A small red head appeared above the back of Luna’s office chair as she precariously balanced herself while was groping blindly up toward the shelf behind the desk.
“Ahem, Ahem,” sounded Luna as she cleared her throat just like a certain former Hogwarts Headmistress had done. Suzanne looked back over her shoulder to find the sound; her quick movement caused the balancing act to fail. Luna, who had already removed her wand from behind her left ear, flicked it and silently cast Arresto Momentum. The falling six year old floated safely to the office floor.
Luna walked behind the desk and looked on the shelf. She noted the four small mementos on it and turned to face the small child. “Was it the Snorkack horn, the radish earrings, the round pouch or the thin pouch you were interested in?” she interrogated in a fairly good imitation of an authoritarian tone.
“Joshua said that you fought You-Know-Who and you have his wand in that thin leather thingy. Did you really fight him? Is it that his wand?” Suzanne asked breathlessly as she sat up cross-legged on the office floor.
Luna pondered what to do. She had entered her office so she could do some research on locating Neville. However, she remembered Dumbledore patiently answering her foolish childhood questions and spoke, “I was at the final battle and I did fire some hexes at him. I wasn’t trying to defeat him, but buying time to allow me to do something more important. As for this,” Luna said as she reached to the shelf and pulled down a thin leather bag, “there is a wand in here, but it is not his wand. The wand that is in here is the broken wand of another very silly girl who used it to attack me,” she said.
Suzanne was sitting on the floor with her eyes and mouth open. The expectant look on her young face made it was obvious that she was not going to leave until she was told the whole story. Luna conjured two water glasses and filled them with water. She next pulled out her large bottom desk drawer and lifted out a small dish of Honeyduke’s best candy. She took the refreshments and sat down on the floor in front of the little girl. As the little girl greedily unwrapped a chocolate wand, Luna began to tell the story.
Luna watched Harry, Hermione, and Professor Umbridge leave the office together. Hermione had tricked Umbridge into leaving her minions alone with their seemingly helpless captives. She had no idea what Hermione had planned for Umbridge, but she knew that once the adult was out of the office it would all happen very quickly. She kept watching out of Umbridge’s office window until she saw the trio enter the Forbidden Forest. As she marked the spot near Hagrid’s thatched roof cottage, she began to spring the trap.
Luna closed her eyes and pictured the room in her mind. Draco Malfoy was sitting on Umbridge’s desk twirling his wand and making vague threats against the Weasleys. Ron Weasley was near the door being held by Warrington, and next to him Daphne Greengrass, the largest Slytherin girl Luna had ever seen, was struggling to control Ginny Weasley. Crabbe was once again choking Neville Longbottom and standing next to Luna was Millicent Bulstrode who was looking dreamily at Crabbe. No one on the Inquisitorial Squad was bothering to watch her; none of them thought she was any kind of a threat. They hadn’t even bothered to remove her wand from behind her ear. Luna opened her eyes and turned her face toward the wall. The time for action was now.
Luna carefully rolled her tongue into a u-shape and extended it through her lips. She began making motions with her mouth that made her look like a fish trying to breathe out of water. She slowly turned to face the middle of the crowded office, adding a little sideways swimming motion with her hands at her side. Malfoy was first to see her and through a sneering laugh drawled, “Will you look at Lovegood? Gawd, she’s even loonier than they say.”
Luna kept making her absurd face and finally turned toward Greengrass who was holding onto Ginny in a vise-like clamp. Look at me, come on, look at me, thought Luna. Finally, the large girl started to join her friends in the mocking Luna when their eyes met. Luna summoned the Wrackspurt and the big girl’s eyes blinked. And as she blinked, she involuntarily relaxed her grip on Ginny.
As soon as Ginny felt her captor’s grip relax, she sprang into action. She thrust her left elbow straight into the larger girl’s midsection, and with her right foot she struck Warrington’s leg just below the knee. Suddenly off balance, the two stricken members of the Inquisitorial Squad fell to the floor, releasing their captives.
Ron spun around, pulling his wand out of his robe just as Warrington was bringing his own wand up to face him. Ron shouted something that was lost in the commotion, and Luna saw Warrington fly backwards into the doorframe and collapse onto the floor.
Crabbe, seeing the escape attempt start, tried to move Neville in between himself and the Weasleys so he could use Longbottom as a shield. The moment Crabbe shifted him; Neville took a chance to stomp on the top of Crabbe’s ankle. As Crabbe lifted his injured leg off the floor, Ron turned toward him and yelled, “Stupefy!” Crabbe tumbled to the floor, and his arm pulled Neville down with him.
Bulstrode was aiming her wand at Ginny, when she felt something poke her under the right ear. Luna had stuck her wand there and whispered to Bulstrode, “Let’s pretend that I just did Expelliarmus on you and you drop your wand.” A small clattering sound was heard at their feet. “I could, Stupefy you, but I haven’t learned to control my attacking spells very well yet. But don’t worry no one has had to be in the Hospital Wing longer than overnight so far. Perhaps, if you pretend I Stupefied you and you go sit in the corner, we can call it even. Okay?” offered Luna. Luna saw Bulstrode’s thick neck swallow and the large girl with the wand still against her neck sat down facing the corner.
Ginny rushed at Malfoy, who had been been guffawing at Luna, to exact her revenge on him. As Malfoy brought his wand to bear at her, Ginny punched Draco solidly on the jaw. Draco and his wand fell in separate directions both landing with a thud.
“Why is that I never get to hit Malfoy!” said an exasperated Ron.
Suddenly, the girl that Luna had sent the Wrackspurt after came off the floor and charged straight at Luna with her wand in her hand. Greengrass was holding her wand like it was a dagger. Neville, who had escaped Crabbe’s grasp, quickly aimed and shouted “Impedimenta,” from the floor. The spell hit the charging girl in the back. The girl took another step toward Luna, and fell, smashing both her wand and nose into the stone wall of Umbridge’s office. She ended up falling into the corner and on to Bulstrode.
As Ginny and Ron cast the Incarcerous spell on the whole squad, Luna walked around and carefully picked up every wand off the floor, including the broken one, and placed them into her purse. Ron looked at her carefully, obviously questioning what she was doing.
“Remember, what Professor Moody said last year? What do you call a wizard who leaves an unconscious enemy behind with a wand? A dead wizard,” Luna growled, doing a decent impression of the old auror
He wasn’t Moody. He was a bloody Death Eater,” Ron reminded Luna.
“Wisdom is wisdom, no matter its source,” asserted Luna as she walked out the door followed closely by Neville. Ginny, accompanied by Ron, was the last to leave Umbridge’s office. She stopped at the door and cast the Bat-Boggy Hex over the whole Inquisitorial Squad. Ron, upon hearing Ginny’s hex, stepped back through the office door and saw the still unconscious and now hexed Malfoy. He broke into a fit of hysterical laughter.
Luna lead the quartet to the exact spot in the forest where she had seen, Harry, Hermione, and Umbridge disappear. As soon as they entered the woods, the noise of a battle with some sort of gigantic creature or creatures echoed through the forest. The foursome broke into a run with their wands out and headed toward the sound. In a clearing full of recently shattered trees, they found Harry and Hermione. Luna pulled Harry’s and Hermione’s wands out of her purse and handed them to Ron. As he returned the wands to their owners, Harry told them of Umbridge’s fate. Luna smiled as she was once again awed by the great irony that is life. As the other five members of the group discussed the need to get to London immediately, she noticed a slight movement near a shrub to her side. She saw two Thestrals tentatively step into the forest clearing to their left. The creatures seemed to be sniffing the air. Suddenly, a solution to all of their problems occurred to her.