The Inn
The day was just coming to an end in the County Cork, on the beautiful emerald isle. The sun set on two figures, making their way down Douglas Road staring upwards at the addresses. Both were tall and masculine by appearance but still somewhat youthful with their swagger. They walked up to an abandoned storefront and began to peer through the mail slot. A woman down the street thought it odd, but just assumed they were hooligans squatting in some rundown building. The door opened and the boys disappeared from sight. As the woman made her way down the block the distinct smell of corn beef and cabbage wafted past her. She turned her head to look at the run down building. Suddenly, as if she had an epiphany, she remembered that she needed to get home as soon as possible.
Inside the building, the two young men made their way to the stairs to go to the room they had just paid for. This was the first wizarding inn either of the young men had stayed at. The Bheith Aris was a small inn and decorated to feel cozy. The large wooden tables and benches, along with the high back chairs, were reminiscent of a place both called home. The roaring fire in the wide stone hearth only helped the boys to feel at ease. Dragging slowly up the stairs, they made their way to the room, and upon entering, they plopped onto a bed each.
“I haven’t been this tired in a long time,” said the raven haired boy to the other.
“I know. I’m tired too, but we should get something to eat,” said the round faced boy with a tone of hesitation.
“Why is it that my friends seem to only think about food?” said Harry with a smirk.
“I am not an endless pit like Ron, Harry, I’m truly hungry,” Neville said with a note of pleading in his voice.
“Fine, let’s go downstairs to eat and then we’ll go to bed.” Harry took his bag and put it on the floor, then made his way to the door.
“Thanks, Harry, I really am famished.” Neville’s stomach grumbled as if to punctuate his statement.
The boys made their way down the stairs to the main dining room. They sat at a table near the fireplace and ordered. Harry looked around the room; it was half filled with wizards. They must have truly needed to travel if they were here in such a time of danger. The war with Voldemort was in full swing and travel warnings were being issued all the time. Due to heavy losses, the Order had started to use some “junior” members to help with surveillance and other less threatening missions. Harry had left Ron and Hermione in London searching for the location of a horcrux to come on this mission. The opportunity to help take out Bellatrix was too much for Harry to turn away from. He had destroyed two more Horcruxes since Dumbledore’s death, but they were at an impasse until they could locate the next one. When Lupin had offered him this surveillance mission, he had jumped at it. After he had finally resigned to the fact that he was not responsible for Sirius’ death, he laid full blame on Bellatrix. He knew Neville felt the same way he did about that woman. She was evil and crazy, a true menace to society. Tracking leads all day as to her where-abouts had tired them both out. When his meal arrived, Harry was jarred back to reality when he noticed Neville waving to someone.
“Hello, Susan. What are you doing here?” Neville greeted the young women who had just entered the inn.
“Neville, hello. I am here with a few others on Order business.” Susan Bones needed only to look at the back of the person sitting across from Neville and said with a note of shock, “Oh… Hi, Harry”.
Harry turned around to welcome Susan and was stopped in his tracks by the glimpse of shimmering red hair he had seen by the door. All at once, his heart started to pound a little harder and his mind was overtaken by a need to get up and run for the door. First, he saw Hestia Jones making her way towards Susan, and then he saw her. Ginny Weasley had matured since he had last seen her six months ago. Harry gripped the table hoping it would anchor him; he felt as though if he didn’t hold on, he would have surely ran out of the room looking like a complete git. So much emotion welled up in him, but he had to hold it down for both their sakes.
“Hello, Ginny, Susan, Miss Jones,” said Harry in a tone that almost made him sound like Neville.
“Harry, please call me Hestia,” said the short woman who stood between Ginny and Susan.
“Would like to sit with us?” asked Neville in a polite tone. Harry turned to Neville and glared daggers at him. Being with her for one second was painful, but an entire dinner would be excruciating. Neville threw Harry a quick look of remorse as the three women sat down. The women ordered, while Harry just stirred around the food on his plate. Harry’s head had never before been filled with so many thoughts a once. The fact that Ginny, the only girl he had ever really cared for, was across the table from him unnerved him to no end. He had separated himself from her for her own good and he still felt it was the right thing to do. Looking at Ron every day was enough of a constant reminder that he really didn’t need to see her. All at once, his heart both ached and soared. Susan and Neville seemed as though they were trying to keep the conversation constant. They were asking each other the weirdest questions, hoping that the other would have something to expound on so there would be no awkward silence. Ginny looked Harry square in the eyes and asked where Ron and Hermione were.
“They’re in London doing some research.” His words fell out of his mouth as he just stared at her face. Something in his statement must have been amusing because she started to laugh.
“So, is that what it’s called nowadays?” she said with a grin.
Harry was envious of the fact that she was so at ease. He would have given anything to not feel the shockwave of emotion that coursed through his body. He gave a smirk and answered, “I guess so.”
“You and Neville must be doing something fairly important for you to leave your almighty quest,” said Ginny with a hint of defiance in her tone.
Before Harry could say anything, Hestia turned to Ginny saying, “Ginny you know that we are not allowed to discuss missions in depth, even with other members, outside of Headquarters.”
“Sorry, Hestia, I wasn’t thinking.” Ginny looked down at the table.
Just then, the waiter returned with the women’s meals. They all ate in relative silence; the only sound was the knocking of the spoons and forks against the stone ware dishes. Harry and Neville finished their meals first. Harry rose from the table and stretched his hands over his head. He hoped this would give the illusion he was tired. He did not want it to appear that his exit was just a ploy to escape Ginny.
“We have to be up early, so good night,” said Harry
“Good night, boys. Maybe we will see you in the morning,” said Hestia.
“Good night,” said Ginny and Susan in unison.
Harry made his way towards the stairs and looked back over his shoulders right before he started up. He locked glances with Ginny for just a moment, but it was enough. He had to get out of here now. More than half of him wanted to make its way across the room to her and surprise her with a kiss like he had that faithful day after the Quidditch match. Turning around slowly, he made his way to his room and again plopped down on the bed.
“Sorry, Harry,” said Neville as he closed the door behind him.
“It’s not your fault, Neville. Next time, though, don’t ask them to sit with us.”
“Right, Harry,” said Neville sheepishly as he took out his pajamas and made his way to the bathroom. “Ginny seemed okay, though,” he called from the bathroom.
“Yeah, she seemed bloody fine with it all, didn’t she?” said Harry with a bitterness he had never felt before.
“Having been your friend for a couple of years now, I know when to stuff it, and that time is now,” Neville said while putting his used clothes on the dresser and pulled out his wand. “Okay if I turn them off?” With only a nod from Harry, Neville flicked his wand, the lights went out, and he made his way to the bed.
“Good night, Harry.”
“Good night, Neville,” said Harry lazily, his mind obviously occupied.
Harry laid there for what seemed like hours. He felt strangely out of control of his emotions. He had worked so hard to put his feelings for Ginny in check and now he was a mess, again. There had been times following Dumbledore’s funeral where he had been an emotional wreck. The pain of losing his mentor coupled with the loss of comfort from Ginny left him in a perpetual state of agitation. Hermione had asked him to talk to either her or Ron, but it had been too hard. In the end, he had worked hard to push down all the feelings and actually had Snape to thank for it, not that he ever would. The only thing Harry had taken from his Occulemency lessons with Snape was the need to empty his mind at the end of the day. He had been doing this for months and, until now, it had worked. Try as he might, though, there was no way that Harry’s mind was going to be clear tonight.
The thought that Ginny was sleeping down the hall kept reoccurring to him. This had been precisely why he had shied away from the Burrow on Christmas. Ginny had been there and he just couldn’t be that tempted or that tortured. It wasn’t fair to either of them. Harry realized that it would take sheer exhaustion to put him to sleep tonight. So he went downstairs to sit by the fire.
Sitting near the fireplace, he tried to figure out what needed to be done tomorrow. Plotting and strategizing were not his strong points, but he was learning from Hermione and Ron the value of going in prepared. Maybe if he focused he could put his mind at ease and sleep. Thoughts about tomorrow’s surveillance mission mingled with the thought of seeing Ginny again had Harry’s brain spinning. Harry rested his hands against his head.
“I am so mental,” he said in an audible whisper.
“Is that how you really feel about yourself?” Harry didn’t even need to look up to know who it was. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up and his spine stiffened. If he didn’t know better he would have thought he was afraid of her.
“Ginny, I’m sorry, I have to go.” The words rushed together so they were almost jumbled beyond comprehension. He stood quickly and turned towards the stairs.
“Am I so frightening that you run and hide at the mere sight of me?” There, again, was the defiance in her tone.
“No, you’re not frightening. I just really need to be alone, Ginny.”
Mustering up all the confidence he could, he looked her square in the eye. If he could show her that it was just him being broody and not her fault, she might leave well enough alone. She met his stare but he saw the same hurt look in her eye that he saw all those months ago. He knew that even if the outcome was the same, it was all going to be rehashed tonight.
“Sometimes, I think you like being alone too much, Harry.” With an audible sigh, she sat down on a bench and turned towards the fire.
“You know that’s not true; I’m doing what has to be done. I thought we had discussed this.” Harry sat down near her, but not too close. He needed physical distance between them.
“I was okay with it until I lost my best friend, Harry. Why can’t you even talk to me? What can I do to show you I am okay with this? I promise, whatever it is, I will do it, just talk to me, please?" Ginny looked up at him sitting more than an arms length away, and moved closer to him.
“It isn’t you, Ginny. You’ve done nothing wrong, I promise. It’s me. I am the one who can’t handle it. I can’t be just friends with you; I want more. I don’t know exactly what, just more.” Even though he felt like a tremendous weight had been lifted of his shoulders, the sudden realization of what he had said hit him like a brick wall.
Ginny just looked at Harry for a moment. Harry thought maybe she was gathering her thoughts, but when she started to giggle he looked at her sideways.
“Was there something funny in what I just said?” Harry asked, barely holding back a flare of anger.
“I was just thinking I have to remember that Ron and I are related.” Ginny still had a smirk on her face. “You could have hit me with a bludger to the head before I would have thought that was what you were thinking.”
Even Harry had to grin at that. Ginny took advantage of his momentary lapse in surly behavior to move even closer. They sat shoulder to shoulder, but both looked forward instead of at each other. Every cell in Harry’s body was vibrating. The last time he had been this close to her, he found it almost impossible to pull away. He continued to look forwards in hopes it would ease the tension.
“Ginny, what could you have done wrong? You have been nothing but understanding and downright nice,” Harry said.
“Oh yeah, if you only knew how many times I have jinxed and hexed you in my head, you wouldn’t feel that way.” Harry stole a quick glance at her and saw the edge of her mouth turn up in a smile.
“I hurt you and I know that, I deserve any hex you throw at me.” It was Ginny who turned to Harry this time, but she didn’t look away.
“Harry, yes it hurt, but it hurts more to be like this. I miss you not being there at all, I think it would be easier for me if I had the illusion you were happy and we were friends. Instead, I worry about how you are pushing everything and everyone away when you need them most.” He glanced up for just one second. Harry had never seen a look of such sincerity before. Feeling he had no right to such unwavering support, he couldn’t look at her anymore. He stared blankly at the fire and started to mess about with his hair.
“You’re fidgeting and stalling, Harry,” Ginny remarked.
“Am I that easy to read?” he said, still staring at the fire.
“Only if one has watched you play wizards’ chess for the last five years.” she said.
Harry realized how well Ginny actually knew him. He knew that even when they were only friends, she still kept a rather keen eye on him. What he hadn’t realized until now was just how astutely she had been watching. He hadn’t forgotten what he had said to Ginny about wanting more earlier. It was ringing in his brain. He had tried to put it aside and let her guide the conversation; less chance of getting himself in trouble and easier to find out where she stood. He realized now she was waiting for him to say something.
“If I could, you know I would be with you in a second. That has never been a question. When I get near you, I want to feel the comfort you provide me. But I can’t be who everyone needs me to be if you’re around. I know Dumbledore said that my power is in the ability to love, but how can I love and not want to protect the ones I care for? Knowing what has to be done and that I am the one who must do it, there is no other choice.” Harry turned and looked Ginny straight in the eyes. “In the end, the job will be mine and mine, alone.”
Ginny looked at his luminescent green eyes and said, “Harry, you may have no choice, but I do. If I choose to care for you, I can and I will. You have no right to ask me not to and I will continue to do so until my dying day. Whether you live or die, Harry, I will always care about you. You are my first and only love. Whether I am at your side or hundreds of miles away, that doesn’t change.”
Harry saw two tears rolling down her cheek. He felt his arms moving up to hold her, but then pulled back. No matter what, even with her declaration of love, physical contact was out of the question. Wait a second; did she just declare her love? He realized his muddled brain was a little slow on the up take tonight. In one moment, two diverging thoughts hit him at once. One thought was of how happy they could be one day if the happy ending he was beginning to think fate owed him truly existed. The other thought was how to hide this tidbit in the deep recesses of his mind. Looking at her, he saw she had realized what she had said. Clearly, she had not meant to say it. Harry made a realization that same moment, but to utter it, let alone think it, was too dangerous.
“If you dare take it back, I.....” Harry said with a glint of his old, devious self.
“No, never,” said Ginny quickly with just a faint hint of sadness in her voice.
Ginny looked so scared at that moment. It must be hard to profess your love and know your intended can not return your affirmation.
“Ginny, I am going to try to put what you said somewhere deep in my thick skull. I’ll put it somewhere where it is just for you and me. I will make sure no one knows what was said and unsaid tonight.” Harry looked at her one last time to make sure she had understood. Ginny just mouthed his name as if speaking would have made everything disappear. He slowly rose from the bench and stood up straight. “Good night, Ginny,” he said as he again made his way upstairs.
“Good night, Harry,” said Ginny as she turned towards the fire with a smile that could light up the world.
The next morning, Harry and Neville left the inn shortly after breakfast. They made their way to Hartlands Road where it had been rumored that Bellatrix had been hiding. After four hours of watching and waiting they actually caught a glimpse of Bellatrix. They immediately notified the Ministry and Aurors were called in to apprehend her. Even though she got away, they rounded up two more Death Eaters in the raid. Harry felt a mixture of frustration and satisfaction. He was pleased with the capture of any Death Eater but the fact that Bellatrix had gotten away was utterly frustrating. When they returned to the inn midday, Harry looked for Ginny but the girls were already gone. They packed their things and got ready to leave.
Once outside the door Harry looked at the rundown building and a smile came to his face. The Bheith Aris would always be close to his heart. It was here that everything had changed. Harry had known he had friends and Grimmauld place was his own, but it wasn’t quite enough. Words both spoken and unspoken had given him hope. Here is where he found out he would never again be alone.
A/N - Bheith Aris is Gaelic for falling in love again.
Bheith Aris by Tagidi Riva
Chapter Notes: I recently bought knee pads so I can kow tow to J.K. Rowling whenever needed. This is her potterverse, I just tinker with it.
To Moony and Maiamadness, you are both goddesses of the written word.