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The Odd Gryffindors - Book One of the Evil Kneazle Series by AurorKeefy

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Chapter Notes: It is my belief that certain elements of the enrollment process at Hogwarts remain unchanged through the years, including but not exclusive to the school letters. With this in mind, the letters and certain speeches contained in some chapters of this book have been deliberately taken directly from J.K. Rowling's books. This was in order to remain close to canon, rather than through laziness or efforts to plagiarise. While there is an obvious degree of the latter two inherent in any fanfiction - though particularly one concerned with the enrollment process - I have made efforts to at least rephrase lines and descriptions where I feel it is appropriate. So there.
Luke didn’t know what to say. This woman was clearly barking mad, and yet neither his mother nor Gordon's had so much as batted an eyelid at such a declaration.

‘Mum? Is… is she really?’

His mother didn’t look up, but slowly nodded her head.

‘Well!’ exclaimed Mrs Rimmer, taking off her coat and taking a seat next to Mrs Owen. ‘I suppose you’ll have some questions for me now. I daresay it’s been a great many years since I was at Hogwarts, but they long prepared me…’

‘What’s Hogwarts?’ burst out Luke, before he could help himself.

‘Deary me boy, accentuate your words! You’ll never cast a spell sounding like that. I can’t actually tell you where it is, it’s concealed by m…’

‘No. What’s Hogwarts? It’s a place then?’

At first Mrs Rimmer acted as if she had once again misheard Luke, but then as the truth dawned on her expression changed to horror. She looked Mrs Oakshot in the eyes, then Mrs Owen before bolting up out of her seat, shaking like a leaf.

‘I…I…I’m so sorry. I…’ she managed to blurt out before bursting into tears. She then bolted out through the front door, sobbing. Gordon wondered if he’d ever had a more odd day in his life.

Mrs Oakshot sighed heavily and got to her feet and took a breath. In Luke experience such behaviour was usually followed by a series of instructions and act…

‘Alan, go and get Mrs Rimmer,’ said Mrs Oakshot, with a less than pleased expression on her face. ‘I’m going to strangle the old bag for this, but after that I may find it in my heart to forgive her. Now Dot, I don’t know what you were planning, but after that I feel our sons deserve at least some form of explanation.’

Mrs Owen nodded to this, and stood up.

‘I think maybe we should discuss this over a cup of tea,’ she said, walking dejectedly into the kitchen and filling the kettle. She picked up what appeared to be two pieces of card off the kitchen side and brought them in, before handing one to Gordon.

‘Jean, do you want…’

‘Oh, just give him the bloody letter, Dot,’ Mrs Oakshot softly laughed, though Luke thought her eyes betrayed her real emotion. He had seen that look before, and it was one of heartbreak, not humour.

Taking the letter from Mrs Owen, Luke immediately noticed how different it was to the letters that normally came in the post. The envelope was made out of a thick, old looking paper, there was no stamp to be seen, and it was sealed shut with a wax seal, imprinted with a shield bearing what appeared to be a Lion, a Bird, a Badger and a Snake. There was another strange thing about it too. It felt sort of warm…

It was at this point that Alan ushered a very embarrassed and shaky Mrs Rimmer into the house again. Her eyes filled up with tears again as she saw Mrs Oakshot.

‘I’m so sorry Jean! It just never occurred to me that you might not want them to go… I’ve… I’ve just been waiting for this for so long and I didn’t think!’

Behind her Alan gave her a look that suggested he’d have found it an absolute revelation to discover that this woman had ever thought about anything in her life, but Mrs Oakshot gently hugged her. A second later, Mrs Owen came in and pushed a very large cup of tea into Mrs Rimmer's hands and sat her back down on the sofa.

‘It’s all right Henrietta. In fact I’m glad you came, I might well have allowed myself to do something I’d regret till the end of my days if you hadn’t.’ With this she turned to Luke and looked him ruefully in the eye. ‘Can you forgive me Luke? I can be a little selfish, I just couldn’t bear the thought of losing you…’

At this the all three women burst into tears, leaving Gordon and Luke looking bemused and Alan looking extremely awkward. Eventually Mrs Owen spoke.

‘Why don’t you boys go outside, us girls need to talk…’

‘No,’ said Gordon.

The crying was immediately replaced by a shocked silence.

‘G...Gordon please…’ Mrs Owen stuttered. It seemed to Luke that in spite of everything that had happened so far this was the thing that had shocked her most. Having known Gordon for most of his life, Luke had never heard him protest anything to vocally.

‘Why won’t you tell us? These letters are addressed to us! I want to know what’s going on!’ he burst out. Mrs Owen started to speak but couldn’t seem to find the words.
Eventually it was Mrs Oakshot who spoke.

‘If you want answers, then perhaps you should open those letters. We’ll answer everything else after that.’

Had he received such a letter on any other day Luke would probably have given his right arm to tear into it. As it was he felt as though his hand contained not a letter, but a small atomic bomb. Gordon had already opened his, and was staring at it in amazement. Luke took one last look at his mother, who nodded with a sad approval, and then opened it. It was all handwritten, Luke read it aloud as if at some point someone would butt in and explain it was all a joke.

HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY

Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore
(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock,
Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards)



Dear Mr Oakshot,
We are pleased to inform you that you have a place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.



Luke looked up. His mother was smiling now, though the sorrow had not yet left her face completely.


As we understand it you have been brought up as a Muggle, and therefore may have several questions before you reply with your answer. While normally you would be visted by a Professor in these circumstances, we have been in contact with a witch local to your area, Mrs Henrietta Awenia Rimmer, who will arrive later today to answer any questions you may have. The school year will begin on September the first. The Hogwarts Express will leave from Kings Cross Station, Platform nine and three-quarters, at eleven o’clock.

Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment. Term begins on 1 September. We await your owl by no later than 31 July

Yours sincerely,

Professor M. McGonagall

Deputy Headmistress



‘What’s a Muggle?’ blurted out Luke. He was sure that his mother had brought him up just fine, and she had never used that term before. Mrs Rimmer looked momentarily embarrassed, and leaned forward to speak into Luke’ ear.

‘It means non-magic people,’ she said quietly.

Luke stared in silence at Mrs Rimmer for a second before turning back to the letter, reading it over and over again as if to spot the trick. He looked over at Gordons, and his letter said exactly the same thing. It was Gordon who opened his mouth first.

‘So, we’re to train to become wizards?’ And there was a light in his eyes as he said this, as the excitement of what was happening began to grip him.

‘Well, technically…’ answered Mrs Rimmer, ‘You already are wizards.’

Luke stared at Mrs Rimmer, his eyes remained as innocent as they were at the beginning. Could it really be? Him? A wizard? Luke had never heard anything like this before in his life, wizards were the stuff of books, of legend. You didn’t just wake up one morning with a letter calmly telling you were one.

It seemed that Mrs Rimmer read his mind, because she looked at him and smiled before standing up in front of them and drawing what appeared to be a finely carved stick out of her pinny pocket.

‘Well then. I expect you want to see the sort of things you’ll be learning then? Well this, boys, is where it all begins,’ she said, tapping the stick with her other hand. ‘This, is a wand, and this is magic.’ With that she brought the wand swishing up in an arc before flicking it, bringing it to rest pointing at Luke’ letter.

At first the letter appeared to be in a draught, and started shaking slightly, but what happened next neither Luke nor Gordon could believe. The letter began, with the movement of Mrs Rimmer’s wand, to rise very slowly but surely into the air, until it was floating in front of Luke face. The letter then did three perfect flips before falling into his hands. Luke’ jaw dropped.

‘How...’

‘All in good time boy, all in good time. They’re teachers at Hogwarts who’ll teach you that a great deal better than I ever could.’ She smiled, before hastening afterwards. ‘That is of course, presuming that you are going.’

Luke had expected her to look at their parents as she said this, but instead she continued to stare at the two of them. Luke looked to his mother for some support but she simply smiled at him. Gordons mother looked totally expressionless.

‘I’m going,’ said Gordon. His mother smiled and nodded to him, he then turned to Luke. ‘Are you coming as well? It sounds better than the alternative, but if you want to stay on at normal school…’

But Luke had drifted off into thought and the last of Gordons words sailed past him. The feeling he had left when he opened the curtains this morning flooded back into him. It was like the world had always been shades of grey and now he had been offered a world of colour. He closed his eyes and found himself in his room, staring at his walls, looking at every poster, every book on the shelf. All faded. Then things started to change. The walls that had been covered in white wallpaper now were only stone with red tapestries hanging on them. The books fell into a pile on the floor and appeared to age as the room twisted and contorted until it bore no resemblance to his old room. And he was sat in the centre of a great four-poster bed. Alone. He had dreamt of Hogwarts before the letter had ever come, he had just never realised it.

‘Luke! Are you alright?’ his mothers voice called out, and Luke found himself on the living room floor, sprawled out on his back. ‘It’s ok Luke, you just fainted. Henrietta I’m afraid we’ll have to say no, they can’t make h…’

‘I’ll go,’ stuttered Luke.

His mother did not appear to heed these words at first, and continued to make a fuss over him, saying he had suffered enough and that it was unfair to put this on a child, but Luke stood up and put his hand on her shoulder.

‘I have to go mum,’ said Luke, rather more shakily than he would’ve liked. ‘I…I think I need to go.’

His mother immediately stopped fussing and looked back to him. ‘You… you really do want this?’

She looked so forlorn as she said this that Luke didn’t want to have to reply, but he knew what he had to say.

‘Yes.’

Mrs Oakshot burst into tears at this, but nodded furiously all the way.

‘It…it’s…your decision. And I can’t take it away from you.’

At this Mrs Rimmer stood up once more, and made for the doorway. She was smiling benignly at Mrs Oakshot. ‘He’ll be fine Jean, I’ll wager your son will make a damn fine wizard.’ Mrs Oakshot dabbed her eyes with a tissue at this. ‘But there are arrangements that have to be made. I recommend you allow your sons to accompany me on a trip down to London tomorrow. It would be better if they get all their things early, they have a lot to learn this summer if they’re to escape any more surprises. Oh and it would be best if you could send those replies today, the owls won’t be happy with being kept waiting. Well, I shall see you at six o’clock prompt, tomorrow. We’ll stay the night in London, it’s a long journey to make twice in one day, and don’t you worry, your sons will be fine with me!’

Luke had never thought a woman who dressed and acted as oddly as Mrs Rimmer would have inspired any confidence in his mother, but as things were he thought it best not to push his luck. As she waltzed out of the door, the mood of the room appeared to change, and suddenly everyone seemed to be acting as if nothing had even happened. Mrs Owen left soon afterwards with Gordon (‘I think I’d better catch her up, when his dad gets home I’m going to need all the help I can get explaining this!’) and soon Alan had gone to the shops and it was just Luke and his mother.

‘Why didn’t you want me to go?’ asked Luke. His mother looked back at him as if he had been asking her that question all his life.

‘I just get worried,’ she replied.

Somehow Luke didn’t imagine she was telling the whole truth.