Chapter One: I Won't Deny That I Am A Werewolf
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It was late February at Hogwarts, and an early spring breeze blew in the grounds, tossing fallen leaves and creating gentle ripples on the sapphire-blue surface of the lake. A warm sun bathed the grounds in a soft, golden glow, and cast cool shadows amongst the trees. Two young teenagers lay in the shadows, relaxing beneath a tall beech tree on the edge of the lake. The first was tall and well built, with long, dark black hair that fell elegantly into his handsome grey eyes, which he had closed serenely against the sun. His name was Sirius Black. The second, James Potter, was shorter and thinner, with jet-black hair that was ruffled and unruly as though it had been jostled by a high wind. He, too, had closed his hazel eyes against the golden sun.
Three teenage girls walked past the beech tree, talking and laughing together. The first was named Emmeline Vance, petite in stature and pale, with long blonde hair that fell to her waist. She walked arm in arm with the second girl, who was a little taller; her short brown hair pinned back with daisy chains. She was named Andromeda Black. The third girl walked a little aside. She had removed her shoes, which she held loosely in her hand by the laces, and was walking in the shallows of the lake, listening and laughing along with her two friends. She was a little taller than her friends, with beautiful deep red hair falling in waves to her elbows, and shone copper-gold in the sunlight. Her name was Lily Evans.
Something bright flashed against James Potter's closed eyelids. He opened them wearily, glancing around for the source. Then he spotted it and smiled wistfully, watching Lily Evans, her hair gleaming brilliantly in the sunlight, walking beside the lake, bending to brush her fingertips across the surface of the water. James leant a little to the side to get a better view of her, raising a hand to shade his eyes from the glare of the sun. Someone laughed softly from beside him.
"What?" James asked challengingly, turning his head to look at the boy beside him. Sirius Black smiled knowingly.
"You'll get bored of her if you look at her too much, you know," he said seriously, rolling onto his side to look at James.
"Nah, I won't," said James, "it's not possible."
Sirius smiled again and lay back on his elbows, tilting his head back to catch the sun.
"Girls will get bored with you if you flaunt yourself too much," said James.
"Nah, they won't," Sirius laughed, "it's not possible." Sirius pulled himself up into a sitting position and leant against the trunk of the beech tree, smiling to himself.
"Sirius?" James said in a low voice.
"Yeah?"
"D'you… Do you think I'm right about Remus?"
The smile slid of Sirius's face.
"I don't know," he said slowly. "But I really hope you're not, for his sake."
They lapsed into a long silence. It was only when the sun began to dip in the sky and the last of the students had vacated the grounds that James spoke again.
"Peter doesn't want to talk to him about it," he said quietly.
"He doesn't?" Sirius said quickly, straightening up and turning to face James.
"I spoke to Peter about it last night. He's always been a bit uneasy -"
"He's absolutely terrified, you mean," Sirius cut in.
James smiled wryly and continued, "he's always been a bit uneasy about it all, but I spoke to him last night and he told me that he reckons it's best if we leave Remus to it."
"He WHAT?" Sirius yelled.
"Yeah, I know," James said heavily. "He said that if Remus wanted us to know then he would have told us by now."
"That's - That's just -" Sirius faltered.
"True?" James supplied.
"Do you think it's true?" Sirius shot at James.
"Well…yes and no," James said steadily. "Peter's right that Remus didn't want us to know. But that's probably only because he was worried about our reaction. And I don't blame him - look at how Peter's taking it."
"Yeah, but Peter's - Peter's being…." Sirius trailed off.
"Peter's reaction is Peter's reaction. It's not the same as us, and even if Remus hates how Peter's taking it - he's still got us, right?" James said defiantly.
"Yeah, he has," said Sirius, "but do you think it'll come to that?"
"Come to what?"
"Peter, you know…leaving us because of what Remus is?"
"I don't know what Peter wants to do about it, but I'm not going to let him abandon Remus," James said forcefully.
"Me neither," Sirius agreed.
"Right," said James, standing up and running an unconscious hand through his hair.
"Where are you going?" Sirius asked, sitting up a little straighter to get a better view of James.
"To Remus. Come on - let's talk to him."
"What? Now?" Sirius spluttered, scrambling to his feet.
"Yes," said James seriously, reaching out a hand to help Sirius up. "We said we were going to do it tonight, and it's getting late. Let's go now, quick, before I change my mind."
Sirius looked apprehensive but did not argue. He simply nodded his agreement and followed James in silence across the grounds to the castle doors. James glanced into the Great Hall as they walked through the Entrance Hall.
"Dinner's over," he informed Sirius, "they'll be in the common room."
Sirius nodded again, and the two of them walked in silence through the empty corridors and deserted staircases until they reached the familiar corridor in which the portrait of the Fat Lady was hung.
"Password?" she asked as Sirius and James approached.
"Fortis Leonem," said Sirius.
"I think that Doctus Pestis would be more appropriate in your cases," the Fat Lady replied.
They both grinned, the approaching conversation with Remus momentarily forgotten, and made low, exaggerated bows to her, Sirius sweeping his hat from his head.
"And I hope that we honour that title?" James said formally. The Fat Lady chuckled at him and swung forwards to admit them. James climbed through the portrait, Sirius close behind him. Their smiles slid of their faces.
"Here we go," Sirius muttered, gesturing to a small figure curled up in one of the large, squashy armchairs beside the fire. James nudged Peter awake.
"Wha - oh, it's you," Peter mumbled, stretching and uncurling himself.
"Come on," said Sirius bluntly, "let's go and find Remus."
"Remus?" Peter repeated. "He's in the dormitory. What do you want him for?"
"To talk to him about his - you know, problem." Sirius said, irritated.
"You're not - but you - why are you -" Peter stuttered, struggling out of his chair. "You're not seriously going to talk to him about it, are you?"
"Course we are," James said forcefully. "We have to tell him that we know."
"But he - but we - you might be wrong!" Peter squeaked.
"Yeah, but we might not be," said Sirius, grasping Peter by the arm and pulling him towards to the staircase to the boy's dormitories.
James allowed himself a faint smile at the scene, and then followed a determined Sirius and an apprehensive Peter through the crowd of chattering students. They climbed the staircase in silence, although Peter opened his moth several times, no doubt to protest, but Sirius silenced him with a look. They reached the second-year dormitories and James crossed the landing to reach the door that led to the room that he shared with Sirius, Peter, Remus and Kingsley Shacklebot. He placed his hand on the doorknob.
"Okay," he said nervously, "here goes nothing."
He swung the door open and stepped inside, Sirius and Peter filtering in behind him.
"Hi, Remus," James and Sirius said automatically.
"Hi," Remus replied, glancing up from the book that he had been reading on his bed.
James and Sirius crossed the room to sit on Sirius's bed, which was next to Remus's. Peter muttered an inaudible greeting to Remus before scurrying to sit on his own bed which, conveniently for him, was separated from Remus's bed by Sirius's. Sirius threw Peter a warning glance before exchanging a nervous look with James and becoming unusually interested in the laces of his left shoe.
"What's wrong?" Remus asked. James glanced up to find that Remus had been watching them, and realised how grave they all must look. He hastily hitched a smile on his face and trod on Sirius's foot to pull him out of his stupor.
"We're fine, Remus," James lied. "We just need to - er - talk to you about something."
"Fire away," Remus smiled, marking his page and laying his book down.
"We - er - We needed to - er -" James faltered, glancing at Sirius and Peter for support. But Sirius was engrossed in his laces once more, and Peter gave a small, frightened, shake of his head before burying himself in a book from his bedside table.
"We know why you get ill," James said heavily. Sirius's head snapped up and James heard a soft thud as Peter dropped his book.
"You do?" Remus said quietly. His voice was very calm, but James saw some suppressed emotion flicker across his face.
"Well, we think we do," James mumbled.
"So, what do you think?" Remus's voice clearly apprehensive now and he would not meet James's eye.
"We think that - er - well, the thing is - er - it seems like you -"
"Spit it out James." Remus spoke calmly, but James flinched as though he had shouted, and found himself horrified at the fear and sadness that he could see in Remus's eyes.
James shifted uncomfortably, glancing around and Sirius and Peter, but both of them were watching Remus. James followed their gaze and saw something that scared him even more than accusing his friend of what he was about to say; there was defeat in Remus's face. James could see it plainly in the deep brown eyes, written in the shadows in his hollow cheeks, and whispering from the scars that crossed his face. James swallowed and threw caution to the winds.
"Are you a werewolf, Remus?"
Remus instantly looked away, James felt Sirius tense beside him. The silence that followed was short, but every bit as painful as its’ previous. James ran a nervous hand through his hair, closing his eyes and exhaling slowly. Remus turned back to face James, but his head was bowed, and he had raised his hands to cover his eyes.
"Yes, James" Remus said heavily. "I'm a werewolf."
James froze.
"You are?" It was Sirius who spoke.
Remus lowered his hands and clasped them awkwardly in his lap. He nodded.
James's brain felt oddly numb. He had been certain that it was true, that he had been right, but some part of him had still hoped that he was wrong. Remus was a werewolf. Remus had been attacked by a werewolf. Remus was enduring agonising monthly transformations, biting himself, tearing his own flesh… James swallowed back the urge to throw up. He raised gaze to look at Remus and found, to his horror, that tears were falling silently down Remus's face.
Remus met James's eye.
"It's fine," Remus said in a choked voice, "I get it. I'll leave." He stood up.
"Remus -" James began, but Remus cut over him.
"I understand. I didn't expect any more of you. I'll leave." He turned towards the door.
James was on his feet, but he couldn't remember standing up.
"Remus," he said quickly, grasping Remus's shoulder and pulling him round to face him, "Remus, please don't -"
"What?" Remus said harshly, furiously drying his face with his sleeve.
"Remus, you don't have to leave! We want to help you!" James said desperately.
"You - you what?" Remus faltered.
"We want to help you," James repeated.
"You want to help me?" Remus breathed, astonished.
"Of course we do! What did you think we were going to do?" James asked incredulously.
"I - I don't know," Remus stammered, still gaping at James. "Don't you - aren't you… afraid of me?"
"Afraid of you?" Sirius laughed. "You're the nicest guy I've met! Your skinny, weedy, a total bookworm - how could I be afraid of you?"
"Easily!" Remus retorted, almost angrily. "I'm a werewolf! Wizards hate people like me!"
"Remus, just because you have a - a problem, doesn't mean we're going to hate you," Sirius said earnestly.
"Yeah, your furry little problem isn't going to stop us being friends with you," James said seriously.
"Furry little problem?" Remus repeated, smiling slightly.
"Well, that's all it is, isn't it?" James said, shrugging. "It's not like it's a big deal or anything."
"You don't think it's a big deal?" Remus said, perplexed. "I turn into a savage, man-eating monster once a month and to you it's no big deal?"
"Not really, if you think about it," Sirius said reasonably, "I mean, we've been friends with you for two years, Remus. All that time you've been a - well, you've had a furry little problem, as our ingenious James puts it - and we were still friends with you. Why should it change anything now that we know?"
"Actually, it does change something," James cut in.
Remus stiffened, as though waiting for a blow that he knew would come. Sirius glared at James, his eyes disbelieving and angry.
"What does it change exactly, James?" Sirius asked, his voice rising dangerously.
"Well, now that we know it changes everything, doesn't it?" James said simply, unfazed by Sirius's reaction. "Remus doesn't have to deal with this on his own anymore. We can help him."
Sirius's face broke into a relieved grin. A flicker of a smile crossed Remus's features, but a moment later he looked worried.
"Help me?” Remus stammered. “James, what in the name of Merlin you talking about?"
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Fidelity by Furry Little Problem
Chapter Notes: Chapter one's here! This one is written sanely, now, not any of this freaky "you" business :)
Enjoy,
Furry