Chapter Eleven - Desperation
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.
Dennis Wholey
Unwillingly, Cho dragged herself to the hospital as slowly as possible. She’d stormed off in a huff yesterday after Moore had exploded at her because she broke a test tube. Apparently, she had held it with the pincers instead of the tongs, as if that made a big difference. They both looked exactly the same, but try telling that to him…
She reached the door to his office. Now came the hard part “ apologising, and admitting she was wrong. Really, Moore should say sorry to her. He’d been the first to loose his temper. But if she waited for him, then they’d never speak again. He was so stubborn and pig-headed, and he could never admit to being wrong.
Taking a deep breath, and putting on a suitably penitent face, Cho came into his office, and got the surprise of her life.
Robert was standing before a glass fronted cabinet, fiddling with his tie. Instead of his usual dark trousers and lab coat, he was wearing a shirt, dark green waistcoat and a plain black tie which refused to be done up properly. Cho noted with approval that he had shaved thoroughly, for once, and his hair looked much neater than usual.
What’s he dressed like that for? Cho wondered. He must be going out somewhere. But he’d never be able to bring himself to leave work unless someone had died.
She noticed his expression. He looked like he wanted to strangle something.
Perhaps someone has, she thought. He looks pretty grim. But more angry and upset. Maybe it was someone he didn’t like…
Robert must have noticed her reflection in the glass, because he spoke to her without turning round. “Ah Cho. You’re here. Excellent.”
“Are you going somewhere?”
He nodded. “I’ll only be away one day, and hopefully there won’t be any emergencies. If there are, send someone to get me. I’ve left the address on the desk.”
He flung his tie down in frustration. “Useless thing won’t do up.”
Cho tried to annoy his eyes, which were like pits of molten lava. “Shall I try?” she asked tentatively.
Robert shrugged, and tried to look as if he didn’t care one way or the other. As she tied it around his neck, she dared to inquire, “Where…where are you going?”
“To Charlie’s wedding.”
“Who’s…”
“My older brother,” Moore replied shortly.
She finished his tie with a flourish, “There!”
“Thanks,” he muttered without looking at her, and flung himself into a chair. His shoulders sagged. They looked like they were bearing the weight of the world. He glared down at his shoes as if they had personally caused all the pain and suffering in the universe.
Clearly, there must be something very pressing on his mind. Cho marvelled at how angry he must be. Normally, Robert would use these spare moments to test her about some obscure poison or other. The only way to unburden him, Cho knew from experience with her friend’s ‘guy problems’, was to get him to talk it all out. And that was about as easy as flying without a broom.
“Who’s he getting married to?”
“Samantha Fawcett.”
“Oh, I’ve heard of her. She had a sister in my house. Isn’t her father a billion-galleon businessman, or something?”
Robert smiled weakly. “I think that was why my parents were so keen to welcome her into the family.”
“Are they…” Cho trailed off, unsure of how to put her thoughts into words.
Fortunately, he seemed to understand her, “It’s just…for them, money is so important. And they’re also ambitious, they want to see their sons rise.” That trait certainly ran in the family. “Money isn’t all they care about, but “ for them “ it offers security. And my father raised himself out of nothing. Every Knut he owns, he’s worked for. We’re not just some prosperous, land-owning family that goes back centuries. My parents have had to make do and save and carefully invest so that Charlie and I could have all the opportunities they missed.”
“I know, that’s the same with mine.” Cho had never really considered that part of her parent’s lives before. They’d come to England without knowing a single person, just so they could take good jobs in St Mungo’s. A tiny flat above a corner shop was all they could afford. They must have been scraping by so that, when they had a child, she could have everything. Whatever they’d done, here was undeniable, irrevocable proof that both her parents had always loved her.
Robert’s shoulders drooped slightly, “Sometimes I think I’ve been a disappointment to them. I know they’re paranoid that I’ll become poor. It’s because I want to discover new treatments, and go to places where hospitals have poor standards, and help improve them. I didn’t become a Healer so I could sit around in St Mungo’s and get paid loads.”
Cho wanted to tell him that he couldn’t be a let-down to his parents. Any people with their heads screwed on properly would be proud of a son with so much talent and intelligence, despite his many faults. Her mum and dad definitely would. But instead she said, “That’s like my parents. They wanted to control my entire life “ my career and everything “ just so I’d have a big stack of Galleons at Gringotts.”
Cho listened to him laugh properly, not just smirks and snickering behind her back. “It’s funny,” he said. “People are so envious of the children of rich Healers and businessmen. They think we have our entire lives served up on a plate for us. But, for all the cocktail parties and grand houses, I’d much rather be the son of some average, thoroughly middle-class parents, wouldn’t you?”
She giggled, “Well, after my recent behaviour, I don’t think I’ll be invited to any cocktail parties.”
“What exactly did you do?” he asked, his head slightly to one side. Cho wouldn’t have told him, except he looked so…honest. He seemed generally interested in her answer, and wasn’t just asking out of politeness. “I heard from McGonagall that there was some sort of family drama.”
“Well,” Cho came and perched on the edge of the desk, to stop her feet from hurting. She considered carefully how to cut her long, complicated story into something manageable. “Basically, all my life they’ve been channelling me into one job. Even at school. They made me do things like Potions, which I hated and was no good at. Then, when Hogwarts closed, they tried to send me to St Mungo’s. I said no, because I wanted to come to the Order instead. They wouldn’t let me come, so I just packed my suitcase and left.”
He was looking at her intently, his bright, grey eyes searching her face. It was as though he was seeing her for the first time. “That was a brave thing to do, Cho.”
“It didn’t feel like it at the time.”
“But your parents will come round in the end, won’t they?”
“I hope so,” Cho realised that she was about to cry, and the tears wouldn’t stop. “Despite everything they’ve done, and all the things that have come between us. I would never forgive myself otherwise.”
“You’re lucky. My parents “ my mother especially “ would never forget. She’d cut me off, never speak to me again, and act as though I was dead. Unless she could find some way to revenge herself upon me. It would break her heart, but that wouldn’t stop her. But even though she’s done some awful things and still holds ridiculous, petty grudges against people who’ve offended her, I love her just as you love your mother.”
Cho didn’t know how to answer him, so she just nodded, and tried to force her tears away from her eyes. There was no point in sobbing so hard, it wouldn’t change anything. Her parents would forgive her some day. They had to.
Silently, and without any trace of a smirk or sarcastic remark, Robert passed her a tissue. It felt cool, and soft as swansdown against her flushed cheeks. She dabbed it against her eyes gratefully.
He was still looking dark, and was glaring at nothing in particular. His dark mood obviously hadn’t lifted, so she made another attempt to distract him. “So…this wedding. Where’s it going to be?”
“Charlie’s having it at home, like the good little boy he is. Then I think Samantha’s parents have something planned. I’m sure it will be incredibly stupid, and a complete waste of time.” Robert twisted the parchment with his parents’ address on it between his fingers.
“It will be lots more fun than sitting around in here being bored.”
He looked up and grinned impishly, “You could always learn your antidotes if you don’t have anything else to do.”
Cho planted her hands on her hips and glared at Moore. “I hope you’re joking, Robert, otherwise I don’t think you have any chance at becoming human.”
“Don’t worry,” he leaned forwards conspiratorially. “I am.”
“Good,” she said faintly
Robert glanced at his watch and sighed. “I think I’ll have to leave now.” He yanked his jacket on and took one final, critical glance of himself in the glass fronted cabinet. “I might be shot if I’m late.”
Cho raised her eyebrows. “And you think that this would bother me?”
He smirked, picked up his wand and slotted it into his pocket.
“Au revoir, Cho.”
But by his expression, she would have thought he was marching off to war, not going to a wedding.
***
Nearly an hour later, Cho was sitting at the desk, her head propped in her hands. She’d been doodling on a sheaf of parchment that she’d torn out of the back of her sketchbook, but had given up. She glared at her scribbles. They looked crude and childish. What was the point in spending all her free time on useless sketching, instead of actually doing something? Any talent she possessed wouldn’t be tapped into if all she did was doodle on scraps of paper.
Cho pushed her chair back, hoping the ear-splitting, piercing screech would drown out all her thoughts. But no, the voice kept on nagging at her, like a dog that refused to let go of its toy.
I don’t feel artistic today, Cho told herself firmly. She wanted to do something…different and exciting and new. Maybe to help Robert. He might try to hide it but Cho suspected that, even though he was working her hard, he was grinding himself into the ground. After all, training a nurse practically from scratch, as well as all the thousands of other jobs needed to run a hospital to his high standards, it must all add up. He was always in here before her, and she was sure that he didn’t leave until long after she’d gone. She realised, with a small, uncomfortable yank to her heart, that she really hadn’t considered how hard he was working before.
There were no patients, so Cho was free to wonder around the hospital without being disturbed. She combed the rooms for something that needed fixing. Well, she wasn’t scrubbing the floors again. Robert absolutely adored making her do that, and invariably, the day after someone would come in with limbs missing and drip blood everywhere. The house elves took care of the laundry, so the bandages and bed linen were no problem…
Cho froze suddenly, and a huge smile spread over her face. Of course! She beamed at the humongous, glass-fronted cabinets where Robert kept his stock of cures for poisons, stings, burns, potions, curses and other ailments people might contract while fighting the Death Eaters. All the shelves were stuffed with glass bottles containing anything from herbs to bezoars to unicorn hairs. Each bottle had an ancient, time-stained label, written by Robert, whose handwriting was illegible at the best of times.
She remembered vividly when she’d had to retrieve something from these cabinets. Finding anything was impossible. Once upon a time, the bottles had been in alphabetical order, but as they were pushed around in a frantic panic to find a particular substance, and were rarely put back in the right place, their arrangement was now more or less random.
Yes, Cho decided, this was the perfect task for the day. She enjoyed picturing Robert’s face when he saw her handiwork. A mixture of surprise, pride and joy.
As she twisted her hair back and coiled it into a bun at the nape of her neck, she decided on her plan of attack. First, she’d remove all the bottles and give the shelves a good dust, then write some new name labels, and then she would find a better way to organise them…
***
By six o’clock, Cho was exhausted. She was finishing off the last few name labels, before she started to replace the bottles. She now had a completely different was of organizing them, that Cho was very proud of. There was one shelf for each of the different types of remedy, and she’d colour-coded the labels so it would be easier to put them back in the right place. And it meant that, even if all the bottles got out of alphabetical order, there would still only be a shelf to hunt through.
It felt like only a few minutes later, and there was only one type of cure to put back: herbs. She’d saved this one until last because both of the times she had used this cabinet, Robert had wanted a plant. So Cho presumed that this was the most common cure needed, and had to be easy to reach.
She was half way through stacking the containers in their new places, when she heard the door bang. With a huge surge of dread rising within her, she got up to see who the visitor was. A boy called Ricky Lewis flew into the office.
“What is it?” Cho asked urgently.
“There’s been “ there was a fight.”
“How big?”
“Very. Five people from the Order have been killed, already. The fighting’s lulled, so we’ve had a chance to collect some casualties. They’re coming up.”
“Why wasn’t I told?”
“It was a surprise ambush. We were completely outnumbered, and no one was prepared to fight. And…Mad-Eye Moody. He’s been cursed. Blood’s oozing everywhere, but there’s something else. They’re “ they’re bringing him up, but he’s barely alive.”
NO, Cho wanted to scream. The first fight in weeks, and Robert was off at a wedding. She couldn’t keep her head above water in these swirling rapids of the Order, death, curses and hospitals. She needed him.
“I have to find Robert!”
“What? Moore’s not here?”
A hysterical laugh was ripped from Cho’s throat. She couldn’t help it, the whole thing was so ironic. “Oh no, he’s at a wedding. Lucky him.”
Ricky stared at her desperately. “Can you cope without him?”
Just about as easily as breathe without lungs. “I don’t have a clue, I’m completely useless by myself. You need to go and get him.”
“Where is he?”
“At his parents' house. I’ve got the address somewhere.” Cho rifled through the papers on his desk. Where was it? He’d left it on the desk, hadn’t he? “Just a sec. I’m sure he put it somewhere…” Her searching became more panicked. It must be here, where else could it be? She shuffled through the piles faster and faster, until she was lost among the messy, cluttered stacks of parchment. Every heap was scanned several times before it hit her. There was no way Cho was going to locate the scrap of paper he’d written it on, the desk being in the state it was in. Especially as she’d messed it all up when she’d been writing labels. She cursed herself, and every other thing on the planet.
Cho was on her own.
Roses and Thorns by Phoebe Gruzelier
Chapter Notes: Well, here it is!
I can't think of much to say...hope you don't all kill me when you get to the end (the biggest cliff-hanger so far!)