Harry felt surprisingly refreshed when he woke up the next morning. The sun was pouring through Ron’s windows. Harry could hear Ron’s snoring nearby and realised they hadn’t been woken up for breakfast. He washed up before heading downstairs to see what was going on. He knocked lightly on Ginny’s door but got no answer. This made him feel worried and he hurried down the stairs, passing the sitting room without looking in. He reached an empty kitchen and stopped short. No one was around. Harry noticed the tea kettle was still warm, whistling softly. He grabbed a cup and filled it before turning around to see Ginny watching him, smiling, from the sitting room.
He walked over and said, ‘Good Morning. Where is everyone?’
Ginny shrugged. ‘Morning – I’m not sure. When I got up, mum was heading out and dad wasn’t here at all. She didn’t say much, just that she was going out.’
Harry nodded absently and sat down next to her. ‘Fancy that talk now, then?’
She smiled. ‘Are you feeling up to it?’
He replied, ‘I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t.’ He reached an arm across the sofa towards her, but she pulled away. He sighed loudly and waited for her to say something.
They sat quietly for a bit, before Harry finally broke the silence. ‘Oh come on – we have to be able to say something. And not to point fingers,’ he spoke tentatively. ‘You’re the one who wanted to talk. Not that I don’t! But I don’t know what to bring up!’
She shook her head. ‘Harry! I know I’m not the only one in this relationship that should be talking about something.’
He gave her a tired look and said, ‘To be honest, sometimes I feel like you know me better than I know you…’ He scratched his head and leaned forward. ‘I don’t know how to convince you I’m here because I really care about you. And I feel like you don’t think I care about you at all.’
Ginny threw her hands up and retorted, ‘Harry! When have I ever said I didn’t think you cared about me?’
She gave him an angry stare and he looked away pointedly. ‘You don’t say anything, you just turn away or say nothing and then I don’t know what to think.’
Ginny gave him a sly look. ‘Someone recently told me that if you don’t know what someone else is thinking, you should ask.’
Harry put his hands up. ‘I don’t want to fight with you. But I don’t want to make you angry by asking questions I should, supposedly, know the answers to.’
Ginny replied, ‘Harry, if we don’t argue, then what do we learn about each other? That we’d rather avoid conflict than talk things out?’
Harry shook his head. ‘No. You know I care about you, don’t you?’
She didn’t look up but replied blandly, ‘Of course. You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t.’
Harry leaned close to her. ‘You know, that didn’t sound convincing at all.’
He was sitting very close to her now. He could feel her shift her weight, her hair passing a finger’s width away from him. Her scent was all around him and yet she didn’t say anything. He leaned further over and pushed her hair away from her face, kissing her softly on the cheek. He whispered quietly, ‘What are you thinking?’
She turned to face him and said quietly, ‘I don’t know what to think. A year ago, you were going to your death. And now…you’re here, in the flesh and blood, and I feel like you’re still not here.’ She took one of his hands in both of hers and said, ‘Harry, please don’t be cross with me, we both have so much emotional baggage right now…’
He laughed softly. ‘Then doesn’t that mean we’re even?’
She shook her head, her hair falling around her face. ‘I don’t think that’s how it works.’
Harry leaned over further, wrapping his arm around her. ‘How does it work then?’
She laughed and replied, ‘If I knew, do you think we’d need to have this conversation!’
She leaned into his embrace and continued, ‘Some days I just wonder why you’d choose to be with someone like me when you’re the hero of the magical world!’
Harry sighed. ‘So, we finally get to it.’
She pulled away and gave him a sad look. ‘Oh come on, Harry! Can you blame me?’
He crossed his arms and replied tartly, ‘Yes, yes I can. How can you think for a second that I’m some sort of two-timing guy? I’m not stringing you along and I don’t have eyes for anyone else.’
He felt thoroughly nettled, but didn’t say anything. Ginny continued, ‘Harry, you’ve been a celebrity to me my whole life. When we were dating, back in my fifth year, it was amazing. I…I never knew you like that before. You still seem like the same wonderful guy, but you’re so much darker.’
He turned to her. ‘Ginny, I am the same guy. I know we aren’t going to be the same two people we were back then, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to have something new and special with you now.’
Ginny nodded absently and said, ‘I do want that, Harry. But there are so many…’
She looked at him sadly and he replied, ‘And there always will be. I think we’re fine. We don’t make up after rows like Ron and Hermione, but I think we’re fine. We just need to spend more time together.’
She laughed softly. ‘We don’t have much more time for that, do we? My Hogwarts letter should be coming soon.’
He nodded. ‘I wonder if McGonagall will send one to me…’
Ginny replied, ‘Why would she? She can’t think you’re going to come back? What for?’
He took her hand in his and said, ‘Well, I’d go back for you, if you wanted me to.’
She shook her head and said emphatically, ‘Oh no, Harry, I’m not going to ask you to go back when I know you don’t want to! You’d hate me for forcing you.’
He laughed. ‘I don’t think I could ever hate you.’
Ginny shook her head and got up slowly. ‘Harry, when you say things like that, you make me feel guilty.’
He watched her get up, but didn’t move. ‘Guilty? Why should you feel guilty?’
She shrugged. ‘I don’t know – like I’m imposing my will on you or something.’
He replied slowly. ‘But you’re not. You even know what I want instead. If anyone should feel guilty, it’s me! I don’t know what it is you want, but you seem to know me pretty well.’
She headed towards the kitchen saying, ‘But, Harry, I’ve taken a larger interest in you than you’ve ever had in me.’
He got up quickly and followed her into the kitchen where Ginny was pulling a few pieces of breakfast together. He said quietly, ‘This is when I think you’re justified in thinking I’m not a very good boyfriend.’
She smiled softly. ‘Harry – you never had any reason to know –’
He didn’t let her finish, cutting her off, ‘If I’m your boyfriend, if I care about you, then I should take an interest. And you should be able to tell.’
He had a very stern look on his face and she replied, ‘Harry, this is why we need to talk more and…well, talk more.’
She blushed slightly and he said, ‘We do…but now I feel bad about…well, about what I’ve put you through.’
She put a couple plates on the table and said, ‘Harry, you’ve been busy.’
Harry walked over and stood next to her, leaning against the counter. ‘That doesn’t sound like a valid excuse to me: too busy for my own girlfriend.’
She patted him on the arm and said, ‘Harry, don’t beat yourself up about it. We’ve talked things out and…’ She smiled sadly, ‘And don’t we feel better?’
He laughed sourly. ‘Loads better.’
He watched Ginny quietly and finally said, ‘You’re not making me breakfast are you? I should be making you breakfast!!’
She turned and laughed. ‘What do you know about the kitchen?’
Harry replied quietly, ‘Well, I know how to get around a Muggle kitchen.’
Ginny gave him a questioning look, then understanding, as she realised what he was alluding to. She said quietly, ‘Oh, of course.’
He shook his head. ‘It’s really nothing – I mean, we all have to do things to be…domesticated, right?’
She nodded. ‘Well, being the only girl,’ she laughed, ‘Actually, all my brothers always took good care of me.’
Harry moved around the kitchen deftly, but realised there weren’t nearly as many appliances as in a normal, Muggle kitchen. Ginny smiled and asked, ‘Having trouble finding something?’
He laughed. ‘Well, I’m used to having, you know…appliances and such!’
He tapped his wand absently on the counter and then said, ‘Well, I can’t toast the bread – but I can make you cereal!’
He pulled a couple of bowls out and could hear Ginny giggling behind him. ‘Wow, Harry, you really showed me!’
He turned and smiled. ‘See, I can take care of you.’
She tilted her head and said, ‘I never doubted that.’
He placed both bowls on the table and pulled the cereal box out of the pantry and placed it with the milk onto the table. He motioned to the table and said, ‘That makes me feel better.’
They sat down next to each other. Harry said quietly, ‘We’re still discussing, aren’t we?’
She nodded absently. ‘I think so – I’m not sure how we’re doing, to be honest.’
He laughed. ‘I’ll be the optimist, we’re doing great!’ He sighed, and said more quietly, ‘At least I know what I need to do. Though I’m hoping you’ll help me.’
She nodded. ‘Sure, Harry, of course, however I’m not sure how to help you.’
He placed his hand on the back of her chair and leaned closer to her. ‘Ginny, the only way I can know more about you is if you open up and tell me things’
She gave him a sceptical, side-long look. ‘I don’t know. Don’t we both have enough to be concerned with?’
Harry dropped his spoon into his cereal and stood up all in one smooth motion. ‘Ginny – this is exactly what I’m talking about! There will always be an insane number of things worrying us, but aren’t we important enough to each other to stop other things from getting in the way?’
Her eyes bulged slightly as his voice raised, but she replied calmly, ‘Harry, that isn’t what I’m saying. You are, we are – but there are so many things going on right now. I just want a few staples in my life…’
Harry bent down next to her chair. ‘Why don’t you let me be that staple in your life? That’s what we’ve been talking about, isn’t it?’
His face was close to hers, and she turned her face to his, leaning forward and kissing him softly. He could feel her hands creeping up his arms to his neck and face and he caught her hands and pulled himself away from her. He said breathlessly, ‘You didn’t answer either of my questions.’
She turned away from him and said, ‘I want to, Harry – but I’m afraid of forcing you to do –’
He stood up and took a few steps away from her standing near the counter. ‘Are we going to keep going in circles? I trust you, why can’t you trust me?’
She put her hands in her lap and gave him a helpless look. He shut his eyes knowing he couldn’t trust himself to say anything when she looked at him like that. She cleared her throat and said quietly, ‘I’m sorry, Harry. I do trust you. But I really wish you’d let ‘us’ develop more slowly. Maybe it isn’t you at all – maybe its me. I’m not sure I’m ready.’
Harry turned towards her sadly and said softly, ‘You’ll always be my girl.’
She nodded and smiled weakly. ‘Always.’
He stood there quietly. He felt light-headed and could feel his eyes losing focus. She was there, in the distance. He wondered, was she rejecting him? Did he push her too hard? He turned away. He knew he couldn’t trust his emotions. He was suddenly feeling sick and was thankful for the loud tread of Ron coming into the kitchen. Ron walked in sullenly and sat down heavily at the table. He didn’t seem to notice the tension in the kitchen and said, ‘Where is everyone?’
Harry could hear Ginny, as if from a distance, reply, ‘Dad’s at work and mum went out, she didn’t say where.’
Ron nodded. ‘So, this was the best breakfast you two could come up with?’
Harry sighed and turned around, nodding. ‘It was my idea.’
Ron gave him a questioning look and said, ‘Well, hand me a bowl, mate.’
Harry nodded mutely. He walked over to the table, being careful to neither look at Ginny fully nor get too close to her, and handed Ron the bowl. Ron gave him another strange look and said, ‘Spoon?’
Harry rolled his eyes and Ginny spoke up, ‘Why don’t you get off your lazy arse and stop asking Harry to be your maid-in-waiting!’
Ron shot her an irritated look. ‘Fine. What’s the matter with you two?’
Harry sat back down, pulling his chair away from Ginny’s and said, ‘Nothing.’
Ron laughed. ‘You two should work on that – not even remotely convincing.’
Ginny turned and said harshly, ‘Don’t you have enough to worry about?’
Ron gave her a hard look. ‘Mind your business, Ginny.’
She shot back, ‘Love to!’ She got up quickly and headed out of the kitchen. Harry sat still for a second before bounding down the hall after her. He caught her as she made it up a couple of the stairs and grabbed her arm, saying pleadingly, ‘Ginny, wait.’
Her face was calm and she raised her eyebrows. She took a step down, still a full head higher than Harry on the floor, and said, ‘Are you okay?’
He shook his head and said quietly, ‘Not even close, you?’
She reached for his hands and pulled him towards her. He dragged his feet and couldn’t bring himself to look at her. She said quietly, ‘Harry, look at me.’
He shook his head and turned away. She had been watching him closely and must have sensed his frustration. She continued more quietly, ‘I don’t understand how you can live with so much finality.’
She let go of his hands and put her hands on his face. He tried to pull away but she tightened her grip on him. ‘Harry, nothing I said meant I didn’t want to be with you. Nothing.’
He started to say something but felt the ability of speech escape him. He looked up into her deep, brown eyes and felt himself breaking down and looked away again. She sighed softly and leaned forward, kissing him softly, gently. He felt his heartbreak easing and let himself lean forward before slowly leaning his forehead against hers. He said quietly, ‘I guess I need a staple just as much as you do.’
She nodded, laughing and pulled him closer. ‘It’s endearing to be needed, Harry.’
He gave her a doubtful look and she smiled, grazing her lips across his cheek before saying quietly, ‘I do need you, Harry. I just don’t know that I’m ready to…’
He nodded and put his fingers to her lips. ‘I know, I know…I’m being melodramatic.’
She laughed softly. ‘You’re allowed to be, I promise. You’ve been through a lot.’
He nodded sadly. ‘You don’t know the half of it. I just…’ He leaned forward and kissed her. ‘I never expected you to wait for me. I knew we couldn’t pick up where we left…I don’t know why I keep thinking that.’
She replied, ‘Well, I’m sure we’d both be happier if we could go back in time and live then, but life happens.’
He nodded sadly. ‘I’m okay – really. We both need to think things through.’
She said quickly, ‘Harry…’ She stumbled for a second, then continued, ‘Nothing.’
She smiled absently at him and he gave her a curious look. ‘What?’
She nervously played with her hair and said, ‘You know, this may sound crazy, but I feel better about ‘us’ than I have in a long time.’
He laughed and shook his head. ‘Brilliant – I pick the most mental witch I can to give my heart to!’
Harry snapped his eyes shut the second the words were out of his mouth and could feel Ginny’s eyes on him acutely. She said quietly, ‘I know, Harry. I’ll do you justice, when we’re both ready.’
He opened his eyes slowly and noted Ginny was smiling sweetly at him. He replied, ‘I know you will. And I want to be that guy, the guy you come home to. The guy you make your life with. The guy…’
His eyes flowed down her features, Ginny’s robe slightly open around her ankles. He felt the heat rising on his face and turned away slightly. Ginny took a step down the stairs and pulled him close to her. ‘Harry, please stop thinking about this so much. Let’s be happy with ourselves before we get into something we may not be ready for.’
Harry nodded sadly at her and she squeezed his arms playfully. ‘You really are far too serious. I want to see a smile cross those lips every once in a while.’
She pulled away from him and headed up the stairs slowly. Harry watched her for a second before calling up the stairs, ‘I do smile…’ She turned and smiled back, then headed out of view as he continued more quietly, ‘when I’m with you.’