Chapter 15: Conflict
James didn’t realise he had been staring at the fireplace in Dumbledore’s office for so long until the Headmaster put a hand on his shoulder and passed him a steaming mug of hot chocolate. “Here, James. Drink this. It will calm you down.”
James took the mug and followed Dumbledore back to his desk. He sat down. “Professor?”
Dumbledore didn’t speak, but looked at James, giving him his full attention and inviting him to speak.
James cleared his throat. “Can you tell me something?”
“This depends on what you want to know. I strive to provide my pupils with as many of the answers during their time here that they desire. However, I have a feeling that what you are about to ask has nothing to do with, say, Herbology or Transfiguration.”
“No Professor. I just wanted to ask about… about You-Know-Who.”
“I do know who. What in particular would you like to know about Lord Voldemort?’
James, who had been in the process of lifting his mug to his lips, misjudged the angle at the mention of Voldemort’s name, and spilt hot chocolate down his shirt. Dumbledore pretended he hadn’t noticed.
“Well, you’re a very powerful wizard, too,” James said, recovering quickly and taking the opportunity Dumbledore had offered him to spare his dignity.
“Thank you, James. Unfortunately, I alone cannot tackle the evil that pours out of every crevice of Voldemort’s soul. He remains powerful not because of his skill, but because of his hatred of the world.”
James blinked. “I don’t understand, sir. Are you suggesting he can never be defeated? That the wizarding world is just sitting back and taking all this… all this onslaught? Surely there must be some sort of resistance?”
“Of course there is. To sit back and take it would indeed be incredibly foolish. I can assure you, James, that I am doing all that is in my power to halt Lord Voldemort in his tracks.”
“Can I help? After all these deaths, I-“
Dumbledore put up a hand to silence James. “I would never consider putting you at such a risk, James. Nor can I tell you anything about my plans in the resistance against Voldemort. Do not misinterpret my words,” he added at a rejected look from James. “It is not that I do not deem you worthy, or brave, for you are very much both and I hold you in my high esteem of a pupil. However, while you remain in my care at this school, you must forget any outside activity and concentrate on getting through your studies.”
“Yes sir,” James said. He looked at Dumbledore and considered him for a moment before saying, “Sir, I want to be an Auror, sir. When I leave here, I want to train with the Ministry so I can help fight Voldemort.”
Dumbledore smiled at the mention of Voldemort’s name from James’s lips. “An Auror?” he asked.
“Yes sir.”
Dumbledore lowered his glasses and peered at James intently, returning searching look James had given him just moments before. It made James feel as if he were peering deep into his soul, and the hairs stood up at the back of his neck. “Indeed?” Dumbledore said finally. “That is a worthy goal, Mr Potter. I think you would make a very good Auror.” He nodded, as if to clarify the issue, and James took it also as a sign that their discussion was now over. He downed the last of his hot chocolate and stood.
“Will you let me know when Lily is coming back?”
“I will indeed keep you informed. Good evening, James.”
“Good evening, Professor. Thanks for the hot chocolate.”
And he left the office feeling, despite the weight that Lily’s grief had spread over him, a distinct feeling that he had conquered something today. It was as if he had unintentionally forced Dumbledore to consider him in a new light, one that was neither jovial troublemaker nor dignified Head Boy. He had proved to Dumbledore that he could see past the trials and tribulations of school life. He wanted to fight. He smiled as he descended the stairs and made his way back to the common room.
***
It was quiet without Lily around. James had only just got used to being able to talk to her without fear of being shot down, and now she was going through hell and he couldn’t be around to help her through it. It made him mad.
“James?” Remus poked him in the ribs. They were in Defence Against the Dark Arts a week later and he had drifted off. Again. “James, it’s you.”
“Wha-“ He looked up. “Oh, sorry Professor.”
Professor Almony frowned. “You will be, if you don’t start paying attention. N.E.W.Ts are only a few months away, and you should all be working furiously hard. Next week we will be into March, and then it less than three months until exam season. I hope you realise this, Mr Potter.”
James nodded. “Yes, sir.” He scrambled to find the page that Remus was on, and sat up to listen. Ever since his conversation with Dumbledore he was more keen than ever to get the grades to become an Auror. It was the only way he could think of to help Lily and all those others out there who were losing loved ones, suffering needlessly under the hands of Lord Voldemort.
“Now, Mr Potter, can you tell me what defence precautions to take if you come across a werewolf?”
Remus coughed loudly and Sirius patted him on the back, trying not to laugh.
“A werewolf, Professor? We did werewolves in Third Year.”
“I am fully aware of this, Mr Potter. I do not need to defend my teaching strategies to you. List the defence precautions necessary in the presence of a werewolf, please”
“This is ridiculous! If the N.E.W.Ts are about tackling perfectly harmless beasts when there are much more dangerous enemies out there, then they’re not even worth taking!”
“Mr Potter, I-“
“Voldemort’s out there! He’s real. Lily can tell you that, and so can a load of other people in this school who have lost the people they love because of him.”
The class had all panicked at the sound of Voldemort’s name. Professor Almony, however, stormed over to James’s desk and stood towering over him, fury in his eyes. “Out!” he yelled, pointing at the door. “You will not re-enter this class until you have calmed down. Never has a pupil spoken to me in such a manner.”
James sat, shocked, for several seconds, before hurriedly snatching up his books and, with a glance at Remus and Sirius who were looking at him with surprise on their faces, leaving the class.
It was a long walk back to the common room as he contemplated what he had said. It hadn’t really been that rude, and he had only been speaking his mind. Wasn’t honesty supposed to be a good quality? He supposed he would have to endure detention now. Oh well, he thought, detention was worth it if he could have got through to the class the seriousness of the situation. He suddenly couldn’t wait until the end of the year, when he could actually do something productive instead of sit around in lessons learning how to defend himself against Remus. He was a weakling, anyway.
James entered the common room and slung his bag onto the nearest sofa.
“Ouch!”
James jumped. He hadn’t seen anyone sitting there.
“Lily?”
Lily rose from the sofa, grinning weakly. She had faint red circles around her eyes which suggested she had cried a lot recently. “I’m back. Don’t look too happy about it.”
James smiled and rushed to greet her in a hug that lifted her from the ground. “James! You’re squashing me!”
“Sorry.” He put her down. “I wasn’t expecting you back so soon. Are you alright?” They sat together on the sofa. “How was it?”
“Awful. My sister was a pain, not to mention her wart of a boyfriend. I’m so glad to be back here where I don't have to think about it.”
“Really? How was the funeral?”
“As funerals go, it was pretty miserable. I just can't believe they're gone..." she trailed off, and James thought he saw tears form in her eyes, making them sparkle. She looked at James suspiciously. "But I don’t really feel like talking about it right now.”
“Sure, I’ll bet you're knackered. But don’t worry, Lils, it’ll all fix itself someday.”
“What will?”
“This whole war. I spoke to Dumbledore about it. The Death Eaters can’t keep killing, you know. Someone will stop them.”
Lily raised her eyebrows. “Who? You?”
“No, I never mentioned me. But Dumbledore said I would make a good Auror. And I plan to. I’m going to help rid the earth of that scum.”
“Oh I get it. Mr Big Shot. James the Hero. So, what, just because you got Dumbledore's approval you're just going to walk out of school, become an Auror, and kill all the bad guys. Is that it?”
James wasn’t quite sure what he had said that was so wrong, but he didn’t like the tone of Lily’s voice, or the way this conversation was going. “No, I don’t-“
“This isn’t a game, James. Real people are dying, right now. Have you any idea what that’s like?”
“Well, if you’ll just tell me…”
“You wouldn’t understand. You have everything. Perfect family, perfect friends. I’ve lost my sister and my parents, and I’m not even out of school yet. All I have left is a stranger who I can barely call my sister, and a boyfriend with delusions of becoming the next James Bond!” She stood and this time James was sure of the tears that poured angrily down her face.
“It’s James Potter, Lily…” James said, looking confused.
“Oh, never mind!” She began to walk away.
“Lily!” James rose and went after her. “I know you’re upset right now, but this is just silly, I was only trying to help. They’re gone Lily, and you can’t bring them back by taking your anger out on me.”
She turned and stood in front of him, her face red and seething. “Don’t you dare talk about my parents, James! You have no right!”
She took a shuddering breath, as if even thinking about them was painful. As she was turning to walk away, James caught her wrist and held it to stop her from going. She whipped around and smacked him round the face with all the strenth she could muster. He let go of her wrist and clutched his jaw, his head ringing. “Lily!” He tried to call her back, but she was already gone.
Love Conquers by dumbly_dorr
Chapter Notes: This picks up from the point when Lily left Dumbledore's office, but from James's POV. I hope you like it, please keep the reviews coming!