Lily hadn’t been asleep at all. Yes, she had been lying in bed, with her curtains drawn since ten o’clock, but her eyes had never closed. She lay, facing her clock, watching the minutes tick closer and closer to twelve, thinking the whole time about what she had agreed to.
But she wasn’t regretting it. She wasn’t regretting telling Potter and Black that she would help with their little prank. She wasn’t regretting telling James that she would meet him in the common room at midnight to discuss the finer details of the plan in which she was a co-conspirator.
If she were regretting it, she wouldn’t be awake, thinking of how good it was going to feel to get back at Bellatrix for what she did.
Lily walked down the hall at 9:30 on a Wednesday night, having taken advantage of her later curfew. All she could hear were her footsteps on the marble of the staircase. And someone else’s.
Lily looked up from the book that she was caring in her arms and looked around what seemed to be a deserted hallway.
That’s when she saw her walking around the corner, twirling her wand between her fingers.
Bellatrix Black, with her long straight black hair, heavy eye makeup and short skirt, looked rather intimidating next to Lily who practically looked like a saint with her curly red locks, natural looking makeup, and plain skirt.
“Oh, hello Mudblood, how are you doing this fine evening?”
“It’s after hours Bellatrix, you should be in your common room,” Lily answered with as much force as should could muster.
“And you are allowed to be out?” Bellatrix asked with mock interest as they walked closer to each other, Bellatrix twisting her finger around a lock of black hair.
“I’m a prefect, if your teeny little brain can’t remember. I could report you to Slughorn,” Lily shot back.
“Oh! Little Lily Evans is trying to threaten Big Bad Bella! You don’t seem so sure of yourself without Potter around to protect you.”
Those words stung Lily more than Mudblood.
“Ickle Potter isn’t around to save you. And you know he won’t always be, and without him around, what will happen to you?”
Lily tightened her jaw as she and Bellatrix circled each other.
“I don’t need Potter,” Lily replied icily.
“Oh, is that right?” Bellatrix asked in a teasing manner.
“Yeah, that’s right. I can take care of myself, no matter what he thinks. I can take care of my own problems and my own life, and I don’t need his help or input.”
“But what if something were to happen to you? What would happen to those dear parents of yours? And your sister, Petunia right?”
“What are you talking about?” Lily asked, suddenly alarmed.
“Well, what if someone was to hurt those cute little parents of yours and you weren’t around to save them?”
“Is that a threat?”
“Only if you want it to be,” Bellatrix answered, a smirk playing upon her lips.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means that the Dark Lord is growing stronger and soon there will be no one around to protect you, and slowly everyone you love will fall. That is, of course, unless you join the right side, the good side. With every person that joins him, there is one less person standing in their way of greatness.”
“Oh, not this greatness rubbish again. Do you honestly think that by hurting innocent people you will become the greatest witch ever known? Do you seriously believe that?”
“If you were on the good side, you would.” Bellatrix replied without a moment’s hesitation.
“I’m already on the good side, your ‘Dark Lord’, he won’t last through this year before someone takes him down.”
“Is that a threat? You, a mere Mudblood, plan to take him on? The greatest wizard ever known?”
“Only if you want it to be,” Lily answered smartly. “Your little ‘Lord Voldemort’,” Lily scoffed, “Will never be the greatest wizard as long as someone is there to challenge him.”
Bellatrix shrugged, “Fine Miss Evans, but don’t be too shocked when your perfect little life, becomes, shall we say, not so perfect anymore.”
With that, Bellatrix walked away, still holding her wand in front of her.
And for probably the first time in Lily’s life, she was scared.
And Lily Evans didn’t like that one little bit.
Lily silently slipped out of bed at midnight. She walked over to her trunk and opened it with a loud squeak. Lily slammed her eyes shut, looking around the room with half lidded eyes, but none of her roommates had stirred. She quickly grabbed her things and changed from her dressing gown into some Muggle clothes jeans and a blue jumper, sliding on her worn trainers. Lily closed the curtains around her four poster, slipped her wand from her nightstand into the pocket of her jeans, and walked silently across the dormitory. She stopped briefly to look at herself in the mirror. She ran her fingers through her hair to try and tame her wild curls. Lily was halfway through fixing her makeup with her wand when she thought to herself in disgust Evans! What the hell are you doing? It’s Potter! She instantly stopped and opened the door and closed it carefully trying to make as little noise as possible.
As she descended the stairs to the common room, she wondered if this wasn’t a trick to get her in trouble. Knowing Potter, it wasn’t a complete impossibility. She stopped on the stairs, seriously considering going back. Was revenge enough of a reason to threaten her chances at Head Girl? What she heard next made the decision for her.
“Evans? Are you there?” she heard a familiar voice whisper.
It was now or never.
“Yeah,” she whispered back, descending the rest of the stairs.
It was pitch black in the common room, so Lily took out her wand and wordlessly lit the tip, bringing James into focus.
“So are you ready to learn the details?” James asked as he started to walk toward the portrait hole.
“Wait, we’re leaving the Tower? Why can’t we do it here?” Lily questioned, suddenly alarmed.
“Too risky. It is too easy to be overheard in this place. Trust me, you learn from experience,” James explained, walking again toward the portrait hole. Lily still hadn’t moved. “Well? Are you helping me or not Evans?”
Lily sighed and walked forward and said, “I’m coming, I’m coming.”
Lily followed James out of the portrait hole, getting a good look at the back of James.
He’s got a good rear, Lily thought to herself as they stepped out of the tower. Stop that Lily! You don’t like him! She shook her head violently, trying to rid her head of those thoughts.
James stopped and took a silvery piece of fabric out of the pocket of his pants. He took it and put it around himself, extending one arm out so that Lily could get under the cloak as well.
Lily stayed where she was.
“Is this your idea of a sick joke?” Lily questioned seriously. “You’re pushing your luck getting me out of Gryffindor Tower. Now you think we’re going to stand within a foot of each other? Were you dropped on your head as a child?” Lily continued sarcastically.
“Fine, I won’t get caught. You try explaining to Filch why you’re out and about, by yourself I might add, at one o’clock in the morning. Tell me how that ends,” James shot back in a fierce whisper as he covered himself with the cloak.
And then he vanished.
“Potter! Potter!” she whispered desperately, waiting for that ruddy head of his to pop out of thin air.
Nothing.
“Fine! James! James!” the words felt strange coming from her mouth.
“You rang?” he answered cockily as his head appeared ten feet away from her.
Lily mumbled something that she knew he could here.
“Sorry, didn’t quite catch that. You might want to speak up, Evans.”
She could hear the smile in his voice.
“Can I come under the cloak with you?” Lily said, wincing as if it caused her physical pain to say the words.
“Why Evans, I thought you would never ask,” he replied, opening up the cloak again. Lily walked over with as much dignity as she could to stand next to James and he closed the cloak around them both.
“Don’t try anything funny, Potter,” Lily told him menacingly while James just laughed.
As they walked, James reached into his pocket again, this time pulling out a piece of ragged parchment along with his wand.
“I solemnly swear that I’m up to no good,” James murmured as he held the piece of parchment off to the side, trying to make it so that Lily couldn’t see it.
Lily tried to look around James’ body as they walked, trying to see what was appearing, but James was effectively blocking her view.
“What is th-“ Lily started but was cut off.
“I’m not going to show you,” James replied hastily without looking away from the parchment.
“But why do you-“she began again.
“Now Evans, you don’t need to know, I’m not going to tell you, and you are never going to know.”
“Don’t I-“ Lily began for a third time, but this time she stopped herself. His words seemed to be law and she tried to contain her curiosity.
Lily looked straight ahead, trying to look ahead and ignore the mumblings that she heard coming from the person next to her. She occasionally glanced over, but she still couldn’t see.
“What the hell is that thing?” Lily asked, unable to hold back her curiosity.
“Just one of the secrets that belongs to the Marauders,” James answered mischievously.
“Well I had assumed that much,” Lily replied, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. “But I guess that means you won’t tell me what your using it for?”
“No, I’ll tell you. I’m using to help us reach our destination without getting caught. Good with you?”
Lily nodded. “Yeah, but what is it?”
“Do I really need to repeat myself? Mischief Managed!” he concluded, bringing the ragged piece of parchment into her view again.
Lily grabbed it out of his hands, opening it up and trying to see a trace of anything. She took out her wand and began tapping it when words appeared.
Mr. Padfoot would like to know how a certain Ms. Evans came across the piece of parchment and would like to ask Mr. Prongs if he betrayed one of the Marauder secrets.
Mr. Prongs would like to tell Ms. Evans that she is the most beautiful girl that he has ever seen and would like to tell Mr. Padfoot that no, he would never betray one of our secrets. Ms. Evans must have come across it on her own.
Mr.Moony would like to tell Ms. Evans that she should not dive into their business anymore than she already has
Mr. Wormtail would like to congratulate Ms. Evans on finding one of the secrets of the Marauders but would advise her to give it away.
“Where did you get this? What is it anyway? An advice parchment or something?”
“I didn’t get it anywhere if you must know, “James stated simply. “I made it.”
“What? But how? I mean your not that smar- I mean, I didn’t know you could do that!” Lily whispered excitedly.
“You can say it, Lily. You didn’t know I was smart enough to do something like that, did you?”
“It’s not that. I mean, I know your good at Transfiguration, how else could you have managed to become an Animagus, but I thought you were really bad at Charms!”
“Do my ears deceive me? Did Lily Evans actually give me, James Potter, a compliment?” James asked with a mock aura of shock.
Lily swatted his shoulder and said, “Oh come on Potter, we both know that you’re not a complete airhead.”
“Yes, but I thought when this day would come I would at least have some witnesses. I mean, how am I supposed to prove that you said it? Would you be willing to put that in writing?”
Lily laughed and said, “Take what you can get Potter.”
They fell silent after that, as James led them, to what Lily thought was aimless, to their destination.
“We’re here,” James said, but he kept walking.
Lily followed as James walked twenty feet in one direction, and then to her surprise turned around and walked twenty feet in the opposite direction.
“James, what the hell are you doing?”
He didn’t respond but repeated the process.
“There isn’t even a door here. What’s going to happen? Are we going to pace in an empty hallway? That’s your brilliant plan?”
James finally stopped and said, “Evans, for once in your life, could you shut up for five seconds?”
He finished his final pace as Lily gave him what she thought was a death glare, and then he stopped and Lily turned and saw…
A door.
“What? But how did you?” Lily asked as she followed him in through the door.
“Wow,” was all she could manage as she stepped into the room.
“Evans, welcome to the Come and Go Room, also known as the Room of Requirement,” James said as he plopped himself down on a large red couch. “Or the Marauder’s Planning Room. Founded by the Marauders only this year. Shame we missed it before.”
The large cathedral ceiling seemed to reach on forever as tall windows gave a view to the entire grounds. One whole side of the room was a giant bookshelf, filled with books about every subject under the sun. The majority of the room was filled with large couches and tables filled to the brim with food. On one wall, was what seemed to be a larger version of the map that James had used only minutes before.
James grabbed a handful of grapes off of one of the large platters of food and was throwing them up into the air and catching them in his mouth as Lily walked and sat down on the couch opposite of him.
“I take it you didn’t know this room existed,” James guessed as he looked at Lily’s face as she still tried to take in all the details of the room.
“No clue,” Lily admitted as she finally looked at James.
James laughed as he sank back into the couch.
“So are you ready?” James asked nonchalantly.
“Ready for what?” Lily questioned.
“To become an honorary Marauder.”
When Lily woke up later that day, she groaned as she looked at the time.
7:14
Lily took a pillow and placed it over head.
Go back to sleep! she ordered herself.
She knew she should be tired. She had stayed up until nearly three o’clock in the morning.
Doing what exactly she still couldn’t believe.
Lily could still not believe that she had stayed up until three o’clock in the morning. She had never done that with anyone before.
Especially not James Potter.
She should want to sleep until noon, not be awake after only four hours of sleep. She should have to be woken up by Emma because she was sleeping the day away. And above all, she should have not have stayed up talking and eating food until three o’clock in the morning.
Especially not with James Potter.
She groaned again as she tried to smash her head farther into the mattress. She hated herself. She hated that she had hung out with James Potter. And she hadn’t been threatened to. Or blackmailed. She had done it willingly. That was what was making her angry at herself. The fact that she was looking forward to hanging out with James again that night was why she didn’t want to leave the confines of her dormitory.
She started screaming into her pillow, knowing it muffled her screams. Lily screamed again when she heard her curtains being drawn back.
“Lily, what are you doing?” Mary Macdonald asked her longtime friend. “May I remind you that it is not even seven thirty on a SATURDAY MORNING?”
“Sorry, Mary, I just can’t sleep,” Lily answered as she sat up and tried to rub the sleep from her eyes.
“Well, now that you have woken me up, you are being forced to come with me to breakfast. So get dressed my friend, before I decide to kill you,” Mary stated with finality and turned around to get ready herself.
Lily got up, finding her skirt and shirt, hastily throwing them on and was tying her tie when Emma walked back into the room. They both walked to the mirror by the door, fixing their hair and makeup with a wave of their wands.
“This is one of those moments when I love being a witch,” Mary said happily as they both left the dormitory.
When they entered the Great Hall, Lily wasn’t sure what to do. Should she sit near James? Or sit farther away? She didn’t have to worry though because Mary made her decision for her. Lily ended up sitting diagonally from James and Emma sat on her left.
“So, why were you up this early, Lily?” Mary asked nonchalantly as she buttered a piece of toast.
“Oh, no reason really, just couldn’t sleep well is all,” Lily said, deliberately avoiding eye contact with James.
“Oh,” Mary replied, disappointedly.
Lily grabbed two pieces of toast and began putting jelly on them. That’s when it hit Lily.
What is Mary going to think? What is everyone else going to think? How could I just agree to do this? What are the consequences going to be? Lily’s frantic thoughts caused her to stare blankly at her piece of toast.
“That piece of toast must be really interesting, Evans,” James said, laughing.
This snapped Lily out of her trance and she finally looked at him.
“Just thinking,” Lily said.
Then something happened that made everyone at the table think that hell was freezing over.
“Potter, I mean James, can I talk to you? You know, alone?” Lily said in a whisper that everyone heard.
Mary instantly looked up from the Daily Prophet that she had been reading, Remus looked up from his book, Sirius stopped eating, a piece of egg hanging out of his mouth, and Peter continued loading his plate with bacon as if nothing had happened.
“Um, sure,” James answered as both he and Lily stood up and walked toward the door to the Great Hall.
Lily felt stares on her back as they walked away. If it’s this bad when we are just going to talk, how bad will it be when they find out that I was in on a prank with him?
Once they were out of view of the Great Hall, Lily stopped and James stopped with her.
“So, what is this little get together about exactly? You know, not that I’m not excited to be alone with you in a deserted hallway,” James commented when Lily hadn’t said anything.
“Well, I was thinking about, you know tonight and I realized I can’t do it,” Lily said in a rush.
“What? Why not?” James asked shocked. “I thought you were all up for it? I thought you wanted to get back at Bellatrix?”
“I did, but now I realized it’s not really worth getting in trouble for,” Lily said, trying to pass it off as nothing.
“Evans, I mean Lily, you do remember what she did to you? You didn’t forget that did you?”
“No, I didn’t forget, but I’m not going to sink to her level.”
James saw from the look on her face that wasn’t the real reason.
“That’s not what this is about, is it Lily.”
“What?”
“You’re afraid, that’s why you don’t want to do this.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Lily commented as she turned around to face the wall.
“Oh yes you do, you still want revenge, you’re just scared,” James said simply.
“I am not scared.”
“Oh come on Lily, we both know it. You’re afraid to take a little risk.”
Lily looked at him appalled, “I am not afraid to take a risk!”
“Okay, tell me one time that you broke the rules, just one time,” James said, laughing at her all the while.
“Well just because I never have taken a risk, doesn’t mean I’m afraid to!”
“Oh, come on Lily, take a risk, take a chance! Just this once!”
“No! You can’t tell me what to do!” Lily said as she started to walk away.
“I’m not telling you what to do! It’s not my fault that you haven’t lived a single moment in your life!”
Lily whirled around. “Excuse me, but what is this exactly?” she shouted back as she breathed in and out at a faster pace, exaggerating the inhale and exhale. “I would call that living!” Lily turned around again, walking towards the large marble staircase.
“Oh, Evans you know what I mean! You haven’t truly lived a second! You haven’t broken the rules, taken a risk, hell done anything that you really want to do your entire life!”
“Don’t act like you know me because you don’t!”
“Oh really Evans, when has your adrenaline ever been pumping through you? Have you ever been running so hard, so fast, away from someone that is going to catch you that you feel like your heart is going to explode? Have you ever done something your parents told you NOT to do? Have you ever done something because YOU wanted to do it, not because someone told you to? Have you ever done something so reckless that you’re hoping the whole time it doesn’t get you killed? Have you ever been snogging someone so hard that you are praying to Merlin every second that someone doesn’t walk it? Have you ever been so in love with someone that you would jump off a cliff for them? Hell, have you ever jumped off a cliff? When has that happened to you? Any of it?”
Lily just stood there and stared him in the eyes, not saying a word.
“See Lily, you can’t say you have, can you? If you don’t come with me tonight, if you don’t do this thing that I know deep down that you want to do, it is one more night that you haven’t lived. But fine, do what you want, spend your whole life not truly living. I don’t care,” James finished and walked up the stairs.
Lily just stood at the bottom of the stairs, unable to say a word.
Learning To Live by MarauderWannabe
Chapter Notes: all JKR's, R&R
Chapter Endnotes: So, hopefully now you get the title. I'm about halfway through writing ch. 3(as of 3/30), so i expect it to be done soon adn then it is only a matter for the mods to decide how quickly the rest of you get to see it! As always a review would be great!
-kel