“Oh, this?” asked Luna mildly, a dreamy smile on her face. “They’re earrings.”
Barmy watched in fascination as Luna threaded the strange items through the lobes of her ears. His eyes were still wide with shock.
“But... Miss Luna!” Barmy thought it rather presumptuous of him to question the young lady’s knowledge, but he could not stop himself. “Is Miss Luna knowing that those are elf earrings?”
Luna’s perpetually wide blue eyes were shining happily. “But, of course she is knowing!” she mimicked the elf’s voice most adorably, melting Barmy’s heart all at once. “Actually, my little friend, they were given to me by an elf at Hogwarts...”
Her voice was captivating, mesmerizing. Swaying slightly as he stood, Barmy drank in her every word.
It was a bright Sunday afternoon at Hogwarts, and thirteen-year-old Luna Lovegood was wandering the corridors alone. Her fellow Ravenclaw third-years had all taken advantage of the gorgeous weather and gone swimming in the lake, but Luna knew better. Her father had only just warned her that a Fish-tailed Crocoray had been spotted sunning itself on the lake’s edge, and Luna was not about to venture out there--not for a thousand galleons, or even the chance of spotting a Crumple-Horned Snorkack.
So it was that Luna came to be alone, in a strange and empty corridor she had never seen before. Fingering her Butterbeer-cork necklace, the girl looked around nervously. She still tended to lose herself in the labyrinth of corridors and staircases that was Hogwarts, and she knew from experience that being alone, inside, on a Sunday afternoon was never a good thing. After all, she knew better than anyone--and everyone knew very well--that this unlikely combination put her at risk of attack from the dreaded Bludgerbee.
Pawing nervously at the wand in her pocket, Luna proceeded cautiously down the corridor, looking out for the telltale wisps of smoke that would signify the presence of the dangerous insects. Suddenly, though, something much more appealing caught her eye.
Squealing with delight, Luna rushed to the portrait that waited at the end of the hall. It depicted a very delicious-looking bowl of very delicious-looking fruit: apples, grapes, bananas, and one very fuzzy, hiccupping pear.
“Hello there,” cooed Luna, tickling the cute little pear on the stomach (or, rather, what would be the stomach, should fruits ever develop the need to digest food). “You are a cutie, aren’t you?” The girl beamed at the fruit, who giggled in his--or her, Luna couldn’t quite tell--frame.
...A frame that suddenly, for no apparent reason, swung open to reveal a long and empty corridor that led into the ominous blackness.
“So,” finished Luna, snapping out of her reverie, “I followed the corridor and came into what I knew must be the Hogwarts kitchen. There must have been hundreds of house-elves working there--sweet little things, don’t you think? I just love house elves. One of the little females was nice enough to give me a pair of the lovely earrings I admired so much--they’re beautiful, aren’t they?”
”Yes, beautiful,” murmured poor Barmy, still dazed from her comment about ‘loving’ house elves. He was thinking of all the bejewelled elfmaidens he had ever seen--for it was something of a fashion among them to wear vegetables as earrings--and of the fact that none of them looked so gorgeous in radishes as Luna did.
Miss Lovegood chose that moment to giggle most uncharacteristically. It had suddenly struck her that Barmy acted very much like Harry Potter--shy and polite, albeit in a rather more...elfish...way. Blushing slightly at the thought, Luna sat down upon her bed and looked down at Barmy with vague interest.
Shifting awkwardly under the girl’s pensive gaze, Barmy coughed and opened his snaggle-toothed mouth. “Miss Luna, Barmy is wondering if you is wanting to be his mistress. He... he is needing a home desperately, miss, and few people is wanting an elf who has been dismissed...”
Barmy’s heart sank horribly when Luna did not respond. She merely looked at him in a distant sort of way--and shook her head slightly, humming distinctly under her breath.
Humming? Was he really that boring? Barmy’s heart ached at the thought. But it didn’t matter, didn’t matter. This lovely loony Lovegood did not want him in her home. His large, proud ears drooping sadly, Barmy allowed his shoulders to slump forward as he gathered his ragged dishcloth about him. “I is going now, Miss Lovegood,” he said quietly, blinking back tears of disappointment. He turned to leave.
“Now where are you going?” Luna snapped out of her reverie in time to see the strange little elf reach for the door. There was a politely puzzled look on her face.
Feeling another inexplicable surge of anguish as he looked at the girl, Barmy shrugged his shoulders expressively. “Barmy is leaving to find a good home, miss. Miss Luna is not wanting him.”
To the house elf’s utter surprise, Luna smiled pleasantly. “I know the perfect place for you, Barmy. But you can’t expect to go for a job interview in that.”
Some time later, Luna stood over Barmy with an appraising look on her face. She had spent the last hour sorting through her father’s clothes and using various charms on them, so that they now fit the perfect size and proportions of a house elf.
Luna was immensely pleased. Barmy was clad in a miniature set of her daddy’s old Gryffindor robes--hopefully, he wouldn’t miss them--with a pair of little boots covering his rather hairy feet. As a finishing touch, Luna had perched an untidy mop on his head (she had severed the pole and magically dyed it black--the mop, of course, not his head), and placed a pair of round glasses on Barmy’s long robes. Perfect. Harry would simply love him!
Barmy, however, was not impressed. As much as he loved his new robes and boots, he felt immensely uncomfortable wearing clothes--not to mention a pair of glasses and a very strange wig. But Luna seemed confident about her plan, and Barmy trusted the girl completely.
“Come, now, little Harry!” said Luna happily, her face shining with excitement. Barmy could tell that Luna wasn’t used to being so gleeful, but it really did suit her. Pulling the house elf with her to the fireplace, Luna seized a handful of bright green Floo power and threw it into the flames.
At that moment, Barmy panicked. He tried desperately to tell Luna that he had never travelled by Floo powder--and had no desire to--but she could not hear him over the crackling of the flames. Barmy’s eyes widened as he heard Luna shout, “Harry Potter’s house!”
Barmy With Love by FenrirG
Chapter Notes: Luna Lovegood, House Elves, and the magical world this story is set in belong to JKR and her alone.
A HUGE thanks to my wonderful beta Jen (Hokey) for fixing up my chapter. *huggles*