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Lord Voldemort: The Musical! (Les Miserables Potterized!) by Schmerg_The_Impaler

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Chapter Notes: I still don't own Harry Potter or Les Mis. WOOOOT. Hope you enjoy this! It was really hard to write!
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1. Spare Their Lives (In My Life)

VOLDEMORT:
How strange
This feeling of fear so rife
This change
Can someone really end the Dark Lord’s life?
What’s the matter with you, come on!
The prophecy’s got a grip on you.
Its words were so unclear I must have misconstrued…

In my life
There are so many people I’ve killed and it never felt wrong.
But my life
Was intended to stretch on and on evermore for eternity long.
Can it be?
My fate sealed by a prophecy?
That some boy
Will one day have the chance
To defeat me?

What if it does come true?
What if it all was real?
I won’t be disposed of like a banana peel!
End his life
I must go to his house, find the boy
Kill him and thwart his fate.
Before it is too late.


SNAPE:
Please, my lord, by all means kill the child.
As for the boy’s dad, I’d say feel free.
Believe me, were it within my power
I’d kill them by next hour
But keep alive Lily, Lord, for me.
I feel I need some… company.


VOLDEMORT:
There’s so little I know
Nor do I want to know
Of your love for the girl,
Of your raging hormones.
I just can’t understand
Frankly, I think it’s gross.
And if you kissed the girl
Where would you put that nose?
But I ask nonetheless
Proceed with your request.


SNAPE:
Spare her life
Please, my lord, I beseech you
I need self-esteem.
Just this once, just this once
Let me have her for my own
Let a creepy stalker boy dream.


VOLDEMORT:
No more words.
No more words, Snape, I can sense your dread.
I’ll bear on.
And if all goes well, she won’t be dead.


SNAPE:
In my life
I have so much I still haven’t learned
That guys my age should know.
Most guys learned years ago.


VOLDEMORT:
You will learn
Love is nothing at all
But you’ll find that yourself
All in turn.

(Voldemort goes to the Potter house.)

JAMES:
Through my door
He has burst like a bomb
Unexploded and dormant ‘till now.
And my heart
Seems to stop and I stare and I gasp
And I wonder just how.
We’re betrayed.
Who’s the “friend” who has led them here?
Thanks to him, I’ll be dead very soon
Now heaven is near.
Lily, run for your life, let me die, take Harry.
Every step that he takes is a dagger in me.

(Voldemort kills him, runs up to Harry’s bedroom. Lily blocks the crib.)

LILY:
Spare his life
James is gone, now there’s no one I have anywhere.

VOLDEMORT:
Stand aside, foolish girl!

LILY:
Spare his life, save my world!
Spare his life!
I’ve a weapon as sharp as a knife.

VOLDEMORT:
What is that?

LILY:
Glad you ask.

(Segues directly into the next song.)


2. A Heart Full of Love

LILY:
A heart full of love
Like pure phoenix song.

VOLDEMORT:
You’re doing everything all wrong!
Have you no pride?
You are supposed to stand aside.
I know you’re scared
Stand aside
You’ll be spared.


LILY:
A heart full of love
No fear, no regrets
The last gift I can give Harry.

VOLDEMORT:
Can you move yet?

LILY:
Oh, no, I’ll never move away.
Not ‘till I die.

VOLDEMORT:
Now I’m lost… say goodbye!

LILY:
A heart full of light.

VOLDEMORT:
His life ends tonight!

LILY:
No way you’ll kill my son today!

VOLDEMORT:
Time’s running short…

LILY:
This is a vow I’ll never break.

VOLDEMORT:
You’ve made a grave mistake.

LILY:
A heart full of love…

VOLDEMORT:
Then I’ll kill you, too.

LILY:
That’s something you will never do.
Don’t laugh, it’s true
From today
Everyday.
You will never harm him
Never harm him, not at all.

(Snape sings simultaneously with above, in counterpoint.)

SNAPE:
She was never mine to lose.
Why regret what cannot be?
She will never be mine now
Not for me
Not for me.
My heart’s full of love
Love that now I’ll never see.

(Voldemort kills Lily, tries to kill Harry, and ASPLODES. Yes, ASPLODES. Exploding just isn’t graphic enough for what happens to Voldemort. Just try recreating this part on the stage!)


3. Hogwarts Attack (Plumet Attack)
(Voldemort, now on the back of Quirrel’s head, is trying to steal the stone.)

VOLDEMORT:
This is his school
He’s always searching around
Sticks in his nose
Sniffing about like a hound
I smell triumph here!
Ten years ago
Ripped me from body and soul.
I had to go hide away
Underground like a mole.
That’ll cost him dear!

QUIRREL:
What do I care?
Just take the stone!
Why kill the boy?
Leave him alone!

VOLDEMORT:
You shut your mouth
Give a hand!

(Harry walks in)

VOLDEMORT:
What have we here?

HARRY:
Who is this man?

QUIRREL:
I’m your Professor Quirrel
Don’t you recognize me?

HARRY:
What are you doing down here?

QUIRREL:
Ah, I’m glad you asked.
I’m after the stone
But I am not alone here.

(He unwraps his turban to reveal Voldemort’s face.)

HARRY:
I know this man
I won’t let you take the stone away.
I have the stone with me now.

VOLDEMORT
You’ll wish you weren’t in my way!

(Lunges for Harry. Quirrel disintegrates. Cut to Tom and the diary the next year.)

TOM:
It’s been a year
But I’ve returned
Young Potter has
A lesson to be learned.
Chamber again
Basilisk, too
Potter, this tome
I will not fall to you!
I am the heir, I’m blaming it on Ginny here.
Now that I’m back, you won’t survive into next year!

(Harry walks in.)

TOM:
Ah, Potter again
What an absolute treat.
You are too late to save Ginny
You’ll be basilisk meat!

(Harry kills the basilisk)

TOM:
Not my basilisk,too!

HARRY:
Well, I told you I’d stop you, told you I’d stop you.

(He stabs the diary. Tom screams.)

TOM:
You wait, my boy, you’ll rue this night!
I will return, ready to fight!

(Disintegrates. But not the same way as Quirrel, or the way he ASPLODED earlier.)

HARRY:
Ginny, come on, don’t wait around!
Let’s leave the sewers, get above ground!

(Voldemort’s spirit is discovered by Pettigrew the next year.)

PETTIGREW:
My rodent friends showed me the way.

VOLDEMORT:
I owe you thanks, you’ll not regret this day.
Dear Pettigrew, my friend Wormtail
With you by me, we’ll never fail.
I shall return
Strong as before
And reign evermore!


4. One Day More
(It is the day before the last Triwizard task.)

VOLDEMORT:
One day more!
Until reunion with my own body.
Assisted by old Potty wee Potty.
The Death Eaters, dozen a dime
Will surely come a second time
One day more!

WORMTAIL:
He’s going to live in just one day!
And I am going to be rewarded.

VOLDEMORT:
One day more!

DEATH EATERS:
Tomorrow, we’ll come out to play!
No job too big, no deed too sordid!

HARRY:
One more challenge lies ahead.

DEATH EATERS:
I can’t wait ‘till Potter’s dead.

HARRY:
One more day until it’s over.

DEATH EATERS:
Over when we murder you!

HARRY:
I am shivering with dread.

DEATH EATERS:
Potter boy, our words are true.

HARRY:
I will never live it down!

CROUCH JR:
One more day, it’s getting warm!

HARRY:
Hope I don’t look a fool.

CROUCH JR:
At the graveyard where he’ll soon die.

HARRY:
There in front of the school.

CROUCH JR:
When the ranks begin to form

HARRY:
Plus Durmstrang and Beauxbatons!

CROUCH JR:
Dare they look him in the eye?

ALL:
The time is now, it’s nearly dawn!

HARRY:
One day more!

VOLDEMORT:
One more day to resurrection
None of this heroic crud!
I will crush that little schoolboy
He will wet himself with blood!

DEATH EATERS:
One day more!

SNAPE:
Watch them run amok
Feel the Dark Mark blaze
Hope I have good luck in the next several days.
Cozy where I am
Working at Hogwarts
One more day, and suddenly I’m Voldemort’s!

VOLDEMORT:
One day to a new beginning!

HARRY:
I’ll be lucky not to die

VOLDEMORT:
My revenge, my bitter dream!

HARRY:
Just to win would be a dream!

VOLDEMORT:
There’s a whole world for the winning

HARRY:
I can’t wait ‘till it’s all done.

DEATH EATERS:
Do you hear the people scream?

HARRY:
The day is near, what will I do?

VOLDEMORT:
One day more!

(The following all happens at pretty much the same time.)

WORMTAIL:
He’s going to live in just one day!
And I am going to be rewarded!

HARRY:
One more challenge lies ahead.

VOLDEMORT:
I’ll defeat the people’s hero
And they finally will see
That this boy has no real power
They will all bow down to me!

DEATH EATERS:
One day more.

WORMTAIL:
Tomorrow, we’ll come out to play!
No job too big, no deed to sordid!

HARRY:
I hope I won’t end up dead.

VOLDEMORT:
One more day to resurrection
‘Till the cogs begin to mesh.
It is my rebirthday party
I need bone and blood and flesh.

SNAPE:
Working for both sides
Give all I can give
Realizing that double agents rarely live.

(Everything stops being basically at the same time.)

HARRY:
Tomorrow evening, I’ll compete.

VOLDEMORT
Tomorrow evening, we will meet.

ALL:
Tomorrow, we’ll discover
What the cards of fate have got in store…
One more dawn
One more day
One day more!


5. On Your Own (On My Own)

VOLDEMORT:
And now you’re all alone again
Nowhere to turn, no one to go to.
Without your mum, without your dad
Without a single friend to help you.
And now that you are here
Your last hour is near.

How easy just to kill you now
When everybody else is sleeping.
And no one’s here to care about you
No one to collapse on weeping.
There’s only your friend, Ced.
And it appears that he is dead.

On your own, there’s nobody beside you.
All alone, without a single warning.
Nobody to cry once I have fried you
And you’ll never escape
Nobody has, although they’ve tried to.

In the dark, my bald head shines a pearly white.
And my eyes are glowing scarlet by night.
In the darkness, Death Eaters stand around me.
Their sinister masks uplit by the shining beams of wandlight.

And I know, I know what’s on your mind.
You’re a Gryffindor, you think you can’t get up.
And although, you know you’ll never win.
You will make a break for that cup.

I’ll kill you
Before the night is over.
Your mum thought
She’d save you”well, I’ll show her!
But just now…
The night around us changes.
Our wands unite
There’s bursts of light
The graveyard’s full of strangers.

I’ll kill you
So what’s this subtle burning?
Who are these ghosts shining bright as morning?
They’re all dead!
So why’s my stomach churning?
Can there be magic on your side
That even I don’t know?

I’ll kill you…
I will, too!
I’ll kill you…
But now, you’re not alone…

(Harry grabs the cup and Cedric’s body and goes.)


6. The Attack on the Ministry (The Attack/Javert At The Barricade)

(In Harry’s dream in OotP, Voldemort is torturing Sirius.)

VOLDEMORT:
Sirius Black, listen closely to me.
No one is coming to help you to fight.
You’re all alone, you have no friends
Give it to me, or die.

SIRIUS:
Do what you will with my life.
You can’t break me if you try.

HARRY:
I won’t let him take your life!
Dumbledore’s Army will rise!

HARRY:
Listen, my friends
I have had a strange dream
I know what it all means
And I’ll tell what I can.

RON:
What’s the matter now, man?

HARRY:
Lord Voldemort
Is at the Ministry
He’s got Sirius Black!
I will need all my courage
To bring Snuffles back.

NEVILLE:
Have faith
If you know where Voldemort is
We’ll bring him down.
There are ways that our people can FIGHT!
We can overcome his power!

(At the Ministry, Lucius Malfoy approaches them.)

LUCIUS:
You’ve played right into our hands
There will be just one death tonight.
We intend to snuff you out
Before you start a proper fight.
You are just a boy.
You can’t match the Dark Lord’s might.

NEVILLE:
Liar!
Good evening, Mr. Malfoy, I hope you’re doing well.
I’m saying this because soon you won’t feel all that swell!
Don’t trust in what you just said because none of it’s true.
We’ll only go to show what little people can do.

D.A. SIX:
And little people know
When little people fight
We may look easy pickings
But we’ve got some bite.
So never kick a dog
Because it’s just a pup.

NEVILLE:
‘Cause we’re Dumbledore’s Army, and we won’t give up!

D.A. SIX:
So you better run for cover when the pup grows up!

(They fight the Death Eaters.)


7. Your Silly Little Games (A Little Fall of Rain)

(Dumbledore and Voldemort are facing off in the Ministry.)

VOLDEMORT:
Don’t you try a thing, Dumbledore.
I won’t feel any pain.
Your silly little games
Can hardly hurt me now.
I’m back.

DUMBLEDORE:
Yes, I already know.

VOLDEMORT:
And I will kill you now
And I will kill you here.

DUMBLEDORE:
You say that quite a lot…

VOLDEMORT:
That’s low!

DUMBLEDORE:
But I will live
For you know nothing of
The force that heals all wounds,
The strength of love.

VOLDEMORT:
Then try it, old man, duel with me
Here in the Ministry.
I will live a thousand years
As only I know how.
You can’t defeat me now.
You’ll never beat me now.

DUMBLEDORE:
Oh Tom, you’re living in the past.
I do not aim to kill
I do not seek a thrill
I’m shielding the boy from your blast.

VOLDEMORT:
Is that what brings you here,
To save the boy?

DUMBLEDORE:
I will let you use him like a toy!
His dreams led him to where you are
You controlled him through his scar.

VOLDEMORT:
Don’t you try a thing, Dumbledore
I won’t feel any pain.
Your silly little games
Can hardly hurt me now.
I’m back, I have so far to go!
And I will kill you now
And I will kill you here…

DUMBLEDORE:
(In counterpoint)
You won’t win today, Tom I think
The boy will live again.
He’s been through world’s of pain
You cannot hurt him now.
I’m here
I know you, Tom.
I know your weakness.

BOTH:
There’s so much that you’ll never know.


8. Drink With Me To Lives Gone By (Drink With Me To Days Gone By)

VOLDEMORT:
Drink with me to lives gone by
Those we overthrew.

FENRIR:
Here’s to pretty girls I ate in their beds.

BELLATRIX:
Here’s to witty girls now missing their heads!

ALL:
Here’s to them, and here’s to you.

WORMTAIL:
Drink with them to lives gone by…
Can they tell I fear to die?
Will the world remember me when I fall?
Could it be my death means nothing at all?
Is my life just one more lie?

ALL:
Drink with me to lives gone by.

WORMTAIL AND SNAPE:
To the friends that used to be.

ALL:
We can feign friendship until our friends die.

WORMTAIL AND SNAPE:
And nobody knows it better than I.
Mine are dead because of me.

SNAPE:
Who will care should I die
Unmasked in my treachery?
Life without Lily means nothing at all
Would you weep, Lily, should Severus fall?
Would you weep, Lily, for me?

9. Bring Him Down (Bring Him Home)

VOLDEMORT:
Severus, hear my call.
You’re the one who I trust most of all.
Dumbledore’s growing old
Let him rest, stiff and cold.
Bring him down
Bring him down
Bring him down.

DUMBLEDORE:
You’re like a son I might have known
If God had granted me a son.
The summers die one by one
How soon they fly on and one
And I am old and will be gone.
Bring me down, I will smile
I am weak, I am growing senile.

VOLDEMORT AND DUMBLEDORE:
If you give, you can take
Let him (me) die
Do it, Snape.

SNAPE:
I will try…

VOLDEMORT AND DUMBLEDORE:
Let him (me) die
You must live.
Bring him (me) down
Bring him (me) down
Bring him (me) down…


10. Man Eat Man (Dog Eat Dog)

(During the Death Eaters’ attack on Hogwarts in HBP, Fenrir is a bit busy.)

FENRIR:
Here’s somebody’s eye
Stuck onto my tooth
Pop it on a toothpick and I’ve got me an hors deuvre.
What a snack to serve.
Add it to the pot, cook it in the stock
Gonna give those tasty boys and girls what they deserve.

Well, someone’s gotta clean ‘em up, my friends
Bodies in the hallway, law and order upside down.
Someone’s got to pick up the odds and ends
As a service to the town.

Here’s a little snack
Pretty hair of black
Wouldn’t want to waste it, that would really be a crime.
Just a victim of the fight.
Make me a Manwich
That would be delish.
His heart’s no longer going
And he’s lived his little time.
I’ve a monstrous appetite.

Well, someone’s gotta clean ‘em up, my friends
Before the little harvest decomposes into mud.
Someone’s gotta pick up the odds and ends
When the carpet’s thick with blood…

It’s a world
Where a man eats man.
Picking up my lunch on the street
The other Death Eaters don’t dare interfere
‘Cause they’re scared they’ll be the next to eat.
I raise my eyes to see the heavens
And only the moon looks down.
The round, full moon looks dowwwwwwwwOOOOOOO!

(Howls at the moon maniacally and transforms into a werewolf.)


11. Snape’s Dilemma (Javert’s Suicide)

(Snape is standing outside the stairs to the tallest tower, knowing that soon he will have to kill Dumbledore.)

SNAPE:
Who is this man, what sort of devil is he
To catch us both in this trap
When only I can walk free?
Now the hour is near
And I stand here and wait
Bringing an innocent man to his fate.
Each breath I draw stabs my heart like a knife.
He spared me once
Now I take away his life.

Why would he want to die just to save me?
How is my life more important than he?
If I died, nobody would care!
I am a man no one should spare!
Nothing makes any sense anymore.
It is either Snape or Dumbledore!

How can this man command me now
To fall back into villainy?
The Dark Arts once were my addiction
The thing I once was
Relied on that buzz.

Albus deserves a grander death
It is his right.
It is my right to die, as well.
Instead, I live, but live in hell.

And tonight, I’ll rejoin
All those Death Eater scum.
Can my willpower stand it?
And what will I become?

And must I now begin to fear
After these cold, unruffled years?
My heart is stone… but now it trembles.
I don’t recognize
The fear in my eyes.
As I prepare to cast this spell…
Doesn’t he know
That dying so I can live on
This man has killed me even so?

I am climbing up the stairs
And my eyes are black and cold
As I stare into the void
Of a world that cannot hold
I retreat to my own world
To the bitter world of Snape
There is nothing I can do
There is no way to escape!

(He charges up the stairs, flings the door open, and kills Dumbledore.)


11. Learning (Turning)

(In Deathly Hallows, after the first fight against Voldemort, everyone thinks Harry’s dead.)

STUDENTS:
Did you see him going off to fight?
Standing like a hero, but he didn’t last the night.
Did you see him lying where he died?
Hagrid held and cradled him
Did you see how he cried?
Did you see him walk to suicide?
Who will wake him?

VOLDEMORT:
No one ever will!
Didn’t even try, because he knew that I would kill.
Stupid schoolboy, fought me one-on-one.
Now he’s gone forever, and my new regime’s begun.
I will conquer, now the fighting’s done!

STUDENTS:
Everything’s changed, can we stay alive
When not even Harry Potter managed to survive?
What can we do? What’s the use of tears?
What’s the use of crying when only the Dark Lord hears?

VOLDEMORT:
Learning, learning, finally they see
This world has no justice
Instead, all there is is me.
Nothing changes, nothing ever can
I put Potter in his place, we’re back where we began.
Round and round and back where we began.


12. Empty Chairs At The House Tables (Empty Chairs At Empty Tables)

(Harry is walking through the Great Hall under the Invisibility cloak, looking at the dead bodies lying out on the tables.)

HARRY:
There’s a grief that can’t be spoken
There’s a pain goes on and on
Empty chairs at the house tables
Now my friends are dead and gone.

Here we talked and laughed at mealtime
Here’s the seats we’d always claim.
Here we talked about tomorrow
But tomorrow never came.

On the table now they’re stretched out
And their eyes are wide and blank
They are lying there unseeing
Right where I ate and drank.

The very walls that kept them safe
Became their resting places
Broken bodies stay as souls flit on…

Oh my friends, my friends forgive me
That I live and you are gone
There’s a grief that can’t be spoken
There’s a pain goes on and on.

I can see them through the window
Every minute killing more.
Empty chairs at the house tables
Splattered now with blood and gore.

Oh my friends, my friends, don’t ask me
What your sacrifice was for
Empty chairs at the house tables
Where my friends will eat no more.


13. Heir of Slytherin Reprise (Wedding Chorale/Beggar at the Feast)
(The Death Eaters are convinced Harry is dead and are partying.)

DEATH EATERS:
Bust out the booze upon this day of days!
May all the servants of the great Dark Lord
In jubilation dance in drunken haze!
Death conquers all
Except Voldemort.

VOLDEMORT:
Ain’t it a laugh, ain’t it a treat?
I’m standing here and Potter is beat!
Some Weasley’s dead, that werewolf, too.
So’s Bellatrix, but what can you do?
Hogwarts at my feet
Hogwarts in the dust.
What a lovely day for quenching my bloodlust?

Heir of Slytherin, master of the school
I’m no longer threatened by that Potter fool.
Everywhere I go terrorizing folk
Sparing those I want to, but they mostly croak.

DEATH EATERS:
Glad we’re with the Dark Lord this day
What a happy hour we spend!
Serves all those who hate it
We’re the ones who made it in the end.

VOLDEMORT:
Watch the buggers duel, watch ‘em ‘till they drop
Keep your wits about you and you stand on top.
Master of the land, Horcruxes to spare
Drop an atom bomb on me, and I’m still there!
I love the way things are going.
What a future I can smell!
A new flag is unfurlin’,
Merlin! Think I’ll go get drunk as well!


14. Finale
(Harry walks back into the Great Hall to duel Voldemort, scaring the poo out of him.)

HARRY:
Now I’ve returned
Again, before you.
I’ll fight you like a man
For now I’m not afraid.

VOLDEMORT:
You will die, Potter, you’re going to die.
You’ve returned in time to say goodbye.

HARRY:
Oh, but Tom, I don’t think that I’ll die.
Kill me now
Come on, try.
Don’t you see that love protects my friends from you?
Don’t you know the magic that love can do?
Even Severus Snape was once in love, too.
My mother gave her life for me
Snape loved her his whole life through.

VOLDEMORT:
Snape killed Dumbledore upon my orders!

HARRY:
Wrong again! Love made Snape cross the borders.
And finally, I’m here to tell his story.
Despised and hated for so long, in death he’ll come to glory.
Riddle, try, repent, show some remorse for once.
Think of love, your splintered soul without it.
There’s a sad price for all of those who doubt it.
Love conquers death, and I’m the master
Of the Elder Wand!

(Harry and Voldemort fire curses at each other. Voldemort’s Avada Kedavra hits him, and he dies. Everyone stands in silence, speechless, unknowing what to say. After what seems like an eternity, Neville begins to sing quietly.)

NEVILLE:
Do you hear the people scream?
Screaming with triumph and with joy.
It is the music of the Phoenix
Harry, you’re their golden boy.

For the night’s ending at last
And there’s a flame that never dies
Like the Phoenix, we once fell
And tonight we rise.

(Other students begin to join in.)

STUDENTS:
We will live again in freedom
From the terrible Dark Lord
You’ve defeated Voldemort

HARRY:
With help from Neville and his sword!

ALL:
The Gryffindor lion has swallowed the serpent and roared!

HARRY:
Now I’m basking in the light
Thank you to those who stood by me.
Without you, Volders would still be here
And I’d be history.
Do you hear the phoenix sing?
Do you see Dumbledore’s glad face?
The future’s shining bright ahead
For the human race.


PEEVES:
We did it, we bashed him in
Potty wee Potty is the one
And Voldy has gone mouldy, too
So now let’s have a bit of fun.

ALL:
Do you hear old Peevesy sing?
Now that the strife and battle’s done
The Phoenix rises from the ash
Like the dawning sun…
Ohhhh, the dawning sun!

FIN