Chapter 16: Bed Swapping
Lily couldn’t sleep. She hadn’t meant to get so aggressive with James, but the way he had been talking as if he could wave his wand and make everything better had irritated her. Death wasn’t something you can fix with magic. It’s real. He didn’t understand what it was like to lose a loved one, how every second of every day after it happens you are filled with a gut-wrenching guilt. Guilt for not being there; guilt at not saving them; guilt every time you smile, or laugh, or don’t think about them. She had spent enough energy feeling guilty for thinking about James over the last few days. He had occupied her mind when it should have always been on her parents, and yet now she was angry with him just for caring about her. Hadn’t that been what she wanted? Someone to look after her and tell her everything would be ok. That was all he had tried to do.
None of it made any sense. She tossed in her bed to find a new position that might encourage sleep to come. It didn’t. She groaned and sat up, leaving it as a lost cause. Over in the darkness, someone whispered her name. Lily shifted.
“Yves?” she called back into the darkness
“Yes. What’s the matter? You haven’t lain still for longer than 20 seconds at a time! Have you got itching powder in your bed or something?”
“No. I’m sorry. Did I wake you up?”
“It’s ok, I wasn’t really asleep anyway. What’s up?”
Lily sighed. “James.”
“Ah. Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not really.” She lay back down and rested her head on her pillow. She listened as Yves quietly climbed out of bed, crossed the floor cautiously in the darkness and crept in beside Lily. “Here. Pass me some blanket. It’s freezing tonight.” She pulled Lily’s cover over her and turned her head to face Lily’s.
“Right. Now we can talk. What’s he done this time?”
“Well… it’s just… I can’t stop thinking about him.” It sounded stupid even as she said it.
“Is that all?”
“Well… yeah. It’s awful. My parents were just killed, and all I can think about is James Potter. Every time I close my eyes I see him. It drives me mad, and so I took it out on him today when I came back. He was trying to help me, albeit a little insensitively, and I let my temper and my guilt get the better of me.”
“I wouldn’t worry about it. You could send a charging hippogriff after James and he would still forgive you.”
“Well, it almost got to that.” She sighed. “I hit him.”
Yves stifled a laugh.
“What’s so funny?”
“I don’t know. The mental image, I suppose. Did you really smack him one? Properly?”
“Yeah. I feel awful.” Lily turned onto her back and stared up at the canopy at the top of her four-poster. After a few silent moments, Yves waved a hand in front of her eyes to bring her back to earth. “Hello? Are you there?”
Lily rolled back to face her. “Sorry. Am I being ridiculous?”
“Let’s see, shall we?” She ticked a list off on her fingers. “Your parents die, you have to go home to confront your only surviving relative who you happen to not get on with, you have to deal with a double funeral, then you come back and have to deal with Potter. Sounds to me like you’re being perfectly reasonable.”
Lily smiled. “Cheers. I still shouldn’t have hit him… not so hard, anyway.”
“You should feel proud. Not many girls would have the guts to do that!”
“Exactly. He didn’t deserve it. And now I can’t sleep.”
“Well go and sort it out then! Hitting him wasn’t a problem, it’s right now that you’re being ridiculous.”
“What? Go right now?”
“No point in tossing about in your bed. This way at least one of us will get some sleep.” She kicked Lily harmlessly in the shin. Lily grabbed a pillow from behind their heads and whacked it around her head. They began giggling hysterically.
“Shh!” Lily said, eventually controlling herself. “We’ll wake the others…” Yves gave her a staring look. “What?”
“Go! Some of us could do with some sleep tonight...”
Lily smiled. It was a ludicrous idea, going to talk to James in his room in the middle of the night, but Yves was right, there was no point shifting about endlessly in her bed. She handed Yves the pillow and silently rose from within the blankets. It was very cold out of the warmth of her bed, so she groped around in the dark for her dressing gown. Then she left the dormitory silently and descended down the staircase to the bottom, and into the common room, where the fire was still gently burning away. By the light of the fire, she looked at her watch. Half past two. This was madness.
Without letting herself think, she climbed the boys staircase until she reached the door that read Seventh Years. It creaked rather too loudly as she opened it, and in answer someone inside shifted subconsciously at the noise. Lily crept inside.
She had no idea which sleeping boy was James. She also had no idea what she was doing here. Madness was right, but there was no point turning back now. She scanned the room until she recognised the slender figure of James in the bed by the window, with his tousled hair and striped pyjamas. There was a little moonlight this side of the tower. She tiptoed up to the side of his bed and looked at him sleeping. His chest was rising and falling slowly in the deep rhythm of contented sleep.
Lily put her hand on his warm forehead. He jumped.
“Wassat?”
“James,” she whispered. “James, it’s Lily. Wake up.”
He rubbed his eyes. “Lily? How did you-? What did you-?” His speech was muffled and sleepy.
“I came to apologise, I suppose. For hitting you and running off. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done it.”
“You wha-?” He sat up groggily. “Is that really Lily?”
“Yes.”
He shook his head and rubbed his eyes again. “Oh…” Realisation dawned. “Oh! Lily, what on earth are you doing in my room in the middle of the night?”
Someone tossed in his bed on the other side of the room. But whoever it was soon continued his deep snoring. Lily turned back to James. “Shh! You’ll wake them up! “
James shook his head. “A stampede couldn’t wake this lot up.” He looked at Lily. “What are you doing here again?”
“I came to apologise. Look, I shouldn’t have hit you. I know you were only trying to make me feel better. It’s just, well, at the moment, no one can do that, not even you. I just need some time to get my head around losing my parents.” She paused.
James shifted his weight onto his side, and leaned his head against his palm. “I know you do. I shouldn’t have interfered. But I wanted to. I care about you, you know.”
“I know you do. I do too. That’s part of the problem. I like you too much for my own good.” She smiled.
“You can never like me too much for your own good. There’s far too much of me to go around…” Lily stifled a laugh, and then found herself shivering from the cold of being out of bed.
James noticed her shaking. “You must be freezing. Here.” He lifted the edge of his blankets invitingly to her. She raised her eyebrows sceptically. “James, there’s no way I’m getting into your bed. That’s ridiculous.”
He smiled slyly. “Why not? You’re clearly very cold, and my bed’s definitely warm. Take my word for it. It’s perfectly innocent. Besides, you are my girlfriend, you know.”
Lily paused. “I am?”
“Well yeah. Don’t go thinking one whack round the head is going to put me off you, Lily Evans. You know full well that I’ve waited seven long years to get you.” He took her by the hand and pulled her forward in to the warmth of his bed. “You see? That wasn't too hard now was it?” he whispered, with a slight sarcastic edge in his voice. “Shut up,” Lily said, as James wrapped the blankets around them both and shared his body’s warmth with her. “You’re freezing!”
“I know. But you’re warm.” She nestled into him and they lay there silently for a few minutes. The only sounds were the distant hooting of owls as they hunted in the night, and the deep breathing of four other boys as they dreamed.
Just as Lily began to feel warm again, and as James’s breathing slowed to suggest he was drifting back into sleep, Lily spoke into the darkness. “You know, James, I’m going to have to go back to my room soon.”
He yawned sleepily and shifted his position slightly. “No… You’re room…bad. My room…good.” He pulled her closer, and they both drifted off into a contented sleep.
Love Conquers by dumbly_dorr
Chapter Notes: So James and Lily have had their first argument, but it isn't long before Lily can't resist sorting it out... even if it is the middle of the night... tell me what you think!