Lily stalked angrily across the Entrance Hall and out the large oak doors separating her from the beautiful day outside. She kept her poise as she walked toward her favorite oak tree, which so happened to be conveniently on the opposite side of the lake from the tree that James Potter was often found at. Eyeing the tree, that was all she kept in mind. The sound of her feet hitting the grass, the rippling of the water in the lake, and large, safe oak tree a hundred metres away were the only thoughts that she let pass over her mind.
Once she reached the tree, she leaned against the tree, sliding down until she felt the grass and ground underneath her. Still not letting a sound escape her, she stared blanking at the gently moving water.
He is definitely wrong! she thought indignantly. I most certainly have lived! I mean, I’ve done lots of things! Lily nodded her head, as to reassure herself that Potter was wrong, and that she was right.
Lily wanted so badly to be right.
I have done plenty of things in these past seventeen years. I mean, I’ve gone to school, I got great O.W.L. scores, I became a prefect, I, I, Lily stopped her thoughts again as she had run out of big accomplishments for herself. She began angrily ripping the grass out of the ground, putting all her anger into the task. Then she thought of another.
Hey! I stood up to Bellatrix! Yeah, I stood up to Bellatrix all by myself, no help from dear old Potter.
Well, she thought truthfully, okay, I didn’t really stand up to Bellatrix. I just, kind of conspired to. Which I didn’t exactly follow through with. And Potter helped me with that too…
Lily sighed loudly. She simply couldn’t believe it. She really hadn’t done anything. She looked away from the water, instead glancing across it and the large amount of students that were on the opposite side. A few were throwing a Quaffle back and forth; others were swimming in the lake as others screamed that the giant squid was behind them. And then there was a lone girl, sitting with a book open while her friend tried to convince her to come in the water.
That’s me, Lily couldn’t help but think.
Dammit, she admitted silently, Potter was right.
*****
James sighed loudly as he fell onto his four poster bed. He stared up at the gold leafed ceiling trying to wake up from the dream he was sure he was in.
Only in a dream would James Potter truly yell at Lily Evans.
And tell her that she hadn’t lived.
And basically insult her to no end so that she would probably never speak to him again.
Great, he thought to himself as he heard the dorm door open and slam shut.
“What are you doing, Prongs?” Sirius said as he sat on his own bed, facing James, and twirling his wand between his fingers with apparent ease.
“Dying,” James replied simply.
“Lily? Again? What did she do now? Wait, she didn’t rat us out to Filch did she?” Sirius asked sharply.
“Yes and no, well at least I think she didn’t rat us out. At least, I don’t think she did, or would…”
“What did she do?” Sirius insisted tiredly.
“She didn’t do anything. I am simply an idiot.”
“You didn’t ask her out again did you? I thought your whole strategy or whatever you’re calling it now, was to not ask her out?” Sirius said with a hint of sarcasm.
“No, Padfoot, I didn’t ask her out. I did something a hundred times worse and she will probably never forgive me and hate me forever,” James exclaimed, exasperated as he hit himself on the head with his fist.
“Wait, did you kiss her, Prongs? Seriously? Because, at least if you did that then you wouldn’t go forever without getting your dream!” Sirius added hopefully, but was to no avail as James face just went into a deeper frown.
“No, but I wish that was why she won’t speak to me.”
“Then what did you do?”
James sat up, running his hands through his hair as he faced his best friend. Maybe admitting it is the first step… he thought.
“I basically told her that she was being a coward and that she hadn’t lived a moment in her life, and I possibly insulted her beyond return,” James blurted out.
Sirius let out a low whistle.
“I have to admit, James, you have dug yourself into some pretty deep holes when it comes to Evans, but, wow. I don’t know how you’re getting out of this one.”
“Thanks for the encouragement, Padfoot.”
*****
Lily still sat by her tree as she saw almost all of the students on the opposite side of the lake heading in for lunch. She still didn’t move, even though she could feel the hunger pains eating away at her. She couldn’t go in and have the chance of seeing him. She didn’t think she could face him at all.
Especially since she knew that he was right.
He had been right about everything. He had been right about the long list of things that she had never done and he had. He was right that she was afraid of what would happen, what her friends and everyone else would think if she helped him carry out a prank. Hadn’t that been the reason she had asked to see him alone? To tell him that she didn’t want to go through with it? Even though she knew deep down it was because she was afraid?
That wasn’t even the part that scared her the most.
If James Potter was right about this, what else was he right about?
*****
James walked down to the Great Hall with Sirius. Even if he had ruined all his chances with Lily, that didn’t mean he wasn’t still hungry. Sirius and he sat down, instantly loading their plates high with some of everything until it was a mountain of indiscernible food. James stuck his fork into it, pulling out a jumble of the concoction as Sirius had already had five forkfuls. James could never keep up with his best friend.
James had to admit, part of the reason he came down to lunch at all, and hadn’t simply had one of the house elves bring up some food for him was the slight hope that Lily would be there. Girls have to eat don’t they? he had thought when Sirius moaned of his starving body and how his was shriveling into nothing. He had an even slighter chance of her talking to him.
But, he thought, putting another forkful of food into his mouth, if she shows up, she might talk to me. James was eating much slower than his normal pace because subconsciously, his mind made him look up from his food and toward the door to the Great Hall between every bite. His hope skyrocketed when he saw her best friend, Mary Macdonald, walk into the great hall, her blonde hair blowing behind her as she walked quickly towards where the two marauders were sitting.
She sat down next to Sirius and asked, “Have either of you seen Lily? I can’t find her anywhere.”
“What do you mean? Haven’t you seen her?” James answered, Sirius finishing off his mountain of food.
“Not since breakfast when she left with you to have that ‘talk’. What was that about anyway?” Mary replied questioningly.
“Nothing important,” Sirius spoke up quickly, before eyeing James still full plate.
James sighed and pushed his plate across the table while Mary watched on in disgust and awe, temporarily losing her train of thought.
“Oh, well, if you do see her, could you tell her to meet me in the library? She promised me she would help me with my Charms paper.”
“Sure, Mary, we’ll tell her,” James reassured, running his hands through his hair again.
“Thanks!” Mary said, grabbing her bag and once again walking out of the now almost empty Great Hall.
James then took up the position of staring blankly across the Great Hall as Sirius finished his portion of shepherd’s pie. The sound of Sirius’ fork hitting the plate snapped James from his trance. Sirius eyes snapped up to James now concentrated face.
“So, are we still going through with tonight?” Sirius whispered conspiratorially. “Even without Evans?”
James had to think about this. Could they pull it off without her?
“Yeah, we’ll still do it. We just have to be a tad more creative,” James faked a smile as they both stood up and began walking out of the Great Hall.
Well, it’s not like she could hate me anymore than she already does. Right?
*****
Lily walked into the library.
It was impulse.
She always came here when she just needed to be, the books and silence were comforting, the only part of the Muggle world that was unchanged in all of Hogwarts. Lily sat down at a table in the midst of it all and simply traced the lines of the wood on the table with her fingers as she let her mind wander.
“Lily! Oh, thank Merlin I found you! I’ve been looking for you every where!” Lily’s best friend’s voice interrupted her thoughts. Lily snapped her head up and forced a smile upon her face.
“Yeah, I was just outside enjoying the weather, I hear it’s supposed to rain tonight and I wanted to enjoy it,” Lily replied as Mary sat down across from her, her golden locks falling over her face as she reached down to pull a piece of parchment and quill and ink from her bag.
“Well, I’m just glad I found you! This Charms essay is really tough for me. I still don’t know why I took this class at N.E.W.T. level. You were always the expert. Thanks for agreeing to help me,” Mary rambled.
Somewhere, the words struck a chord.
Thanks for agreeing to help me, Lily thought.
“That’s what I told James,” she said, staring at the parchment that Mary had begun scribbling on.
“What?” Mary asked, her quill poised over the table.
Lily’s eyes snapped up to her face, “I told James I would help him, and then, and then, I just didn’t.”
“Are you okay? Lily what are you talking about?”
“I have to go find him, tell him I changed my mind,” Lily said with finality in her voice. “I need to do this. For him. For me.”
Lily stood and walked out of the library.
Mary shouted after her, getting a glare from the librarian, “Lily? Lily? James? As in James Potter? You have to help James Potter? Lily where are you going? I still need your help?”
But Lily didn’t hear her questions.
*****
“So, we have to wait outside? Prongs, that’s awfully risky, I mean what if-“ Sirius was interrupted as the dorm door banged open.
A flushed Lily stood in the doorway before saying defiantly, “I’m back in.”
She was turning around when James stood up and grabbed her shoulder, preventing her from leaving.
“Wh-what?” James managed to get out.
“I’m… Back… In,” Lily enunciated.
“Why?” James asked, exasperated.
“You were right, James. About everything. I want to do this.”
James couldn’t believe the words. Lily wasn’t mad at him.
She said he was right. He could have danced.
But he stopped himself.
“How do we know we can trust you? How do we know you haven’t already run to McGonagall about this? Or Filch?” Sirius questioned skeptically.
“What? You want me to swear that I didn’t tell anyone?”
“Yes, that would be nice,” James replied, smiling.
“Fine. I swear I didn’t tell anyone. Happy?”
“I’m not convinced,” Sirius stated.
“Okay, how about a deal. If you find out, that I set you guys up, I’ll kiss James.”
Dead silence filled the room. Incredulous looks on the boys’ faces.
“I’m serious, I know that is the only way that you guys will trust me again. We have a deal?”
James nodded, “Yeah, yeah, we have a deal.”
“Okay then,” Lily responded happily. “See you at eight, boys.”
With that, Lily turned and left the room.
Sirius whistled low. “You’ve got it so bad, Prongs.”
Learning To Live by MarauderWannabe
Chapter Notes: Don't have a lot to say. Hopefully you guys like the story so far. As always, none of this is mine, it all belongs to JKR.
R/R!
Chapter Endnotes: We all knew that Lily wouldn't stay away for long.....
I want to try something new. When you revied *hint hint*, leave a favorite quote or section of this chapter. I want to see what parts of my writing you guys like the most.
~kel~