Merlin, help me!
Do you know how ridiculous I looked, hair straggly and wet, bursting through the Great Hall doors? Oh, I looked ridiculous; no, not even ridiculous — can I even describe how I looked? I mean it, I looked horrible. What was worst about this whole experience was that Tam wasn't snogging anybody, but wrapping her silvery blond hair around her index finger and talking about French bread to all her Gryffindor buddies, who were all male, obviously.
My shoes squelched as I walked over to Lola and Melissa. I could feel hundreds of eyes travel over my hair and soaked robes as I yelled, "Don't worry, it was Peeves!" My friends had so kindly reserved a seat for me next to the notorious Marauders, who were listening intently to Tam speak in her thick French accent and were mimicking her moans of pleasure at the hearing of 'snails covered in ze bread crumb.’ Three syllables. Pa-the-tic.
"Thanks Lola, Mel, for this absolutely terrific seat," I said acidly, scowling at the two as they looked down at their food, embarrassed. I was feeling too bad to listen to another word from anyone around me…
"Hi, Evans."
Damn, damn, damn!
"Keep away, Potter! One more chirp of 'hello, Evans' from you and I'll personally strangle you with a long string of your own earwax!" I could feel my face burning up to see James Potter sitting there next to me, a box of Firewhisky chocolates in his hand, frowning. God, he looked sweet.
"I bought this yesterday for Peter's birthday, but apparently he can't drink Firewhisky just yet; so I thought I'd give this to you." I chuckled and grabbed the box quickly so as not to embarrass myself any further.
"Thanks. This will be perfect on a depressing night," I said, smirking. I scowled at him when he eyed me up and down. "Are you a bit slow, Potter? I already told everyone it was Peeves. I don't go swimming fully clothed in the morning."
Potter smirked at me and raised his eyebrows. "Sure you don't, Evans.
"I could feel my jaw drop as Tam laughed heartily at this joke. She was sitting two seats away and clapped her hands together to her chest, probably thinking he was such a cute prankster. Oh, don't worry; inside I'm scoffing.
"Oui, Leila. Careful of ze James here!" she giggled annoyingly, her hair bouncing up and down on her shoulders. She stood up, checked her reflection in a compact mirror, and beamed at James Potter before she proceeded to her next class, probably making sure to arrive early to flirt with the professor.
Oh my goodness, what is wrong with me? I don't like speaking nastily of people; but then again, this is all in my head.
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Next, I had Astronomy with Professor Sinistra and, luckily enough, Tam wasn't there to bug me or stupidly ask me for the direction of the nearest star. That would actually be kind of funny.
Lola and Mel keep annoying me though. They heard me last night, whispering 'my name is lumpy poo' over and over again, which was ultimately embarrassing because now they call me either L.P., Lumpy, or blow a raspberry if I'm the one that is annoying them.
“L.P, pass us the telescope-thing!” Lola called over to me from across the room. Peter looked up from his star chart and looked over at me, confused. “Lily, your last name is Evans. Why-''
“Zip it, Peter!” Peter glared angrily at me and continued drawing fractured images of stars on his star chart. I couldn't help but look sadly in his direction, but I was then interrupted by the smirking, tall image of Sirius holding a telescope, in a pose that he obviously thought made him look like a stud but didn't.
“Oi, Evans!”
I sighed and stared at Sirius, pursing my lips together in annoyance. “Oi back, Black!”
“Yeah, yeah, 'nuff with the wordplay.” I scoffed at his words and rolled my eyes as he started to grab me by the elbow and dragged me to the far corner of the room, hoisting the telescope on his shoulders, in a better attempt at trying to look sexy this time as a couple girls pretended to swoon. Sarcastically, maybe.
As we stopped at the corner, he smirked at me, and I just glared at him, confused and angry.
“What, Sirius?”
''Tell me if I'm wrong, but does the P in your latest nickname mean Potter? Lily Potter, in full?”
“Oh God!”
“No, I'm not exactly God but I am a frightening resemblance.” He ran his hand through his hair as he winked at the swooning girls; they giggled and blew kisses back at him. Sarcastically? Again I do not know.
“No it does not, for your information. Are you serious?” I scoffed once more and he shook his shoulders.
“Yes, I am, actually. And I don't think I believe you, Evans.''
“Good Merlin, Sirius! Drop it. It doesn't mean a thing!”
“Well, I believe my old chum deserves some respect for using up all his money on a huge box of Firewhisky chocolates for yourself. What do you repay him with? With pure cruelty, of course. I think you're feeling pretty sorry for him, hence I sense a little crush.” He jabbed a finger into my shoulder blade and I winced in pain.
“Don't be so thick. I was a mere alternative for Peter Pettigrew, stupid.”
“My name's not Stupid either, Evans. And no, they were not for Peter, thicko, they were for you!”
“Oh, surely.” I rolled my eyes, but something deep inside me glowed with pleasure. Whatever.
“For God's sake, Evans, my name is not Shirley, either!”
I threw my arms up in despair and stalked back to my table. I felt warm air hit my ear as a whispered voice said, “Actually, I changed my mind; maybe I am God, those girls sure seem to think so.” I looked towards the swooning girls as they knelt down to the floor and pretended to worship Sirius, flailing their arms up and down until Sirius did a raunchy strip tease for them. They squealed in delight.
I screamed and looked disgusted for a while and was then sent out for what Professor Sinistra thought was a nervous breakdown or some sort of disease from too much lunar activity. Sirius was then sent out a couple minutes later for indecent exposure. He then started pestering me again about the nickname. Are all boys like this?
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I couldn't help but think of Potter all day. Damn Sirius for bringing Potter's name up in Potions. Lola and Melissa were quiet today after Astronomy; they didn't say a peep to me at all during Potions AND Charms. Professor Flitwick was literally shocked as hell at me not paying attention, and kept thinking I wasn't listening because someone unknowingly cast a Muffliato on me. I didn't mind that rumour going round, so I decided to say, “What did you say?” whenever Flitwick was talking to me; and in Potions, Professor Slughorn was exceptionally pleased when I created a potion to relieve stress. I was far too stressed and worried to drink it, however, even though that was my plan.
I had a free period after that so I decided to walk back to the common room to get some answers out of Lola or Melissa. But what do you know, who would stop me but Mr. Potter himself. God, now he was with a bouquet of flowers, pretty white roses and daffodils.
“Bonjour, Potter,” I said sarcastically, pointing in the direction of
Tamélie, who was sharing a packet of Bertie Botts' Beans with Frank
Longbottom, Alice was hovering nearby, glowering. She looked ready to snap Frank's glasses in two as he gave Tam a bean.
“No, they aren't for Tamélie, they're for you.”
“Oui?” I squeaked, raised my eyebrows and pointed my wand at it, ready to cast any spell that would reveal the hidden contents within the bouquet, just in case. They were probably self-destructive flowers or what not.
“No, they're fine, I used Orchideous.” He blushed deeply and stroked each petal gently as he did so. “See?”
“I see.” I smiled. “...But if these flowers do anything to my face, I swear I'll cast a Jelly Leg Jinx on you.”
He chuckled nervously and opened his mouth, closed it again, then opened it yet again.
“Go on, Potter.”
“Nah, it doesn't matter. I'll see you around, Evans. Stay away from Muffliato Charms.”
He ran away towards the stairs and rounded the corner when I called his name. This is so strange. I walked up to Alice, ready to calm her down; her face was already beetroot by this time. Tam was now playing about, sitting in Frank's lap and singing a French song. Disgusting.
“So, shall we push her off and insult her or use the classic Bat Bogey hex?” I giggled at this joke but Alice just stared at me, her eyes full of fire, and walked off without even a simple hello. I stared confusedly after her and pushed up my tie. Presentation was probably important to her or something. Or maybe not.
Lumpy Poo, what's wrong with you?