“No!”
“Come on, just put it on,” pleaded Emma.
“No, I refuse!”
“Why?” asked Emma, perplexed.
“Because my gut’s telling me that this is some sort of trap.”
“What? Don’t be ridiculous. As long as the zip is all the way down and you avoid the netting then you should get it on fine,” explained Emma matter-of-factly.
“No,” fumed Hayley, stamping her foot with impatience and gritting her teeth against the stupidity in the room. “I meant that you lot are planning something, something that involves me, Remus and a contrived happy ending.”
“You forgot about the dress, the drink and the party,” quipped Kirsty, earning herself dirty looks from both Lily and Emma.
All Hayley’s suspicions had finally been confirmed. Ever since she had heard that Lily and James were planning some sort of get together in the Room of Requirement she had been sceptical. Then today the girls dragged her up to their dormitory and presented her with a gorgeous party dress that they had just happened to pick up in Hogsmeade.
“Look,” began Lily with a bite of irritation in her voice, “none of this has anything to do with Remus. We just thought it’d be nice to have a little party before the exams start.”
“Lily!” cried Hayley in exasperation. “We see each other everyday. We’re hardly ever apart, so we don’t need to get together!”
Lily looked flummoxed for a moment. “Just come to the party, okay? It’ll be fun!” she argued, opting for a demand rather than an inquiry.
Hayley scoffed. “Fun for you lot maybe, as you’ll all be plotting ways of throwing me and Remus together.”
“As if we’d be that scheming!” exclaimed Kirsty, acting affronted.
“Of course you’d be that scheming! You’ve spent the last seven years inhabiting the same common room as the Marauders, for Merlin’s sake!” cried Hayley with incredulity.
“You know,” said Emma, sounding contemplative, “she does raise a fair point.”
“Why am I always surrounded by imbeciles?” demanded Lily, glaring at Emma and Kirsty. Hayley allowed herself a small smile of amusement and these words before Lily continued, “Hayley, don’t pay attention to those two. Please be there tonight, it really will be fun. You don’t even have to speak to Remus if you don’t want to,” she added, looking irritated as Hayley’s expression revealed her doubts.
Hayley heaved a huge sigh. “Fine, I’ll come.”
“Yay!” squealed Lily, running forward and enveloping Hayley in an ecstatic hug.
“Right then, now that that’s settled I suppose we’d better start getting ready. Shower here I come,” announced Emma, scurrying around for her towel and shampoo.
“Oooh, I’m so excited for tonight,” admitted Kirsty, smiling broadly. “It’ll be nice to spend a night with just the gang again.”
“Erm, Kirst,” began Lily, looking more than a little sheepish.
“What?” she asked, sounding tentative.
“You do realise that Debbie’s going to be there, don’t you?”
“What?” Kirsty exploded. “Why?”
“Well, I couldn’t really get away with not inviting her,” argued Lily, “she is Sirius’ girlfriend after all.”
Kirsty let out a noise that sounded mid-way between a snarl and mirthless laughter. “What a load of rubbish! It’s easy to not ask someone to a party, you just don’t ask them!”
“What’s going on with you?” asked Hayley. Kirsty had been acting strangely for the past week, and there was little evidence as to the reason why. “You’ve been getting on well with Debbie lately. You were practically civil towards her last week down by the lake, so surely you can put up with her for one night?”
A steely expression had descended over Kirsty’s face at the mention of the lake; it was as if the shutters had come down. Hayley took this as a sign that the subject was closed.
“Yeah, you’re right,” agreed Kirsty, seeming distracted. “I’m sure I can put up with her for a couple of hours. You guys really should start getting ready,” said Kirsty in a blatant attempt to change the subject. “I’ve just got to… erm…” And without providing a coherent explanation, Kirsty left the dormitory.
“And you thought you had issues,” said Emma dryly, addressing Hayley. Hayley laughed appreciatively.
“She’s getting worse,” observed Lily, her face an image of concern. “I thought she would have moved passed the whole Sirius and Debbie thing by now.”
“I know,” agreed Hayley, “I’ve never seen her like this before.”
“She obviously really likes Sirius,” commented Lily, frowning in thought.
“Or she really hates Debbie,” argued Emma.
“Or both,” supplied Hayley.
“Then Merlin help us all. If that’s the case she’s probably ready to implode!” exclaimed Lily.
“She was doing okay though,” said Hayley, remembering how Kirsty had stopped moping and returned to herself over the past few weeks.
“Until the broom and lake incident that is,” mentioned Emma.
“You think something happened that day, Em?” Lily asked her, wheeling around to address her friend. “Something that we don’t know about?”
“I’m thinking so. Sirius hasn’t exactly been the happiest of bunnies lately either.”
“Hmm, should you be worried do you think?” wondered Lily.
“Possibly,” mused Emma. “I, however, am personally settling for highly amused.”
Lily laughed and Hayley forced a tight smile.
“You’re such a great friend, you know that,” joked Lily.
“Oh, I know,” replied Emma proudly, “I’m expecting an accolade any day now.”
“Erm, guys,” started Hayley, feeling surprised at her interference, “I think you better hurry up and get ready.”
Lily looked at her watch. “Gosh! You’re right! Quick, shower! Go, go, go!”
And with that Lily and Emma dived into the bathroom.
Hayley breathed a sigh of relief and sank down onto Emma’s bed. She didn’t think she would have been able to hear the two of them gabble on about Kirsty and Sirius for a moment longer.
Of course any odd behaviour on the behalf of Sirius and Kirsty was always of interest, but in Hayley’s current state of mind it merely served as a source of gossip.
It was hard to feel sorry for Kirsty when Hayley compared Kirsty’s predicament with her own. After all, Kirsty and Sirius had never been a couple, in fact so far they hadn’t really come close. The chemistry was there, it was obvious to see, but luck and timing had deserted them. Whereas Hayley had broken up with her boyfriend, and life without Remus still wasn’t getting any easier.
Hayley appreciated how hard it must be for Kirsty to see Debbie and Sirius all over each other, but was it really as heart wrenching as what Hayley had to go through every time she saw Remus getting on with his life?
For that was why Hayley was struggling. The grieving process would be so much easier if Remus showed signs of suffering as much as she was. It would give her a grim sense of triumph, knowing that she was causing him an equal amount of pain. But Remus was coping fine. At times, he even seemed happy, and that was the hardest part of all.
Hayley glanced at the periwinkle blue dress laid out on Lily’s bed. Hayley wondered if the party really was a ploy to get her and Remus back together. After all, lately it had seemed as if Hayley had slipped off her friends’ radars. Sirius and Kirsty seemed to be the topic that piqued their interest.
Perhaps they had all realised something that Hayley was hesitant to admit “ that Remus no longer cared for her.
Remus stood in the Room of Requirement wearing his smartest jeans and a crisp, crease free black shirt and felt more nervous than he had done in weeks. His heart was doing a skittish little dance within his chest and he kept on anxiously sweeping his fringe away from his face. Hayley was going to walk through that door any moment now.
Being in such close quarters with Hayley always brewed up such a cocktail of mixed emotions within him: fear, sadness, anger and glee, but perhaps the most unbearable of all “ an overwhelming sense of love. Love mingled with regret, which was perhaps the worst concoction ever invented.
Remus gazed around at his fellow Marauders who were also stood companionably by his side. It was the looks on their faces that made Remus feel highly distrustful. The blank, emotionless expression looked almost completely kosher, and such convincing impressions of innocence were a sure sign that they were up to no good.
“So, what are you planning?” Remus asked them, acting nonchalant and continuing to stare straight ahead at the door.
“What do you mean?” asked James, matching Remus’ tone.
“Are you trying to tell me that you’re not planning anything?” Remus continued, unable to keep the amusement out of his voice.
“Well…” said Peter, his façade slipping as a confession fought to escape from his lips. Sirius stood on his foot in a very non-discreet manner.
“I suppose there’s not really any point in me telling you to drop it is there?” Remus sighed. “But if you could find it in yourselves to not interfere I’d appreciate it.” Remus was careful to say all this in a friendly way, as truthfully he appreciated the fact that they wanted to help. Nevertheless, despite their best intentions the Marauders’ help always turned out to be a hindrance.
“We’re only trying to make things easier for you, mate,” explained James in earnest.
“I know,” Remus acknowledged, shoving his hands in his pockets.
“You see, this is what I don’t understand!” piped up Peter. “Moony, don’t you love Hayley?”
“Yes,” replied Remus through gritted teeth.
“And you miss her?” persisted Peter.
“Yes.”
“And you want her back?”
“Yes.”
“Then why are you content to leave it this way?” finished Peter, looking genuinely puzzled.
Remus knew that a few weeks ago, such a question would have encouraged a response of towering fury, but now he turned to his friends, uttered a sigh and replied, “Because it’s not always black and white.”
James and Peter responded with nods of understanding, but Sirius exclaimed in a voice drenched in bitterness, “Tuh! Tell me about it!”
Remus, like James and Peter, turned to look at him with eyebrows raised in both question and surprise.
Sirius’ attention, however, was focused on Debbie and Heather who were stood talking at the far end of the room. His expression was one of deep annoyance, but his eyes had a defeated look about them.
For the first time that night, Remus appreciated how miserable Sirius looked. He was not his usual carefree self at all. Remus could not dwell on this, however, as he had more pressing matters of his own.
“Please, guys, just put a stop to whatever you’re planning right now.” Remus made to walk away but a huge glass punch bowl caught his eye. “Because plans of yours, especially ones involving alcohol”“ he picked up the ladle and watched as the pink punch dribbled back into the bowl, “don’t tend to go that well.”
And with that Remus left his friends so he could brood alone.
Sirius watched Remus go feeling envious. He didn’t blame Remus for wanting to escape from that room, Sirius himself longed to make a run for it.
Though in Sirius’ case it would be futile. As soon as he left the room, Debbie would be all over him. It was much better to be with Debbie in a room full of people rather than being alone with her.
The only potential problem was that Kirsty was going to be amongst those people. Sirius didn’t know exactly how he felt about this. All he knew was that the idea of Kirsty being there was much better than a scenario where she wasn’t.
“Well, if Moony’s going,” announced Peter, leaving Sirius and James and flitting over to talk to Heather.
“I told you Moony wouldn’t be dumb enough to fall for the spiked punch thing twice!” Sirius exclaimed, rounding on James.
“Hey, is it too much to ask for a bit of trust around here? I did set this whole thing up, remember?” challenged James, gesturing around the Room of Requirement.
“Yeah, well done, Prongs,” congratulated Sirius, his voice laced with sarcasm.
“Oi, listen, mate, if I’d given you some of this punch months ago then I guarantee that you wouldn’t be standing there fawning over Kirsty and avoiding Debbie!”
“What?” yelped Sirius, jumping like a startled cat. “I’m not avoiding Debbie.”
James gave him a shrewd look, but was stopped from forming a retort by Debbie’s sickly sweet voice drifting over from across the room, “Sirius, sweetheart!”
“Er, just a minute, Debs! Prongs just needs me to give him some advice on Quidditch tactics…”
Debbie gave him a crestfallen look before turning back to Peter and Heather looking sultry. Sirius allowed himself a moment of relief at the success of his scrambled response.
James scoffed. “As if I’d ever ask for your help! So, what’s going on with you and the Mrs?”
Sirius scowled at James’ use of ‘Mrs’ but he was otherwise cautious to keep his face devoid of emotion.
“Nothing, nothing,” replied Sirius hastily. “Really it’s…” he stopped. The door to the Room of Requirement had opened and Kirsty had entered with the rest of the girls and Sam tagging along behind.
She was wearing a simple, knee length dress of luscious pink and she smiled beatifically at him when she spotted him across the room. Sirius felt his own muscles pulling upwards in response. There was no other word for it: Kirsty White was gorgeous.
James was still looking at Sirius with interest. It appeared he had not yet noticed the girls’ arrival.
“Except,” Sirius admitted, “Prongs, you know when you make a promise, how binding is it exactly?”
But James’ attention had finally been caught by the girls. “Sorry, mate, we’ll talk later, yeah?” And off James went to try and force some punch upon the newcomers.
Sirius sighed. As soon as James departed, Debbie beckoned him over. Sirius was therefore forced to cross the room in ignorance of Kirsty and join his girlfriend.
In Kirsty’s opinion the evening had not been a great success, and for selfish reasons she was counting down the minutes until she could walk out the door.
The whole evening had consisted of Remus standing over in one corner talking to Peter and Heather, and Hayley staring out of the window in the opposite corner. James continued persistently to offer everyone a glass of punch, and they all kept their Butterbeer bottles clenched tightly in their hands.
The rest of the group all stood in a huddle, trying to decide what to do about Hayley and Remus. Sirius and Debbie were of very little help as it was hard for them to be part of a discussion when their tongues were rammed hard down the other’s throat.
It wasn’t until Sirius and Debbie moved their shenanigans over to the armchair, Debbie throwing triumphant glances Kirsty’s way as they retreated, that Kirsty seethed, “I bet five galleons that I’ll have beaten that girl to a bloody pulp by the end of the night!”
“I’ll take that bet,” slurred James, a glass of punch in his hand.
Kirsty grinned up at him, but then she suffered the blow of realisation and her grin slackened. James knew about her feelings for Sirius. “Hang on, why would you make such a bet?” she demanded, her face beginning to burn from embarrassment.
“Err…” hesitated James, looking like he wanted to kick himself. “I think I need a drink.” He backed away from Kirsty with a glass full of punch.
“He knows!” fumed Kirsty, wheeling around to face Lily, Emma and Sam, who also looked as if they’d very much like to give James a swift kick.
“Yes,” replied Lily quietly, cringing openly.
“So James knows, Remus knows and Peter knows?” asked Kirsty, forcing her tone into one of controlled calm, guessing that Peter wouldn’t have been left out of the proceedings. Sam, Lily and Emma all nodded. “Great!” exclaimed Kirsty, “Even more people laughing at me!”
“Nobody’s laughing at you!” cried Lily, horrified.
Kirsty raised her eyebrows and stared pointedly at a smirking Debbie. “Oh yeah?”
“What we need is some music!” announced Sam. “I think we could all do with a bit of cheering up.” And as soon as he said this, the Room of Requirement accommodated and music filtered throughout the room as if from nowhere.
Lily went off to drag James to dance and Sam clasped Emma’s hand. Kirsty, who could see the outcome of such a suggestion, exclaimed, “Oh great! And I’m the only single one!”
“Don’t worry,” said Sam with a wide smirk, clapping her on the shoulder, “you can be in charge of the music.”
He walked away with a chirpy smile and Kirsty shouted after him, “And here’s me thinking you were supposed to be cheering me up!”
As Sirius, Debbie, Peter and Heather also started to dance, Kirsty made her way over to Hayley, who had looked up with deep irritation and foreboding at the start of the ditty now pounding throughout the room. Kirsty realised that misery really did love company.
It was almost laughable how the Marauders, infamous Hogwarts pranksters, were so unoriginal in their attempts to get Hayley and Remus back together. Remus couldn’t believe that they’d resorted to the same tactics as Halloween.
Remus watched as Sam dragged Kirsty over to dance with him and Emma, mere moments after she had gone over to Hayley looking disgruntled. Sirius and Debbie were dancing in such a fashion that Remus could feel himself blushing just watching them, and Peter looked serene as he swayed rhythmically with Heather.
Many attempts had been made by various members of the group to get both Remus and Hayley to dance, however, neither could be moved from their solitary positions.
Remus did feel guilty about not joining in and several times he was tempted to throw himself in the middle of his friends. But he felt as if it would be wrong to dance if Hayley wasn’t by his side.
It wasn’t long before Sirius, James and Peter were back at his side, their foreheads glistening with sweat from dancing so energetically.
“Are you going to ask her to dance?” Peter asked him.
Remus’ gut reaction had been to respond with a harsh ‘no’ but he found himself instead remaining silent.
“Remus,” said Sirius quietly, looking at him intently.
Remus let out a slow breath. “She looks beautiful,” he admitted, his eyes finding their way over to her once more. “Believe me, guys, I’d love nothing more than to just dance with her and have everything go back to normal. But we all know that’s not going to happen.”
Sirius and Peter gave him looks of sympathy, but James, who had drunk far too much of his own poisonous punch, fixed him with a giddy smile.
“But, Remus,” argued Peter, “you’ll never know what you and Hayley can overcome if you don’t try.”
Remus could feel his resistance slipping. The truth was he was miserable without Hayley. She was the best thing that had ever happened to him, and maybe he was foolish just to throw it away. He knew the boys had his best interests at heart and they wouldn’t persuade him to do such a thing if they thought it would be harmful. Plus, Hayley looked amazing tonight.
“Maybe,” replied Remus, thoughts bustling around his head.
“Go on, mate, ask her to dance,” Sirius urged him with a supportive smile. James nodded vigorously in agreement.
Remus smiled the broadest smile that he had done in a long while and gave a small nod at his three friends before venturing boldly across the room. He knew every pair of eyes in the room had swivelled around to look at him, all except the ones of the person that mattered most; Hayley’s.
Hayley had her back to him as he approached. Feeling slightly sick and wishing he hadn’t been quite so rash, Remus reached out and got a gentle hold on her elbow to spin her around to face him.
Their eyes met and Hayley’s light blue eyes were filled with surprise. This pleased Remus greatly. Her lack of anger and annoyance spurred him on to ask the question he had come to ask.
“Do you want to dance?” he asked, his voice a soft croon.
Hayley had evidently been caught off guard and tried to form a response but only a gurgling sound escaped her lips. Remus smiled at her and Hayley settled for a simple nod.
Remus took her hand and relished the familiar feel of her soft skin. He only had a light hold on her delicate fingers, but his skin had sparked at her touch. Merlin, how he had missed being able to touch her.
There was a rigidity in their stances as they began to sway but over time their facades slipped and soon Remus’ hand had found its way to Hayley’s waist. In return, Hayley rested her head on Remus’ shoulder, her nose nuzzled against his neck. The feeling of her breath tickling his bare skin gave rise to feelings that Remus had long tried to bury.
He rested his chin on the top of her head, inhaling the wondrous smell that was Hayley Jones. Remus closed the gap between them so that it was now hard to tell where he ended and she began.
Hayley let out a contented sigh and Remus smiled in response as they glided around the dance floor, fitting against each other just as easily as they’d always done.
After a while Remus let out a groan of longing and uttered, “God I’ve missed you.”
That was it. He’d broken his reserve. He no longer cared about making a fool of himself. If Hayley no longer cared for him then he’d find a way of dealing with it, but she had to know how he felt.
She gazed up at him and stared deeply into his eyes. She scrutinised him for so long that Remus raised a quizzical eyebrow.
“I missed you too,” she replied, a slight tremble to her voice. She placed her head back on his shoulder and her arms tightened around his waist.
Remus couldn’t stop the broad grin on his face, he felt as if a light burned brightly inside him. He placed a soft kiss on her forehead and his lips tingled in the aftermath.
“Remus,” Hayley mumbled into his shoulder.
“Hmm?”
She stopped swaying, removed her arms from around his waist and once again stared intently into his eyes. An inner conflict seemed to shimmer behind her eyes and Remus placed his hands reassuringly on her upper arms. The troubled look in her eyes intensified at the gesture.
“Why weren’t you there for my birthday?” The tremble in her voice was so bad that every syllable of her sentence wobbled.
Remus froze. Unconsciously he had slackened the grip on her arms. He took a step back, looking at Hayley aghast.
He knew it. He knew it could not go back to normal. His visions of perfect happiness were once again making a dash for the door, just as they had done all his life. Hayley wanted honesty; she wanted to hear the secret, but after all this time Remus was still determined not to reveal it. Every impulse he had was screaming at him to protect her from what he was.
Matching the intenseness of Hayley’s gaze, Remus looked at her, drinking in every aspect of her appearance for what would surely be the last time.
“Well, you see, Hayley, the thing is… m-m-my mother… she’s been ill…” Remus stammered, willing her to believe him. He willed her to ask no further questions. And he silently willed her to allow him back in her life. He hated lying to her, but it was better to tell a safe lie than the dangerous truth.
Hayley looked at him as if he had slapped her. “You! I can’t believe this… not again… why’d I bother?”
“Hayley, wha-?” Remus asked perplexed, but Hayley cut him off.
“Merlin! I don’t even know why I thought this could work. You’re pathetic, Remus Lupin. Pathetic!” Hayley turned on her heel, stormed across the room, past the bewildered faces of their friends, wrenched open the door and disappeared from sight, her high heels echoing around the corridor.
Remus stood there dumbfounded. He didn’t understand what had just happened. Every face in the room was upon him again, and so he did the only thing he could think of, he followed her, intent upon somehow learning his crime and making amends.
Hayley pounded along the corridors, portraits and tapestries looking like nothing more than blurs in her haste. Unable to bear being inside the castle for a moment longer she broke out into a sprint. She took no notice of where she was going, she just ran and ran down flights of stairs, trying to flee Remus and the shambles that was their relationship.
How can he have lied to me again? I can’t believe I even thought we had a chance together! It’s obvious that I mean so little to him. Insufferable man!
Hayley’s heart hammered as she approached the Grand Staircase, the giant doors would grant her freedom from the claustrophobic castle. She ran flat out, nearly tumbling over as one of her high heels snapped with a loud crack.
Panting heavily, she skidded to a halt in front of the giant doors and yanked them open with enormous effort. Without a second’s pause, she escaped into the night.
A fine, wet mist hit her face as she charged into the grounds. Hayley looked up to see dark, angry storm clouds rolling in above her. It was raining. Fine, bring it on, thought Hayley savagely, things were already going terribly the weather might as well reflect it. After all, it was more bearable than being greeted by a jeering summer’s evening, taunting her in her gloom.
As Hayley gazed up at the night’s sky, trying to lose herself in its inky blackness, a pure, white light forced its presence into the corner of her eye. She spun around and looked at the crescent moon full on. She scowled at it. That lone being, the king of the night sky was the source of all her problems and she felt a small thrill of triumph when a hungry storm cloud swallowed it in one gulp, obliterating it.
Hayley’s world was then thrown into even deeper darkness. Only a few brave stars shone down on her path as she plunged further into inky blanket of nothingness that was Hogwarts’ grounds.
Rain attacked her in needles of ice. Water streamed down her face and her dress clung to her skin, but she refused to surrender to the elements. She stopped walking when her damaged heel could no longer take the strain.
As she sank to the sodden ground still bathed in darkness, the tears streaked down her face, mingling imperceptibly with the raindrops.
Deafened as she was by the roaring thunder, Hayley was surprised when she was unexpectedly bathed in streams of bright light. The doors to the castle had once again been thrown wide open and Hayley had been oblivious to the loud creaks and groans of them opening.
There he stood; a dark figure in a sea of light, the one person who could make her weep with pain and the one person who could take it away.
Hayley’s heart skipped a beat at the sight of him, and she hated herself for still getting excited by a mere glimpse of him.
He stood there for a while, framed by the light and looking like some sort of angelic saviour, his eyes never lifting from her sodden frame. Hayley stared right back up at him, doing a rather favourable impression of a rabbit who’d quite literally been caught in the headlights.
He strode towards her, the elements bombarding him as soon as he relinquished the safety of the castle. The deluge of rain to Remus’ hair plastered his fringe to his forehead and his shirt clung to his skin in seconds.
Hayley was greeted by his shadow before the man himself. She relished the reappearance of the darkness she craved, but begrudged the man who had provided her with the taste of solace.
Remus loomed over her, looking even more gorgeous in his sodden form. She hated him for that.
“Can we talk?” he asked his voice monotone and his expression devoid of all emotion.
“I was rather under the impression that we just had, and as that didn’t yield any positive results I don’t see any point in us trying again, do you?” Hayley made to stand up with some difficulty. First, she stood on the hem of her dress and stumbled, and then, as she tried to negotiate the small hill she had sat at the bottom of, she slipped on the slippery, rain-sodden grass.
Remus held out his hand to help her and Hayley impatiently batted it away and stormed passed him, slipping and sliding in the mud as she went back to the castle.
“Hayley, please, you need to hear me out!” Remus yelled after her.
Anger boiled up inside Hayley and she wheeled back around to unleash it on Remus. “I need to hear you out?” she scoffed, her voice shrill. “Remus, you’ve had ample opportunities to explain where you were that night! I honestly can’t think of a reason why I should give you another chance. If you didn’t trust me before, there’s no chance that you will do so now.”
“But I just told you where I was on your birth”“ argued Remus, but Hayley swiftly cut him off.
“Don’t you dare!” she commanded, shaking furiously now. “If you don’t respect me enough to tell me the truth then you may as well not speak to me at all.”
“Why are you so adamant that I’m lying to you?” shouted Remus with an ugliness present in his angry state that frightened Hayley.
Hayley, however, was determined to hold her own. When she needed to be she could be scary too. “Oh please, Remus, we both know that your mother is perfectly fine, and that you told me a downright pack of lies!”
“Fine,” admitted Remus, his voice diminishing into a desolate thrum of defeat. He ran his hand through his sopping wet hair in agitation and this small gesture reawakened Hayley to the harshness of the elements surrounding them. “I lied and I’m sorry.” A lump formed in Hayley’s throat at these words. “But, Hayley, the truth… it’s… I just… I can’t tell you… you wouldn’t understand.”
Hayley’s anger was deflating fast, and she now had to bite her lip to restrain bitter tears. Somehow, Remus’ dejected voice caused her more hardship than hearing him shout. “Why?” she asked quietly.
He looked up at her, regret swimming in his pale blue eyes. “Darling, it’s complicated.”
Remus’ term of endearment had tugged at Hayley’s heartstrings but at the same time, she was infuriated at being patronised. “And yet,” she commented dryly, “everybody else seems to know what’s going on. Evidently, this issue of trust that you seem to have only applies to me.” She turned away, too tired to continue arguing anymore as it was obvious that it was heading nowhere.
“I didn’t tell them,” Remus admitted, his tone soft.
Hayley could hear his footsteps squelching in the mud behind her, drawing ever closer, and despite her better judgement she turned to face him once more.
“Then how do they know?” Hayley challenged him. He was too close and her resolve was in danger of slipping.
“They found it out themselves,” Remus explained, his intense gaze pinned on her as he stared out from underneath his dripping fringe.
“Great. So just because they caught you out they’re let in on this big secret, and I, supposedly the person who is meant to mean the most to you, am purposely kept in the dark,” she said, her bottom lip threatening to tremble again.
“I’m sorry,” Remus apologised, looking down at the ground as if her gaze had burnt him.
Hayley knew it would be easy to just let things slip back to how they had been before. Remus was so close that it would be effortless to run back into his arms. His familiar, comforting scent was carried to her on the whistling wind and she knew she could go back to him in an instant.
But as had happened in the Room of Requirement beforehand, Hayley knew that she could not be happy in such a scenario. If she and Remus were to be together there had to be trust. If there was no trust then there was no long-term relationship. And that’s what Hayley wanted. She wanted Remus in her life for as long as possible, and she wanted all of him.
“Remus, there’s no point talking anymore. This relationship can’t work if you don’t trust me. I love you, but I just can’t do this anymore.” And with a single tear rolling down her cheek, Hayley turned away, this time intent on leaving him for good.
“I’m a werewolf.”
Despite Remus’ whispered proclamation, the words rung loudly in Hayley’s ears. She froze, unable to believe what she’s just heard and even the ferocious wind seemed to quell in anticipation of what was to happen next.
“I know,” she announced, her tone comforting. She was still reeling with shock that he had told her, but she knew he needed to understand how much she cared for him, despite his problem.
Although he seemed to try, Remus was unable to hide his surprise. Fear flashed across his face as Hayley’s eyes sought his. “You do?” he asked his voice hoarse. “How?”
“I’m not thick, Remus! I’m capable of working it out!” Inept at controlling her surges of emotions, Hayley’s temper flared again.
“Right, sorry,” muttered Remus, flinching horribly at her sharp tone. “How long have you known?”
“I guess I’ve always had my suspicions,” responded Hayley, shrugging her shoulders noncommittally. “But I’ve known properly for over a month now.”
“A month?” exploded Remus, “You’ve known a month and you never told me!”
“You’re one to talk, Remus Lupin!” yelled Hayley, her voice creeping up the octaves to challenge his own. “See how maddening it is to be kept in the dark. It’s horrible getting a taste of your own potion, isn’t it? Besides,” Hayley quietened down in preparation for what she was about to say. “Telling you that I knew your secret would have made no difference. The fact remains that I wanted to hear it from your own lips. I wanted you to trust me enough to confide in me.”
“I trust you,” Remus said softly.
“Thank you.” She smiled at him, but fought the urge to move closer until she had got one final thing of her chest. “But, Remus, I wish it had been you who had confirmed my suspicions. Do you know how upsetting it was to be told what you were by Snape of all people?”
“Snape?” yelped Remus, pure anger flitting white and hot over his dishevelled features.
“Yes,” replied Hayley calmly. “Although, I suppose I should really be grateful to him as at least I knew what it was I was dealing with…”
“Dealing with?” roared Remus, sounding quite demented. Hayley jumped with fright. “So tell me how difficult is it exactly, finding out that your boyfriend’s a werewolf? On a scale of one to ten how revolted were you?”
“What?” Hayley demanded of him, her voice trailing out in a terrified squeak. For the first time she could see the wolf dwelling behind Remus’ usually kind eyes. “How can you even think that I’d react like that? I was worried for you, Remus! I was sorry that you’ve had to go through such a thing!”
“And me? How do you feel about me?”
Hayley moved towards him acting on instinct. She stood before him but Remus refused to look at her. "I love you," she crooned, placing her hand against his ice-cold cheek.
This did not seem to be the answer that Remus had been expecting. His eyes flitted back and forth as if trying to spot a lie behind Hayley's eyes, and before he spoke, he removed her hand from his face. "But how can you when you know what I am?" he asked, his voice croaking at the strain of suppressing some long over due emotion.
"Remus, I don't care that you're a werewolf. I never will. That's what makes you who you are, and that's the person I love. All this hurt comes from the fact that you lied to me."
The remnant of bliss that graced Remus' face at Hayley's acceptance turned to worry as she finished her sentence. "Merlin, Hayley, I'm so sorry! I thought it was all for the best. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy and safe, neither of which you would be if you stayed with me." He paused and looked at her, grief emanating from every fibre of his being. "I've messed everything up, haven't I?"
Hayley said nothing. Her body thrummed at his closeness and all her anger seemed to have subsided with his apology. She wanted Remus Lupin and she wasn't prepared to continue waiting, reliving painful memories in the eternal battle of who was right and who was wrong. "Can we just start over?" she asked him, giving a long, drawn out sigh.
Remus looked taken back; he had obviously been expecting further lectures. "Is that what you want?" he asked tentatively, a surge of hope present in his voice.
She nodded. "I miss you, I love you and you told me what I wanted to hear. Werewolf or no werewolf, I've missed having you in my life. Come back?" she pleaded quietly, gazing up at him and allowing another tear to be immersed in raindrops. "We can make it work."
"I've missed you too," said Remus in earnest. And without another word, for words seemed to have become redundant, he leant towards her.
Hayley's icy lips met his and it was as if a fire had been kindled in a place that had once been cold and desolate. She wrapped her arms around his neck and caressed the wet tendrils of hair at the base of his neck. Their sodden clothes clung to each other and rain pelted down on them, somehow harder than before. But Hayley didn't care, she'd got her man back and anything else was a bonus.
Remus' lips left hers. "I love you," he whispered, placing his forehead against hers.
Hayley beamed up at him, smiling her first true smile in months. "I'm freezing!" she exclaimed, beginning to laugh.
"Come on," began Remus, matching her smile, "let's get you back inside. Who are we to deny our friends an excuse for a few more hours of partying?"
Hayley laughed and allowed herself to be steered back towards the castle by Remus' hand on her waist. "They're going to be unbearable aren't they?" giggled Hayley. "They'll be convinced that this was all their doing."
"I don't care," said Remus, bending down and enveloping her in a kiss once more.
And they re-entered the castle closely entwined and looking as if they'd never been apart.