerged - feelings that she had not felt for Sirius since she had been fifteen years old.
*
Kirsty awoke the following morning to the sound of Lily screeching at her hysterically to, “Get the bloody hell up!” Reluctantly, she opened her eyes, straight away scanning the room for any sign of Sirius. He was gone. Feeling bitterly disappointed, Kirsty shoved off her sleeping bag and dashed out of the common room before either Lily or Hayley could rope her into helping tidy up the mess from the night before.
*
Twenty minutes later, after Kirsty had jumped in the shower, dressed and stuffed a slice of toast into her mouth she came charging into the girls’ dormitory and exclaimed, “I like Sirius!”
“What?” asked Emma, her head appearing over the side of her bed.
“I fancy Sirius!” Kirsty blurted out.
“Well, duh!” retorted Emma, standing up. Kirsty ran her eyes up and down Emma’s form in confusion. She seemed oddly dishevelled. Her t-shirt was slightly off-centre; her makeup was smudged, and her hair was messy. Emma’s hair was never a mess.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” challenged Kirsty.
“Well, of course you fancy Sirius! I mean, it’s so Goddamn obvious!”
“What?” asked Kirsty, startled.
“Yeah, we all realised it ages ago,” Emma kindly informed her.
“We?” demanded Kirsty, a slight tremble to her voice.
“Me, Lily and Hayley.”
Kirsty heaved a huge sigh of relief. “So the guys don’t know anything about it?”
“Not as far as I know,” replied Emma with a small, dismissive shrug.
“Oh, I can’t believe this is happening! Why the hell didn’t you tell me?” demanded Kirsty.
“Because we thought you knew. Like I said, it’s so obvious. I mean, it would have been like telling the guys, ‘Hey, you like to pull pranks.’”
Kirsty stared at Emma in exasperation. “So what were the tell-tale signs that I liked him?”
“Well, the constant flirting for one thing…”
“Flirting?” asked Kirsty, unable to believe her ears.
“Uhuh, but that wasn’t all you. After all, Sirius does flirt back.”
“He flirts back?”
Emma looked back at her friend out of pitying eyes. “Yeah, but that’s just Sirius’ nature. It might not mean anything.”
“No, it won’t mean anything,” said Kirsty, more to reassure herself than Emma.
Emma continued reciting the list, ticking the offences off on her fingers. “The fact that you purposefully talk wistfully about MacIntosh just to provoke a reaction out of Sirius; your constant teasing of him; the way you reacted when he kissed you on the cheek; the whole Ancient Runes fiasco in general; how giddy you were after returning from your detention together; the fact that you’ve shared a bed; and lastly, the way your whole face lights up when you enter a room to see him standing there.”
Kirsty was completely flabbergasted. “Seriously?” she asked, questioning Emma’s last point.
“Like a beacon,” confirmed Emma simply.
Just then, to Kirsty’s complete and utter surprise, Sam also popped up from behind Emma’s bed. He looked equally as dishevelled as Emma. His shirt was creased, and the top three buttons were undone, giving Kirsty a good glimpse of the tanned chest beneath. Upon seeing this, Kirsty treated them both to a raise of her eyebrows.
“Not to mention the fact that she couldn’t stop staring at Sirius whilst we were dancing together at Halloween,” Sam added triumphantly.
“Oh really?” asked Emma turning to face him, seeming intrigued. “Now that is interesting.” Kirsty glowered at them both. “So how exactly was she looking at him?” persisted Emma.
“It wasn’t about the way she was looking at him so much as the fact that she couldn’t stop looking at him.”
“Hey, pack it in!” yelled Kirsty in annoyance.
“Sorry,” apologised Emma and Sam in unison.
“So you should be,” Kirsty informed them grouchily.
“So, are there any other offences that you care to divulge to us?” asked Emma.
With reluctance, Kirsty relayed, “Well, we did sleep together last night.”
Emma and Sam raised their eyebrows high in shock, and Kirsty, realising how they must have interpreted this, explained, “Oh, no, no, no, I meant that he slept under my sleeping bag with me last night.”
Emma gawped at her incredulously. “You shared a bed again?”
“Well, yes, but once again it was Sirius who initiated it.”
“He did?” asked Emma, shocked.
“Yeah, why? You don’t think he suspects anything do you?”
Emma pondered this for a moment. “I don’t know. He keeps manoeuvring you into these intimate situations, but that could just be Sirius being a smarmy letch - pushing the boundaries just to see if he is still delectable to the opposite sex.” Kirsty gave Emma a highly dubious look.
“Yeah, I suppose that would make sense,” agreed Sam.
“What do you mean?” asked Kirsty.
“Well, let’s just say that Sirius hasn’t had much in the way of female interest as of late,” explained Sam.
“Hmm, yes, I noticed that,” added Emma. “The fan girls are still as flirtatious as ever, but Sirius seems to have been blanking them more than usual.”
“Yeah, but Sirius has never given much time to those airheads,” countered Kirsty.
“Well, that’s not exactly true,” Emma informed her. “He’s dated some of them from time-to-time - to keep the other ones quiet if nothing else.”
“Never lasted long though, did they?” interjected Sam. “Seems to me like superficial girls aren’t his type.”
“It must be well over a year since Sirius last had a girlfriend,” decided Emma. She turned to address Sam. “Have you any idea what’s been going on?”
“Yeah,” piped up Kirsty, “You must pick some things up, being in that dormitory.”
“Well,” confessed Sam, “I did overhear James and Sirius talking not that long ago. James pulled Sirius up on the fact that things had been a bit lax on the girlfriend front. Sirius got a bit defensive at that, and well, he forced James to drop the subject. But I can continue to keep my ears open, if you’d like?”
Kirsty nodded wearily. “Cheers, Sam.”
“What did we ever do to deserve you?” asked Emma mushily as she leaned in to kiss him.
“I’m in the middle of a crisis here, people!” exclaimed Kirsty in exasperation.
“Oh please,” announced Emma scathingly, breaking the kiss. “You are not having a crisis.”
“Am too,” argued Kirsty in a childish manner.
“Are not. I mean, come on, you’re not the first girl to have fallen for the sex-god that is Sirius Black.”
“But I don’t want to have fallen for Sirius Black!”
Emma gave a derisive snort. “Kirst, you fell for Sirius the very first moment you clapped eyes on him!”
“What do you mean?” asked Kirsty uncertainly.
Emma looked Kirsty up and down; she seemed to be sizing her up. “You were drawn to Sirius from the moment we arrived at Hogwarts. It was only natural when you think about it. Sirius was the one person you had always been warned to stay away from - he was a member of the Black family and completely off limits to you. During our first few months at school, Sirius became the sole focus of all your moans and grumbles. You were fuming over the fact that he had been sorted into Gryffindor, but I was stood next to you during our Sorting Ceremony and even then your eyes never strayed far from his face.”
Kirsty could do nothing but stare dumbly at Emma, her brain working furiously hard to process all of this information.
“Then we began our second year, and you were one of the only girls who remained adamant that they were in no way attracted to Sirius Black. It took us ages to finally wheedle a confession out of you, and we only got that because of some foul play on Sirius’ part. And yet, you still continued to rant and rage about his immaturity and bigheadedness. Between you and Lily, I’d landed myself with a right pair.” Kirsty gave Emma a disgruntled look. “But during our third and fourth years, something changed. You no longer grumbled about Sirius, rather the opposite “ you praised him. You started to laugh at the antics of the Marauders and even managed the odd courteous bit of conversation with him.”
Kirsty searched Emma’s face for even the teeniest glimmer of trickery. “I don’t believe it! I’ve liked him all this time?”
“To be fair, your affections seemed to have waned last year, but now…”
“How can I have fancied him all this time without fully realising it?”
“Denial most likely,” replied Emma knowledgably. “You denied your feelings towards him when you were younger, and when they resurfaced again this year, your reflex action was to do the exact same thing.”
“But why have I only just become aware of them?”
“Ah, well, I’m glad you asked that. You confessed that you fancied him back in our second year, but that was just based on looks. Now, I fear, you like Sirius down to every last detail.”
“Yes, I know that!” yelled Kirsty, growing impatient.
“Let me finish!” Emma snapped back. “In second year, it was because of Sirius’ interference that we gained the information that you did indeed fancy him, and last night he wheedled a confession out of you again “ though he doesn’t know it. Now, if you ask me, that gives is another possible reason as to why Sirius put you both into another intimate situation last night.”
“Out with it then!” commanded Kirsty, hanging on to her every word.
Emma didn’t look impressed at being rushed. “When Sirius flirted with you in second year, your reaction betrayed your feelings. Sirius was victorious that day, since from the off, he had wanted to prove that he was irresistible to all the girls at Hogwarts.
So, in my opinion, he tried to relive the same situation last night. If he is indeed worried about his current lack of girlfriends, then you’d be a good way of proving that he is still as good-looking as ever.”
Kirsty was suitably impressed. “You know, that would make sense. After all, he did ask me if I still fancied him last night.”
“He did?” asked Emma excitedly. “What did you tell him?”
“I said”“ Kirsty stopped mid-sentence, having just noticed Emma’s jacket strewn across the floor by the foot of Lily’s bed. “What’s your jacket doing on the floor all the way over there?”
Emma and Sam shared a highly worried look. “We were packing,” said Emma, walking over to retrieve it.
Sam craned his neck to gaze over at the jacket in question, and as he did so, Kirsty noticed the unmistakeable lipstick print that had been planted on his collarbone. When Sam turned back to look at Kirsty, she pointed to her own collarbone and mouthed to him, “Lipstick,” before raising her eyebrows. Sam blushed a deep red and hastily set about trying to wipe it off. As Emma returned in possession of her jacket, Kirsty repeated innocently, “So you were packing?”
“Yes,” snapped Emma irritably. “We only have limited time left until I leave for a week, so we thought we’d spend time together where we could.”
“I see. I just thought you’d be doing something a little more touchy…” Sam shot Kirsty a disapproving glare.
“Kirsty!” came the impatient sound of Lily’s voice from the bottom of the stairs.
“Uh oh, she sounds mad,” noted Sam.
“Yeah,” agreed Kirsty, “I suppose that would be my cue to actually go and start getting ready. You know, I hate it when Lily’s in organisation mode.”
“So what are you going to do about Sirius?” asked Emma, her voice turning sombre.
Kirsty let out an exhausted sigh. “I have no idea. I don’t suppose I have to decide just yet, do I?”
“Of course not,” replied Sam supportively. “Not if you don’t want to.”
Kirsty smiled gratefully. “Thanks, guys. Promise me you won’t say anything to him.”
Emma looked affronted at this. “Of course we won’t! What do you take us for? We won’t breathe a word. Right?” she assured Kirsty, turning to give Sam a menacing look.
“My lips are sealed,” promised Sam.
Sometimes, Kirsty realised just how much she really loved her friends. “Thanks, I really appreciate all of this.”
“What are friends for?” chirped Emma, enveloping Kirsty in a big hug.
Lily’s voice hollered up the stairs once more, sounding even more unimpressed than before, “Kirsty!”
“I’m coming, I’m coming!” called Kirsty, making for the stairs. Upon reaching the top step, however, she turned back to look at her friends. “I’ll leave you two to your ‘packing’.” She tagged air quotes around her usage of packing and raised her eyebrows at the two in amusement. Emma looked completely and utterly stunned, whereas Sam looked nothing short of sheepish.
Kirsty took to descending the stairs, but shouted over her shoulder, “And if I were you, Sam, I’d take more care with Emma’s jacket in future. After all, we wouldn’t want you to rip it in your haste now, would we?” Kirsty then trotted happily down the last few steps, leaving a shell-shocked Emma and Sam in her wake.
*
Half an hour later, Kirsty was to be found standing in the middle of the common room amidst the other three girls, their luggage strewn haphazardly around them. Lily had managed to cajole them all into getting ready on time without bursting the vein in her forehead, and now she was standing serenely by James’ side, her head resting against his shoulder, and his arm draped lovingly around her waist. Similarly, the group were also finding it hard to prise Emma and Sam away from each other, as the two simply continued to stand gazing admiringly into each other’s eyes.
Hayley checked her watch. “Looks like it’s time we were off, guys.”
Instantaneously, a battle of tongues ensued between the two couples. It seemed that competition was rife as to who would be noted as the hottest couple. Kirsty pulled a sickened face in Hayley’s direction, and Hayley smiled and rolled her eyes in return. Remus manoeuvred himself to Hayley’s side just as Peter appeared behind Kirsty. She swivelled around and enveloped him in a tight hug. “See you soon, Pete.”
“Don’t you go causing too much trouble now,” joked Peter. Kirsty stepped out of the hug and saluted him with a small giggle.
Peter moved away to say goodbye to Lily, who had finally unglued her lips from James’, and Kirsty waited at the sidelines for Hayley and Remus to finish chatting so that she could move on to giving him a hug. As she waited, she surreptitiously shot a glance in Sirius’ direction. He was still lounging against the back of the sofa, his eyes gazing out of the frosty window. His body language was much haughtier than Kirsty could ever remember seeing it. From what she could gather, Sirius hadn’t been very talkative all morning. She wondered whether his current detached state had anything to do with what had taken place last night, or whether that was just wishful thinking on her part. She would be stupid indeed if she thought for even a moment that the famous Sirius Black could ever be interested in someone like her.
Eventually, Remus made a beeline for her, and Hayley went to coax Sirius out of his sullen state. Remus’ strong hands wrapped themselves around Kirsty’s midriff, and she breathed in the heavenly smell of cocoa that always surrounded Remus in abundance. “Enjoy your week of freedom,” she advised.
“On the contrary,” replied Remus, pulling back to gaze at her face. “It’s you who has obtained the freedom.” He nodded over to James who had practically rugby tackled Emma so that she would give him a hug. Kirsty laughed, and Remus gave her a kind smile before moving away again.
Tentatively, Kirsty began to make her way over to Sirius. He looked up dolefully as she came to stand before him. Looking sheepish and suddenly very self-conscious, Sirius stood up straight in order to greet her. “Goodbye, Sirius,” she announced rather nervously as she took a hesitant step forward and slipped her arms delicately around his neck. Kirsty felt her heart give a small flutter when Sirius accepted her embrace, his hands instantly encircling her waist.
“See you, Kirst. Have fun,” he murmured against her shoulder. Regretfully, Kirsty ended the hug and pulled back to look at his tense face. Sirius gave her a solemn look. “Be careful,” he urged softly, briefly taking hold of her hand.
“I will,” she promised. Kirsty knew exactly where this plea had sprung from. News had reached them, via that morning’s Daily Prophet, that three wizards and two Muggles had been killed in a Death Eater attack in Telford the night before. It was safe to say that the news had put a dampener on that morning’s proceedings, like fatalities of the ongoing war always did.
Lily came over then to steal Sirius away from her, and Kirsty started to make steady progress in Sam’s direction. As soon as she reached him, he enveloped her in a tight hug. “It’ll be okay, you know,” he reassured her.
“I do know,” she replied gratefully. “Thanks, Sam. See you soon.”
Within seconds of being released by Sam, James swooped down upon her, swallowing her in a gigantic bear hug. Kirsty loved James’ hugs above everyone else’s for she always felt secure in his arms. James was the one who she always counted on for making her feel better, and that day was no exception. As she laid her head against his chest, she felt all tension leave her body, and worries about Sirius were momentarily extinguished. “Have a good time,” James implored her.
“You too,” she said, once James had let her go.
“Are we all ready?” piped up Lily, taking charge once more. There came three general affirmations in response, and Kirsty made her way over to the exit to stand beside Hayley as Lily and Emma underwent one final round of tongue wrestling with their boyfriends.
Many impatient taps of the feet later, the couples disengaged, and Lily and Emma went to gather their belongings.
“Right, well, I guess this is it,” announced Emma. “See you guys in a week’s time.”
“Yeah, try not to have too much fun without us,” added Hayley.
“No risk of that happening,” retorted James, raising a suggestive eyebrow at Lily.
“Bye!” all four girls chimed in unison as they dragged their trunks over to the portrait hole. Kirsty glanced over her shoulder, as she gave one final wave, to see that Sirius had already turned his back on the departing girls. A dull ache started within Kirsty’s chest, and she hoped more than anything that everything would be back to normal upon her return.
--------------
Splash! No, no good. Splash! Another bad one; third time’s a charm. Sirius brought his arm back with poise before catapulting it forward once more, with all the strength he could muster. A welcome silence ensued, but if Sirius strained his ears hard enough, he could just about hear the faint whistle of the flat stone as it sailed out above the lake, its smooth, cold body almost skimming the shimmering ripples below. Sirius watched the stone in delight as it touched the first of the ripples, its contact brief but just as gentle as a lover’s caress on the cheek of his beloved, before once again soaring inches above her magnificent form, drinking in every detail as she glittered in the mesmerising moonlight.
At the stone’s teasing touch, the lake gave a shiver of anticipation, sending more ripples out into the darkness, hoping to entice him. Sirius’ grin grew wider; this stone definitely favoured the lady, for it brushed her skin not twice, not thrice but four times in succession before the two entities finally met in a powerful embrace. Sirius couldn’t help but punch the air in euphoria as he heard the small, welcoming plop of the stone sinking into the lake’s watery abyss way off in the distance. That was the best skimming stone that he had found all night.
He bent down in the process of foraging around on the small beach for another and heard the rustling of grass from not far behind him. He chose to ignore it, for if someone was indeed there, he had a pretty good idea of who it would be. He knew that it couldn’t be a teacher. After all, there was a good few hours left until curfew, not that you’d know with the inky blackness that currently engulfed him.
Sirius straightened up, having scooped up a handful of stones, and began to rifle through them, the moon above him providing the only available light on the breezy winter’s night.
Four days had passed since the girls’ departure, and Sirius had retreated down to the lake every day so far. He was eager to participate in any activity that would focus his thoughts somewhere else - somewhere where rage, desolation and cravings for Kirsty’s presence could not infiltrate the barriers that these night time wanderings had constructed.
It was strange; he would have thought that this would be the other way around - that wandering alone at night in the cool grounds, aimlessly throwing stones at the lake, would provide the perfect opportunity for thoughts of Kirsty to surface. Thankfully, however, the opposite had occurred. Being enveloped in the black veil of the night sky dimmed the senses, making it so that every step over the frosty grass was an unknown adventure. Constantly, he wondered when he would be nearing the edge of the lake or whether he was about to bump into a tree, and all these things made the proceedings that much more exciting.
Of course, Sirius was only unaware of his surroundings on those nights where the moon was hidden behind an entourage of clouds. Tonight, though, the moon shone in all its glory, and Sirius gazed up at it, his face bathed in light. He sighed. There were a couple more nights left until the full moon hit, and Sirius was growing steadily more impatient to see it. A Marauders’ night was just what he needed right now. He longed to go back to the time when the four of them were all that mattered, and the four girls were just a blip on their radar screen, though Sirius did doubt if Kirsty had ever been just a blip to him. He almost wished they could go back to when the Marauders weren’t even acquainted with the girls. Things were simpler then, though admittedly nowhere near as fun. He knew he needed something else to occupy his mind as skimming stones was beginning to bore him. Keeping himself occupied was the only way to ensure that Kirsty remained hidden. Although, if Sirius was truly honest with himself, he knew that even at these times he was missing her. Deep down in a sealed section of his heart, he wanted her back.
“You’ll wake the Giant Squid, you know,” observed an unwelcome voice from behind Sirius as he cast another stone into the water’s icy depths.
“What do you want?” Sirius spat back at James, not wanting to be disturbed.
“To talk,” explained James simply, and Sirius heard him take a couple of steps forward.
“What if I don’t want to talk?” asked Sirius irritably.
“Then we’ll talk,” explained James sternly, and Sirius allowed himself a cautious glance behind James to see him gesturing over to Remus and Peter, who he could just make out in the moonlight.
Sirius shrugged, trying to give the impression that he no longer cared if they stayed to invade his privacy or not. He heard the frost-covered grass crunch underfoot, indicating Remus and Peter’s approach.
“So what are you doing out here all alone?” ventured James, finally coming to stand beside him.
“Skimming stones,” replied Sirius in monotone as he cast another one out into the night just to hear it belly flop with an almighty splash seconds later.
“Rubbish,” reprimanded James with a small smile.
“You do realise that we’ll stay here until you start talking - all night if we have to,” Peter informed him, coming to stand on Sirius’ left.
“So, care to share, Padfoot?” asked Remus in a friendly manner as he slipped in beside Peter.
“After all,” piped up James, “If you can’t tell us, who can you tell?”
Sirius heaved a huge sigh. Sometimes he loved his friends to death, but at other times he hated them so much that he just wanted to strangle them. The trouble was that at that precise moment in time he couldn’t decipher which of the two emotions was the most dominant.
“Fine,” he relented with some difficulty.
“Girl trouble?” queried Peter, unable to hide the smidgen of glee present in his voice.
Sirius gave him a disgruntled look. “Yes, as it happens,” he replied through gritted teeth. He turned to throw James a filthy look. “I can’t believe you told these two goons!”
“Oh, charming,” commented Remus dryly. “Personally I think it’s only fair that we know. After all, I told you about my feelings for Hayley.”
“Yes, but you and Hayley are an entirely different story.”
“Really?” asked Remus, his eyebrows raised mockingly. “Because I rather thought that we were on the same page.”
“Oh, no!” laughed Sirius mirthlessly. “We are on a different chapter all together, my friend. At least you know that Hayley reciprocates your feelings!”
“I know nothing of the sort!” snapped Remus.
“Oh, come on!” exclaimed Sirius in exasperation. “Guys, back me up here.”
“Hayley definitely likes you, mate,” chimed in both James and Peter. Remus looked more than a little shell-shocked.
“Looks like it’s time for you to step up and take charge,” proclaimed Peter, slapping Remus jovially on the back; Remus gave a nervous chuckle. James signalled for them all to sit down, and Sirius gratefully obeyed, his legs had long since started to ache from cold and exhaustion.
“So I take it that Kirsty is in the problem in question?” said James.
“Of course she is! Who else could it possibly be?” asked Sirius angrily.
“Well, one can never tell with you, Padfoot,” joked Peter.
“So, what’s happened?” asked Remus gently.
Sirius shifted slightly - not only did he feel slightly uncomfortable about sharing his current lovesickness but sitting down on frost ridden grass was definitely not one of the most comfortable sensations he had ever experienced. Tentatively, he began to relay the whole, sorry story to his three companions. “Okay, so, you remember how Kirsty admitted during ‘I’ve never’ that she didn’t fancy me anymore?”
“”I knew that had dinted your ego more than you were letting on!” interrupted James, sounding somewhat gleeful. Remus gave him a stern look, and James cast his eyes down almost immediately. “Sorry, carry on,” he muttered apologetically.
“Well, I decided to call her up on it,” continued Sirius. “So that night, once I was sure that you had all gone to sleep, I crept over to where Kirsty was lying and woke her up by insisting that I slip in beside her.”
“”You were in her bed again?” asked Peter in disbelief.
“Oh yes,” replied Sirius with a grin, happiness at the memory bubbling up within him.
“And then what happened?” Remus encouraged him.
“We chatted for a bit, and then I bluntly came out and asked her if she seriously didn’t fancy me anymore”“
“”and what did she say?” demanded James, sounding rather breathless.
Sirius sighed, a strange burning sensation searing within his chest at the memory. “She said, no, she doesn’t fancy me anymore and she just sees me as a friend, which is all we’ll ever be.”
A stunned and morose silence followed, in which Sirius stared down at the floor, flexing his freezing fingers - how he wished he had brought a pair of gloves.
“So that’s it?” asked James, looking at Sirius with disbelief.
“That’s it,” agreed Sirius, his voice sounding hollow even to his own ears.
“But I thought “ I seriously thought that things would - would happen with you two,” stammered James.
“Oh well,” replied Sirius with a shrug of the shoulders and an attempt at a smile.
“I’m sorry, Padfoot. That really is too bad,” said Remus sympathetically.
“Yeah, I’m sorry, mate,” said Peter, also offering his condolences.
“Sometimes these things happen,” replied Sirius, trying and failing to put on a brave face.
“So, what happens now?” asked Remus.
“Nothing, I guess. I’ll just have to let everything go back to normal.”
“But you miss her?” pressed Remus.
“Yeah, I miss her,” admitted Sirius.
“Which, I’m guessing, is why you’ve been spending your evenings out here,” announced Peter, trying his best to survey the dark grounds.
Sirius gave a small, hollow laugh. “Yeah, I thought it would take my mind off her, but despite how much I may wish to deny it, she’s still haunting my every thought.”
“Are we certain that this isn’t just a simple crush?” queried Remus.
Sirius gave him a hard look. “No, I’ve gone way past that stage. Believe me, I’ve wished it was just a crush myself.”
“And are we sure that you’re definitely looking for a relationship with Kirsty in particular?” asked Peter. “I mean, maybe you’re just ready to make a serious commitment to someone, and Kirsty caught your attention because she’s one of your best friends. Plus, we can all see how well things worked out for James and Lily and Emma and Sam.”
Sirius was unconvinced, but Remus was actually nodding his head in agreement. “Actually, that’s a fair point,” praised Remus. He turned to Sirius. “Maybe you just want the closeness that Lily and James have, and for you, Kirsty would be the obvious choice as you get on so well”“
“”plus, Hayley’s strictly off limits,” butted in Peter with a giddy smile.
“Yes, quite,” agreed Remus, looking bashful.
“No, I don’t think so, guys. You see, the thing is that I love every single thing about Kirsty. I just love the person she is, and in my mind, no one can compare.”
“Oh dear,” said Remus with a sigh.
“Oh dear indeed,” agreed Sirius with a small chuckle.
“Might I be so bold as to suggest that getting a girlfriend may not be such a bad idea? Maybe having someone else to focus your attention on would help to keep your mind away from Kirsty. Also, if we are certain that things are never going to take off between you and Kirst, then maybe it’d be better to just move on,” suggested James in a frank tone.
“But you know I have nothing in common with those other girls. I can barely stand to be around them,” argued Sirius.
“Then maybe you shouldn’t date an airhead this time,” said James irritably.
“Yeah, look outside your group of fan girls. You may be pleasantly surprised by the girls you find,” advised Peter.
“No!” retorted Sirius vehemently. “I don’t want just any old girl! I want her. I want Kirsty! And yes, I realise that I have to move on and get over this, but I’m just not ready yet. I’m not!”
“Okay, mate,” Remus said soothingly, reaching over to pat him lightly on the shoulder.
“I just need time; I’ll get her out of my system at some point. I know I will, I’ll get over her,” said Sirius, trying to convince himself more than anyone else.
“Let’s hope so,” said Peter morosely.
“Okay. Moony, you get the munchies; Peter you get the shot glasses, and I’ll take care of the Firewhiskey,” ordered James, getting to his feet. Sirius and the other two immediately followed suit. “Let’s see if we can’t cheer you up!” James continued, patting Sirius comfortingly on the shoulder.
“Thanks, guys,” said Sirius, smiling at each of them in turn.
And so, off the four boys walked into the night, their arms draped companionably around each other’s shoulders.
Things Aren't Always Black and White by padfootsgirl1981
Chapter Notes: Yay the queue's open again *happy dance*! Okay, I have yet another chapter that has to be split into two, I went over 10,000 words again *blushes*. Sorry people! I hope you still enjoy regardless, I have a feeling you will ;)! Thanks go again to my beta readers starfalling13 and hvic, you guys never cease to amaze me! Enjoy!
Chapter Endnotes: Altogether now - awww bless! I hope you enjoyed the first part, what did we all think to Kirsty and Sirius' late night activities? Anyway don't forget to watch out for part two of this chapter! Thanks for reading, please take the time to review!